New Mother - 10 wk old shares our bed... help?!

Ok... I have been doing a lot of research online lately... It seems
that the "family bed" is everywhere. No matter what I type into the
search engine, this topic pops up in almost every result.

My dilemma, if it is even a dilemma... My 10 week old sleeps in bed
with me and my boyfriend. She sleeps through the night and everything.
I have a GRACO pack and play with the bassinet - she will not sleep in
this at all (She slept in it maybe the first week). Everyone warned me
about letting her sleep in bed with us and at first me and my boyfriend
were like "We Don't Care" what others think... Especially since one of
her first nights home, my daughter began choking on her own spit-up...
I woke up to her choking, sputtering and gasping for air. This scared
me and in turn, she ended up in bed with us. Now going with what other
mothers have said, I am so much more aware of her in bed with us... So
much so that I position myself in certain ways as to not disturb her
and 99% of the time wake up with some aches.

I have tried putting her in her crib, several times... She sleeps
fairly well in there, but only for about 3 hours or so... Then after
waiting a few minutes to see if she will fall back asleep, she ends up
back in our bed...

Is there a way for me to get her into her crib? It really isn't a
problem.... I mean, I personally enjoy sleeping next to her... But in
the same aspect, I miss sleeping alone with my boyfriend... And even
though he says it doens't bother him, I feel like there are nights
where he wishes we could sleep alone. Also, I a friend who has 2
girls, 5 and 2. Neither of whom will sleep in their own beds... My
thing is that I do not want my daughter to start school and have the
issue of not sleeping in her bed. Also... I don't want my daughter to
be so dependent upon us sleeping with her that she won't go to sleep
without us.... I guess i broke all of the rules.

PLEASe HELP! I just really need some advice... I know some people
turn their noses up to sharing a bed... But I don't care.... I have
noticed several people who have stated that it wasn't difficult to make
the transition into their own beds... How'd you do it?

writes:

: PLEASe HELP! I just really need some advice... I know some people
: turn their noses up to sharing a bed... But I don't care.... I have
: noticed several people who have stated that it wasn't difficult to make
: the transition into their own beds... How'd you do it?

This is posted on mkp, so I am not sure... Are you breastfeeding? Some
may not agree, but night nursing is much easier if you are co-sleeping.
I think that if co-sleeping works for you, you should ignore the nay
sayers as long as you follow the guidelines for safe co-sleeping.

(another wonderful poster with time can post what they are...)

As for transitioning out, what we did was put a single bed next to
ours at about 7 months, and move the baby to that. This allowd mommy
easy access to nurse, but gave us more room for ourselves. Our oldest,
we moved out of our room at 15 months, and our youngest at about 2 years.

Larry

Just from my experience, the kid I let sleep with me had the least
problems sleeping alone later!

What I did with him, and what I'll will do with my 22 month old soon,
is at some point I started having him sleep on a mattress on the floor.
So I could still nurse him to sleep lying down, and then I'd bring him
back in bed with me the first time he woke. Later, I started going in
to nurse him back down on the mattress. Then I started going in and
reassuring him, and saying I'd come back to nurse him after I went to
the bathroom. He would usually fall back asleep on his own.
Eventually the waking stopped.

Leslie

wrote in message
ups.com...
Ok... I have been doing a lot of research online lately... It seems
that the "family bed" is everywhere. No matter what I type into the
search engine, this topic pops up in almost every result.

My dilemma, if it is even a dilemma... My 10 week old sleeps in bed
with me and my boyfriend. She sleeps through the night and everything.
I have a GRACO pack and play with the bassinet - she will not sleep in
this at all (She slept in it maybe the first week). Everyone warned me
about letting her sleep in bed with us and at first me and my boyfriend
were like "We Don't Care" what others think... Especially since one of
her first nights home, my daughter began choking on her own spit-up...
I woke up to her choking, sputtering and gasping for air. This scared
me and in turn, she ended up in bed with us. Now going with what other
mothers have said, I am so much more aware of her in bed with us... So
much so that I position myself in certain ways as to not disturb her
and 99% of the time wake up with some aches.

I have tried putting her in her crib, several times... She sleeps
fairly well in there, but only for about 3 hours or so... Then after
waiting a few minutes to see if she will fall back asleep, she ends up
back in our bed...

Is there a way for me to get her into her crib? It really isn't a
problem.... I mean, I personally enjoy sleeping next to her... But in
the same aspect, I miss sleeping alone with my boyfriend... And even
though he says it doens't bother him, I feel like there are nights
where he wishes we could sleep alone. Also, I a friend who has 2
girls, 5 and 2. Neither of whom will sleep in their own beds... My
thing is that I do not want my daughter to start school and have the
issue of not sleeping in her bed. Also... I don't want my daughter to
be so dependent upon us sleeping with her that she won't go to sleep
without us.... I guess i broke all of the rules.

PLEASe HELP! I just really need some advice... I know some people
turn their noses up to sharing a bed... But I don't care.... I have
noticed several people who have stated that it wasn't difficult to make
the transition into their own beds... How'd you do it?

First off, some *love* cp-sleeping and others *hate* it. For some, it's the
best thing, for others, the worst.
Here's my opinion... When DS was born, he had his own crib. It was in my
bedroom, not 3 feet away from my bed. Because he was up every 4 hours
during the night, I had him in bed with me to make nursing easier. For me,
that was a huge mistake. At first I thought whatever, not a big deal. My
mom warned me that it could very well turn into a problem for him sleeping
in his own bed. Co-sleeping is NOT for me.
It eventually got to where DS would not sleep anywhere but in bed right
beside me, and for me, that was a major pain. I did want him to sleep in
his own crib and on his own. By the time I realized that this was a problem
for me, it was a bit late.
What I eventually did was kind of wean him out of my bed and into his own.
He was almost a year old by the time he was totally and completely sleeping
in his own crib. At about 6 months, that was when I realized he was not
going to sleep without me and that yes, he was relying on me to go to sleep.
I started slowly by putting him down for daytime naps in his crib. It was a
rough start, but if co-sleeping with your daughter is not for you (and/or
your boyfriend) then decide that and stick to it. If co-sleeping is for
you, then it sure seems like you're doing a good job with it. You have to
decide what is best for you - as well as your baby and boyfriend.
Some things you *could* try that I found worked for me was:
*Putting the baby to sleep for naps during the day in the
crib/basinette/whatever - her own bed.
*Put her to sleep with an article of your clothing. This could and should
be something light and simple - a nightgown, t-shirt, your pillowcase (NOT
your pillow) or just anything that has your scent on it that can offer that
familiar smell of you, and use it as a blanket for her.
*DON'T back down and put her in bed with you if your intentions are to have
her not sleep in your bed. It would cause more problems, IMO, if you're
putting her to sleep in bed with you every other night.
*For nights, at the beginning, allow her to fall asleep in your bed beside
you, then move her to her own bed once she's asleep. If she wakes up, stay
up with her until she falls asleep again, and this can be in your arms in a
chair, on the bed, whatever.

wrote:
PLEASe HELP! I just really need some advice... I know some people
turn their noses up to sharing a bed... But I don't care.... I have
noticed several people who have stated that it wasn't difficult to make
the transition into their own beds... How'd you do it?

Micah slept with me for the first 5 months, and then he was moved into
his crib. I won't lie -- it wasn't easy, and we ended up doing CIO.
*But*, his problem was going down to sleep by himself, and it was just
as bad trying to get him to sleep in my bed as it was in the crib --
he'd wake up as soon as I got up to leave, and since I didn't really
want to go to sleep at 7PM, well...

He's a great sleeper now (cross fingers; we just went through another
rough patch when he moved out of his crib to a bed, but he seems to be
fine again now). So there are alternatives between full-on indefinite
co-sleeping and cribbing from day 1. People who told me I was spoiling
him and he'd never sleep by himself were wrong.

Em
mama to Micah, 11/14/04

wrote in message

Is there a way for me to get her into her crib? It really isn't a
problem.... I mean, I personally enjoy sleeping next to her...{snipped}
Also, I a friend who has 2
girls, 5 and 2. Neither of whom will sleep in their own beds...

I have a 4.5 year old and a 15 month old, both of whom sleep/slept in my bed
from birth. The 4.5 year old is in her own room now, sleeps through the
night and did it of her own accord. There was no trauma involved, no crying
it out, nothing. She moved in about 3 months ago. We made a big deal of
redecorating her room in a theme she picked. She helped with the
preparations. We told her she was not allowed to sleep in there until it
was all done. One day she whined "when will it be done, I want to sleep in
there?", so we spent that weekend finishing it up and she has slept there
ever since. We told her she was welcome back in our bed if she was ever
lonely/scared/whatever, but this has happened only one time. I was like you
and v worried that she would NEVER get in her own bed, but she did it, in
her own time, and that to me, says we did something right. I was happy to
let her stay in our bed for longer if I felt she needed it though, and I
don't know if you are willing to wait 4 (or maybe more?) years. We did have
a sidecar arrangement with the crib for about a year, and gradually moved it
further away from our bed so that she was not actually sleeping *with* us,
but we always framed it positively, like "It's easier for you to get out of
bed this way", and "It's closer to the door so you can get downstairs in the
morning quicker", etc.

But in
the same aspect, I miss sleeping alone with my boyfriend... And even
though he says it doens't bother him, I feel like there are nights
where he wishes we could sleep alone.

My husband sometimes sleeps in another bed and we realize that this is
temporary. We had 6 years of marriage to share a bed together, and we
anticipate several more years of doing so after my youngest transitions into
his own bed. It's a temporary situation as far as we are concerned, and is
just one of the aspects of parenting.

My
thing is that I do not want my daughter to start school and have the
issue of not sleeping in her bed.

What does school have to do with where she sleeps? This has never come up
as a discussion point for my daughter and her friends??? Just curious!

Also... I don't want my daughter to
be so dependent upon us sleeping with her that she won't go to sleep
without us.... I guess i broke all of the rules.

Check out this article : http://www.momszone.org/pop_article.php?id=436 You
followed ALL the rules

Just my opinion, but I wouldn't (didn't!) sweat it. If you can be patient
and you enjoy it, no problem. Deal with the future when it's here. If she
gets to2 or 3 or 4 and you don't like it, worry about it then. Don't fix it
if it ain't broke!

Thank you so much for the advice... I have my days where I want to put
her in her bed and some where I just love watching her sleep and
sleeping next to her. It's funny because not only has it become a
habit for her, it has for me as well... Its almost like we are both
dependent upon each other to sleep.

I do feel the best thing for her will be to sleep in her own bed.
Independence is key... I want her to feel like she is her own person
and she is strong... And it's nice to know that she misses me - And
she needs to know that if I am gone, I will be back, no matter what.

Thanks again... I really appreciate it!


First off, some *love* cp-sleeping and others *hate* it. For some, it's the
best thing, for others, the worst.
Here's my opinion... When DS was born, he had his own crib. It was in my
bedroom, not 3 feet away from my bed. Because he was up every 4 hours
during the night, I had him in bed with me to make nursing easier. For me,
that was a huge mistake. At first I thought whatever, not a big deal. My
mom warned me that it could very well turn into a problem for him sleeping
in his own bed. Co-sleeping is NOT for me.
It eventually got to where DS would not sleep anywhere but in bed right
beside me, and for me, that was a major pain. I did want him to sleep in
his own crib and on his own. By the time I realized that this was a problem
for me, it was a bit late.
What I eventually did was kind of wean him out of my bed and into his own.
He was almost a year old by the time he was totally and completely sleeping
in his own crib. At about 6 months, that was when I realized he was not
going to sleep without me and that yes, he was relying on me to go to sleep.
I started slowly by putting him down for daytime naps in his crib. It was a
rough start, but if co-sleeping with your daughter is not for you (and/or
your boyfriend) then decide that and stick to it. If co-sleeping is for
you, then it sure seems like you're doing a good job with it. You have to
decide what is best for you - as well as your baby and boyfriend.
Some things you *could* try that I found worked for me was:
*Putting the baby to sleep for naps during the day in the
crib/basinette/whatever - her own bed.
*Put her to sleep with an article of your clothing. This could and should
be something light and simple - a nightgown, t-shirt, your pillowcase (NOT
your pillow) or just anything that has your scent on it that can offer that
familiar smell of you, and use it as a blanket for her.
*DON'T back down and put her in bed with you if your intentions are to have
her not sleep in your bed. It would cause more problems, IMO, if you're
putting her to sleep in bed with you every other night.
*For nights, at the beginning, allow her to fall asleep in your bed beside
you, then move her to her own bed once she's asleep. If she wakes up, stay
up with her until she falls asleep again, and this can be in your arms in a
chair, on the bed, whatever.

wrote in message
ups.com...
Ok... I have been doing a lot of research online lately... It seems
that the "family bed" is everywhere. No matter what I type into the
search engine, this topic pops up in almost every result.

My dilemma, if it is even a dilemma... My 10 week old sleeps in bed
with me and my boyfriend. She sleeps through the night and everything.
I have a GRACO pack and play with the bassinet - she will not sleep in
this at all (She slept in it maybe the first week). Everyone warned me
about letting her sleep in bed with us and at first me and my boyfriend
were like "We Don't Care" what others think... Especially since one of
her first nights home, my daughter began choking on her own spit-up...
I woke up to her choking, sputtering and gasping for air. This scared
me and in turn, she ended up in bed with us. Now going with what other
mothers have said, I am so much more aware of her in bed with us... So
much so that I position myself in certain ways as to not disturb her
and 99% of the time wake up with some aches.

I have tried putting her in her crib, several times... She sleeps
fairly well in there, but only for about 3 hours or so... Then after
waiting a few minutes to see if she will fall back asleep, she ends up
back in our bed...

Is there a way for me to get her into her crib? It really isn't a
problem.... I mean, I personally enjoy sleeping next to her... But in
the same aspect, I miss sleeping alone with my boyfriend... And even
though he says it doens't bother him, I feel like there are nights
where he wishes we could sleep alone. Also, I a friend who has 2
girls, 5 and 2. Neither of whom will sleep in their own beds... My
thing is that I do not want my daughter to start school and have the
issue of not sleeping in her bed. Also... I don't want my daughter to
be so dependent upon us sleeping with her that she won't go to sleep
without us.... I guess i broke all of the rules.

PLEASe HELP! I just really need some advice... I know some people
turn their noses up to sharing a bed... But I don't care.... I have
noticed several people who have stated that it wasn't difficult to make
the transition into their own beds... How'd you do it?

There's a great product called a "snuggle nest" or something like that. We
used it with our second and it was invaluable. It's a rigid frame covered
in foam and a little mattress. It's designed for the baby to sleep between
you, up high by the pillows, but still in her own space. Ideally, once
she's comfortable in here, you can move the entire thing into a bassinet or
crib.

My daughter ended up loving her crib once we moved to our house when she was
2 months old, but babies like to be near people, so it's natural that she's
sleeping with you. Don't pressure yourself too much about this, she's
sooooooo little still and you have plenty of time to transition her to her
own sleeping space.

HTH,

Jen

wrote:
Thank you so much for the advice... I have my days where I want to
put her in her bed and some where I just love watching her sleep and
sleeping next to her. It's funny because not only has it become a
habit for her, it has for me as well... Its almost like we are both
dependent upon each other to sleep.

I do feel the best thing for her will be to sleep in her own bed.
Independence is key... I want her to feel like she is her own person
and she is strong... And it's nice to know that she misses me - And
she needs to know that if I am gone, I will be back, no matter what.

Thanks again... I really appreciate it!

I'm not commenting on the family bed issue at all, but did want to make a
comment about the independance issue...10 weeks is not the time to worry
about fostering a sense of independance. Really. She's just a baby.
Babies NEED their mommies. Worry about helping her feel like her own person
when she's 2 or 3 or 4 or 5, but not during this tiny bit of time when she's
totally dependant on you for everything. Put her to sleep where you want to
put her to sleep, but don't do it to foster a sense of independance.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password

wrote:
Ok... I have been doing a lot of research online lately... It seems
that the "family bed" is everywhere. No matter what I type into the
search engine, this topic pops up in almost every result.

I do not like co-sleeping. I can't sleep with a baby next to me. Both
my babies slept in a crib right next to my bed where I could watch them
and hear if they had any problems. I put DD1 to bed in her crib every
night and she was good until about 4:00 am when she wanted to be with
me. At 4:00, I brought her to bed with me because that's what she
needed. I rarely slept past 4:00 because I can't sleep with a baby
next to me. That lasted a few months until she was used to sleeping in
her crib. I'm glad that I had her spend part of every night in her
crib so that it wasn't a big transition for her. I'm also glad that I
brought her into my bed at 4:00 am every night because I feel that it
made her feel secure. I moved her into her own room at 6 months
without any problems. She's a champion sleeper that asks to go to bed
when she's tired and never wakes us up in the night. DD2 is only 3
weeks old right now. I doing a similar thing with her. She sleeps
part of every night in her crib but them comes to bed with me when she
needs me. I'm hoping to be as successful with baby 2.

My big question for co-sleepers is what do you do when the baby is old
enough to roll around and therefore isn't safe alone in an adult bed
and they need to be in bed at 7:00 and you want to stay up until 10:00?

Mandy (fairly rested)