Reflections (pg loss, adopted child ment)

All,
We're coming up on my birthday next Friday, and soon after, the 6 year
anniversary of Nathan's loss. We decided to end the pregnancy at 24 weeks,
due to severe physical deformities. Since losing Nathan, I've had 2
blighted ovums, 5 chemical pregnancies, an ectopic which resolved on it's
own without treatment, and a DEIVF (blighted ovum) and failed IVF. It was a
really tough 5 years.

Because of what Emily is facing, I've been thinking a lot about losing
Nathan and what happened during that time, but also how my life has changed.
I am so incredibly grateful that I decided to adopt, that I have Taylor, and
blown away that I'm even working towards baby #2. For so long, it just
seemed like I'd never actually get the family that I've wanted for so long.
And now that I have a family, Nathan's loss, has substantially faded into
the recesses of my mind. And that is such a good thing. Having Taylor has
brought such incredible joy into my life, a feeling that I'd forgotten about
for a very long time. I'm so happy...in general, in life, in my marriage,
as a wife, as a parent, as a mommy. Sometimes, at the time that we made the
decision to move from infertility treatments to adoption, it felt like
surrender, it felt like giving up or giving in. And now, I'm so glad that I
did, regardless. It was the right decision for me and my family.

I see an alternate universe, where I could have struggled for many more
years to conceive either on my own, or with donor eggs or a surrogate, and
though there is nothing wrong with those options, but that baby, IF it ever
would have come, wouldn't have been Taylor. And there is the very real
possibility that that baby would not have ever come. At the same time, I'm
sure that if that baby had come, I'd be writing this letter about him/her,
instead. And that's okay. I just wasn't ready to give it 5 more years of
maybe and losses.

So instead, we're completing the paperwork for adoption #2. I was telling a
friend that it all seems so dang easy this time. The first time, the
adoption came on the heals of 5 years of grief, losses, infertility
rollercoaster, etc, and this time, we get to skip the whole first traumatic
5 years and go directly to the adoption part. I feel like I've been given a
"Pass Card" and get to zip on ahead straight to the finish line. It's
freeing, liberating, and exciting.

Anyway, just thought I'd share, as you all would understand. Hugs to you
all. Thank you.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
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--


Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

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Password: Guest1
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Password

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"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
link.net...
All,
We're coming up on my birthday next Friday, and soon after, the 6 year
anniversary of Nathan's loss. We decided to end the pregnancy at 24
weeks,
due to severe physical deformities. Since losing Nathan, I've had 2
blighted ovums, 5 chemical pregnancies, an ectopic which resolved on it's
own without treatment, and a DEIVF (blighted ovum) and failed IVF. It was
a
really tough 5 years.

Because of what Emily is facing, I've been thinking a lot about losing
Nathan and what happened during that time, but also how my life has
changed.
I am so incredibly grateful that I decided to adopt, that I have Taylor,
and
blown away that I'm even working towards baby #2. For so long, it just
seemed like I'd never actually get the family that I've wanted for so
long.
And now that I have a family, Nathan's loss, has substantially faded into
the recesses of my mind. And that is such a good thing. Having Taylor
has
brought such incredible joy into my life, a feeling that I'd forgotten
about
for a very long time. I'm so happy...in general, in life, in my marriage,
as a wife, as a parent, as a mommy. Sometimes, at the time that we made
the
decision to move from infertility treatments to adoption, it felt like
surrender, it felt like giving up or giving in. And now, I'm so glad that
I
did, regardless. It was the right decision for me and my family.

I see an alternate universe, where I could have struggled for many more
years to conceive either on my own, or with donor eggs or a surrogate, and
though there is nothing wrong with those options, but that baby, IF it
ever
would have come, wouldn't have been Taylor. And there is the very real
possibility that that baby would not have ever come. At the same time,
I'm
sure that if that baby had come, I'd be writing this letter about him/her,
instead. And that's okay. I just wasn't ready to give it 5 more years of
maybe and losses.

So instead, we're completing the paperwork for adoption #2. I was telling
a
friend that it all seems so dang easy this time. The first time, the
adoption came on the heals of 5 years of grief, losses, infertility
rollercoaster, etc, and this time, we get to skip the whole first
traumatic
5 years and go directly to the adoption part. I feel like I've been given
a
"Pass Card" and get to zip on ahead straight to the finish line. It's
freeing, liberating, and exciting.

Anyway, just thought I'd share, as you all would understand. Hugs to you
all. Thank you.
--

Jamie & Taylor

Oh Jamie, that was such a nice thing to read first thing in the morning!

I'm so happy for you and didn't realize you guys were on your way to baby
number 2! How exciting!

When I was going through infertility, a friend of mine kept telling me I'd
"get the baby I was meant to have" - and I clung to that a lot when each
cycle failed. I sincerely believe it's true. Laszlo is the baby that was
meant for me.

I remember reading about your struggles when Laszlo was first born and how
heartbreaking it was for you and your husband. Also remember how wonderful
it was to read of Taylor's arrival. You certainly deserve that free pass,
more than anyone!

- Jen

Jamie Clark wrote:

So instead, we're completing the paperwork for adoption #2. I was telling a
friend that it all seems so dang easy this time. The first time, the
adoption came on the heals of 5 years of grief, losses, infertility
rollercoaster, etc, and this time, we get to skip the whole first traumatic
5 years and go directly to the adoption part. I feel like I've been given a
"Pass Card" and get to zip on ahead straight to the finish line. It's
freeing, liberating, and exciting.

Anyway, just thought I'd share, as you all would understand. Hugs to you
all. Thank you.

What a nice post Jamie. Congrats on starting the process for number
2. Friends of ours have just started looking into adoption, after infertility-
I hope they have a similar wonderful experience.

Mary

Jamie Clark wrote:

All,
We're coming up on my birthday next Friday, and soon after, the 6 year
anniversary of Nathan's loss. We decided to end the pregnancy at 24 weeks,
due to severe physical deformities. Since losing Nathan, I've had 2
blighted ovums, 5 chemical pregnancies, an ectopic which resolved on it's
own without treatment, and a DEIVF (blighted ovum) and failed IVF. It was a
really tough 5 years.

Because of what Emily is facing, I've been thinking a lot about losing
Nathan and what happened during that time, but also how my life has changed.
I am so incredibly grateful that I decided to adopt, that I have Taylor, and
blown away that I'm even working towards baby #2. For so long, it just
seemed like I'd never actually get the family that I've wanted for so long.
And now that I have a family, Nathan's loss, has substantially faded into
the recesses of my mind. And that is such a good thing. Having Taylor has
brought such incredible joy into my life, a feeling that I'd forgotten about
for a very long time. I'm so happy...in general, in life, in my marriage,
as a wife, as a parent, as a mommy. Sometimes, at the time that we made the
decision to move from infertility treatments to adoption, it felt like
surrender, it felt like giving up or giving in. And now, I'm so glad that I
did, regardless. It was the right decision for me and my family.

I see an alternate universe, where I could have struggled for many more
years to conceive either on my own, or with donor eggs or a surrogate, and
though there is nothing wrong with those options, but that baby, IF it ever
would have come, wouldn't have been Taylor. And there is the very real
possibility that that baby would not have ever come. At the same time, I'm
sure that if that baby had come, I'd be writing this letter about him/her,
instead. And that's okay. I just wasn't ready to give it 5 more years of
maybe and losses.

So instead, we're completing the paperwork for adoption #2. I was telling a
friend that it all seems so dang easy this time. The first time, the
adoption came on the heals of 5 years of grief, losses, infertility
rollercoaster, etc, and this time, we get to skip the whole first traumatic
5 years and go directly to the adoption part. I feel like I've been given a
"Pass Card" and get to zip on ahead straight to the finish line. It's
freeing, liberating, and exciting.

Anyway, just thought I'd share, as you all would understand. Hugs to you
all. Thank you.
--


You have a really inspiring story, Jamie. We have friends who went through a
similar experience, they have a 2 year old (adopted) daughter and just adopted
another baby girl after several losses. They are so happy - the girls are so
lucky to have such wonderful, doting parents and will have so many opportunities
in life that they otherwise wouldn't have had, as I'm sure is the case with
Taylor. It is such a win-win situation. Thanks for sharing your story!

cara

Jamie,
I really needed to read this right now. I'm 21 weeks with #2 after losing #1
at 29 weeks, and I need to be able to see that light at the end of the
tunnel. Thankyou :-)

"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
link.net...
All,
We're coming up on my birthday next Friday, and soon after, the 6 year
anniversary of Nathan's loss. We decided to end the pregnancy at 24
weeks,
due to severe physical deformities. Since losing Nathan, I've had 2
blighted ovums, 5 chemical pregnancies, an ectopic which resolved on it's
own without treatment, and a DEIVF (blighted ovum) and failed IVF. It was
a
really tough 5 years.

Because of what Emily is facing, I've been thinking a lot about losing
Nathan and what happened during that time, but also how my life has
changed.
I am so incredibly grateful that I decided to adopt, that I have Taylor,
and
blown away that I'm even working towards baby #2. For so long, it just
seemed like I'd never actually get the family that I've wanted for so
long.
And now that I have a family, Nathan's loss, has substantially faded into
the recesses of my mind. And that is such a good thing. Having Taylor
has
brought such incredible joy into my life, a feeling that I'd forgotten
about
for a very long time. I'm so happy...in general, in life, in my marriage,
as a wife, as a parent, as a mommy. Sometimes, at the time that we made
the
decision to move from infertility treatments to adoption, it felt like
surrender, it felt like giving up or giving in. And now, I'm so glad that
I
did, regardless. It was the right decision for me and my family.

I see an alternate universe, where I could have struggled for many more
years to conceive either on my own, or with donor eggs or a surrogate, and
though there is nothing wrong with those options, but that baby, IF it
ever
would have come, wouldn't have been Taylor. And there is the very real
possibility that that baby would not have ever come. At the same time,
I'm
sure that if that baby had come, I'd be writing this letter about him/her,
instead. And that's okay. I just wasn't ready to give it 5 more years of
maybe and losses.

So instead, we're completing the paperwork for adoption #2. I was telling
a
friend that it all seems so dang easy this time. The first time, the
adoption came on the heals of 5 years of grief, losses, infertility
rollercoaster, etc, and this time, we get to skip the whole first
traumatic
5 years and go directly to the adoption part. I feel like I've been given
a
"Pass Card" and get to zip on ahead straight to the finish line. It's
freeing, liberating, and exciting.

Anyway, just thought I'd share, as you all would understand. Hugs to you
all. Thank you.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html


--


Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html

Hugs Amy. You are on the downhill side, so try to enjoy the ride. I'm glad
my post made you feel hope.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html


"Amy" wrote in message
...
Jamie,
I really needed to read this right now. I'm 21 weeks with #2 after losing
#1
at 29 weeks, and I need to be able to see that light at the end of the
tunnel. Thankyou :-)

"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
link.net...
All,
We're coming up on my birthday next Friday, and soon after, the 6 year
anniversary of Nathan's loss. We decided to end the pregnancy at 24
weeks,
due to severe physical deformities. Since losing Nathan, I've had 2
blighted ovums, 5 chemical pregnancies, an ectopic which resolved on
it's
own without treatment, and a DEIVF (blighted ovum) and failed IVF. It
was
a
really tough 5 years.

Because of what Emily is facing, I've been thinking a lot about losing
Nathan and what happened during that time, but also how my life has
changed.
I am so incredibly grateful that I decided to adopt, that I have Taylor,
and
blown away that I'm even working towards baby #2. For so long, it just
seemed like I'd never actually get the family that I've wanted for so
long.
And now that I have a family, Nathan's loss, has substantially faded
into
the recesses of my mind. And that is such a good thing. Having Taylor
has
brought such incredible joy into my life, a feeling that I'd forgotten
about
for a very long time. I'm so happy...in general, in life, in my
marriage,
as a wife, as a parent, as a mommy. Sometimes, at the time that we made
the
decision to move from infertility treatments to adoption, it felt like
surrender, it felt like giving up or giving in. And now, I'm so glad
that
I
did, regardless. It was the right decision for me and my family.

I see an alternate universe, where I could have struggled for many more
years to conceive either on my own, or with donor eggs or a surrogate,
and
though there is nothing wrong with those options, but that baby, IF it
ever
would have come, wouldn't have been Taylor. And there is the very real
possibility that that baby would not have ever come. At the same time,
I'm
sure that if that baby had come, I'd be writing this letter about
him/her,
instead. And that's okay. I just wasn't ready to give it 5 more years
of
maybe and losses.

So instead, we're completing the paperwork for adoption #2. I was
telling
a
friend that it all seems so dang easy this time. The first time, the
adoption came on the heals of 5 years of grief, losses, infertility
rollercoaster, etc, and this time, we get to skip the whole first
traumatic
5 years and go directly to the adoption part. I feel like I've been
given
a
"Pass Card" and get to zip on ahead straight to the finish line. It's
freeing, liberating, and exciting.

Anyway, just thought I'd share, as you all would understand. Hugs to
you
all. Thank you.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID
and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html


--


Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID
and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html

"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
All,
We're coming up on my birthday next Friday, and soon after, the 6 year
anniversary of Nathan's loss. We decided to end the pregnancy at 24
weeks,
due to severe physical deformities. Since losing Nathan, I've had 2
blighted ovums, 5 chemical pregnancies, an ectopic which resolved on it's
own without treatment, and a DEIVF (blighted ovum) and failed IVF. It was
a
really tough 5 years.

Your experiences sound almost unbearably tough. I'll always remember what
you said in the other thread though about survival.

Having Taylor has
brought such incredible joy into my life, a feeling that I'd forgotten
about
for a very long time. I'm so happy...in general, in life, in my marriage,
as a wife, as a parent, as a mommy. Sometimes, at the time that we made
the
decision to move from infertility treatments to adoption, it felt like
surrender, it felt like giving up or giving in. And now, I'm so glad that
I
did, regardless. It was the right decision for me and my family.

I'm so glad that you feel so happy! Taylor is a little beauty. I wish you
the very best in expanding your family (and your joy!). I hope the second
adoption progresses smoothly. Do you have any idea yet of the "timeline"?

Anyway, just thought I'd share, as you all would understand. Hugs to you
all. Thank you.

I thank all of the women who have been sharing their stories and memories of
babies they've lost. It has been very powerful to read your stories and to
see and/or get a sense of your babies. I think the newsgroup has benefited a
lot from the perspectives and experiences you've shared.

--
Em
mama to L-baby, 5 months

"Em" wrote in message
news:3i81c.29870$PR3.514536@attbi_s03...
"Jamie Clark" wrote in message
All,
We're coming up on my birthday next Friday, and soon after, the 6 year
anniversary of Nathan's loss. We decided to end the pregnancy at 24
weeks,
due to severe physical deformities. Since losing Nathan, I've had 2
blighted ovums, 5 chemical pregnancies, an ectopic which resolved on
it's
own without treatment, and a DEIVF (blighted ovum) and failed IVF. It
was
a
really tough 5 years.

Your experiences sound almost unbearably tough. I'll always remember what
you said in the other thread though about survival.

Yeah, once you survive something as major as that, so many other things,
which would normally seem very traumatic, are just not as big of a deal.
For example, in a way, I'm thankful that I lost Nathan before I had my other
miscarriages. They were so much easier to deal with. I mean they sucked,
and they hurt emotionally, but they were no where near losing Nathan, so I
was confident that I could handle them.

Have you seen Under The Tuscan Sun? There is a line by Diane Lane's
character, about surviving the aftermath of divorce -- something along the
lines of it should kill you instantly, like a car crash. You don't die, but
it feels like you should.

That's what losing Nathan felt like to me. I wasn't suicidal, I just felt
like it wasn't something that I should have been able to survive. It's
completely unnatural, to outlive your children, to end the pregnancy of a
much wanted and loved baby, who's kicking and rolling around. But I did
survive, and you would too. And the world just keeps on turning, and
eventually, like a car merging onto the freeway, you get yourself up to
speed and jump back on. What other choice do you have?

Having Taylor has
brought such incredible joy into my life, a feeling that I'd forgotten
about
for a very long time. I'm so happy...in general, in life, in my
marriage,
as a wife, as a parent, as a mommy. Sometimes, at the time that we made
the
decision to move from infertility treatments to adoption, it felt like
surrender, it felt like giving up or giving in. And now, I'm so glad
that
I
did, regardless. It was the right decision for me and my family.

I'm so glad that you feel so happy! Taylor is a little beauty. I wish you
the very best in expanding your family (and your joy!). I hope the second
adoption progresses smoothly. Do you have any idea yet of the "timeline"?

No, no real timeline. We're currently waiting to finalize our taxes and
then to get the check, so we can use that money as our "down payment" to the
agency. The total cost of our first adoption through this same agency was
$12,5000, but we get a second timer discount, so this one will only cost
$10,000. Plus, we get the adoption tax credit of $10,000 for each one
(although not all in one big check, they dole it out over a few years, from
what I gather. So, we hope to be signing up with our agency in a month or
two, get home study approved in a month or so, then be available to be
chosen. We don't know how long that could take. In our first adoption, we
were lucky in that we matched with Taylor's birthparents after we'd been in
the book for a month. We brought her home 6 months after we walked in the
door to the agency. I don't imagine that we'll be that lucky for baby #2.
I'm imagining it closer to a year, but wouldn't turn away a baby in 6
months!

At the same time, I just read about a situation of a baby due in 8 weeks,
total cost of about $9,800. I've put in a call and will see what the story
is. We could only afford this situation if we don't sign up with our
agency -- and, if they don't need us to sign up with another out of state
agency or something. If the total cost really was $9,800, then it actually
might be doable...except for the fact that we don't have a home study done
or anything. So who knows. But it's exciting to think that it could be
anytime during the next year or two.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html

On Tue, 02 Mar 2004 08:02:42 GMT, "Jamie Clark"
wrote:

So instead, we're completing the paperwork for adoption #2.
[...]
I feel like I've been given a "Pass Card" and get to zip on
ahead straight to the finish line. It's freeing, liberating,
and exciting.

That sounds lovely. I hope the adoption process works out as well as
the first time.

My mother is adopted. Her birth mother was unable
to take care of her, so she found a great family for
my mom. My dad is sort of adopted. I wouldn't be
here if it weren't for two great adoptive families!

-- Anita --
--
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TWENTY ONE MILE WIND STARTED FROM LEVEL WITH ENGINE
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