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Help. Need some advice...Please.



 
 
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  #51  
Old April 11th 05, 09:09 PM
Robyn Kozierok
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In article .com,
wrote:
For now we have placed an ad in the local university
employment help for part time mother's helper(s), 20
hours a week with the schedule to be determine by
the wife. We have also signed up for a 9 week
gymboree class so 19 month old can play and so wife
can meet other moms with similar age kids.
If things don't work out we will try daycare for him,
twice a week and go on from there.


It sounds like you have come up with several good plans. Please
consider updating us when you see how things are working for you.

P.S. In my posts I hardly mention the 2 month old
and that's not because we are not paying him enough
attention...we try to give them both them equal
treatment. The 2 month old so far is very easy,
just takes the bottle and sleeps most of the time.


Don't worry, I don't think anyone thinks you are ignoring the baby!
It's only with your second child that you realize just how easy a
two-month-old is. ;-) Didn't it seem much harder the first time
around? My second child was by far my most difficult infant (he had
food allergies that presented as colic and GE reflux), but I'll be the
first to say that my firstborn got way more "attention" when his
brother was a baby. And he was almost 3yo! Before the baby is
mobile, he needs to be held, fed, talked to, rocked, etc. but that is
nothing compared to making sure the older child doesn't kill himself,
which at that age seems to be a constant goal ;-)

Enjoy your boys,
Robyn (mom to 3 boys, ages 4, 8, 11)

  #53  
Old April 12th 05, 01:01 PM
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wrote:
toto wrote:
On Fri, 8 Apr 2005 12:10:02 EDT, "Tomwaters"
wrote:

We went to several day care provides. The wife likes a montessori
provider and the director at that school recommends all five days.
They really stress the learning value over child care. I just

think

19 months is a little too early to be so concerned about learning.



One of my kids was in Montessori pretty much through pre-school, and
I'm a great fan. (For the right kind of kid -- there are some for whom
it's not so good.) I think Montessori is excellent. If I had to do
anything over, it would be to look harder for a Montessori for the
other kid -- who did much less time in Montessori because of logistical
issues.

They learn a lot, they become self-confident and independent, and mine
at least couldn't wait to go to school. We started with 2 days, went to
3 days, went to 5 half-days, then gave in and went to five full days.

I think all 5 days is better, myself; little kids don't have a sense of
time so much as a sense of routine, and it's easier on them if
something happens every day (a predictable interval) than at vague
unpredictable intervals like 2 or 3 times a week. (However, I found
that out only when my kids taught it to me. It didn't occur to me
before. I didn't know any little kids before mine.)

We did do the "It's Tuesday! You get to go to school today!" bit. But
at 19 months or 36 months or 48 months, 7 day cycles are just plain
hard to understand.

Rupa

  #54  
Old April 12th 05, 07:07 PM
Robyn Kozierok
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In article . com,
wrote:

I think all 5 days is better, myself; little kids don't have a sense of
time so much as a sense of routine, and it's easier on them if
something happens every day (a predictable interval) than at vague
unpredictable intervals like 2 or 3 times a week. (However, I found
that out only when my kids taught it to me. It didn't occur to me
before. I didn't know any little kids before mine.)

We did do the "It's Tuesday! You get to go to school today!" bit. But
at 19 months or 36 months or 48 months, 7 day cycles are just plain
hard to understand.


But you still have a 7-day cycle because the weekend days are different.
I don't see an inherent difficulty with learning that Saturday and Sunday
and Tuesday and Thursday, for example, are days that they don't go to
school.

On the other hand, in the preschool we have used, the kids who went all
week were in the same classes as the kids who went part-time, and that
made my middle son feel that he was missing out on things (even though
activities were always planned in such a way that every child got to do
them). So, for that child, we went up to 5 days even though we didn't
need it for childcare reasons.

My youngest, on the other hand, knows that some of the other kids are
there when he is not, but doesn't mind staying home on the days when
his school is "closed" for him.

Certain schedules do work better for different children. For example,
some children my do better with alternate days on and off, while mine
always seemed to prefer a block of days on, and then a block of days
off including the weekend, although this did make going back at the
beginning of the next block a bit harder when they were younger.

Anyhow, IME, there isn't one schedule that works best for all "little
kids". And you probably won't know what will work best for your child
until you experiment a bit.

--Robyn

  #55  
Old April 12th 05, 10:43 PM
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Robyn Kozierok wrote:

But you still have a 7-day cycle because the weekend days are

different.
I don't see an inherent difficulty with learning that Saturday and

Sunday
and Tuesday and Thursday, for example, are days that they don't go to
school.


You're right, the weekend is different. But it's sufficiently different
that it feels different, I think. All the parents are home. If you
drive past the school, you can see no one's there. (Yes, we did that.)

On the other hand, in the preschool we have used, the kids who went

all
week were in the same classes as the kids who went part-time, and

that
made my middle son feel that he was missing out on things (even

though
activities were always planned in such a way that every child got to

do
them). So, for that child, we went up to 5 days even though we

didn't
need it for childcare reasons.


I rather suspect that's what happened with us, too. It was certainly a
factor in our going from half to full days. The kiddo talked us into
*trying* it for a week, and then was determined not to go back...

My youngest, on the other hand, knows that some of the other kids are


there when he is not, but doesn't mind staying home on the days when
his school is "closed" for him.


Mine didn't mind staying home, exactly -- but they really wanted to be
in preschool.


Anyhow, IME, there isn't one schedule that works best for all "little
kids". And you probably won't know what will work best for your

child
until you experiment a bit.


I'd agree with that. My guys threw out all my preconceptions.

Rupa

  #56  
Old April 13th 05, 08:46 PM
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Robyn Kozierok wrote:

Certain schedules do work better for different children. For

example,
some children my do better with alternate days on and off, while mine
always seemed to prefer a block of days on, and then a block of days
off including the weekend, although this did make going back at the
beginning of the next block a bit harder when they were younger.


My daughter did better with a block too. I would not have predicted
this. She used to be in full time "care" but was by herself with
grandma 3 days a week, and at day care 2 days a week. She had a
wonderful time playing with other children at day care, but preferred
grandma (more personal attention, plus having friends over). Each
morning that she was to go to day care, I would tell her in the morning
and hear lots of complaining. "I don't want to go to day care!!"

Anyway, we switched schedules around fairly frequently based on
convenience for grandma and a flexible day care. Day care Tues& Fri,
then Mon & Wed, etc. When we switch to two days in a row (I think it
was Tues & Wed) the whole complaining about day care thing got much
better. I think the schedule became much more predictable to her: You
don't go for a long time, then two days, then not for a long time. Even
Tuesdays (after 5 days off) weren't a problem.

This lasted until she started gaining awareness of the days of the week
around the age of 3.5. Once she knew that she went day X and day Y, she
would ask us each day "what day is today" and felt like she knew what
was going on. Then the pattern of days didn't seem to matter to her any
more, just that there was a pattern and she knew what it was.

Go figure.

Jan

PS Her preschool teacher was very impressed that she always knew the
day of the week. Seems they talked about "what day is today" each
morning. My daughter quizzed me every morning before school and thus
could shout out the answer.

  #58  
Old May 17th 05, 11:50 PM
Anon E. Mouse
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In article , says...
wrote:


Is it really such a good idea to send a 19 month old to daycare monday
thru friday from 9am to 3pm? If it's really in the best interest of
the kid, I don't mind spending $500 a month, but then what happens
when the 2 month old gets to that age. Then it'll be $1000 a month.
With just my income and me not wanting to work more than 40 hours, it
would be very tough financially.

What do you guys think? Any advice or suggestion?


I have similar age gap between my eldest two children and it was pretty
overwhelming for a time. Possibly as long as a year but definitely for the
first 6 months or so until the second bub was sleeping through the night. I
think a 19 month old would probably enjoy spending a day or two a week at
daycare, especially as 9am to 3pm aren't long hours and your wife would be
able to sleep while your baby napped and get a bit of rest during the day.
With the proviso that the daycare is good quality and your son settles in
well, etc. I probably wouldn't go for 5 days, though, unless your wife is at
risk for post-natal depression.

I wouldn't argue with your wife about *why* a bit of respite from each other
would be a good idea but it does sound like your wife might be able to cope
better if she gets some more rest. She may (wrongly) be feeling that she's
inadequate as a mother when really the problem is that no one is a good
parent if sleep-deprived.

Does your wife have a network of friends with similarly aged children with
whom she can arrange playdates? Any grandparents who'd love to babysit for
a few hours a couple of times a week?

What about the cost of hiring a regular babysitter to come in and take your
oldest boy out for a couple of hours? At this stage the reciprocal nature of
playdates might be a bit much for your wife while your baby is so young so I
would look for other *regularly scheduled* solutions that your son would
enjoy but that gave your wife a chance to catch her breath long enough to
enjoy relating to him again. And vice versa.

You do know this is a temporary situation, don't you? It will get better! I
do think it would be a good idea for her to speak to a sympathetic doctor
who is well-used to mothers of young children.

Tai





It does not matter in the least whether or not she "enjoys relating to
him". Unless he is an unfit mother she will acknowledge her
responsibility to her child and live up to it. The kid did not decide
to have her--nor did any daycare workers or babysitters. Granted,
having a sitter or friend take the kid on occasion isn't such a big
deal, IMO, but that is to be a random treat. If she didn't want to be a
mother she shouldn't have chosen to be. Kids aren't party dresses that
you can buy on a whim and then return to the store when it isn't working
out. Taking up the responsibility of having children entails that you
also agree to be a parent--agreeing to *hire* a "parent" is not at all
the same thing.

I hate to say it, but I get the feeling that some people here are under
the illusion that a woman is some helpless "thing" that has to have free
time to sit and watch her soaps and get 10 hours of sleep a night. That
is sexist rubbish! It sounds to me like her husband is working harder
than her and taking it in stride. She needs to grow up and learn to
behave like an adult. There is absolutely no need here -- short of a
genuine psychological condition -- for her to require some other person
to play mother to *her* children.

And even if you want to reject all of this, one thing is clearly true:
before the child goes to any daycare, his/her mother needs to learn to
manage the child's behavior on her own. If she doesn't take that
seriously now, it'll be nothing more than dumb luck if the kid turns out
at all well. It is easier to prevent inappropriate behavior, etc., in
the first place than it is to correct it once it becomes ingrained. And
suffer no illusion: daycare workers are no patron saints of children.
Many of them have the job because it is *easy*, for god's sake!--easy
and it is the only work they can get with practically zero
qualifications and almost certain no children of their own.

AEM

  #59  
Old May 18th 05, 03:20 PM
toto
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On Tue, 17 May 2005 18:50:35 EDT, "Anon E. Mouse"
wrote:

Many of them have the job because it is *easy*, for god's sake!--easy
and it is the only work they can get with practically zero
qualifications and almost certain no children of their own.


I have no idea where you get the idea that daycare workers believe
that this is easy work. It's not easy work at all and many workers
burn out after a few years.

Many women do take this work *because* they have children of their
own and they can take their children to their workplace more easily
or for a discounted price for the care. And others take the work
because they are unskilled in other areas, but love children. I am
sure they could get jobs at McDonald's or other unskilled retail jobs,
but this doesn't appeal to them (the pay is comparable).

Now, as a matter of fact, most daycares do require some qualifications
for those who work in centers and most states have requirements that
need to be filled. I have had good aides who were not academically
able, but were good with children. These folks did not do well in the
junior college classes that they had to take despite the fact that
they did very well with the kids. I am not sure that academic
requirements are what is necessary for a job like this one. It's more
like carpentry where experience and apprenticeship to a good carpenter
is better than going to school to *learn* without practicing the
skills.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

 




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