10 years.

Today is the 10 year anniversary of losing Nathan. We had a really nice
family day. We took the girls to Disney Princesses on Ice. They were so
excited, and got dressed up in princess outfits -- Taylor as Aurora and
Addie as Cinderella. The show was great. Addie sat on my lap the entire
time, and was mesmerized. She is at that great age where she clapped at
everything and waved every time a princess skated nearby, like the
princesses were waving at her. It was too cute. Taylor loved it as well,
but she's much more reserved about watching performances. This was the
first time I've actually seen her clap at anything...it's almost like she is
too shy to applaud. But today she did, several times. She sat on dh's lap
for most of the show as well. It was really nice to look over at Rob and
Taylor and feel Addie on my lap, and think how far we've come, and where we
were 10 years ago today.

Later we had lunch and went shopping, and then came home and made dinner and
watched Surf's Up together. It was my turn for bedtime, so I cuddled each
girl for a bit. Addie had a hard day and had a few tantrums that we had to
work through, but she was her normal sweet self at bedtime, which was nice.
Taylor was her usual sweet self all day, and even sweeter at bedtime. She
routinely says things to me like -- "You're the best mama in the whole
world!" or "When I grow up, I want to be just like you, mama!" She's a suck
up, but it works for me! We play the "I love you as much as" game -- "I
love you as many leaves on all the trees." "I love you as many stars are in
the sky." "I love you as many grains of sand are on the beach." etc.
Sometimes I tease her and say, "I love you as many grains of rice are on
your plate." And she'll say, "But mama, that's not very many." and I say,
"Oh, you're right. You win!"

At lunch we were talking and I mentioned that today was Nathan's day. Addie
asked who Nathan was. We've talked about him before, but at 3, certain
things just don't stick. Anyway, I said that he was their brother, and he
died when he was a little baby, before he was born. Addie thought that was
interesting -- her brother, and sort of repeated that "he died" part.

Then later at dinner, we were saying a sort of grace -- being thankful for
such a great family day, etc. We were mostly just saying thanks, but not
really praying to God, if you know what I mean, but Taylor started saying
thank you to God for our food and our tickets to Disney Princesses on Ice,
etc. Addie asked where God lives, and we told her that God lives in Heaven,
and in our hearts and is everywhere. Taylor said that she bet that Emma, my
mom's cat who died a few months ago, was curled up in Heaven with God. I
said that I bet that Nathan was with them as well.

Then Rob says, "Nathan would have been, what, 8?" I looked at him and said,
"uh, no, 10." "Really, 10?" "Yeah, 1998 to 2008. That's 10 years." (I
was especially sure since I did bad math last year and thought that my 9
year anniversary was my 10 year -- doi!). Rob says, "No, because we got
married in 1997." I looked at him and said, "No, you moron. We got married
in 1996." He laughed and tried to give me grief for calling him a moron,
all while taking off his wedding ring to read the inscription. Mine says,
"Robert and Jamie, 6-15-96" and his says, "Jamie & Robert, 6-15-96." Once
he realized that I was right, we both laughed. I told him that I never call
him names like that, but first he misremembered how long ago it was that we
lost Nathan, then he misremembered when we got married, and since it was
inscribed on his wedding ring, he really had no excuse. We giggled that it
was a pretty stereotypical thing for a husband to do -- forget a wedding
anniversary. He said, "I guess a husband should never question his wife
about their babies or their wedding anniversaries, huh?"

We both sort of marveled at how long it's been.

--
Jamie Clark, who just turned 42 on March 5th
Nathan James, b/d March 8, 1998. Giant omphalocele and vague heart defects,
23.5 weeks.
Taylor Marlys, 5, 1/3/03. Adopted at birth via open adoption, Jacksonville,
NC.
Addison Grace, 3.5, 9/30/04. Adopted at birth via open adoption, Las Vegas,
NV.

On Mar 9, 12:34 am, "Jamie Clark" wrote:
Today is the 10 year anniversary of losing Nathan.
((snipped))
We both sort of marveled at how long it's been.

--
Jamie Clark, who just turned 42 on March 5th
Nathan James, b/d March 8, 1998. Giant omphalocele and vague heart defects,
23.5 weeks.
Taylor Marlys, 5, 1/3/03. Adopted at birth via open adoption, Jacksonville,
NC.
Addison Grace, 3.5, 9/30/04. Adopted at birth via open adoption, Las Vegas,
NV.

That sounds like a lovely day, Jamie. ((hugs))

Sharalyn
mom to Alexander James

Jamie Clark wrote:
Today is the 10 year anniversary of losing Nathan. We had a really nice
family day.

Thanks for sharing this day.

--Betsy

"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
. ..
Today is the 10 year anniversary of losing Nathan. We had a really nice
family day.

Hi Jamie,

It sounds like you had a beautiful day, and made it a fitting tribute to
Nathan by having a family day. I'm so sorry you had to go through the grief
of losing him, but I'm glad you found your girls - it sounds like you're
doing an amazing job of raising loving children.

Take care *hugs*

Lucy x

On Sat, 8 Mar 2008 23:34:55 -0800, "Jamie Clark"
wrote:

We both sort of marveled at how long it's been.

What a nice day. Thank you for sharing it with us.

*hugs*

Nan

Jamie Clark schrieb:
snip Because I have really nothing to say except:

Jamie Clark, who just turned 42 on March 5th
I turned 32 on March 4th ;-) Happy belated Birthday and I'm glad you're
all doing well.

cu
nicole

Hi Jamie,

Don't really know what to say, sounds like you have a really healthy
attitude to all that has happened and that you commemorate Nathan in an
appropriate way. Did you know the meaning of the name Nathan is "God has
given", and it sounds to me like even though Nathan himself was lost,
that he has given so much to your family.

Cheers
Anne

Yup. We actually chose it because dh had two grandfather's who had passed
away -- Nathan and James, so we thought it fitting to name him after them,
and that they would be waiting for him in Heaven and take care of him for us
until we could see him again. Then later, I found out what it meant, and
realized how appropriate that it was. Nathan gave us so much in his short
life. It was during his loss that my parents who had been divorced for 25
years finally really started talking again and being more than polite and
civil to each other. They came together to support dh and I though our
loss, and since that time, we've been able to have them both over at the
same time for Christmas or other holidays, something which was inconceivable
before that. I also met, both online and in person, some amazing people,
some of whom had also lost a much wanted child. I never would have met
those people had it not been for Nathan. And of course, I never would have
adopted my girls. So yes, Nathan was a gift from God, as well as acted as a
conduit for so many other gifts.
--

Jamie Clark



"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
. ..
Hi Jamie,

Don't really know what to say, sounds like you have a really healthy
attitude to all that has happened and that you commemorate Nathan in an
appropriate way. Did you know the meaning of the name Nathan is "God has
given", and it sounds to me like even though Nathan himself was lost, that
he has given so much to your family.

Cheers
Anne

"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
...
Yup. We actually chose it because dh had two grandfather's who had passed
away -- Nathan and James, so we thought it fitting to name him after them,
and that they would be waiting for him in Heaven and take care of him for
us until we could see him again. Then later, I found out what it meant,
and realized how appropriate that it was. Nathan gave us so much in his
short life. It was during his loss that my parents who had been divorced
for 25 years finally really started talking again and being more than
polite and civil to each other. They came together to support dh and I
though our loss, and since that time, we've been able to have them both
over at the same time for Christmas or other holidays, something which was
inconceivable before that. I also met, both online and in person, some
amazing people, some of whom had also lost a much wanted child. I never
would have met those people had it not been for Nathan. And of course, I
never would have adopted my girls. So yes, Nathan was a gift from God, as
well as acted as a conduit for so many other gifts.
--

That's really lovely. He obviously touched lots of lives.
Debbie

Thanks for sharing that. It sounds like Nathan is still very much a
part of your family, which is lovely. It's wonderful the girls will
grow up knowing they had a brother, but he's just not with them now.