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#1
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Little boys......
As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several
occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut! Then the real problems began when my granddaugher got a vanity set with play lipstick and rouge, and earings and even a little purple tu-tu, ballerina slippers and Tiara . He wants to wear these things and I really myself feel it is harmless, but then I have never had a boy to raise and never have been confronted with this before. I know his mother does not want him to play this way , it is not my place to allow something she is against and I do not know how to explain this to a three year old. Mind you it is not fair to allow my grandaughter this and say no to him? I have tried putting the stuff away but if my grandaughter asks for it , I feel it is something she should not be denied. Then there are the times he finds her dresses and puts them on himself. Please mothers and fathers of boys enlighten me! What should I or can I do to do the right thing? I myself have no feelings that a three year old boy has any thoughts of sexual orientation or that innocent play at this age will turn him into a homosexual. I know as a fact that this little guy has been taught to not like the color pink, he refuses to eat or drink out of anything pink or play with anything pink including pink clothing. I am upset that people would be so silly to do such a thing to a young child. I know his Nanny Gayle would have a lot to say to her daughter, I would be upset to have them pull him away from me if I spoke my mind about how I feel. Bev |
#2
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Little boys......
"Bev" wrote in message
oups.com... As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut! ---SNIP--- I'm no expert, but what I would try is to redirect the lad to what might be considered "appropriate play." When the girl is playing with her "girl toys" pull out a truck or something. Make some noises with it - boys like to play with things that they can make noise with! Vroom-vroom!! I think redirection is the key.... -=RaOuL=- |
#3
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Little boys......
"Bev" wrote in message oups.com... As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut! Then the real problems began when my granddaugher got a vanity set with play lipstick and rouge, and earings and even a little purple tu-tu, ballerina slippers and Tiara . He wants to wear these things and I really myself feel it is harmless, but then I have never had a boy to raise and never have been confronted with this before. I really don't think there's much of a difference at this age in raising boys or girls. I also see no harm in a little boy playing dress up, just as I see no harm in a little girl playing with trucks and GI Joes. I know his mother does not want him to play this way , it is not my place to allow something she is against and I do not know how to explain this to a three year old. Mind you it is not fair to allow my grandaughter this and say no to him? I have tried putting the stuff away but if my grandaughter asks for it , I feel it is something she should not be denied. As far as I'm concerned, playing is playing, but yes, I see your point of not wanting to go against what Mom says, in the place of Grandma. There's really not much you can do to explain this to a 3 year old. Your granddaughter shouldn't be denied what is hers to play with, but how can you say yes to her but not to your grandson? Do you have "boy" toys around? Would it be possible to take both kids shopping, or just your grandson one day, and have him pick out a special toy that he really wants that he can keep at your house to play with? Maybe taking both kids out to pick out a toy that they can both play with together that stays at Grandmas could be an idea... I don't know what... Just something like a small train set, basketball and net set, maybe even some cars or trucks of some sort. Find something that both can play together. Then there are the times he finds her dresses and puts them on himself. Meh. I actually remember when I was about 8 years old, I dressed my little brothers both up in my dresses. That would have made my brothers about 5 and 2, and I put their hair in piggies and bows and they looked so beautiful. My mom's eyes popped right out of her head and she nearly busted a gut laughing and even ran to get the camera. I do remember them agreeing to it, and they even had a good laugh about it. Neither has turned gay today because I made them all pretty when they were younger. Even today, my son will sit with me in the bathroom while I do my hair or something. He wanted his nails painted one day, so I bring out the nail polish and I painted his nails the colors he wanted - purple and red and just one finger blue. When he was about 2 or so, I put him in a set of underwear that I didn't care much for that my grandma bought - because it was a good price - that would never fit her in a million years... So off I go with B to the back room, put on a floral bra and matching panties over his clothes and send him out to see Baba, Grandma and Uncle. My cousin took a picture of it, and we all had a good laugh about it. Last year for B's birthday, my cousin took that picture and made a birthday card for B with that picture on it. Again, we all had a pretty good laugh. For my SON'S first Christmas, I bought him a little doll. It was a little boy doll, and the only person who had a problem with it was my uncle, one of my brothers and my dad didn't care much for it, but you know what? Bran is now so good with his baby sister that it amazes me. He's very gentle and caring and loving, and yet my mom's friend has a son and younger daughter just a bit older than B and Amie, and the boy is so very, very mean to his baby sister. I always told Bran that the doll was like a baby... You have to be very gentle with it, like you would be with a baby. Please mothers and fathers of boys enlighten me! What should I or can I do to do the right thing? I myself have no feelings that a three year old boy has any thoughts of sexual orientation or that innocent play at this age will turn him into a homosexual. I know as a fact that this little guy has been taught to not like the color pink, he refuses to eat or drink out of anything pink or play with anything pink including pink clothing. Nothing 'turns' someone into a homosexual. It has nothing at all to do with the way a child is or was raised. You cannot just decide you'd like to be gay or not, it's something that isn't controlled, AFAIC, and the only thing, I believe, that will come out of making a little boy despise pink, dolls, whatever it may be, is that they will probably continue this learned behaviour through their childhood and carry it with them as adults. I believe that it could cause a child to believe it is alright to hate, even if it is the color pink or a Barbie. I believe 'Kate suggested above something about trying to let them play whatever they want early in the day and have time to distract him with something else for when Mom gets home. You're NOT hurting him by allowing him to express himself through play. Other than actions and play, there's really not many other ways a child knows how to express themselves at that age. They cannot and do not pick up a pen and write their feelings down. They do not write beautiful poems and make wonderful books about their feelings and emotions. Play is a way that a child can express themselves freely and openly while learning and having fun. I am upset that people would be so silly to do such a thing to a young child. I know his Nanny Gayle would have a lot to say to her daughter, I would be upset to have them pull him away from me if I spoke my mind about how I feel. Bev I agree. Silly really isn't the word I would have used, but it works just fine! Allowing both children to play - be it your grandson playing with the vanity set or your granddaughter playing with the Tonka trucks, there really is no harm at all in that. You might harm a child more by denying what they want when there really is no reason to say no. It's not like you are hurting him or doing something wrong in any way. I really do like 'Kate's suggestion about starting the day off early and letting them play dress-up, or whatever it may be... Maybe you could end the day before Mom comes to get him by sitting both children down at the table to draw and color... Maybe that could be an idea - some sort of art or craft set for both grandchildren... Let them paint and color and draw and glue sparkles on paper at the table half an hour or so before Mom's expected... Then he'll either be in the process of making a ginormous mess on your kitchen table with glue and glitter and crayons, or Mom will walk in to see him helping you clean up the mess he just finished making... Then he'll have something to give to you or Mom for the fridge! I really have no other suggestions right now... I've done everything with my son that would have your grandson's dad doing backflips, and I don't see anything wrong with it at all! They're kids! They love to play, and fantasy is just one of the many ways children develop. Good luck and hopefully you can figure something out! -- A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text. Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing? A: Top-posting. Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet? |
#4
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Little boys......
As the mother of a boy, I can tell you - it's perfectly normal to want to
join in the fun, too. I agree with Kate - he isn't gay, he's not a transvestite, and he isn't going to come to any harm. Whoever is paranoid about the color pink should be seeking their own therapy, if you want my opinion. Actors wear make up routinely - even the male ones! Let him play - I cherish the photos I have when my son did the same thing - looked like a young Liza Minelli. "Bev" wrote in message oups.com... As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut! Then the real problems began when my granddaugher got a vanity set with play lipstick and rouge, and earings and even a little purple tu-tu, ballerina slippers and Tiara . He wants to wear these things and I really myself feel it is harmless, but then I have never had a boy to raise and never have been confronted with this before. I know his mother does not want him to play this way , it is not my place to allow something she is against and I do not know how to explain this to a three year old. Mind you it is not fair to allow my grandaughter this and say no to him? I have tried putting the stuff away but if my grandaughter asks for it , I feel it is something she should not be denied. Then there are the times he finds her dresses and puts them on himself. Please mothers and fathers of boys enlighten me! What should I or can I do to do the right thing? I myself have no feelings that a three year old boy has any thoughts of sexual orientation or that innocent play at this age will turn him into a homosexual. I know as a fact that this little guy has been taught to not like the color pink, he refuses to eat or drink out of anything pink or play with anything pink including pink clothing. I am upset that people would be so silly to do such a thing to a young child. I know his Nanny Gayle would have a lot to say to her daughter, I would be upset to have them pull him away from me if I spoke my mind about how I feel. Bev |
#5
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Little boys......
"Bev" wrote in message oups.com... As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut! Then the real problems began when my granddaugher got a vanity set with play lipstick and rouge, and earings and even a little purple tu-tu, ballerina slippers and Tiara . He wants to wear these things and I really myself feel it is harmless, but then I have never had a boy to raise and never have been confronted with this before. I know his mother does not want him to play this way , it is not my place to allow something she is against and I do not know how to explain this to a three year old. Mind you it is not fair to allow my grandaughter this and say no to him? I have tried putting the stuff away but if my grandaughter asks for it , I feel it is something she should not be denied. Then there are the times he finds her dresses and puts them on himself. Please mothers and fathers of boys enlighten me! What should I or can I do to do the right thing? I myself have no feelings that a three year old boy has any thoughts of sexual orientation or that innocent play at this age will turn him into a homosexual. I know as a fact that this little guy has been taught to not like the color pink, he refuses to eat or drink out of anything pink or play with anything pink including pink clothing. I am upset that people would be so silly to do such a thing to a young child. I know his Nanny Gayle would have a lot to say to her daughter, I would be upset to have them pull him away from me if I spoke my mind about how I feel. Bev Everyone says "He isn't gay or a trans...." So what if he would be??? But they are right, he is to young to know the difference and just wants to play. Why does the parents want to put gender roles into his life? Will they also teach him its not manly to cry? To miss his mommy? That he should beat up other boys?? Grrr. There was an excellent book I read about boys and men and how they are raised. Damn if I can't remember what it is called but when it comes to me, I will post it. Tiff |
#6
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Little boys......
'Kate wrote: On Sun, 01 Jan 2006 00:09:38 GMT, "Tiffany" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: Everyone says "He isn't gay or a trans...." So what if he would be??? The parents would blame Bev. Judging by the haircut and rules about the color pink and the hairdo, the parents are not thrilled with the idea of their son being homosexual, etc. The parents are wack. :-) Yea they are wack, I am at a loss with this, maybe accepting your mom was a lesbian is easier.for my step daughter than to accept her son would be gay. This is pretty common actually....for some odd ball reason many people especially men have no problem with lesbians but gay men flip them out........ Why does the parents want to put gender roles into his life? Will they also teach him its not manly to cry? To miss his mommy? That he should beat up other boys?? Probably so. And he'll turn into a serial killer full of resentment for his parents but at least he won't be homosexual. Who knew there were parents like that still. ......he kicks animals, and needs to be watched closely with them. He is violent and very rough in play as well. When he first came to us we almost said "sorry" and decided that maybe what really was best for him was if we worked with him.He has been from babysitter to babysitter since he was an infant. I thought maybe he had security issues or maybe out of wack with no set schedule or consistency. He has come a long way since when we first got him and I know most of his behaviours are taught. There are two people in his household that punch, kick and beat the dogs, he violently goes after his sister 10 if she says no to him or takes something away he should not have. We had a very hard time when this all began, to a point I did discuss his violent and belligerant behavior. He would totally ignore instruction . His mother said to smack his butt. We did time out we talked and explained we removed him from the rest of the activity to get his attention and finally I spent two days smacking his butt when nothing else worked and I have not had to smack his butt since ! It worked...I hated it but it worked. He is changing nicely with us and I know he needs what he is getting with us, he has a consistent routine and has learned what his behavior needs to be here. His father is a functioning alcoholic and i know he has puched walls and kicked in the front door at least twice and that my other two older grandkids (14 and 10) are afraid of him "he is not their dad" This has been going on a very long time and I have discussed this with Gayle's daughter and she says "he is not an alcoholic" he just drinks a little too much sometimes"........They are getting married next year I know the kids are unhappy and all I can do is have them to my place as often as possible to give them a safe place to be and a break from "HOME" It is really sad. What stinks is that I know if I make to big a wave here the kids will be pulled away from me, I do not know if I have any legal rights with this and I really just want to be a part of their lives like I should be. Bev 'Kate |
#7
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Little boys......
Tiffany wrote: Everyone says "He isn't gay or a trans...." So what if he would be??? I certainly am not predjudice! I believe what everyone is meaning is that this dress up play is not indicating that the little guy will turn out to be. But they are right, he is to young to know the difference and just wants to play. absolutely what I feel , I am torn by permitting it knowing his parents do not approve. Why does the parents want to put gender roles into his life? Will they also teach him its not manly to cry? To miss his mommy? That he should beat up other boys?? unfortunately I think you have hit it on the head there. Grrr. There was an excellent book I read about boys and men and how they are raised. Damn if I can't remember what it is called but when it comes to me, I will post it. Thank you Tiff Bev Tiff |
#8
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Little boys......
Moon Shyne wrote: As the mother of a boy, I can tell you - it's perfectly normal to want to join in the fun, too. I didn't think making a big deal out of it was the right thing for his mom and dad to do. I agree with Kate - he isn't gay, he's not a transvestite, and he isn't going to come to any harm. It's certainly not that I think that this type of play could possibly direct a childs sexual orientation. Whoever is paranoid about the color pink should be seeking their own therapy, if you want my opinion. I totally agree with you , I was shocked the day I set up the table with bowls and cups for breakfast and he sat there and would not say anything or eat his cereal . When I asked him why he wasn't eating he said I dont like pink ! I never thought about it we have a set of pink bowls and cups that are plastic for the baby. Ask him why he does not like pink and he has no answer . All I said was well pink is a nice color I like it but if you dont like it that is o.k. and I gave him another bowl. Actors wear make up routinely - even the male ones! yep Let him play - I cherish the photos I have when my son did the same thing - looked like a young Liza Minelli. I have and will continue to let him play, I just really wish I didn't have to fear his parents coming and catching it. Bev |
#9
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Little boys......
xkatx wrote: I really don't think there's much of a difference at this age in raising boys or girls. I also see no harm in a little boy playing dress up, just as I see no harm in a little girl playing with trucks and GI Joes. I agree with you totally. As far as I'm concerned, playing is playing, but yes, I see your point of not wanting to go against what Mom says, in the place of Grandma. There's really not much you can do to explain this to a 3 year old. Your granddaughter shouldn't be denied what is hers to play with, but how can you say yes to her but not to your grandson? exactly what I feel, I refuse to be unfair! Do you have "boy" toys around? Hell no! I am a lesbian rofl! ...sorry it was just "there" grin Yes trucks motorcycles action figures basketball hoop we have bought these items for my grand daughter as well and he has brought over some of his! Meh. I actually remember when I was about 8 years old, I dressed my little brothers both up in my dresses. That would have made my brothers about 5 and 2, and I put their hair in piggies and bows and they looked so beautiful. My mom's eyes popped right out of her head and she nearly busted a gut laughing and even ran to get the camera. I do remember them agreeing to it, and they even had a good laugh about it. Neither has turned gay today because I made them all pretty when they were younger. Even today, my son will sit with me in the bathroom while I do my hair or something. He wanted his nails painted one day, so I bring out the nail polish and I painted his nails the colors he wanted - purple and red and just one finger blue. When he was about 2 or so, I put him in a set of underwear that I didn't care much for that my grandma bought - because it was a good price - that would never fit her in a million years... So off I go with B to the back room, put on a floral bra and matching panties over his clothes and send him out to see Baba, Grandma and Uncle. My cousin took a picture of it, and we all had a good laugh about it. Last year for B's birthday, my cousin took that picture and made a birthday card for B with that picture on it. Again, we all had a pretty good laugh. For my SON'S first Christmas, I bought him a little doll. It was a little boy doll, and the only person who had a problem with it was my uncle, one of my brothers and my dad didn't care much for it, but you know what? Bran is now so good with his baby sister that it amazes me. He's very gentle and caring and loving, and yet my mom's friend has a son and younger daughter just a bit older than B and Amie, and the boy is so very, very mean to his baby sister. I always told Bran that the doll was like a baby... You have to be very gentle with it, like you would be with a baby. I agree that introducing a baby doll to a young boy child will develop a nurturing that is important for boys to learn. Why shouldn't boys learn how to handle and nurture a baby ? Nothing 'turns' someone into a homosexual. It has nothing at all to do with the way a child is or was raised. You cannot just decide you'd like to be gay or not, it's something that isn't controlled, AFAIC, and the only thing, I believe, that will come out of making a little boy despise pink, dolls, whatever it may be, is that they will probably continue this learned behaviour through their childhood and carry it with them as adults. I believe that it could cause a child to believe it is alright to hate, even if it is the color pink or a Barbie. Yea, I agree, It is absurd to teach young children to dislike anything. They are being denied thier own free choice, and in some cases being taught to be predjudiced. I believe 'Kate suggested above something about trying to let them play whatever they want early in the day and have time to distract him with something else for when Mom gets home. You're NOT hurting him by allowing him to express himself through play. Other than actions and play, there's really not many other ways a child knows how to express themselves at that age. They cannot and do not pick up a pen and write their feelings down. They do not write beautiful poems and make wonderful books about their feelings and emotions. Play is a way that a child can express themselves freely and openly while learning and having fun. Yea It makes sense to allow the play, I guess, but even my 2 yr. old grand daughter tells all about what she does throughout a day. He is gonna tell! LOL! Oh well ! Oh boy the messes ! Believe me we are no strangers to that! I am upset that people would be so silly to do such a thing to a young child. I know his Nanny Gayle would have a lot to say to her daughter, I would be upset to have them pull him away from me if I spoke my mind about how I feel. Bev I agree. Silly really isn't the word I would have used, but it works just fine! Allowing both children to play - be it your grandson playing with the vanity set or your granddaughter playing with the Tonka trucks, there really is no harm at all in that. Silly is not the words I really wanted to use ! We have a very wide assortment of boys and girls toys and "unisex" if you will, as well . It is a shame that anyone would be so damn stupid about this with children so young. Bev |
#10
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Little boys......
'Kate wrote: On 31 Dec 2005 09:27:51 -0800, "Bev" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: The parents are overreacting. The boy is 3, not 13. It does not cause gayness or transvestitism. It won't affect his masculine identity development. Boys grow up to be manly men despite our best efforts to socialize them (joke). :-) Thats what I thought, and the strange thing is is that I see more attention is put on a little boy playing with dolls or girlie toys but little girls get away with the trucks and basketballs without much attention?!?!?! He barely knows he's a "boy" at this point... and he won't remember dressing up when he's older unless someone takes a picture to embarrass him with later. Mari thinks we should take the picture and give it to his parents LOL! I know the trouble that will cause and I will neve see him again......... Here's something you may be able to use to calm the parents down: Children realize that they are male or female and are aware of the gender of others by the age of three. However, at these ages they still do not understand that people cannot change genders the way they can change their clothes, names, or behavior. Kohlberg theorized that children do not learn to behave in gender-appropriate ways until they understand that gender is permanent, which occurs at about the age of seven. At this point they start modeling the behavior of members of their own sex. Try taking out the makeup and dress up stuff earlier in the visit so that you have time to get him cleaned up. 3 year olds get bored pretty quickly and that'll get that over with. And he might not like the cleaning up afterward. I printed that out Kate thanks! I think I will do just that...early on with the dress up and maybe things will feel more comfortable for me...I really don't want to have a confrontation . The responses that I did receive pretty much reflects how I feel about this. Didn't hear much from the male/daddy side of this though? Guys any thoughts on this? Bev 'Kate |
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