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#171
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Mom goes AWOL from Iraq - says children need her at home
On Thu, 13 Nov 2003 08:08:33 -0800, "Denise"
wrote: Oh but you are, regardless of if there's a UCMFJ. I am under just as much the same set of rules as my husband. Everything I do reflects on my husband's career. If I went out tomorrow and got a DUI there would be no chance in heck my husband would make Chief next time around. People who are married to military members are married to military property and need to act like it. Sorry I wasn't clear. I meant the really non-military parent, the one who has no individual or current marital tie into the military, not the spouses of current military folk. |
#172
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Mom goes AWOL from Iraq - says children need her at home
On Wed, 12 Nov 2003 20:41:17 -0800, "Denise"
wrote: We've been back, and we'll probably go back again soon. Our beefs are actually with my husband's deployments. There's no room in the visitation schedule for deployments. So if we miss visitation because my husband is deployed, there's no way to make it up. Yep, that sounds like you need to go back. We live 350 miles away, so weekend visitation isn't possible. That's a tough situation; when my husband first moved here, his ex and daughter were in Missouri, so with us in Michigan, we could fly her in roughly once a month (plus school vacations). It's not the best alternative, by any means, but it's much more workable than now, since it's only practical to fly her across the country when she's off school for at least a week. Custodial mom thinks she doesn't need to honor any of the holiday visitation because we live so far away.. etc. Like you guys buy the tickets and she won't put her on the plane? Wow, that sucks. We now know that the state the custody arrangement was originally created in has a default military parenting plan, my DH just got screwed Oh, man. CM has gone so far as to tell myself and my SD that my DH "chose the Navy over parenting his half a dozen kids." When my DH was gone for almost a year she didn't think my oldest should have any contact with SD, because after all, "They're not really sisters..." So that's the kind of drama we go through around here See, that crap is just infuriating. If you can't bring yourself to consider that you owe the ex you're still ****ed off at anything, consider what you owe your child whom you love, you know? She owes her daughter respect for the role her father plays in her life, and she owes her daughter permission to love her whole family, not just her biological family. And you for damn sure owe your child the freedom from your disputes with your ex, so the kid can be a kid. I can't muster a lot of patience for whatever combination of possessiveness, insecurity, residual anger from the breakup, and whatever else it is that results in the kind of garbage that adds more damage to the child on top of the pain of being from a split family. It's total bull****. |
#173
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Mom goes AWOL from Iraq - says children need her at home
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#174
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Mom goes AWOL from Iraq - says children need her at home
In ,
Kathy Cole wrote: *On Thu, 13 Nov 2003 08:08:33 -0800, "Denise" wrote: * * Oh but you are, regardless of if there's a UCMFJ. I am under just as * much the same set of rules as my husband. Everything I do reflects * on my husband's career. If I went out tomorrow and got a DUI there * would be no chance in heck my husband would make Chief next time * around. People who are married to military members are married to * military property and need to act like it. * *Sorry I wasn't clear. I meant the really non-military parent, the one *who has no individual or current marital tie into the military, not the *spouses of current military folk. Well, how does it work when there is a parent in state A and a parent in state B and the child lives 50% of the time in each state? Which state's laws get to override the other's? Couldn't whatever process is used to decide which state is in charge also be used to decide if in a particular family the UCMFJ or the state of the other parent's residence should apply? In other words - couldn't the UCMFJ just be considered another state for these purposes? -- hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net "uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est." not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large |
#175
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Mom goes AWOL from Iraq - says children need her at home
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#176
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Mom goes AWOL from Iraq - says children need her at home
In article , Hillary Israeli says...
In , Kathy Cole wrote: *On Thu, 13 Nov 2003 08:08:33 -0800, "Denise" wrote: * * Oh but you are, regardless of if there's a UCMFJ. I am under just as * much the same set of rules as my husband. Everything I do reflects * on my husband's career. If I went out tomorrow and got a DUI there * would be no chance in heck my husband would make Chief next time * around. People who are married to military members are married to * military property and need to act like it. * *Sorry I wasn't clear. I meant the really non-military parent, the one *who has no individual or current marital tie into the military, not the *spouses of current military folk. Well, how does it work when there is a parent in state A and a parent in state B and the child lives 50% of the time in each state? Which state's laws get to override the other's? Couldn't whatever process is used to decide which state is in charge also be used to decide if in a particular family the UCMFJ or the state of the other parent's residence should apply? In other words - couldn't the UCMFJ just be considered another state for these purposes? Exactly. That's why I asked about happens if the bio-parents reside in two states. And you understand my "UCMFJ" idea - intead of having this custody issue handled by civilian family courts,going from state to state as military families are transferred, neither understanding or making the correct provision for a military situation, have a uniform code always brought to bear with at least that of another state (if there is a civilian parent) if a military family is involved. Of course, there are questions concerning National Guard, Active vs. Reserved, etc., and frankly I'm not sure to what degree military dependants are under UCMJ now (legally - surely there is a huge practical impact as Denise pointed out). But at least for actives a UCMFJ would assure that the dependant care plan be part of the proceedings, and won't be imposing weird civilian-oriented rules like both parents cannot be out of the country for any time. Banty |
#177
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Mom goes AWOL from Iraq - says children need her at home
No. My parents and my kids know each other very well. My husband and I
have already been away from the kids for 10 days. They did just fine. I know my kids, and I know which would be better for them. Well, that may work for you, but not everybody can do that. My dad was an army officer, and back then there were no wars my country participated in, so he was usually gone for a week, two or three, six at the most and he was never in...how should I say it? combat situation, IYKWIM. There were never any problems with adjusting to that in my family, or other military families we knew. And if he were to go for a longer period of time, with a chance to get killed, I would have wanted to see him any chance I get, the routine be damned. I would never forgive my mom if she shared your opinion on this matter (if something happened to him). I would feel the same if my DH was in the army - I would want to see him (with kids). (I'm sure I mixed up some tenses above, but for the life of me I can't do better than that, it took me almost an hour to come up with this LOL I hope you will be able to understand my point despite that :-)) -- Tanja Mommy to Tamara (27 Dec 1998) and Stefan (19 May 2003) |
#178
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Mom goes AWOL from Iraq - says children need her at home
On Fri, 14 Nov 2003 18:21:36 -0800, Tatjana Pantic
wrote: No. My parents and my kids know each other very well. My husband and I have already been away from the kids for 10 days. They did just fine. I know my kids, and I know which would be better for them. Well, that may work for you, but not everybody can do that. My dad was an army officer, and back then there were no wars my country participated in, so he was usually gone for a week, two or three, six at the most and he was never in...how should I say it? combat situation, IYKWIM. There were never any problems with adjusting to that in my family, or other military families we knew. And if he were to go for a longer period of time, with a chance to get killed, I would have wanted to see him any chance I get, the routine be damned. I would never forgive my mom if she shared your opinion on this matter (if something happened to him). I would feel the same if my DH was in the army - I would want to see him (with kids). (I'm sure I mixed up some tenses above, but for the life of me I can't do better than that, it took me almost an hour to come up with this LOL I hope you will be able to understand my point despite that :-)) And for me, an issue would be giving my husband the opportunity to see his kids. I cannot imagine saying..you stay where you are and ill come visit, we dont really want you comming home, its too confusing for the kids. Fortunately, where I am located (and all the military folks are in the middle of serious combat and all there for a year), all the spouses ARE coming home on Rand R rotations. Just went to the craft shop yesterday and saw one of my quilting buddies, her hubby and the kids out and about. Kids were hanging on to dad with big grins for all they were worth. Will they cry when dad leaves? You bet. Will it be hard on mom and make her life more difficult for a week or so? you bet. But what dad and kids are getting together for two weeks is worht it at any price, and it wouldseem that all the military spouses here agree. |
#179
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Mom goes AWOL from Iraq - says children need her at home
This is Nina, the same one from MCFL.
The FRG here actually recommends to the wives that they seriously consider whether they want the husbands home for the 2 week leave. The stress is horrendous and it makes it much harder for everyone when the husband leaves again. After 6 months or so u have accepted their loss, but a midtour leave starts the mourning process over. Its pretty hard. I know quite a few women and men who have decided NOT to take leave for these reasons. Barbara Bomberger wrote in message . .. On 6 Nov 2003 14:54:30 GMT, Ignoramus909 wrote: What if your husband, whom you suggested to decline visiting your kids, gets killed? You and the kids will live *forever* knowing that they missed an opportunity to see their dad for the last time. This sounds like a real nightmare material, being at war, missing an opportunity to see the kids, and getting killed. I know of at least one heart breaking movie with a similar motive. A soldier on leave getting only 10 minutes oppty to see his mother, and then he gets killed, and then 10 years after the war his mom travels trying to find his grave. A real tear wringer and very realistic. Yes, I bet dad visiting for 10 days is distuptive to the kids. So then they should be disrupted. That's the right thing to do. They should know that they need to see their dad even if their lives will be disrupted. Maybe they see him for the last time. Although I am not in the military, I am DOD Civilian in the heart of the first Armored Division headquarters. I cannot imagine any of the women and or the children telling their husbands not to come home, or refusing to see them. Rather they make big signs, take off two weeks from work, even take their kids out of school and spend as much time as possible with daddy. I cannot imagine my husband being in a war for a year, and neither myself or my children seeing daddy. I can certainly say that around here that is also the general opinion. Barb |
#180
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Mom goes AWOL from Iraq - says children need her at home
I have had my stepsons for about 18 months while my husband was gone.
He was in Korea came home and then went to Iraq. I wanted to send them home to their mother ( being pregnant and VERY stressed), but she didnt want them back. I found myself being single parent to my 2 kids and his 2 kids. FWIW, I was as much mom, if not more than Bio-mom,since she REFUSED to take them back after their father left. "Sophie" wrote in message ... The step family is a real family. Banty Thank you for saying that. I have no personal experience with being a step-family but I'm shocked at how many people think a step-mother or step-grandparent doesn't count as family. Maybe they don't meant to say that but that's what I'm getting from their comments. I think that's sad. |
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