A Parenting & kids forum. ParentingBanter.com

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » ParentingBanter.com forum » misc.kids » General (moderated)
Site Map Home Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

Character of a growing girl (middle school question)



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old November 18th 03, 09:05 PM
Scott
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Character of a growing girl (middle school question)

Bruce and Jeanne wrote:
beeswing wrote:


I posted this question in the financial aid thread, but I'd really like to
discuss it further. Could anyone please give me some input on this?

If one can (potentially, maybe) pay for instate, public university education
*OR* private school (especially at the critical middle-school level), how da
heck does one decide, anyway. Either? Both, with the hope of a windfall? What
makes the biggest difference to the character of a growing girl?

My daughter is almost 9, and she's an only. My only experience with "middle
school" is having gone to public junior high myself. And I remember those years
as being fairly miserable, though it wasn't all attributable to school-related
issues. I'd like my daughter to have a better experience than I did.

beeswing



How is your daughter doing in her school now? I'm only asking because a
friend of mine went through this same thing two years ago. Her daughter
was excelling academically at public elementary school, but my friend
felt she wasn't getting the attention she needed and she didn't really
have any good friendships. So, for 5th grade, the parents sent her to a
very expensive small private school and the girl blossomed and at the
end of the year, thanked her parents for sending her. So, she's back at
the private school this year and her younger brother has joined her.
This pretty much eats up my friend's entire salary (who is not in a
low-paying job by any means).

That said, they also have the prepaid college tuition plan for our state
which guarantees that tuition is paid no matter how high it rises. So,
while the kids aren't set to go to Harvard, they are set for 4 years of
college.


I will point out that the child may have blossomed in 5th
grade at the public school, too.

DD and I were discussing 'The Road Not Taken' (Robt. Frost)
earlier this week, and this is what made me think of this.
You cannot tell what may or may not have happened had you
taken the other road that equally lay in leaves no step had
trodden black. It's great that you friend's daughter is
happy. I guess that's the bottom line.

Scott DD 10 and DS 7.8

  #12  
Old November 18th 03, 09:07 PM
Beeswing
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Character of a growing girl (middle school question)

"Kevin Karplus" wrote in message
...
In article , beeswing

wrote:
I posted this question in the financial aid thread, but I'd really

like to
discuss it further. Could anyone please give me some input on this?

If one can (potentially, maybe) pay for instate, public university

education
*OR* private school (especially at the critical middle-school

level), how da
heck does one decide, anyway. Either? Both, with the hope of a

windfall? What
makes the biggest difference to the character of a growing girl?


I don't know about "character", but a public university education is a
far better educational investment than a private middle school.


Here's why I asked the question I asked. Although the school we are
considering is much better academically than our public, urban middle
school, I really *am* concerned about "character" -- self-image,
self-confidence, personal integrity, and the ability to steer clear of
peer pressure (i.e., that my daughter be strong enough to own choices on
sex, drugs, and so forth). The school we're considering is much
different from the environment of our public middle school. It is an
all-girls school whose mission is to train "future world leaders" -- in
whatever way those future leaders might choose to run with it. Some of
the parents and a few of the girls spoke at the school's open house. The
parents were enthusiastic about how their daughters had grown and
changed; they also talked about how engaged the kids were in the school
and in education. The girls were poised, confident, well-spoken, and
very positive about the school.

I think of the middle school period as "formative years" -- in the best
and worst senses possible. I believe they can make or break who you turn
out to be, especially in the case of girls. College, which I also
consider essential, doesn't carry quite the same weight on a girl's
personality and esteem. The foundation for those, I believe, has largely
been formed before a girl reaches college age.

If I remember right, you are in ..., where going to private
schools is highly fashionable (over 1/3 of all students do), but there
are still decent public schools available.


My daughter currently attends public school, where she is a gifted
class. I already know which junior high my daughter would be going to.
Even though it lays claim to the gifted program, it's basically in name
rather than in practice. Plus, it's very urban, with all the pluses and
minuses that entails -- and maybe I'm off base, but I perceive a lot of
minuses. With all its drawbacks, I consider the school the best the
district has to offer me. That's the scary part.

Far better to go to a
decent public school and have enough money to afford 4+ years of
university than to go to a ritzy middle school and then only be able
to afford an AA degree.


True. The issue wouldn't be that she *wouldn't* go to four years of
college, though, it's more that she might have a smaller range of
choices. And she might have to creatively finance part it herself. (An
academic scholarship would be nice, for example. Or maybe she'd have to
take a student loan for a portion of the tuition.) Either way, whether
or not her middle school is "ritzy" doesn't even weigh into the issue.

beeswing




  #13  
Old November 18th 03, 09:14 PM
Penny Gaines
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Character of a growing girl (middle school question)

beeswing wrote in :

I posted this question in the financial aid thread, but I'd really like to
discuss it further. Could anyone please give me some input on this?

If one can (potentially, maybe) pay for instate, public university
education *OR* private school (especially at the critical middle-school
level), how da heck does one decide, anyway. Either? Both, with the hope
of a windfall? What makes the biggest difference to the character of a
growing girl?

My daughter is almost 9, and she's an only. My only experience with
"middle school" is having gone to public junior high myself. And I
remember those years as being fairly miserable, though it wasn't all
attributable to school-related issues. I'd like my daughter to have a
better experience than I did.


I'm not quite sure which age is "middle school" - is it 6 -8 grades?
which makes it 11 - 14yo?

I think if I had the choice of a school that would really suit
my 11-14 yo, or (a not-good-match school and really good college),
I think I would choose the good-fit school.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

  #14  
Old November 18th 03, 09:15 PM
Beeswing
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Character of a growing girl (middle school question)


"LFortier" wrote in message
...

My oldest will be off to middle school next year, but 5th
grade has already been challenging. I'm not sure that
private school would make the social stuff any better -
around here private schools that aren't religious have a
heavy concentration of such well to do kids that I suspect
you might be trading in one set of issues for another.


This school is intentionally diverse and gives a lot of financial aid to
low-income girls, so that at least would not be an issue. That's part of
the school's draw, for us.

I spent years saying how glad I was I didn't have to relive
the teen years until it finally dawned on me that a parent
relives them through children.


I know.... And reliving elementary school has been hard enough!

beeswing



  #15  
Old November 18th 03, 09:46 PM
Beeswing
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Character of a growing girl (middle school question)


"Banty" wrote in message
...

I guess the upshot here is that your own experience in Junior High

won't
necessarily translate to your daughter's experience.


I don't expect it to; I'm sorry if I gave that impression. Even on the
most basic level, her school experience will be different: I grew up in
the suburbs and went to a moderately small junior high. The (public)
school she would otherwise attend is very urban and a lot bigger. What I
do know, though, is that the early teen years typically can be hard for
many of our kids, and it was certainly a hard time for me.

The biggest difference
to her character is her temprament; the next biggest is your

relationship to
her, bringing up a close third is the overall environment.


Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.

beeswing



  #16  
Old November 18th 03, 09:50 PM
Robyn Kozierok
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Character of a growing girl (middle school question)

In article , Beeswing wrote:
"Kevin Karplus" wrote in message
.. .
In article , beeswing

wrote:
I posted this question in the financial aid thread, but I'd really

like to
discuss it further. Could anyone please give me some input on this?

If one can (potentially, maybe) pay for instate, public university

education
*OR* private school (especially at the critical middle-school

level), how da
heck does one decide, anyway. Either? Both, with the hope of a

windfall? What
makes the biggest difference to the character of a growing girl?


I don't know about "character", but a public university education is a
far better educational investment than a private middle school.


Here's why I asked the question I asked. Although the school we are
considering is much better academically than our public, urban middle
school, I really *am* concerned about "character" -- self-image,
self-confidence, personal integrity, and the ability to steer clear of
peer pressure (i.e., that my daughter be strong enough to own choices on
sex, drugs, and so forth).


I thought the question you asked was actually very telling, and I think
contains your answer. Middle school has, pretty much by definition, more
influence on "the character of a growing girl" than college. By college,
your girl will be mostly grown up.

So, the real question probably comes down to, will going to this
particular private middle school really have a much better influence on
your particular child's character than the public school she would
otherwise attend? And if so, does this difference justify making
college funding more challenging for her? Clearly, I can't answer
those questions for you.

different from the environment of our public middle school. It is an
all-girls school whose mission is to train "future world leaders" -- in
whatever way those future leaders might choose to run with it. Some of
the parents and a few of the girls spoke at the school's open house. The
parents were enthusiastic about how their daughters had grown and
changed; they also talked about how engaged the kids were in the school
and in education. The girls were poised, confident, well-spoken, and
very positive about the school.


fwiw, you could probably find "a few" poised, confident, well-spoken
girls in public school who are also very positive about their school.

I think of the middle school period as "formative years" -- in the best
and worst senses possible. I believe they can make or break who you turn
out to be, especially in the case of girls.


Hmm, I guess I think most of the "formative" stuff happens at home. I
certainly know lots of good-charactered women who lived through nasty
junior high situations without being negatively impacted for life. That's
not to say that such a negative situation isn't worth avoiding -- if I
knew that spending $$$ on a private middle school would avoid the typical
pain of middle school for my child, I'd spend it. But it's hard to know
these things in advance ;-/

consider essential, doesn't carry quite the same weight on a girl's
personality and esteem. The foundation for those, I believe, has largely
been formed before a girl reaches college age.


Right, which is why I think your question was worded to get the answer
you wanted (subconsciously, perhaps) to get....

Good luck figuring it all out!
--Robyn (mommy to Ryan 9/93 and Matthew 6/96 and Evan 3/01)

  #17  
Old November 18th 03, 09:51 PM
Beeswing
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Character of a growing girl (middle school question)


"Scott" wrote in message
...

...especially if the College decides you *shouldn't* have sent your
daugther to private school and therefore you should still have all
that tuition money in the bank


Perhaps unfortunately, that's irrelevant. I can't expect our family to
qualify for need-based financial aid for either private school or
college in any case. We're in that awkward "price point" where tuition
would take a huge bite and yet we don't qualify for assistance.

There are no guarantees that the Private School will be any more or
less difficult to navigate vis-a-vis all those issues that can make
middle school a less-than-pleasant experience. Unless you interview
a lot of the girls there and determine that they are all blissfully
happy.


They had several of the parents speak and a few of the girls. Now, I
realize you're not going to have an unhappy parent or child speak at
your open house, but it was impressive how poised and happy the girls
came across and how pleased the parents were with their daughter's
self-confidence and level of engagement in school. I know it sounds odd,
but the students actually did seem "blissfully happy." And yes, I
realize that that's no guaranty that The Kid would be, if she went
there. But it is beguiling.

DD starts middle school next year, and it's not really something to
which I'm looking forward. At least the school has an okay reputation
as being large enough that it's not difficult for anyone to find a
group to be in. We aren't thinking of private school now. Maybe if
we discern that she is desperately unhappy next year, we'll discuss
it. It would surprise me if something like that happened.


Thanks for your input! I appreciate it. Best wishes with middle school.

beeswing




  #18  
Old November 18th 03, 09:54 PM
Beeswing
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Character of a growing girl (middle school question)


"Bruce and Jeanne" wrote in message
...

How is your daughter doing in her school now? I'm only asking because

a
friend of mine went through this same thing two years ago. Her

daughter
was excelling academically at public elementary school, but my friend
felt she wasn't getting the attention she needed and she didn't really
have any good friendships. So, for 5th grade, the parents sent her to

a
very expensive small private school and the girl blossomed and at the
end of the year, thanked her parents for sending her. So, she's back

at
the private school this year and her younger brother has joined her.
This pretty much eats up my friend's entire salary (who is not in a
low-paying job by any means).


My daughter is doing well in school, though she isn't as challenged as
she probably "should" be. Middle school here is a different kettle of
fish, though. She's a third grader now; we're just investigating options
early.

That said, they also have the prepaid college tuition plan for our

state
which guarantees that tuition is paid no matter how high it rises.

So,
while the kids aren't set to go to Harvard, they are set for 4 years

of
college.


Wow, that's wonderful. That would be a mental lifesaver.

beeswing




  #19  
Old November 18th 03, 10:05 PM
Beeswing
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Character of a growing girl (middle school question)


"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
news

I think middle school (or junior high) is a tough time for a lot of
people. Maybe most people. But I think it could be a tough time even
in a good private school. You need to consider what it is about the
school you are looking at that you think will make it a better place
for your daughter. There are some benefits to single-sex education
for girls, which I think you're considering based on the other thread.
But I'm not convinced that the social scene would be better, and that
is typically what makes middle school so hard for so many kids.

Unless
the school makes a special effort to explicitly address social issues,
I think you will have them whether the school is public or private,
all-girls or co-ed.


The school does make a special effort. That's part of what I find
impressive. Whether that's enough to make a true difference...I don't
know.

That said, if you think private school is the best place for her for
middle school, my philosophy is to worry about now now, and worry

about
later later. If she needs the private school now, I'd spend the money
and figure out how you and she can finance her college education

later.
There's usually a way. (My kids are in private school now, which

covers
K-8, because it was the only place I could find that would meet their

needs.
They don't have college savings accounts yet, for a variety of

reasons.)

Good luck deciding!!


Thanks, Robin. Our financial status is likely to improve, but I wouldn't
want to make decisions based on a "likely." On the other hand... ACK!
It's hard to think about.

May I ask what you especially liked about the school you're sending your
kids to?

beeswing



  #20  
Old November 18th 03, 11:15 PM
Beeswing
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Character of a growing girl (middle school question)


"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
...
So, the real question probably comes down to, will going to this
particular private middle school really have a much better influence

on
your particular child's character than the public school she would
otherwise attend? And if so, does this difference justify making
college funding more challenging for her? Clearly, I can't answer
those questions for you.


I responded to part of your post but not this part -- and I should have.
You've pretty much boiled it down for me. Now I have to think on it.

Thanks.

beeswing

fwiw, you could probably find "a few" poised, confident, well-spoken
girls in public school who are also very positive about their school.


P.S. I do realize this.




 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Another child killed in kincare Kane General 39 February 12th 04 07:55 PM
Kids should work... bobb General 108 December 15th 03 04:23 PM
| | Kids should work... Kane General 13 December 10th 03 03:30 AM
Kids should work. LaVonne Carlson General 22 December 7th 03 05:27 AM
| Teen faces expulsion and felony for loaning girlfriend medicine Kane General 55 October 22nd 03 03:04 AM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:31 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004-2024 ParentingBanter.com.
The comments are property of their posters.