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Poll: Birth Control



 
 
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  #51  
Old December 21st 05, 07:11 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control

Circe wrote:
"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...
Mine has expressed extreme discomfort with the idea of a vasectomy.
Oh, does he have another think coming!!! It'll go like this, "Listen,
Honey, birth control in this house has been a pain in MY ass for over
10 years now. It can be a pain in yours for a couple of days." And
after a couple natural childbirths, I'll be qualified to say, "Oh, suck
it up!" too. There will be no whining.

You know, I really don't think it is at ALL fair to ask another person to
undergo surgical modification of HIS body for YOUR convenience. Yes, I know,
birth control affects both of you, but still...if you really want the
finality and simplicity of a surgical solution and your husband doesn't, the
fact that you've given birth and had to deal with birth control up to now
just doesn't qualify as a reason he should "suck it up" and do what YOU
want. Sorry, but it just sounds to me like a good way to put a strain on
your marital relationship.


Hmmm... at some point though, you have to weigh certain things. In my
case, it's my husband who absolutely does NOT want any more kids. No
way, no can do. Yet is it fair for him to expect ME to continue
handling birth control?

My husband is squicked by the idea of a vasectomy - not because it's
permanant - that's fine by him. But because it's having something done
to or near his testicles that bothers him. But for us, insurance will
pay 100% of any births, and 100% of sterilization, but 0% for birth
control. So another IUD (which is fine by me) would have to be paid
100% out of pocket, and HE doesn't like it (he gets poked sometimes).

So here we have it:

1. Sterilization of either of us is free
2. If I were to drop dead tomorrow, and he remarried, he still wouldn't
want more kids
3. I he were to drop dead tomorrow and I remarried, and my husband
wanted a kid, and though I don't particularly want another kid, I'm not
dead set against it
4. I've been handling birthcontrol for a LONG time.
5. Neither of us like condoms (though it's not out of the question)
6. I'm not interested in the least in a diaphram
7. I'm dead set against any type of birth control where there's hassle
or hormones (I did fine on the pill, but it violates my hassle issue).
True NFP is too much hassle.
8. I'd be OK with another Mirena or perhaps a copper T, but I think my
system is such that it's not so great for my partner. Either the
strings were too long, and poked *me* (just inside my labia) or they
are too short, and poke him occasionally.
9. Birthcontrol other than sterilization is not covered by insurance.

I've told him that he has to have a vasectomy by six months prior to
when I need to have the Mirena removed, which means he's got about 6
months to make a decision. After that, I'm just going to plan to get
another one, and that means budgeting for it

So.... it's not always cut and dried about what's fair and what's not.

Cathy Weeks

  #52  
Old December 21st 05, 07:35 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control

"Circe" wrote in message
You know, I really don't think it is at ALL fair to ask another person to
undergo surgical modification of HIS body for YOUR convenience.


I'm sure Amy and her husband will discuss this in depth before any decision
is made.

And the "pain" of having the IUD done the first time was next to

nothing--certainly less than my husband would endure if he had a vasectomy.

There was little to no pain for my husband when he recieved his vasectomy.
He had to ice the area the first night and then was fine. My BIL went back
to work after his vasectomy. OTOH, the recovery for a tubal is more than
there is for a vasectomy. As for other methods, I would not be interested in
them. Every one of them seemed like a hassle to me.

Really, though, I find the IUD so easy and worry-free that it's as good as
surgical sterilization as far as I'm concerned (and almost as effective
statistically, incidentally--the failure rate is very, VERY low). I think
you should at least try an IUD before you decide that surgically altering
your husband against his wishes is your preferred method of birth control.


I'm glad it's worked for you and that you find it worry free. I wouldn't
have been so confident and I personally wouldn't have wanted anything
foreign inside me. Since we are done with having children no matter what, we
wanted the finality of BC, and a tubal ligation was not covered and a
vasectomy was covered, this was the best option for us.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)


  #53  
Old December 21st 05, 07:52 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control

"Sue" wrote in message
news:[email protected] .com...
"Circe" wrote in message
You know, I really don't think it is at ALL fair to ask another person to
undergo surgical modification of HIS body for YOUR convenience.


I'm sure Amy and her husband will discuss this in depth before any
decision
is made.

Oh, I'm sure. Still, if her idea of having a discussion is to tell him to
"suck it up" because she gave birth, the chances are not good that the
results will be positive. She can SUGGEST that he do it; she can ENCOURAGE
him to do it; but she cannot FORCE him to do it if he's uncomfortable witht
he idea.

And the "pain" of having the IUD done the first time was next to

nothing--certainly less than my husband would endure if he had a
vasectomy.

There was little to no pain for my husband when he recieved his vasectomy.
He had to ice the area the first night and then was fine.


I didn't need to ice anything after my IUD insertion, so clearly, he
experience more pain than I did. (Note: Not everyone finds an IUD insertion
as painless as I did. Still, chances are pretty good that ANY surgery will
be more painful than something non-surgical.)

My BIL went back
to work after his vasectomy. OTOH, the recovery for a tubal is more than
there is for a vasectomy.


Oh, for sure. Still, if surgical sterilization is the only acceptable route
for a couple and one of them is unwilling to have it done, the only option
(surely?) is for the person who *is* willing to undergo surgery to do so.
Even if it's the less desirable/easy surgery to have done.

As for other methods, I would not be interested in
them. Every one of them seemed like a hassle to me.

Shrug If your husband was willing to have a vasectomy (even if he didn't
like the idea at first; many men don't), then it was not an issue for you.
But if both partners are unwilling to undergo surgical sterilization,
another alternative has to be found, whether it's a hassle or not.

Really, though, I find the IUD so easy and worry-free that it's as good
as
surgical sterilization as far as I'm concerned (and almost as effective
statistically, incidentally--the failure rate is very, VERY low). I think
you should at least try an IUD before you decide that surgically altering
your husband against his wishes is your preferred method of birth
control.


I'm glad it's worked for you and that you find it worry free. I wouldn't
have been so confident


IUDs have something like a 0.1 failure rate. That seems like someone one can
feel reasonably confident about, at least from an efficacy POV!

and I personally wouldn't have wanted anything
foreign inside me.


Ah, but that's just it. YOU don't like the idea of an IUD and you presumably
wouldn't be at all happy if your husband had insisted you get one against
your wishes. I don't see why it's more acceptable or okay for a woman to
insist that her husband get a vasectomy against his wishes. Your desire not
to have anything foregn inside you doesn't seem to me a whole lot more
rational than a man's desire not to have surgical instruments mucking about
with his privates. They seem to me to be equally subjective ideas.

Since we are done with having children no matter what, we
wanted the finality of BC, and a tubal ligation was not covered and a
vasectomy was covered, this was the best option for us.


Sure, it was the best option for you. But not because you just told your
husband to "suck it up". That's really all I was objecting to in Amy's post.
I'm not opposed to vasectomies; I'm just opposed to forcing anybody to
undergo a surgical procedure (or have an IUD or take BCPs or anything else)
against their will. There are nearly always other alternatives.
--
Be well, Barbara


  #54  
Old December 21st 05, 08:00 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Posts: n/a
Default Birth Control

"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message
oups.com...
Circe wrote:
"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...
Mine has expressed extreme discomfort with the idea of a vasectomy.
Oh, does he have another think coming!!! It'll go like this, "Listen,
Honey, birth control in this house has been a pain in MY ass for over
10 years now. It can be a pain in yours for a couple of days." And
after a couple natural childbirths, I'll be qualified to say, "Oh, suck
it up!" too. There will be no whining.

You know, I really don't think it is at ALL fair to ask another person to
undergo surgical modification of HIS body for YOUR convenience. Yes, I
know,
birth control affects both of you, but still...if you really want the
finality and simplicity of a surgical solution and your husband doesn't,
the
fact that you've given birth and had to deal with birth control up to now
just doesn't qualify as a reason he should "suck it up" and do what YOU
want. Sorry, but it just sounds to me like a good way to put a strain on
your marital relationship.


Hmmm... at some point though, you have to weigh certain things. In my
case, it's my husband who absolutely does NOT want any more kids. No
way, no can do. Yet is it fair for him to expect ME to continue
handling birth control?

My husband is squicked by the idea of a vasectomy - not because it's
permanant - that's fine by him. But because it's having something done
to or near his testicles that bothers him. But for us, insurance will
pay 100% of any births, and 100% of sterilization, but 0% for birth
control. So another IUD (which is fine by me) would have to be paid
100% out of pocket, and HE doesn't like it (he gets poked sometimes).

So here we have it:

1. Sterilization of either of us is free
2. If I were to drop dead tomorrow, and he remarried, he still wouldn't
want more kids
3. I he were to drop dead tomorrow and I remarried, and my husband
wanted a kid, and though I don't particularly want another kid, I'm not
dead set against it
4. I've been handling birthcontrol for a LONG time.
5. Neither of us like condoms (though it's not out of the question)
6. I'm not interested in the least in a diaphram
7. I'm dead set against any type of birth control where there's hassle
or hormones (I did fine on the pill, but it violates my hassle issue).
True NFP is too much hassle.
8. I'd be OK with another Mirena or perhaps a copper T, but I think my
system is such that it's not so great for my partner. Either the
strings were too long, and poked *me* (just inside my labia) or they
are too short, and poke him occasionally.
9. Birthcontrol other than sterilization is not covered by insurance.

I've told him that he has to have a vasectomy by six months prior to
when I need to have the Mirena removed, which means he's got about 6
months to make a decision. After that, I'm just going to plan to get
another one, and that means budgeting for it

So.... it's not always cut and dried about what's fair and what's not.

But, in your case, it seems you have two options:

1) Your husband gets free vasectomy
2) You spend the money to get another IUD because you husband can't bring
himself to get the vasectomy.

It may indeed be "fairer" in the above situation for your husband to get a
vasectomy. It's certainly cheaper. But if that doesn't sway him to do so,
you DO have other options, even if they're slightly less attractive options.
--
Be well, Barbara


  #55  
Old December 21st 05, 08:03 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Posts: n/a
Default Birth Control


"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message
oups.com...
8. I'd be OK with another Mirena or perhaps a copper T, but I think my
system is such that it's not so great for my partner. Either the
strings were too long, and poked *me* (just inside my labia) or they
are too short, and poke him occasionally.


You can get the strings trimmed even shorter-mine are cut all the way up.
According to doc, the risk of expulsion/perforation is highest in the first
thirty days, and he can remove it without the strings. We had the same
problem with DB "stubbing his toe", and doc just trimmed me at my thirty day
checkup.

Jess


  #56  
Old December 21st 05, 08:09 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control


"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...
Hell, if reversals were easier, I'd have him get one now, and we could
reverse it when it's time for the spare. I kind of wish they could
install a little faucet on 'em, so if we want the swimmers on, they're
on, and if we want 'em off, they're off. Hot and cold running sperm.
Hahhaa...


Or just don't have sex.

I'm sorry, I agree with Larry-I can understand your position that you're
tired of having kids and taking pills, but telling a man to cope with
someone slicing into his balls is a bit like telling a woman to cope with
having her tits chopped off.

The squick factor is ginormous, and a bit of sensitivity and tact is
warranted. He may eventually come around on his own-but were it my
relationship and I were having this attitude, we'd be in some serious
trouble.

Jess


  #57  
Old December 21st 05, 08:33 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control


Circe wrote:

But, in your case, it seems you have two options:

1) Your husband gets free vasectomy
2) You spend the money to get another IUD because you husband can't bring
himself to get the vasectomy.

It may indeed be "fairer" in the above situation for your husband to get a
vasectomy. It's certainly cheaper. But if that doesn't sway him to do so,
you DO have other options, even if they're slightly less attractive options.


Oh, certainly. And I don't mind spending the money for another IUD
(though I'd rather not). And I'm not going to force him to get snipped
either. The choice is his. I will probably push the issue a month or
two before the deadline, just to get a decision - any decision, so that
I know how to plan things.

Cathy Weeks

  #58  
Old December 21st 05, 08:55 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Posts: n/a
Default Birth Control


Circe wrote:
"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...
Mine has expressed extreme discomfort with the idea of a vasectomy.
Oh, does he have another think coming!!! It'll go like this, "Listen,
Honey, birth control in this house has been a pain in MY ass for over
10 years now. It can be a pain in yours for a couple of days." And
after a couple natural childbirths, I'll be qualified to say, "Oh, suck
it up!" too. There will be no whining.

You know, I really don't think it is at ALL fair to ask another person to
undergo surgical modification of HIS body for YOUR convenience.


How is it any less fair than him asking me to take a pill every day (a
pill that can have serious health consequences for me, especially with
my blood pressure problems) for his convenience?

How is surgical modification of HIS body a bigger deal than ongoing
chemical modification of my body? I actually think that surgical
modification of his body is a much, much smaller deal.

Yes, I know,
birth control affects both of you, but still...if you really want the
finality and simplicity of a surgical solution and your husband doesn't, the
fact that you've given birth and had to deal with birth control up to now
just doesn't qualify as a reason he should "suck it up" and do what YOU
want.


Oh, sure it does. I'll handled it for the first 10+ years of our
relationship. He can handle it for 3 days and then we can both be done
with it. I think that's perfectly reasonable and fair.

Sorry, but it just sounds to me like a good way to put a strain on
your marital relationship.


I disagree. It'll put more of a strain on our relationship if I
continue to take unreliable pills that make me feel bad (major side
effects - hence this thread) and could result in an unplanned
pregnancy.

My husband and I are done having children as far as we know, but NEITHER of
us is particularly comfortable with the finality of surgical sterilization.


Then it's a decision that you both have made, and that's fine. The
decision that we will make in our relationship is going to be
different, and it's going to involve HIM taking some responsibility for
OUR birth control for a change. Your Marriage May Vary.

It IS reversible, you know. Reversal is even covered by some
insurance.

Really, though, I find the IUD so easy and worry-free that it's as good as
surgical sterilization as far as I'm concerned (and almost as effective
statistically, incidentally--the failure rate is very, VERY low). I think
you should at least try an IUD before you decide that surgically altering
your husband against his wishes is your preferred method of birth control.


Well, I might try it for a while, but I'm not going to have an IUD
until menopause, either.

Perhaps we're in uncomparable situations, because you're over 38 years
old, while I'm only 29, and I have more fertile years to worry about.
If I were looking at menopause in 10 years, my answers might be
different, too. My mom went through the change at 50, so we're talking
about 21 years, here. That's a LOT of pills. The financial cost alone
of all of those co-pays ($10/month x 12 months x 21 years = $2520), not
to mention all the wasted pregnancy tests because I don't trust the
pills, figure that at 2 per year at $15 a piece for another $630;
versus the cost of a vasectomy ($500 deductible) makes it worth it (and
that's assuming that the costs don't rise, and we know that the costs
of prescription drugs rise all the time). I'll even let him spend the
difference ($2650) on toys.

We could also figure in the emotional cost of me being a train wreck if
I miss a pill (it screws me up, big time. PMS on steroids), but that's
harder to quantify. I would think that avoiding that would be worth
the price of a vasectomy to him, too.

Then there's the issue of the time committment... It took me 3 months
to fully recover from my daughter's birth. If we have another kid,
that'll be a total of 6 months recovery (not to mention 18 months of
being pregnant, and two labors). So we're talking my 730 days of
pregnancy/labor/recovery versus about three days of MILD discomfort.
Furthermore, he can treat his mild discomfort with heavy duty drugs
(because he doesn't have to worry about nursing, or passing the drugs
to the kids through the placenta, or anything).

Yeah, a vasectomy and recovery is a drop in the bucket compared to my
two pregnancies, labors, and recoveries, and he will be just fine.
I'll even make him chicken soup because I am a very nice wife.

Amy

  #59  
Old December 21st 05, 09:01 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control


"Amy" wrote in message
ups.com...
Pffft... That's why I'm talking about it HERE, and not at home.
Besides, there's no sense arguing about it yet because we're several
years and at least one more kid away from the big V. This is all
extremely tertiary to the fact that I hate my BC and I want something
else, and my doctor is a punk and won't give me anything non-chemical,
and life just generally sucks.


No, this is precisely because you hate your birth control and you don't want
to have to bother with it anymore. Understandable, but please understand
that it's a major squick for a guy to contemplate letting someone near his
balls with something sharp and it's not as easy as saying "look, I've popped
your kids out, now be a man and go get your balls sliced into." Doesn't work
that way.

Chocolate chip or brownies?

Jess


  #60  
Old December 21st 05, 09:04 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Posts: n/a
Default Birth Control


Circe wrote:

Sure, it was the best option for you. But not because you just told your
husband to "suck it up". That's really all I was objecting to in Amy's post.
I'm not opposed to vasectomies; I'm just opposed to forcing anybody to
undergo a surgical procedure (or have an IUD or take BCPs or anything else)
against their will. There are nearly always other alternatives.


....but I should "suck it up" and continue to take the pill, or get an
IUD, or get sterilized myself, or ....? No, I'm sorry, we both have
sex, we both have responsiblities, and when the time comes to make the
decision that we're done reproducing, the responsiblity is going to be
his, because up until then the responsiblity is mine. That's just
biology. It's not fair, and I don't have to like it, and neither does
he.

He can suck it up and sit on the couch for 3 days and play video games,
and I can suck it up and listen to him bitch about it for 3 months, and
then we can both move on.

Hell, if reversals were easier, I'd have him get one now, and we could
reverse it when it's time for the spare. I kind of wish they could
install a little faucet on 'em, so if we want the swimmers on, they're
on, and if we want 'em off, they're off. Hot and cold running sperm.
Hahhaa...

Amy (he was all for the surgery when it was the dog's turn...)

 




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