What's fair with my partner?

Sounds like you've been involved in some pretty deep,
involved relationships - NOT.

I was married happily for 12 years. And yea, my husband was pretty easy to
please. And yea he was grateful for lots of sex. You find that unhealthy?

Joelle

Sounds like you're groping to me, Joelle, going on and on about
"Mama's Boy". I'll inform you that this is a man who was married for
almost 12 years and living in his own home. The only reason he moved
back home, TEMPORARILY, was to upgrade his skills by going back to
school for a 1 year course...a course which is considered
"fast-track", meaning it's usually a two year course...Doesn't sound
like a man who doesn't want to get on with his life to me, does it?

If you were reading carefully, you would have found that it wasn't a
resume that I wrote for him. He's the resume expert since he's a
qualified career consultant. I'm the computer expert and helped him
with his business materials. He mowed my lawn all summer...Does that
make me a "Daddy's girl"? Have you ever heard of give and take? Or
are you too selfish to offer help and support to your partner? It's a
two way street and it sounds to me like you're heading towards a dead
end in your relationships with that attitude.

oaway (Joelle) wrote in message ...
Do you not think that it's possible to work with a relationship
towards understanding each other's needs, desires and expectations?

Yes, but that's not what we are talking about it, as much as you'd like to
obfiscate the obvious. You are living with a Mama's Boy and your initial post
was hurt that he was still acting like a mama's boy and people are trying to
tell you that he is what he is - and you can go off on all the high falootin
philisophical dissertations you want, but it doesn't change what you have.

Can it not be so much about changing the person him or herself, but at
working towards what both partners need

But if he needs a mama and you were that for him at first and now you are mad
because you want to change the rules, who is the one being unfair?

Really? So you think that in a healthy relationship, there are no
frustrations?

Could you like quote where I said that?
.

You think that in a healthy relationship there are no
conflicts to be ironed out between mutual respect, discussion and
compromise? I'd love to live on your planet.

Well on my planet I don't write resumes and make web pages for the men I date.
I wouldn't even do that for my own son, cuz not only do I not want to date a
mama's boy, I don't want to raise a mama's boy. You are more than welcome to
live on my planet, but first you have to wake up and smell the coffee.


Oh, so then if there are conflicts and confrontations, he must be the
wrong man?

No, if he's a mama's boy and you don't want to deal with a mama's boy, he's the
wrong man.

Would you slot everybody with the characteristics of "personable,
loves people and loves to laugh" as those "charming" types?

No, but mama's boys with those characteristics tend to be "charming types"
That's how they suck you into taking care of them.

Have you
been hurt a lot?

Well you can't love without being hurt, but I think I learned enough from early
mistakes to avoid making the big mistakes that cuz the bigger pain.

Hmmm...actually, I've never been referred to as a nag by my ex, my
kids or my partner.

Well if you were telling me what to do as much as you are telling Mama's Boy
what to do I'd call you a nag. But you don't ever say that to your mama.
Especially if you enjoy her nagging.

I wouldn't know if my partner
enjoys being nagged.

Of course he enjoys it. He depends on it. It reminds him of his mother. You
remind him of his mother. That's the attraction.

Are you insinuating that I signed up on this newsgroup to
nag?

Maybe. Nagging's not all bad ya know. We need to do that for each other.You
do like to lecture I notice.

Do you think that teaching your
children about sex is pretending that it doesn't exist???

Do you think teaching children about sex means bringing your lover in to live
with them?

You talk
about "FORCING" them to live with him. Is that the way you see
people?

No, I just recognize the powerless position of children in this situation.
They have no choice over who you drag into their home.

my younger son really gets along well with him and enjoys
when he's there.

Oh great. No wonder you are reluctant to consider this might not be an
appropriate relationship. You've got your kids dependent on someone who may or
may not stick around.

Sounds to me like you could use a sex life!!!

Yup. Sex is the answer to everything.

you're under the impression that
sex is more important to me than the emotional well being of my kids.
I resent that

Why on earth would you have an emotional reaction to a stranger's opinion of
you? Unless it hit a nerve of truth somewhere?

I was told by a professional in
the field that I have all the skills that I need to be a good parent.

You seem overly concerned with affirmation from other people. Does this
newsgroup think you are being fair (of course when the majority opinion was
dump the chump then you weren't as interested) - does a professional think you
are a good parent...

Personally, I sincerely
believe that the good qualities far outweigh the bad where my partner
is concerned.

Okey dokey - everything's wonderful.

Joelle

Doesn't sound
like a man who doesn't want to get on with his life to me, does it?

Okay well then you have the perfect man. Everything's fine. You don't need
our input. Good for you.

It's a
two way street and it sounds to me like you're heading towards a dead
end in your relationships with that attitude.

Well, I prefer not to be in a lot of "relationships" (Plural huh? Is that
your expectation) with men who need to be nagged, taken care of and "trained"
and if that makes me selfish, I can live with that.
I'm done, you asked, I answered. Frankly I think you just showed Mama's Boy a
bunch of posts saying to dump him and used that as leverage to scare him
temporarily into behaving...but I could be wrong. No skin off my nose...

Joelle

Rhonda wrote in message
...
Sounds like you're groping to me, Joelle, going on and on about
"Mama's Boy". I'll inform you that this is a man who was married for
almost 12 years and living in his own home. The only reason he moved
back home, TEMPORARILY, was to upgrade his skills by going back to
school for a 1 year course...a course which is considered
"fast-track", meaning it's usually a two year course...Doesn't sound
like a man who doesn't want to get on with his life to me, does it?

If you were reading carefully, you would have found that it wasn't a
resume that I wrote for him. He's the resume expert since he's a
qualified career consultant. I'm the computer expert and helped him
with his business materials. He mowed my lawn all summer...Does that
make me a "Daddy's girl"? Have you ever heard of give and take? Or
are you too selfish to offer help and support to your partner? It's a
two way street and it sounds to me like you're heading towards a dead
end in your relationships with that attitude.



As these new things come to light, I would say that this man does help you
out, just not monetary. If money is what is so important, I would again
suggest working more so that you have more money and it wouldn't be an issue
and voila.... problem is fixed.

Good luck with your relationship.

Tiff

As these new things come to light, I would say that this man does help you
out, just not monetary. I

Yea funny how the story changed.

Joelle

oaway (Joelle) wrote in message ...
As these new things come to light, I would say that this man does help you
out, just not monetary. I

Yea funny how the story changed.

Joelle


Joelle, in a message you had written in the past, you said that you
don't come here much anymore, except to get involved in a flame war.
Seems to me, you saw the opportunity and you seized it.

I'm glad that you've found a pastime that entertains you. For myself,
this was a place to communicate, not get flamed. You seem to pick out
snippets of a post to attack like a cat preying on a toy mouse,
instead of addressing the entire message.

You're right, you ARE a stranger so what you say should have no effect
on me. On the other hand, I'm a stranger to you, and so is my
partner. Somehow, you've deemed yourself psychologist and major
know-it-all. From one post, from an absolute stranger who was feeling
frustrated with the moment, you seem to feel you are the maven on
relationships. Perhaps your husband had a premature death due to your
harsh, miserable demeanour and perhaps you are wracked with guilt over
the fact that it was the life you gave him of nastiness, laced with
sex on YOUR terms and NOTHING else of substance that slowly killed
him.

Now, get this, Joelle, it is not in MY nature to say anything that
mean and cold-hearted EVER to ANYONE....but somehow you seem to bring
it out in me, like perhaps you did to your late husband, only he
turned it inwards and it slowly killed him. Furthermore, I know it
won't bother you, it really doesn't make a bit of difference since I'm
a stranger who you seem to think you know so much about.

Do you think I'm quick to pass judgement? Welcome to a good, hard dose
of your own medicine, my dear. My purpose for my post was not to
manipulate my partner as you have guessed. Perhaps you aren't the
maven you think you are.

Oh, and Tiffany, thanks for your good wishes and advice. My partner
and I are actually working on this business together, with myself as
the partner offering computer services to clients....So, although I've
sacrificed a little financially when the going was rough with
separation and other stresses that were taking place, I am hopeful,
whether it be in this business or on my own to follow that path one
day. I'm also teaching nightschool one night a week which is a great
way for me to work on the skills that are important to achieve my
goals. My partner has also told me that he understands how I feel and
would like to help me out with things like groceries and such and
carry on with taking care of our entertainment costs.

By the way, Joelle, I'm not asking for your feedback on that last
paragraph or any other, for that matter. I'm sure you might have
something wise to say but, personally, I really couldn't give a flying
you-know-what about your opinions. You've demonstrated on numerous
occasions that you're way out in left field somewhere. But, if you
feel so compelled as to hone in on your little pastime, then enjoy and
whomever wants to enjoy your writing talents with horrendous spelling
errors (ie. giraff???), then go for it.

It's been a real pleasure.
Ciya. Rhonda

Hey iuf you get bored with this guy, I know a few 25 year olds who would be
willing to go for a free ride too
"Rhonda" wrote in message
om...
oaway (Joelle) wrote in message
...
As these new things come to light, I would say that this man does help
you
out, just not monetary. I

Yea funny how the story changed.

Joelle


Joelle, in a message you had written in the past, you said that you
don't come here much anymore, except to get involved in a flame war.
Seems to me, you saw the opportunity and you seized it.

I'm glad that you've found a pastime that entertains you. For myself,
this was a place to communicate, not get flamed. You seem to pick out
snippets of a post to attack like a cat preying on a toy mouse,
instead of addressing the entire message.

You're right, you ARE a stranger so what you say should have no effect
on me. On the other hand, I'm a stranger to you, and so is my
partner. Somehow, you've deemed yourself psychologist and major
know-it-all. From one post, from an absolute stranger who was feeling
frustrated with the moment, you seem to feel you are the maven on
relationships. Perhaps your husband had a premature death due to your
harsh, miserable demeanour and perhaps you are wracked with guilt over
the fact that it was the life you gave him of nastiness, laced with
sex on YOUR terms and NOTHING else of substance that slowly killed
him.

Now, get this, Joelle, it is not in MY nature to say anything that
mean and cold-hearted EVER to ANYONE....but somehow you seem to bring
it out in me, like perhaps you did to your late husband, only he
turned it inwards and it slowly killed him. Furthermore, I know it
won't bother you, it really doesn't make a bit of difference since I'm
a stranger who you seem to think you know so much about.

Do you think I'm quick to pass judgement? Welcome to a good, hard dose
of your own medicine, my dear. My purpose for my post was not to
manipulate my partner as you have guessed. Perhaps you aren't the
maven you think you are.

Oh, and Tiffany, thanks for your good wishes and advice. My partner
and I are actually working on this business together, with myself as
the partner offering computer services to clients....So, although I've
sacrificed a little financially when the going was rough with
separation and other stresses that were taking place, I am hopeful,
whether it be in this business or on my own to follow that path one
day. I'm also teaching nightschool one night a week which is a great
way for me to work on the skills that are important to achieve my
goals. My partner has also told me that he understands how I feel and
would like to help me out with things like groceries and such and
carry on with taking care of our entertainment costs.

By the way, Joelle, I'm not asking for your feedback on that last
paragraph or any other, for that matter. I'm sure you might have
something wise to say but, personally, I really couldn't give a flying
you-know-what about your opinions. You've demonstrated on numerous
occasions that you're way out in left field somewhere. But, if you
feel so compelled as to hone in on your little pastime, then enjoy and
whomever wants to enjoy your writing talents with horrendous spelling
errors (ie. giraff???), then go for it.

It's been a real pleasure.
Ciya. Rhonda

Sooooooooooooooooooo typical

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
As these new things come to light, I would say that this man does help
you
out, just not monetary. I

Yea funny how the story changed.

Joelle

Perhaps your husband had a premature death due to your
harsh, miserable demeanour and perhaps you are wracked with guilt over
the fact that it was the life you gave him of nastiness, laced with
sex on YOUR terms and NOTHING else of substance that slowly killed
him.

Now see, the only problem with that scenareo is that that I'm such a selfish
bitch I couldn't possibly feel any guilt for killing my husband.


By the way, Joelle, I'm not asking for your feedback on that last
paragraph or any other, for that matter. I'm sure you might have
something wise to say but, personally, I really couldn't give a flying
you-know-what about your opinions.

If that were true, you wouldn't have written the above.

Have a nice day.

Joelle

Nasty skank ho whose need for attention and appreciation, not to mention
a ****, are more important than raising children to see right from
wrong.

Woah. Is that you Kate? Not that you haven't hit the nail on the head...

Joelle