Venting: Stuck at home....

Hi all!

I'm new here, but I needed a place to rant about my family, and I
wondered if anyone else goes through this, or if it's just me. Am I
being selfish?

I am 25 years old, and I have 3 great kids, aged 4 1/2, 3, and 17 mos.
My in-laws live about 25 min. from my house, and I don't know anyone
else in the town I live in. My hubby works 7:30-4:15 every day except
Tues. & Wed., and I'm a full-time SAHM. Here's my problem: when I had
my first daughter, my in-laws told us that they'd always be happy to
watch our kids, no matter how many we had (they have 12 themselves).
Their oldest daughter was enthusiastic, and she was a great babysitter
while I had her. Now, whenever I try and get anyone there to babysit,
either they are too busy/tired (not a problem, since MIL is a Spec. Ed
teacher, so I understand that part), or they're already booked by my
former next-door neighbor, who was my friend (she has 1 son). T (my
SIL) is constantly telling me "oh, I have to watch ***'s kid," or "I
have to work tonight, and I'm watching *** tomorrow." So I'm stuck at
home on my hubby's nights off. I haven't been out with him in about 2
months, and I feel really trapped sometimes.

And then, there are times when I don't get to go out, but everyone
(And I am not exaggerating there) does, and then a few of them come
back to me and say, "Oh my God we had such a great time, it was sooooo
awesome! We did this and that and this and then we went here and met
up with **** and decided to go out for this." They KNOW how upset I
was that we were once again stuck without a babysitter, but still feel
the need to tell me how much FUN they had without us!

Now, don't get me wrong - I LOVE my kids (I love them so much I'm
having a 4th in May of 2005!) But I'm home with them all day, all
week, and once in a while (maybe once a month?) I'd like to go out
alone with their father. Is that wrong? Should I feel bad for even
asking his parents to watch the kids (as I usually do - it seems like
I am inconveniencing them by going out)? I talked to one of my friends
about this earlier, and he told me to "focus on the positive; everyone
has problems." It seemed to me that he was brushing off my feelings,
telling me that how I felt was somehow (in some small part, anyway)
wrong. He said that I should basically be happy with what I DO have.
But why shouldn't I be able to go on a date with my hubby every once
in a while? I thought alone-time (besides sex) was important to a
married couple's relationship?

I don't know. I'm sorry this is so long. I just needed a place to vent
out my frustrations. Thanks a lot for any advice anyone might have.

G

gtonello wrote:

Hi all!

I'm new here, but I needed a place to rant about my family, and I
wondered if anyone else goes through this, or if it's just me. Am I
being selfish?

I am 25 years old, and I have 3 great kids, aged 4 1/2, 3, and 17 mos.
My in-laws live about 25 min. from my house, and I don't know anyone
else in the town I live in. My hubby works 7:30-4:15 every day except
Tues. & Wed., and I'm a full-time SAHM. Here's my problem: when I had
my first daughter, my in-laws told us that they'd always be happy to
watch our kids, no matter how many we had (they have 12 themselves).
Their oldest daughter was enthusiastic, and she was a great babysitter
while I had her. Now, whenever I try and get anyone there to babysit,
either they are too busy/tired (not a problem, since MIL is a Spec. Ed
teacher, so I understand that part), or they're already booked by my
former next-door neighbor, who was my friend (she has 1 son). T (my
SIL) is constantly telling me "oh, I have to watch ***'s kid," or "I
have to work tonight, and I'm watching *** tomorrow." So I'm stuck at
home on my hubby's nights off. I haven't been out with him in about 2
months, and I feel really trapped sometimes.

And then, there are times when I don't get to go out, but everyone
(And I am not exaggerating there) does, and then a few of them come
back to me and say, "Oh my God we had such a great time, it was sooooo
awesome! We did this and that and this and then we went here and met
up with **** and decided to go out for this." They KNOW how upset I
was that we were once again stuck without a babysitter, but still feel
the need to tell me how much FUN they had without us!

Now, don't get me wrong - I LOVE my kids (I love them so much I'm
having a 4th in May of 2005!) But I'm home with them all day, all
week, and once in a while (maybe once a month?) I'd like to go out
alone with their father. Is that wrong? Should I feel bad for even
asking his parents to watch the kids (as I usually do - it seems like
I am inconveniencing them by going out)? I talked to one of my friends
about this earlier, and he told me to "focus on the positive; everyone
has problems." It seemed to me that he was brushing off my feelings,
telling me that how I felt was somehow (in some small part, anyway)
wrong. He said that I should basically be happy with what I DO have.
But why shouldn't I be able to go on a date with my hubby every once
in a while? I thought alone-time (besides sex) was important to a
married couple's relationship?

I don't know. I'm sorry this is so long. I just needed a place to vent
out my frustrations. Thanks a lot for any advice anyone might have.

G

Book your SIL a couple of months in advance? Find a different babysitter?

Clisby

gtonello wrote:

Hi all!



seems like
I am inconveniencing them by going out)? I talked to one of my friends
about this earlier, and he told me to "focus on the positive; everyone
has problems." It seemed to me that he was brushing off my feelings,
telling me that how I felt was somehow (in some small part, anyway)
wrong. He said that I should basically be happy with what I DO have.
But why shouldn't I be able to go on a date with my hubby every once
in a while? I thought alone-time (besides sex) was important to a
married couple's relationship?

I don't know. I'm sorry this is so long. I just needed a place to vent
out my frustrations. Thanks a lot for any advice anyone might have.

G

Why not do what most people do who don't live near relatives - hire a
sitter! Ask around and find a reliable teenage girl who enjoys
babysitting for extra money. You don't even have to go out for long (I
know it can get expensive), just out to dinner for an hour or two is
fun. Or find another young couple with kids and do a 'swap', where you
watch their kids while the couple goes out and the next time they watch
your kids and you get to go out. No cost involved, and works out really
well.

I don't think its unreasonable for you to ask you relatives to watch the
kids once in awhile, but if they aren't willing to do it, or if its
causing some hardship on them and they're grumbling about it, rather
than feel trapped and bugged at them, just take charge and figure out
another way to get some time with your husband.

cara

"gtonello" wrote in message
m...
Hi all!

I'm new here, but I needed a place to rant about my family, and I
wondered if anyone else goes through this, or if it's just me. Am I
being selfish?



My advice would be don't rely on the family to babysit your kids. Try and
find a teenager or someone in your neighborhood who's willing to babysit for
you. I have no family at all in this area. As a matter of fact, my closest
relatives are more than 1500 miles away. If I want to go out, I usually ask
the teenage girl next door to come over with a friend and watch my oldest 3
for a while.
My MIL came to visit after I had DD4, to help, and decided she couldn't
handle all 3 of the oldest at once. So even if she lived close, I'd never
ask her to babysit.

Denise

Hi -

Find someone near you who can exchange babysitting with you. (Since
you've got more kids than the average, you may need to farm them out in
pairs, but you should still be able to do it.)

Next, talk with your family -- anyone old enough to sit, like those
inlaws of yours -- and explain the problem. Ask if your kids are too
much for them to handle, or if you can trade some kind of daytime
assistance, or whatever. Find out WHY you're always at the bottom of
the list. Maybe you DO need to book longer in advance? Or maybe your
family is overwhelmed with the quantity of youngsters. (It's harder to
keep up with small kids when you're older.) Maybe, if you can't afford
to hire a sitter, your family could help you pay for one from time to
time.

Next, visit with family during the day. Get your kids more used to the
adults who will be part of their lives, and get those adults more
comfortable with your kids.

Hope this helps,
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

toto wrote:


Call the YMCA or YWCA and ask if they have a list of
sitters who took their babysitting class. Go to the local
colleges or junior colleges and see if their is a bulletin
board where sitters have advertised and call and
interview them.


This is a good idea - you also could check with area preschools to see
if they know of any good sitters. At the preschool my children
attended, a couple of the teachers did extra babysitting.

Clisby

In article , gtonello says...

Hi all!

I'm new here, but I needed a place to rant about my family, and I
wondered if anyone else goes through this, or if it's just me. Am I
being selfish?

I am 25 years old, and I have 3 great kids, aged 4 1/2, 3, and 17 mos.
My in-laws live about 25 min. from my house, and I don't know anyone
else in the town I live in. My hubby works 7:30-4:15 every day except
Tues. & Wed., and I'm a full-time SAHM. Here's my problem: when I had
my first daughter, my in-laws told us that they'd always be happy to
watch our kids, no matter how many we had (they have 12 themselves).
Their oldest daughter was enthusiastic, and she was a great babysitter
while I had her. Now, whenever I try and get anyone there to babysit,
either they are too busy/tired (not a problem, since MIL is a Spec. Ed
teacher, so I understand that part), or they're already booked by my
former next-door neighbor, who was my friend (she has 1 son). T (my
SIL) is constantly telling me "oh, I have to watch ***'s kid," or "I
have to work tonight, and I'm watching *** tomorrow." So I'm stuck at
home on my hubby's nights off. I haven't been out with him in about 2
months, and I feel really trapped sometimes.

Hire thee a babysitter in the neighborhood or from an agency and get off this
relatives-only treadmill.

Banty

On 30 Oct 2004 09:38:00 -0700, (gtonello) wrote:
I am 25 years old, and I have 3 great kids, aged 4 1/2, 3, and 17 mos.
My in-laws live about 25 min. from my house, and I don't know anyone
else in the town I live in. My hubby works 7:30-4:15 every day except
Tues. & Wed., and I'm a full-time SAHM. Here's my problem: when I had
my first daughter, my in-laws told us that they'd always be happy to
watch our kids, no matter how many we had (they have 12 themselves).

If these are your husband's family, have HIM ask them to babysit,
instead of you asking.
Marie

In article , gtonello says...

Hi all!

I'm new here, but I needed a place to rant about my family, and I
wondered if anyone else goes through this, or if it's just me. Am I
being selfish?

I am 25 years old, and I have 3 great kids, aged 4 1/2, 3, and 17 mos.
My in-laws live about 25 min. from my house, and I don't know anyone
else in the town I live in. My hubby works 7:30-4:15 every day except
Tues. & Wed., and I'm a full-time SAHM. Here's my problem: when I had
my first daughter, my in-laws told us that they'd always be happy to
watch our kids, no matter how many we had (they have 12 themselves).
Their oldest daughter was enthusiastic, and she was a great babysitter
while I had her. Now, whenever I try and get anyone there to babysit,

My ds has a schedule like that except that he works second shift, so
he works 3 pm to midnight. He used to be a long haul trucker who was
only home every other weekend.

How about visiting them with your children and dh. They'd probably
like to see him too.

Are you paying your SIL? If not, she may rather sit for pay. I
would not want to impose on my relatives on a regular basis in this
way. This is like inviting someone to your house for dinner and they
never reciprocate. After awhile you get to feel used. What do you do
for them.

either they are too busy/tired (not a problem, since MIL is a Spec. Ed
teacher, so I understand that part), or they're already booked by my
former next-door neighbor, who was my friend (she has 1 son). T (my

She's not still your friend? Has she moved or have you? How about
exchanging babysitting with her. How about just going and visiting
her.

Also if you are calling the day of the night you want someone to sit,
that's WAY too short a notice. It's like calling a girl up Friday
afternoon and saying, "Are you busy tonight? Want to watch a video?
Come over here but drop by Blockbuster on your way and BTW some bring
snacks"

SIL) is constantly telling me "oh, I have to watch ***'s kid," or "I
have to work tonight, and I'm watching *** tomorrow." So I'm stuck at
home on my hubby's nights off. I haven't been out with him in about 2
months, and I feel really trapped sometimes.

Go out during the day. Take the kids with you. Walk around in the
neighborhood with the littlest ones in a stroller. Walk around in
good weather when your neighbor are out in the yard working and get to
know your neighbors.. Go to the library. Get the local paper and
pick out something each week to go to. (Outdoors while the weather is
still good enough for that - that's easier with kids.) Stop sitting
at home feeling sorry for yourself.


grandma Rosalie

The feeling of being stuck at home is common to most SAHM's. We see the
walls of our house and the kids 24/7. I also do daycare, so I find that I
have not adult stimulation. Being told about how much fun others
had..definatly is no fun for you. WE SAHM's resent the fact that we can't
go out, and meet other people in the evenings and hate hearing about how
much fun our former friends had when they went out.
You need to look for a sitter in the area. put an add up or ask some other
people around with children who they get, maybe there sitter is
available..and if not.. mabye their sitter has a friend who is. I am sure
that you will find someone. Try a few different people and just go to the
store, leaving them for only 20 -40 minutes... long enough for your kids to
adjust and long enough for the sitter to have time with them. Take them to
the park with the sitter...and get her to play with them while you are there
reading a book..to get used of her. Most of all don';t ecpect that your
MIL or SIl owe you because they are family, if you are lucky that they sit
for you..great..if they don't want to ..well it was your choice to have
kids.... and they don't "owe" you sitting duities



"gtonello" wrote in message
m...
Hi all!

I'm new here, but I needed a place to rant about my family, and I
wondered if anyone else goes through this, or if it's just me. Am I
being selfish?

I am 25 years old, and I have 3 great kids, aged 4 1/2, 3, and 17 mos.
My in-laws live about 25 min. from my house, and I don't know anyone
else in the town I live in. My hubby works 7:30-4:15 every day except
Tues. & Wed., and I'm a full-time SAHM. Here's my problem: when I had
my first daughter, my in-laws told us that they'd always be happy to
watch our kids, no matter how many we had (they have 12 themselves).
Their oldest daughter was enthusiastic, and she was a great babysitter
while I had her. Now, whenever I try and get anyone there to babysit,
either they are too busy/tired (not a problem, since MIL is a Spec. Ed
teacher, so I understand that part), or they're already booked by my
former next-door neighbor, who was my friend (she has 1 son). T (my
SIL) is constantly telling me "oh, I have to watch ***'s kid," or "I
have to work tonight, and I'm watching *** tomorrow." So I'm stuck at
home on my hubby's nights off. I haven't been out with him in about 2
months, and I feel really trapped sometimes.

And then, there are times when I don't get to go out, but everyone
(And I am not exaggerating there) does, and then a few of them come
back to me and say, "Oh my God we had such a great time, it was sooooo
awesome! We did this and that and this and then we went here and met
up with **** and decided to go out for this." They KNOW how upset I
was that we were once again stuck without a babysitter, but still feel
the need to tell me how much FUN they had without us!

Now, don't get me wrong - I LOVE my kids (I love them so much I'm
having a 4th in May of 2005!) But I'm home with them all day, all
week, and once in a while (maybe once a month?) I'd like to go out
alone with their father. Is that wrong? Should I feel bad for even
asking his parents to watch the kids (as I usually do - it seems like
I am inconveniencing them by going out)? I talked to one of my friends
about this earlier, and he told me to "focus on the positive; everyone
has problems." It seemed to me that he was brushing off my feelings,
telling me that how I felt was somehow (in some small part, anyway)
wrong. He said that I should basically be happy with what I DO have.
But why shouldn't I be able to go on a date with my hubby every once
in a while? I thought alone-time (besides sex) was important to a
married couple's relationship?

I don't know. I'm sorry this is so long. I just needed a place to vent
out my frustrations. Thanks a lot for any advice anyone might have.

G