I'm a horrible, horrible person and mother...

"©kat©" wrote in message
newsXwnb.58532$EO3.12616@clgrps13...

"Megan" wrote in message
news:GLjnb.199843$9l5.175691@pd7tw2no...
I think you might need to take some anger management classes...soon.

Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I lived through a MAJORLY colicky baby not
that
long ago, and I learned fast what I do and do not need to do. I don't
think
I remember a time that I actually yelled at him, aside from the odd, "stop
that!" or something similar, and I've never found myself yelling and
screaming like there's no tomorrow. Raising my voice, I've found, grabs
his
attention often when I've needed it, and a sharp, "cut that out" has never
given be problems.

You
need to realize that your child comes first and it might be time to let
the
animals go to a better suited home.

Maybe that is why my birds are going to a new home with someone who enjoys
birds and can give them the attention they need? Perhaps not everything
has
been handed down to me for my own personal amusement, and driving across
the
city not only takes time, it takes gas as well.

A child needs to be taught how to act
towards others and animals, as a mom that is your job, i'm afraid you're
about to be fired.

Really? I think you should be fired as a human being. I guess I could
always look at getting a lion instead of a cat and a pair of emus instead
of
budgies - at least the bigger of the animals could defend themselves by
ripping us all apart, rather than run.

I hope someone near you has the good sense in calling
Child and Family Services.

Good thing I talked to my mom first. But, again, she don't know her head
from her ass. She said that he had a good bump, but other than that, she
said he'd survive Also, my mom wouldn't know nothing when it comes to
anything. 20+ years raising her own children and over a quarter of a
century being a social worker in child protection. Believe me, I know my
mom would not hesitate an iota of a second to call social services if she
thought he was in any type of trouble or harm. Why don't you call and
repor
t me, then? If you give me a couple hours, I'll look through all my
school
notes and papers from last year's school and work and volunteer work, and
I'll get you a number to call.
Not once did child welfare cross my mind and all I had been feeling was
related to me, and my son, and nothing more.


Wow, you handled that better than I did! lol Nice to see you still have
your sense of humour

Christine

"©kat©" wrote in message
news:chznb.64167$EO3.55765@clgrps13...

"CME" wrote in message
news:PXonb.52591$zx2.24436@edtnps84...

'Kate wrote in message
...
On Mon, 27 Oct 2003 23:37:56 GMT, "©kat©"
Earlier today, I smashed my son's head... He has a huge bruise. By
huge,
I
really do mean HUGE...


Last night, he was up til 3am ****ing around in his room and in the
hallway
and downstairs. Finally I got really ****ed off, yelled at him and
eventually, around 330am, he went to sleep... The other night, he
snuck
up
in the middle of the night, came in my room and climbed on to the top
of
my
closet shelf and let out the gerbils... I didn't think I'd find them
alive,
given the cat... He's killed one bird and about 4 fish in the past
couple
days... I get blamed when he is mean to the cat and she scratches
him.
Everyone is telling me that he's not mean to the cat and to get rid
of
her... Really, she is just defending herself and does put up with a
lot
of
crap, and I don't really see a reason to get rid of a friendly,
clean,
good
cat... I guess I just think that he needs to learn to be nice to
others
and
animals... This cat has yet to leave a scratch on me, and it will
take
one
warning sign - not an actual act - of her attacking or scratching for
no
reason before she's gone.
This afternoon, when he was supposed to be having a nap, I again
found
him
on the top shelf of my closet, and both gerbils gone. I lost it then
because not only is it a dangerous, fairly long fall with many hard
objects
in the way (the wall, computer desk, my hope chest, etc.) but I've
been
telling him and explaining to him why he cannot go up there in the
first
place. I grabbed him down and pretty much dragged him back to his
room -
kicking and screaming. I then closed the bedroom door and he
instantly
ran
to it and started kicking and hitting the door while screaming. I
stood
there holding the door as he was screaming and kicking it and trying
to
open
it, and then when he gave up trying to open the door, he just kicked
it.
He knows there's no screaming like that in the house. I booked it up
the
stairs, and opened the door harder than I figured I would because it
often
sticks sometimes, and I ended up smashing the door right into him,
literally
sending him flying half way across the room... Almost instantly, he
had
a
HUGE purple bruise in the middle of his forehead, and I knew it was
my
fault, unintentional or not, it was my doing... I went downstairs to
calm
myself after I put him on his bed and grabbed ice then came back
upstairs.
I felt like such a horrible piece of crap and horrible excuse for a
human
being... I grabbed his covers off, and he was cowering under them,
obviously
away from me. He was sobbing and still crying and I picked him up
and
started crying myself... I took him downstairs and wrapped him in a
blanket
and tried to put the ice on his forehead, and then, eventually, we
both
fell
asleep on the couch cause I wasn't sure about putting him in his room
to
sleep alone... Right now, I feel so ****ing horrible, and there's no
way
I
could take it back... I don't know what happened, but when I was
putting
ice
on his forehead, it hit me hard that maybe I just am a bad mother...
I'm scared to go outside anywhere for fear that someone might see his
huge
bruise and not care to hear what happened, and just call social
services...
How on earth do you explain that your child kills/is mean to animals
and
you
smashed a door into him?? I feel worse right now than I have in as
long
as
I can remember...
I called my mom to see what I could do to keep the swelling down and
make
the bruise go away, but I wonder what she'll say or think when she
gets
here, which should be right away... I have a meeting downtown, and
the
baby
is going to my parents' place for a couple hours while I'm out...
This
really sucks, and I really don't need to feel even worse about what
I
did...


It was an accident. You were angry, that's true. However, you were
not
trying to hurt him. You were working to keep him from harming a
living
thing. You were also overtired because of his behavior. That's
probably
something to work on in the future - his sleep habits.

If anyone says anything, just tell them that you didn't expect him to
be
behind the door when you opened it. That's the truth.

Kids, by the way, make lousy doorstops.

'Kate


LOL I remember a time that I did the same thing, my son got the door
knob
right in the forehead... ohhh the tears. He had a purple circle for a
good
week... ahhh the memories. I think I even have a photo kicking around.
lol

Kat, you beat yourself up far too much... I think you're doing a great
job.
If you need a coffee, you know where to find me.

Christine


Ha! Last time, lunch turned into a puke session - good thing it was a
warm
day and not bad for being shirtless for a little while - and surely people
must have wondered what I had done to make my own child puke... LOL
I really think half a bottle of vodka sounds fantastic right about now!
HAHA


Yeah, letting him experience the hot sauce, was perhaps the wrong lesson for
him to learn that day. lol Ahhhh the wonders of being 3.

Christine

"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...

"Dennis Here" youreply
wrote in message ...



Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
BUT
A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of
the
cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired
child
wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these
factors
and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and
prevention
take priority.

Dennis


I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not WRT
her
reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the first
place.


My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something??? For
crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
normal little boy.

Christine

Hi,

I would just like to agree with the bulk of the posts, accidents happen and
being tired makes it all harder. I like the positive steps suggested by all
the posts, for example no afternoon nap, at around 3 years old my daughter
stopped afternoon napping and it really helped with my own sleeping hours
and she was more tired around bedtime. Also we do the routine, we talk about
Nick Jr's bedtime business song and do the teeth, PJ's, toilet etc in the
same order every evening to start preparing her for bed. As regards hurting
animals talking to my daughter (4 and a half) I know she has very little
real understanding of how her actions can hurt other living things
(including parents!), still a very self centred world and expecting anything
she has stepped on to spring back to life if she feels it should. I hope
letting it out to your mum and everyone else has helped let off steam, I
sympathise with the shortage of people you can talk to about it but from the
look of support from the people here trust you don't feel quite so bad. The
people in the flat below us have a 3 year old daughter that screams really
dramatically, cries, kicks up a fuss all the time and seems to choose
similar hours to your son so please don't feel that he 'has to be some kind
of bad kid' or anything.Their daughter also naps in the afternoon so it may
be the link if you can make him last the day.. I am no expert as I am doing
this for the first time (the child raising I mean) but IMO it all boils down
to 'he is 3'

Andrew (formerly mis posted as a Mike, sorry again)
"CME" wrote in message
news:S%Bnb.66277$zx2.38334@edtnps84...

"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...

"Dennis Here"
youreply
wrote in message ...



Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
BUT
A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of
the
cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired
child
wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these
factors
and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and
prevention
take priority.

Dennis


I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not WRT
her
reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the first
place.


My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something??? For
crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
normal little boy.

Christine

CME wrote in message ...

My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something???

Yeah, we all know that you starved him you terrible mother you ;-)

For
crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
normal little boy.


No. Roaming the house at 3am and doing things he has been specifically told
not to do is not normal, 3yo. or otherwise.

Dennis

"Dennis Here" youreply
wrote in message ...



Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
BUT
A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of the
cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired child
wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these factors
and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and prevention
take priority.

Dennis


I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not WRT her
reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the first
place.

"Dennis Here" youreply
wrote in message ...

CME wrote in message ...

My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something???

Yeah, we all know that you starved him you terrible mother you ;-)


Guess he had a craving for fish sticks...

For
crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
normal little boy.


No. Roaming the house at 3am and doing things he has been specifically
told
not to do is not normal, 3yo. or otherwise.

Dennis


Well the sleep habits need work, but as far as him killing animals that's
pretty normal, but I say limit his exposure to them until he's older
otherwise there won't be any left. :P

Christine

"CME" wrote in message
news:SOHnb.74072$EO3.34704@clgrps13...

"Dennis Here" youreply
wrote in message ...

CME wrote in message ...

My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something???

Yeah, we all know that you starved him you terrible mother you ;-)


Guess he had a craving for fish sticks...

For
crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being
a
normal little boy.


No. Roaming the house at 3am and doing things he has been specifically
told
not to do is not normal, 3yo. or otherwise.

Dennis


Well the sleep habits need work, but as far as him killing animals that's
pretty normal, but I say limit his exposure to them until he's older
otherwise there won't be any left. :P

Christine




I have to add my 2 cents here. Yes the sleep habits need work, I agree. If
limiting or eliminating the afternoon nap, and setting up a bedtime routine
doesn't work; there MAY be something more going on. It could be physical or
emotional, or even neurochemical. I reccommend trying the solutions
suggested, and possibly an eval by the pediatrician. Sometimes kids just
get their sleep/wake cycle off kilter for some reason. I don't think it's
serious, except that being up at 3 am when the rest of the house is asleep
can be dangerous. I wish you the best, and hope you can discover the best
resolution as quickly as possible for all concerned.

Best of luck
Betsy

"CME" wrote in message
news:S%Bnb.66277$zx2.38334@edtnps84...

"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...

"Dennis Here"
youreply
wrote in message ...



Who cares? You have no need to, it was a genuine accident.
BUT
A lot of accidents are preventable. Consider the collective future of
the
cat, the gerbils, where to house them, the problems of an over tired
child
wandering the house at 3am, your own ability to control all these
factors
and come up with a suitable alternative where anticipation and
prevention
take priority.

Dennis


I would add that a serious evaluation of parenting is in order, not WRT
her
reaction, but why the behavior of the 3 Y.O is manifesting in the first
place.


My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean something??? For
crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than being a
normal little boy.

Christine

It is not one incident, but the combination of all the behaviors. Obviously
the child is not doing what he is told and repeating the same/similar
behaviors. My guess is that her parenting style is enabling him in that
path (that is not to say she is a 'bad' mother of has bad intentions) Kids
learn what they can get away with, and will continue to push the
boundaries......it sounds like this child has established the boundaries
pretty wide.

"Betsy" wrote in message
...

"CME" wrote in message
news:SOHnb.74072$EO3.34704@clgrps13...

"Dennis Here"
youreply
wrote in message ...

CME wrote in message ...

My son ATE my fish when he was that age... does that mean
something???

Yeah, we all know that you starved him you terrible mother you ;-)


Guess he had a craving for fish sticks...

For
crying outloud, he's 3, he isn't manifesting anything other than
being
a
normal little boy.


No. Roaming the house at 3am and doing things he has been specifically
told
not to do is not normal, 3yo. or otherwise.

Dennis


Well the sleep habits need work, but as far as him killing animals
that's
pretty normal, but I say limit his exposure to them until he's older
otherwise there won't be any left. :P

Christine




I have to add my 2 cents here. Yes the sleep habits need work, I agree.
If
limiting or eliminating the afternoon nap, and setting up a bedtime
routine
doesn't work; there MAY be something more going on. It could be physical
or
emotional, or even neurochemical. I reccommend trying the solutions
suggested, and possibly an eval by the pediatrician. Sometimes kids just
get their sleep/wake cycle off kilter for some reason. I don't think it's
serious, except that being up at 3 am when the rest of the house is asleep
can be dangerous. I wish you the best, and hope you can discover the best
resolution as quickly as possible for all concerned.

Best of luck
Betsy


I hope you're referring to Kat, as she was the original poster...

Christine