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How do I make him think potty training is his idea?



 
 
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  #1  
Old November 8th 04, 09:25 PM
Robyn Kozierok
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Default How do I make him think potty training is his idea?

I have a 3.5yo son. He is not only not potty trained, he is not
even remotely interested in potty training. Whenever anyone
mentions potty, he insists that, "I just like diapers."

This kid is a complete control freak, and has a history of wittholding
his urine to an extreme that we definitely want to avoid. We also know
(from that experience) that he is physically capable of controlling his
bladder. He has a seriously stretched bladder from this experience
which can only be resolved, we've been told, by getting him to pee
every 2 hours, which isn't really even on the table until he starts
going potty. In the meantime, he's on a maintenance dose of Keflex
which we don't really like having to do.

So... it would be really great to get him potty trained and get him
peeing frequently to shrink down his bladder. There are several
standing bribes waiting for him should he choose to pee in the potty.
We have books, we have videos, we have a CD. He likes them, but does
not want to emulate the characters. He has a dozen pair of awesome
underwear (Scooby Doo, Bob the Builder, etc...) that he has never
worn. He goes to preschool where most of the children are trained
and he sees them using the potty all the time.

Right after he wets his diaper, he wants to be changed, but if that is
delayed, he "gets used to it" and doesn't care. (The withholding
incidents started when he suddenly didn't want to pee in his diaper,
but also didn't want to pee in the potty, on a tree, on the lawn, on a
rock, or anywhere else!)

Any ideas on how to get him to potty train without him knowing that we
had anything to do with it? ;-)


Thanks in advance,
Robyn
--
"Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to
work hard at work worth doing." -- Theodore Roosevelt

  #2  
Old November 9th 04, 01:41 AM
Beth Kevles
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Hi --

If you have other boys (any age) available, and their moms don't mind,
try having a group urination into the toilet. Our boys used to do this
with each other and with their cousin. Great fun for them, and got the
toilet traiing done pretty quickly. It made the training very social,
and they got very good at aiming (although not necessarily where a
parent might have preferred ...)

We called it a "pee pee attack". We're grateful that the kids have
outgrown it, but it served a useful purpose.

--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

  #3  
Old November 9th 04, 07:05 PM
Iowacookiemom
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I assume you've tried the "naked and $100 bucks" approach whereby you take off
all clothing from the waist down for a few days (the $100 is to clean the
carpet after).

Given his aversion and medical problems, have you considered consulting a child
psychologist? We've had some great success with short-term counseling
interventions from time to time.

How frustrating. Good luck!

-Dawn
Mom to Henry, 12

  #4  
Old November 9th 04, 09:34 PM
Robyn Kozierok
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In article ,
Iowacookiemom wrote:


I assume you've tried the "naked and $100 bucks" approach whereby you take off
all clothing from the waist down for a few days (the $100 is to clean the
carpet after).


We're concerned that this will lead to further withholding. In any case,
this seems like a better method for a younger child who needs help figuring
out what his various bodily sensations mean.

Given his aversion and medical problems, have you considered consulting a child
psychologist? We've had some great success with short-term counseling
interventions from time to time.


We did, and he said to just wait, while supplying books and videos that
might get him excited about the idea. So, we're waiting, but it's
driving me nuts, and it is hard not to talk about it. And talking
about it clues him in that this is something we really want, which we
don't really want him to know ;-)

--Robyn

  #5  
Old November 9th 04, 10:55 PM
Ann Porter
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"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
...
In article ,
Iowacookiemom wrote:


I assume you've tried the "naked and $100 bucks" approach whereby you

take off
all clothing from the waist down for a few days (the $100 is to clean the
carpet after).


We're concerned that this will lead to further withholding. In any case,
this seems like a better method for a younger child who needs help

figuring
out what his various bodily sensations mean.


My little boy was three and few months before we started this. I can see
your reasoning that it could lead to more withholding, which is why I didn't
mention it. But even if they can hold it for a long time, it can't go
forever, and not having a "container" will make him more likely to find a
depositing place.

Claire said something once about making her younger daughter responsible for
her own cleanup. Maybe that would be a start.

Best,
Ann


  #6  
Old November 10th 04, 09:16 PM
Rosalie B.
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Robyn Kozierok wrote:

This kid is a complete control freak, and has a history of wittholding
his urine to an extreme that we definitely want to avoid. We also know


I though I answered this but it hasn't come through apparently.

(from that experience) that he is physically capable of controlling his
bladder. He has a seriously stretched bladder from this experience
which can only be resolved, we've been told, by getting him to pee
every 2 hours, which isn't really even on the table until he starts
going potty. In the meantime, he's on a maintenance dose of Keflex
which we don't really like having to do.


repositioned

Right after he wets his diaper, he wants to be changed, but if that is
delayed, he "gets used to it" and doesn't care. (The withholding
incidents started when he suddenly didn't want to pee in his diaper,
but also didn't want to pee in the potty, on a tree, on the lawn, on a
rock, or anywhere else!)


My suggestion was to give him complete control of the whole business.

Let him wear pullups AND pee in them, AND then let him change the
pullup when it gets wet. I understand that pullups are easy enough to
pull down to pee, so they should be easy enough for him to actually
change.

I think this is a time when one could reasonably use pull-ups. Your
son DOES know when he pees so that isn't a reason for not using them.
That seems to be the main objection to them.


So... it would be really great to get him potty trained and get him
peeing frequently to shrink down his bladder. There are several
standing bribes waiting for him should he choose to pee in the potty.
We have books, we have videos, we have a CD. He likes them, but does
not want to emulate the characters. He has a dozen pair of awesome
underwear (Scooby Doo, Bob the Builder, etc...) that he has never
worn. snip


Any ideas on how to get him to potty train without him knowing that we
had anything to do with it? ;-)


If you don't want him to know that you care, then go ahead and give
him any of the bribes now. They only tell him that you DO care about
it. Let him be in charge - no bribes and don't even mention it
anymore.




grandma Rosalie

  #7  
Old November 11th 04, 04:58 PM
Robyn Kozierok
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Default

In article ,
Rosalie B. wrote:

Let him wear pullups AND pee in them, AND then let him change the
pullup when it gets wet. I understand that pullups are easy enough to
pull down to pee, so they should be easy enough for him to actually
change.


He won't willingly wear pullups (I've asked) though we could of course
"run out" of diapers and happen to have some pullups in the house. But
again, if we force something like this, he might go back to the
withholding. And I suspect he is too stubborn to change it himself.
At first he would want it changed and cry for us to do it, but if we
didn't, he'd eventually just decide he didn't care and keep wearing
it. :-P

fwiw, he claims that he is afraid to pee in the potty, and that he
will miss his diapers.

If you don't want him to know that you care, then go ahead and give
him any of the bribes now. They only tell him that you DO care about
it.


As much as that makes sense, I can't see how we could give him the
bribe objects now without setting a really bad precedent. He doesn't
ask about/for them btw.

Thanks,
--Robyn

  #8  
Old November 11th 04, 06:04 PM
Banty
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In article , Robyn Kozierok says...

In article ,
Rosalie B. wrote:

Let him wear pullups AND pee in them, AND then let him change the
pullup when it gets wet. I understand that pullups are easy enough to
pull down to pee, so they should be easy enough for him to actually
change.


He won't willingly wear pullups (I've asked) though we could of course
"run out" of diapers and happen to have some pullups in the house. But
again, if we force something like this, he might go back to the
withholding. And I suspect he is too stubborn to change it himself.
At first he would want it changed and cry for us to do it, but if we
didn't, he'd eventually just decide he didn't care and keep wearing
it. :-P



It sounds like you're really walking on eggshells about this.

A lot of boys seem to train at about 3 1/2. Mine, and it seems a lot of the
posts on misc.kids.* I see on this topic are about boys training at this age.

Since he's just at this age, maybe it's best to just wait longer? Even if his
brothers trained earlier.

Banty

  #9  
Old November 11th 04, 09:04 PM
Robyn Kozierok
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Default

In article ,
Banty wrote:

A lot of boys seem to train at about 3 1/2. Mine, and it seems a lot of the
posts on misc.kids.* I see on this topic are about boys training at this age.

Since he's just at this age, maybe it's best to just wait longer? Even if his
brothers trained earlier.


Well, we are just waiting at this point. But the reason I'd like him to
train sooner rather than later is that he needs to be on a maintenance
dose of antibiotics until he trains and starts peeing on a 2-hour
schedule to shrink his bladder, and I'd rather he got off the meds sooner
rather than later, for a number of reasons.

I mentioned off-hand the other day that his brothers' school (K-8)
doesn't have any changing tables. ;-)

We've also started having the big boys doing the pee battles (thanks, Beth),
inviting him to watch, but not inviting him to join.

Preschool has the change table located in the bathroom, so that there is
almost always someone going potty while he gets changed. Apparently he
told his preschool teachers that he uses the potty at home. LOL.

So, anyhow, other than that, we are just waiting, but not as patiently
as we otherwise would be.

--Robyn

  #10  
Old November 11th 04, 10:46 PM
Iowacookiemom
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Apparently he
told his preschool teachers that he uses the potty at home. LOL.


That actually might be a good sign. He must on some level feel a need to
appear that he's at least making *some* progress.

-Dawn
Mom to Henry, 12

 




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