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#1
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How do I make him think potty training is his idea?
I have a 3.5yo son. He is not only not potty trained, he is not
even remotely interested in potty training. Whenever anyone mentions potty, he insists that, "I just like diapers." This kid is a complete control freak, and has a history of wittholding his urine to an extreme that we definitely want to avoid. We also know (from that experience) that he is physically capable of controlling his bladder. He has a seriously stretched bladder from this experience which can only be resolved, we've been told, by getting him to pee every 2 hours, which isn't really even on the table until he starts going potty. In the meantime, he's on a maintenance dose of Keflex which we don't really like having to do. So... it would be really great to get him potty trained and get him peeing frequently to shrink down his bladder. There are several standing bribes waiting for him should he choose to pee in the potty. We have books, we have videos, we have a CD. He likes them, but does not want to emulate the characters. He has a dozen pair of awesome underwear (Scooby Doo, Bob the Builder, etc...) that he has never worn. He goes to preschool where most of the children are trained and he sees them using the potty all the time. Right after he wets his diaper, he wants to be changed, but if that is delayed, he "gets used to it" and doesn't care. (The withholding incidents started when he suddenly didn't want to pee in his diaper, but also didn't want to pee in the potty, on a tree, on the lawn, on a rock, or anywhere else!) Any ideas on how to get him to potty train without him knowing that we had anything to do with it? ;-) Thanks in advance, Robyn -- "Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing." -- Theodore Roosevelt |
#2
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Hi -- If you have other boys (any age) available, and their moms don't mind, try having a group urination into the toilet. Our boys used to do this with each other and with their cousin. Great fun for them, and got the toilet traiing done pretty quickly. It made the training very social, and they got very good at aiming (although not necessarily where a parent might have preferred ...) We called it a "pee pee attack". We're grateful that the kids have outgrown it, but it served a useful purpose. --Beth Kevles http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would like me to reply. |
#3
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I assume you've tried the "naked and $100 bucks" approach whereby you take off
all clothing from the waist down for a few days (the $100 is to clean the carpet after). Given his aversion and medical problems, have you considered consulting a child psychologist? We've had some great success with short-term counseling interventions from time to time. How frustrating. Good luck! -Dawn Mom to Henry, 12 |
#4
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In article ,
Iowacookiemom wrote: I assume you've tried the "naked and $100 bucks" approach whereby you take off all clothing from the waist down for a few days (the $100 is to clean the carpet after). We're concerned that this will lead to further withholding. In any case, this seems like a better method for a younger child who needs help figuring out what his various bodily sensations mean. Given his aversion and medical problems, have you considered consulting a child psychologist? We've had some great success with short-term counseling interventions from time to time. We did, and he said to just wait, while supplying books and videos that might get him excited about the idea. So, we're waiting, but it's driving me nuts, and it is hard not to talk about it. And talking about it clues him in that this is something we really want, which we don't really want him to know ;-) --Robyn |
#5
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"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
... In article , Iowacookiemom wrote: I assume you've tried the "naked and $100 bucks" approach whereby you take off all clothing from the waist down for a few days (the $100 is to clean the carpet after). We're concerned that this will lead to further withholding. In any case, this seems like a better method for a younger child who needs help figuring out what his various bodily sensations mean. My little boy was three and few months before we started this. I can see your reasoning that it could lead to more withholding, which is why I didn't mention it. But even if they can hold it for a long time, it can't go forever, and not having a "container" will make him more likely to find a depositing place. Claire said something once about making her younger daughter responsible for her own cleanup. Maybe that would be a start. Best, Ann |
#6
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Robyn Kozierok wrote:
This kid is a complete control freak, and has a history of wittholding his urine to an extreme that we definitely want to avoid. We also know I though I answered this but it hasn't come through apparently. (from that experience) that he is physically capable of controlling his bladder. He has a seriously stretched bladder from this experience which can only be resolved, we've been told, by getting him to pee every 2 hours, which isn't really even on the table until he starts going potty. In the meantime, he's on a maintenance dose of Keflex which we don't really like having to do. repositioned Right after he wets his diaper, he wants to be changed, but if that is delayed, he "gets used to it" and doesn't care. (The withholding incidents started when he suddenly didn't want to pee in his diaper, but also didn't want to pee in the potty, on a tree, on the lawn, on a rock, or anywhere else!) My suggestion was to give him complete control of the whole business. Let him wear pullups AND pee in them, AND then let him change the pullup when it gets wet. I understand that pullups are easy enough to pull down to pee, so they should be easy enough for him to actually change. I think this is a time when one could reasonably use pull-ups. Your son DOES know when he pees so that isn't a reason for not using them. That seems to be the main objection to them. So... it would be really great to get him potty trained and get him peeing frequently to shrink down his bladder. There are several standing bribes waiting for him should he choose to pee in the potty. We have books, we have videos, we have a CD. He likes them, but does not want to emulate the characters. He has a dozen pair of awesome underwear (Scooby Doo, Bob the Builder, etc...) that he has never worn. snip Any ideas on how to get him to potty train without him knowing that we had anything to do with it? ;-) If you don't want him to know that you care, then go ahead and give him any of the bribes now. They only tell him that you DO care about it. Let him be in charge - no bribes and don't even mention it anymore. grandma Rosalie |
#7
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In article ,
Rosalie B. wrote: Let him wear pullups AND pee in them, AND then let him change the pullup when it gets wet. I understand that pullups are easy enough to pull down to pee, so they should be easy enough for him to actually change. He won't willingly wear pullups (I've asked) though we could of course "run out" of diapers and happen to have some pullups in the house. But again, if we force something like this, he might go back to the withholding. And I suspect he is too stubborn to change it himself. At first he would want it changed and cry for us to do it, but if we didn't, he'd eventually just decide he didn't care and keep wearing it. :-P fwiw, he claims that he is afraid to pee in the potty, and that he will miss his diapers. If you don't want him to know that you care, then go ahead and give him any of the bribes now. They only tell him that you DO care about it. As much as that makes sense, I can't see how we could give him the bribe objects now without setting a really bad precedent. He doesn't ask about/for them btw. Thanks, --Robyn |
#8
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In article , Robyn Kozierok says...
In article , Rosalie B. wrote: Let him wear pullups AND pee in them, AND then let him change the pullup when it gets wet. I understand that pullups are easy enough to pull down to pee, so they should be easy enough for him to actually change. He won't willingly wear pullups (I've asked) though we could of course "run out" of diapers and happen to have some pullups in the house. But again, if we force something like this, he might go back to the withholding. And I suspect he is too stubborn to change it himself. At first he would want it changed and cry for us to do it, but if we didn't, he'd eventually just decide he didn't care and keep wearing it. :-P It sounds like you're really walking on eggshells about this. A lot of boys seem to train at about 3 1/2. Mine, and it seems a lot of the posts on misc.kids.* I see on this topic are about boys training at this age. Since he's just at this age, maybe it's best to just wait longer? Even if his brothers trained earlier. Banty |
#9
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In article ,
Banty wrote: A lot of boys seem to train at about 3 1/2. Mine, and it seems a lot of the posts on misc.kids.* I see on this topic are about boys training at this age. Since he's just at this age, maybe it's best to just wait longer? Even if his brothers trained earlier. Well, we are just waiting at this point. But the reason I'd like him to train sooner rather than later is that he needs to be on a maintenance dose of antibiotics until he trains and starts peeing on a 2-hour schedule to shrink his bladder, and I'd rather he got off the meds sooner rather than later, for a number of reasons. I mentioned off-hand the other day that his brothers' school (K-8) doesn't have any changing tables. ;-) We've also started having the big boys doing the pee battles (thanks, Beth), inviting him to watch, but not inviting him to join. Preschool has the change table located in the bathroom, so that there is almost always someone going potty while he gets changed. Apparently he told his preschool teachers that he uses the potty at home. LOL. So, anyhow, other than that, we are just waiting, but not as patiently as we otherwise would be. --Robyn |
#10
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Apparently he
told his preschool teachers that he uses the potty at home. LOL. That actually might be a good sign. He must on some level feel a need to appear that he's at least making *some* progress. -Dawn Mom to Henry, 12 |
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