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Poll: Birth Control



 
 
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  #61  
Old December 21st 05, 09:29 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control


Jess wrote:
"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...
Hell, if reversals were easier, I'd have him get one now, and we could
reverse it when it's time for the spare. I kind of wish they could
install a little faucet on 'em, so if we want the swimmers on, they're
on, and if we want 'em off, they're off. Hot and cold running sperm.
Hahhaa...


Or just don't have sex.


That would last about 10 minutes in this house. I'm really, really
good. Virtually irresistable, in fact.

I'm sorry, I agree with Larry


I'm sorry you agree with Larry, too. That must be a very scary thing
to experience.

I can understand your position that you're
tired of having kids and taking pills, but telling a man to cope with
someone slicing into his balls is a bit like telling a woman to cope with
having her tits chopped off.


Oh, bologna. It's not even close. It's not like people walking past
him on the street would be able to see that he'd had a V, as opposed to
a woman who had a mastectomy, which would be obvious without
prosthesis. It's not like it'll permanently disfigure him. It's not
like it will even interfere with his sexual function. They're not even
in the same ballpark.

Besides, women have their "tits chopped off," as you so delicately put
it, every day. Eventually we all have to do distasteful things in the
name of medical science. That's life in the Big Ten.

The squick factor is ginormous, and a bit of sensitivity and tact is
warranted.


I said I'd make him soup and let him play video games, what should he
get, a trophy?

He may eventually come around on his own-but were it my
relationship and I were having this attitude, we'd be in some serious
trouble.


Pffft... That's why I'm talking about it HERE, and not at home.
Besides, there's no sense arguing about it yet because we're several
years and at least one more kid away from the big V. This is all
extremely tertiary to the fact that I hate my BC and I want something
else, and my doctor is a punk and won't give me anything non-chemical,
and life just generally sucks.

I need a cookie.

Amy

  #62  
Old December 21st 05, 10:04 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control


Jess wrote:
"Amy" wrote in message
ups.com...
Pffft... That's why I'm talking about it HERE, and not at home.
Besides, there's no sense arguing about it yet because we're several
years and at least one more kid away from the big V. This is all
extremely tertiary to the fact that I hate my BC and I want something
else, and my doctor is a punk and won't give me anything non-chemical,
and life just generally sucks.


No, this is precisely because you hate your birth control and you don't want
to have to bother with it anymore. Understandable, but please understand
that it's a major squick for a guy to contemplate letting someone near his
balls with something sharp and it's not as easy as saying "look, I've popped
your kids out, now be a man and go get your balls sliced into." Doesn't work
that way.


I will hold his hand and tell him to breathe and count to ten. It's
the least I can do.

Chocolate chip or brownies?


I have some of these:

http://cookie.allrecipes.com/az/EasyLayerBarCookies.asp

....thank God. I will get through the holidays, but by the time they're
over I'm going to weigh 450 pounds.

Amy

  #63  
Old December 21st 05, 10:40 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control

"Jess" wrote in message
Understandable, but please understand that it's a major squick for a guy to
contemplate letting someone near his balls with something sharp


I don't think that's good enough reason. Amy has to alter her hormones, so
why is that any better? I think it's perfectly reasonable for the man to
take on the responsibility of BC as long as the decision is mutual.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)


  #64  
Old December 21st 05, 10:46 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...

Circe wrote:
"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...
Mine has expressed extreme discomfort with the idea of a vasectomy.
Oh, does he have another think coming!!! It'll go like this, "Listen,
Honey, birth control in this house has been a pain in MY ass for over
10 years now. It can be a pain in yours for a couple of days." And
after a couple natural childbirths, I'll be qualified to say, "Oh, suck
it up!" too. There will be no whining.

You know, I really don't think it is at ALL fair to ask another person to
undergo surgical modification of HIS body for YOUR convenience.


How is it any less fair than him asking me to take a pill every day (a
pill that can have serious health consequences for me, especially with
my blood pressure problems) for his convenience?

Is HE asking you to take BCPs? Do you have NO alternatives? (Answer: No.
There are non-hormonal alternatives. There are surgical alternatives for
women. But we've already discussed this, so let's move on.)

How is surgical modification of HIS body a bigger deal than ongoing
chemical modification of my body? I actually think that surgical
modification of his body is a much, much smaller deal.

I'm not saying it IS. I'm just saying that you cannot force him to have a
vasectomy any more than he can force you to have a tubal ligation (or an
abortion or take BCPs or anything else for that matter). Nobody should make
you (or him) do anything you're not willing to do. It's up to BOTH of
you--together--to determine what each of you is willing or not willing to do
when it comes to contraception and then choose a method that you're BOTH
comfortable with. It might not be the method YOU like best (or it might be),
but marriage and parenting is all about compromise. While you might be able
to get him to have a vasectomy when he REALLY doesn't want one, he is not
going to appreciate being bullied into it any more than YOU would appreciate
being bullied into having another baby or having a tubal ligation. Nobody
likes to be bullied.

Yes, I know,
birth control affects both of you, but still...if you really want the
finality and simplicity of a surgical solution and your husband doesn't,
the
fact that you've given birth and had to deal with birth control up to now
just doesn't qualify as a reason he should "suck it up" and do what YOU
want.


Oh, sure it does. I'll handled it for the first 10+ years of our
relationship. He can handle it for 3 days and then we can both be done
with it. I think that's perfectly reasonable and fair.

But if he doesn't think it's reasonable and fair, it doesn't matter what you
think is reasonable and fair.

Sorry, but it just sounds to me like a good way to put a strain on
your marital relationship.


I disagree. It'll put more of a strain on our relationship if I
continue to take unreliable pills that make me feel bad (major side
effects - hence this thread) and could result in an unplanned
pregnancy.


But no one has said that you MUST keep using BCPs. There ARE other choices.
And once you ARE done having children and are ready for a permanent form of
birth control, you are just as capable of getting "fixed" as he is. Granted,
tubal ligation isn't as easy or cheap as vasectomy, but it IS an option and
to claim that your choices are either he gets a vasectomy or you take
unreliable pills that make you sick is just disingenuous.

My husband and I are done having children as far as we know, but NEITHER
of
us is particularly comfortable with the finality of surgical
sterilization.


Then it's a decision that you both have made, and that's fine. The
decision that we will make in our relationship is going to be
different, and it's going to involve HIM taking some responsibility for
OUR birth control for a change. Your Marriage May Vary.

My husband IS involved in taking some responsibility for birth control. We
discussed it and mutually agreed over the course of our marriage to the
methods that worked best for both of us. Just because *I* am the one with
the IUD doesn't mean my husband has no responsibility! The fact that you
think the person who's wearing the device or taking the medications is the
only one who is taking responsibility sort of blows my mind. If that's what
you really believe, then your marriage definitely DOES vary from mine,
because in MY marriage, decisions that affect both of us are MADE BY both of
us, not just one of us browbeating the other into submission (although I
confess that seems an attractive option at time G!).

It IS reversible, you know. Reversal is even covered by some
insurance.

The successful reversal rate for vasectomies is well below 100%. I gather
that while reversals can be 99% successful at restoring semen flow,
resulting pregnancy rates can be much, much lower (in the 60-70% range).

But that's really not the point. If the problem your husband has with
vasectomy is letting someone near his privates with a pair of clippers,
letting them come back for a second pass to reverse it isn't going to be a
particularly appealing option.

Really, though, I find the IUD so easy and worry-free that it's as good
as
surgical sterilization as far as I'm concerned (and almost as effective
statistically, incidentally--the failure rate is very, VERY low). I think
you should at least try an IUD before you decide that surgically altering
your husband against his wishes is your preferred method of birth
control.


Well, I might try it for a while, but I'm not going to have an IUD
until menopause, either.

Perhaps we're in uncomparable situations, because you're over 38 years
old, while I'm only 29, and I have more fertile years to worry about.
If I were looking at menopause in 10 years, my answers might be
different, too. My mom went through the change at 50, so we're talking
about 21 years, here. That's a LOT of pills. The financial cost alone
of all of those co-pays ($10/month x 12 months x 21 years = $2520), not
to mention all the wasted pregnancy tests because I don't trust the
pills, figure that at 2 per year at $15 a piece for another $630;
versus the cost of a vasectomy ($500 deductible) makes it worth it (and
that's assuming that the costs don't rise, and we know that the costs
of prescription drugs rise all the time). I'll even let him spend the
difference ($2650) on toys.

We could also figure in the emotional cost of me being a train wreck if
I miss a pill (it screws me up, big time. PMS on steroids), but that's
harder to quantify. I would think that avoiding that would be worth
the price of a vasectomy to him, too.

Then there's the issue of the time committment... It took me 3 months
to fully recover from my daughter's birth. If we have another kid,
that'll be a total of 6 months recovery (not to mention 18 months of
being pregnant, and two labors). So we're talking my 730 days of
pregnancy/labor/recovery versus about three days of MILD discomfort.
Furthermore, he can treat his mild discomfort with heavy duty drugs
(because he doesn't have to worry about nursing, or passing the drugs
to the kids through the placenta, or anything).

Yeah, a vasectomy and recovery is a drop in the bucket compared to my
two pregnancies, labors, and recoveries, and he will be just fine.
I'll even make him chicken soup because I am a very nice wife.

You know, those are all really good arguments. Use them on him (though maybe
in a slightly less snippy tone--though, of course, it's hard to read tone in
a Usenet post).

Let me reiterate: I am not OPPOSED to vasectomies (at least not for other
people). I am suggesting that ramming something like this down your spouse's
throat is unlikely to promote marital harmony and happy feelings. They're
two COMPLETELY different issues.
--
Be well, Barbara


  #65  
Old December 21st 05, 10:53 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control

"Sue" wrote in message
news:[email protected] .com...
"Jess" wrote in message
Understandable, but please understand that it's a major squick for a guy
to
contemplate letting someone near his balls with something sharp


I don't think that's good enough reason. Amy has to alter her hormones, so
why is that any better?


That's faulty dualism. It implies that the only options are he has a
vasectory or she takes BCPs. That's just not true.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for the man to
take on the responsibility of BC as long as the decision is mutual.


I agree. But the decision DOES have to be mutual, which is all I've been
trying to say. If her husband can't get over being bothered by having his
testicles surgically altered but she somehow manages to bully him into doing
it, it wasn't a mutual decision.
--
Be well, Barbara


  #66  
Old December 21st 05, 11:13 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control

"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...
...but I should "suck it up" and continue to take the pill, or get an
IUD, or get sterilized myself, or ....?


In a word, yes.

No, I'm sorry, we both have
sex, we both have responsiblities, and when the time comes to make the
decision that we're done reproducing, the responsiblity is going to be
his, because up until then the responsiblity is mine. That's just
biology. It's not fair, and I don't have to like it, and neither does
he.

Sorry, but biology says that his body is not your body. The law says you
don't own his body.

He may come around to having a vasectomy. A lot of men do when the consider
the alternatives. But if he doesn't, you're choices would seem to be the
ones you listed above or having as many babies as nature gives you. (Being
presented with the latter option might be sufficient motivation for him to
rethink his decision).

Look, I'm not objecting to your reasoning here. What I'm objecting to is
your TONE. Now, I doubt that you'll be nearly so acerbic and dogmatic when
you discuss this with your husband as you have been here; I'm saying that if
you ARE, you're probably going to have problem. I'm saying that if you think
you can just lay down the law and he'll tuck his tail between his legs and
do it because you say he has to without some consequences, you're either
wrong or you have an unusually docile spouse (not just for man, mind you,
but for a spouse of any gender).
--
Be well, Barbara


  #67  
Old December 21st 05, 11:21 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control

My husband is just too easy.. he would have the snip happily, or have
another baby.. he isn't fussed.

My midwife and I had a chat, and I concluded that having the snip before
Erin is 1 is a no no. Cot death and such...


  #68  
Old December 22nd 05, 12:40 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control

In article [email protected], "Jess" wrote:

The squick factor is ginormous, and a bit of sensitivity and tact is
warranted.


You mean my references to the scissors and the kitchen sink aren't a good idea?
;-)

I think some of you need to calm down a bit. I doubt Amy is about to tie up
her DH and drag him off to a clinic!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"In Melbourne there is plenty of vigour and eagerness, but there is
nothing worth being eager or vigorous about."
Francis Adams, The Australians, 1893.
  #69  
Old December 22nd 05, 12:57 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control


"Sue" wrote in message
news:[email protected] .com...
I don't think that's good enough reason. Amy has to alter her hormones, so
why is that any better? I think it's perfectly reasonable for the man to
take on the responsibility of BC as long as the decision is mutual.


I'm not saying I don't think he should be just as responsible. What am I
saying is that her attitude comes across to me as entirely too hard core and
unsympathetic and that from my perception, she needs to tone it down a bit
or her relationship could be seriously strained. Getting a vasectomy
shouldn't be a one-sided decision.

Jess


  #70  
Old December 22nd 05, 01:02 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
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Default Birth Control


"Chookie" wrote in message
...
You mean my references to the scissors and the kitchen sink aren't a good
idea?
;-)


Kitchen table would be better-the sink is a bit high for me.


I think some of you need to calm down a bit. I doubt Amy is about to tie
up
her DH and drag him off to a clinic!


I hope I'm not coming across as overly negative or critical; I've got some
other issues here that I'm trying to cope with and I've got a bit less
resources than normal.

Jess


 




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