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  #1  
Old September 24th 07, 05:36 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
xkatx
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Posts: 690
Default Family attacks?

We had quite the interesting afternoon today...
Went to my parents' place for dinner. DD2 is 11 months old now - wow, 11
months, actually, tomorrow - and is still nursing strong. She will take a
sippy cup (the straw-type sippy cup ONLY) and normally I'll give her either
just water or a watered down juice in her sippy cup. She is mainly
breastfed still and has a varied diet and will eat what we eat.
She still nurses quite a bit. Early morning she will nurse. She'll nurse
again just before her morning nap. She'll nurse again right after lunch,
just before her afternoon nap. I also normally nurse her before supper and
on occasion, she will have an early evening nap (this is only on occasion)
and she nurses before bed. She also still wakes up at night more often than
not. Usually each night, maybe 1x a week she will not wake at night to
feed. I know she does this out of habit, but it's not a big deal to me with
her waking at night. She still seems to take a boob quite a bit, and I've
heard that for the first 12 months, the main source of nutrition should be
from breast milk - or am I wrong or mistaken with this?
Well, today at my parents' place, DD2 had missed her afternoon nap and was a
bit cranky. We were playing a board game (I was with N, my mom and grandma)
and I took DD2 and started to nurse her. Both my mom and grandma said she's
far too old to be nursing still and really gave me a hard time. I stuck to
my guns that we'll (and I did make sure I made it "we") wean either when
she's ready or when she's too big for me to hold comfortably in my arms. I
can still nurse her with one hand/arm. She's not even a year, and I had
told my mom the usual of "pediatrician says..." My mom said that by her
age, I was drinking regular homo milk out of a cup. I even went so far as
to hold DD2 up to my ear and when she made a babble sound, pulled her away
and put her in my lap and said something like, "Hm... Just as I thought...
She didn't moo at me like a baby cow - she babbled like a baby human!" DD2
does take some homo milk - she will eat soups made with some milk in it,
she's never had a problem with that, but I've never given her a cup of milk
yet. Only breast milk.
Normally my mom has always been the most supportive of breastfeeding. She
still is the most support in my family, but she's also not really keen on
nursing past 6 months or so - she even pointed out that we were all on cow's
milk by the time we were 6-8 months old at the oldest. This was, also,
18-24 years ago (my youngest brother is now 18) and I've pointed out how
things have all changed over all those years and I am doing what I feel and
know is best for my baby (and babies) and what is recommended by the ped.
It's just so frustrating. They were both on my case, it felt, anyways. N
couldn't even say a word about it, really.
My grandma said something about how I had been looking for a very part time
job in the evenings. I actually found a part time job that I've taken from
about 6pm-10pm and I've figured it out on how I can make it work for mainly
DD2 and I and made my available hours around DD2 and nursing. N piped up
that it was alright, he'd give DD2 some regular milk while I was away if she
wanted some milk. I snapped at him, just about, and told him that I would
seriously hope and trust that he would NOT go against something that I have
made clear from the start that was important to me and that I had hoped he
would stand with me on, not against me behind my back.
I dunno... I kind of just felt like I was trapped in a corner with my mom
and grandma giving me their advice - that I had neither wanted nor
requested - and then N had to offer his 2¢ which I didn't feel helped much.
With N's comment, though, I wasn't sure if he was joking for my
grandma/mom's sake or serious on, but either way, I'm wondering if this
situation could be handled better next time as I do feel there will be a
next, and next, and next time. There's been a couple of these so far, but
not as attacking as this one was today.
Is there any ideas out there on some ways to stand your ground with
something like this? I've already made the decision that, really, breast is
best, and I've already decided that DD2 and I will continue our nursing
until a) she weans herself or b) she's far too big and awkward for me to
still hold in my arms fairly comfortably. My mom said that 'toddlers' don't
*need* to nurse. I, personally, am not one who plans to nurse until DD2 is
like 3 or 4, but she's not even a year old. I nursed DS full time until he
was a year old (although by about 6-7 months he would take a sippy cup of
EBM) and then continued to nurse him at home in the morning and evening
until he self-weaned around 18 months.
I'm tired of feeling attacked, I guess, and that's about it.


  #2  
Old September 24th 07, 05:53 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Chris
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 264
Default Family attacks?

On Sep 24, 12:36�am, "xkatx" wrote:
We had quite the interesting afternoon today...
*Went to my parents' place for dinner. *DD2 is 11 months old now - wow, 11
months, actually, tomorrow - and is still nursing strong. *She will take a
sippy cup (the straw-type sippy cup ONLY) and normally I'll give her either
just water or a watered down juice in her sippy cup. *She is mainly
breastfed still and has a varied diet and will eat what we eat.
She still nurses quite a bit. *Early morning she will nurse. *She'll nurse
again just before her morning nap. *She'll nurse again right after lunch,
just before her afternoon nap. *I also normally nurse her before supper and
on occasion, she will have an early evening nap (this is only on occasion)
and she nurses before bed. *She also still wakes up at night more often than
not. *Usually each night, maybe 1x a week she will not wake at night to
feed. *I know she does this out of habit, but it's not a big deal to me with
her waking at night. *She still seems to take a boob quite a bit, and I've
heard that for the first 12 months, the main source of nutrition should be
from breast milk - or am I wrong or mistaken with this?
Well, today at my parents' place, DD2 had missed her afternoon nap and was a
bit cranky. *We were playing a board game (I was with N, my mom and grandma)
and I took DD2 and started to nurse her. *Both my mom and grandma said she's
far too old to be nursing still and really gave me a hard time. *I stuck to
my guns that we'll (and I did make sure I made it "we") wean either when
she's ready or when she's too big for me to hold comfortably in my arms. *I
can still nurse her with one hand/arm. *She's not even a year, and I had
told my mom the usual of "pediatrician says..." *My mom said that by her
age, I was drinking regular homo milk out of a cup. *I even went so far as
to hold DD2 up to my ear and when she made a babble sound, pulled her away
and put her in my lap and said something like, "Hm... Just as I thought...
She didn't moo at me like a baby cow - she babbled like a baby human!" *DD2
does take some homo milk - she will eat soups made with some milk in it,
she's never had a problem with that, but I've never given her a cup of milk
yet. *Only breast milk.
Normally my mom has always been the most supportive of breastfeeding. *She
still is the most support in my family, but she's also not really keen on
nursing past 6 months or so - she even pointed out that we were all on cow's
milk by the time we were 6-8 months old at the oldest. *This was, also,
18-24 years ago (my youngest brother is now 18) and I've pointed out how
things have all changed over all those years and I am doing what I feel and
know is best for my baby (and babies) and what is recommended by the ped.
It's just so frustrating. *They were both on my case, it felt, anyways. *N
couldn't even say a word about it, really.
My grandma said something about how I had been looking for a very part time
job in the evenings. *I actually found a part time job that I've taken from
about 6pm-10pm and I've figured it out on how I can make it work for mainly
DD2 and I and made my available hours around DD2 and nursing. *N piped up
that it was alright, he'd give DD2 some regular milk while I was away if she
wanted some milk. *I snapped at him, just about, and told him that I would
seriously hope and trust that he would NOT go against something that I have
made clear from the start that was important to me and that I had hoped he
would stand with me on, not against me behind my back.
I dunno... I kind of just felt like I was trapped in a corner with my mom
and grandma giving me their advice - that I had neither wanted nor
requested - and then N had to offer his 2¢ which I didn't feel helped much.
With N's comment, though, I wasn't sure if he was joking for my
grandma/mom's sake or serious on, but either way, I'm wondering if this
situation could be handled better next time as I do feel there will be a
next, and next, and next time. *There's been a couple of these so far, but
not as attacking as this one was today.
Is there any ideas out there on some ways to stand your ground with
something like this? *I've already made the decision that, really, breast is
best, and I've already decided that DD2 and I will continue our nursing
until a) she weans herself or b) she's far too big and awkward for me to
still hold in my arms fairly comfortably. *My mom said that 'toddlers' don't
*need* to nurse. *I, personally, am not one who plans to nurse until DD2 is
like 3 or 4, but she's not even a year old. *I nursed DS full time until he
was a year old (although by about 6-7 months he would take a sippy cup of
EBM) and then continued to nurse him at home in the morning and evening
until he self-weaned around 18 months.
I'm tired of feeling attacked, I guess, and that's about it.


I love the moo'ing/babbling cow/baby part. lol. Really, all you can do
is print off some literature on the benefits of nursing at least
through the first year and maybe some on the benefits of extended
nursing. Their generations are waaaay more lax than ours as far as
understanding the changes. Our generation is way more uptight (in
their eyes) and tries a lot harder to do things by the book, when
there was no book in their generation. Either they read and understand
that you are trying to do the best for the baby according to all that
you've learned that you can or you put up with their comments. It also
doesn't hurt to just say outright that while trying to be what they
consider helpful, they are in fact being hurtful. I can't name many
people who continue to try to annoy someone they love or to hurt
someone they love after being told they are. OR Try sticking something
that looks like a booger on your face so that when they look at you
strangely next time you can tell them you thought you'd give them
something odd to talk about or something. lol. Sorry, I'm of no help,
but I've found that people that are "against" it always will be, even
if they pretend they're not to your face. Kind of the
"old dogs - new tricks" thing I guess.

  #3  
Old September 24th 07, 07:18 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
CY[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 27
Default Family attacks?

I have had some of the same issues with my in-laws and what I have done/said
in the past is:

I say "The WHO (World Heath Organization) recommends breastfeeding until at
least aged 2 and thereafter as long as it is mutually acceptable to the
mother and baby". I don't know how much lterature was out there when you
gave birth to {my husband] but there is SO much information out there now
that it's hard to ignore. It's too bad that back then mothers were not
educated about the pitfalls of not breastfeeding. And then I go on to list
the many benefits and the long term effects (obesity, diabetes, breast
cancer etc etc etc.) Often I go on for so long that they get bored and
forget they ever mentioned it Another one that I have heard that is
useful is "I'm going to have a hard enough time not letting him eat things
that are bad for him, why would I stop him from having something that's good
for him?!". If they do persist, I say "Thank you for your input - I'll
certainly bear that in mind". What else can they say after that? Apart
from "It's my frigging baby, and my breasts - if I want to use them for what
they intended, and give my little one the best, what the hell difference
does it make to you?", which is certainly what I WANT to say, LOL.

It's very hard, and I have received a lot of unsolicited advice about my
parenting choices, but at some point you have to ask yourself why they care?
And there's another one 'Why do you ask?", is always a great one for turning
it back on to them Good luck and know that you are doing a very good
thing for your baby, and nobody who knows anything about babies would
question it! My own mother stopped saying anything when I explained that bf
babies have a much less chance of obesity later in life (I wasn't breastfed,
and I struggle with obesity, although I've recently lost almost 20lb - yay!)
and she now realizes that bf'ing isn't such a bad thing (I bf'd my
eldest until she was 4.5 nd my youngest - now 2.5 is still going strong).

It really gets to me why people try to make you wean. It's their OWN
discomfort and is not really keeping your or baby's best interests at heart
and that is REALLY aggravating to me. I could start a whole other rant, but
I won't.

HTH
CY

"xkatx" wrote in message
news9HJi.96181$bO6.70555@edtnps89...

I'm tired of feeling attacked, I guess, and that's about it.



  #4  
Old September 24th 07, 02:26 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Workingmom
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 71
Default Family attacks?

xkatx skrev:
I'm tired of feeling attacked, I guess, and that's about it.


What about not discussing it? "You raised your children like you felt
best - I raise mine as I feel best. You've had your chance, and I don't
recall asking for your advice."

You don't have to defend your choices.

If you really want to take up the discussion then ask them why cow's
milk is better than human milk. Why not milk from a dog, cat, pig or
some other discusting animal you can come up with.

As long as a human being needs milk I see no problem in nursing. And
that would be around 4 years IIRC.

It's simply not NATURAL for a child to suck a cow and not a human!!! ;-)

Tine, Denmark (Who's never discussed child raising with her family. They
never got the chance - period!!!)
  #5  
Old September 24th 07, 11:47 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Sarah Vaughan
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Posts: 443
Default Family attacks?

xkatx wrote:
[...]
Is there any ideas out there on some ways to stand your ground with
something like this?

[...]

Depends on whether you want to deal with an argument about this
particular choice (in which case, I think other people have come up with
good suggestions about how to do it), or whether you want to deal with
the real, underlying issue, which is that they seem to be overstepping
the line and not recognising appropriate limits when it comes to letting
you decide how to bring up your own child.

The problem with getting into an argument over specifics is that, in an
odd sort of way, that can actually reinforce the underlying problem. By
entering into the argument, you're reinforcing the idea that they have
every right to have that argument in the first place and that they
should expect you to defend your views. If you *want* to, fine. If you
just want a quiet life, it might be worth trying to make the point that
it isn't their decision, isn't their business, and they're out of line
asking.

You could of course tell them that in so many words, but, while that
would certainly get the point across, it would also cause a big argument
and a lot of hurt feelings and a pretty bitter aftertaste. So it might
be better to make a joke out of it. A couple of suggestions that are
variations on ones I've used in similar situations (both to be uttered,
please note, with a big grin and in lightly jesting tones):

1. To your mother: "Don't worry, Mom - next time you have a baby, I'll
let you make all the decisions as to exactly how long you want to nurse
her."

2. To your daughter (while she's still too young to understand, since it
wouldn't be fair to her to use it once she's older): "My goodness, DD, I
wonder if I'll have this hard a time standing back and letting you make
the parenting decisions when you're old enough to have your kids! If I
start butting in like this, you must stop me at once! Yes, you must!"
(preferably drivelling off into the most annoying baby-talk tones you
can muster, since that just makes it harder for them to get any sort of
proper discussion going with you).


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

  #6  
Old September 25th 07, 09:44 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
cjra
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,015
Default Family attacks?

On Sep 24, 5:47 pm, Sarah Vaughan wrote:
xkatx wrote:

[...] Is there any ideas out there on some ways to stand your ground with
something like this?


[...]

Depends on whether you want to deal with an argument about this
particular choice (in which case, I think other people have come up with
good suggestions about how to do it), or whether you want to deal with
the real, underlying issue, which is that they seem to be overstepping
the line and not recognising appropriate limits when it comes to letting
you decide how to bring up your own child.

The problem with getting into an argument over specifics is that, in an
odd sort of way, that can actually reinforce the underlying problem. By
entering into the argument, you're reinforcing the idea that they have
every right to have that argument in the first place and that they
should expect you to defend your views. If you *want* to, fine. If you
just want a quiet life, it might be worth trying to make the point that
it isn't their decision, isn't their business, and they're out of line
asking.

You could of course tell them that in so many words, but, while that
would certainly get the point across, it would also cause a big argument
and a lot of hurt feelings and a pretty bitter aftertaste. So it might
be better to make a joke out of it. A couple of suggestions that are
variations on ones I've used in similar situations (both to be uttered,
please note, with a big grin and in lightly jesting tones):

1. To your mother: "Don't worry, Mom - next time you have a baby, I'll
let you make all the decisions as to exactly how long you want to nurse
her."


I agree here.

2. To your daughter (while she's still too young to understand, since it
wouldn't be fair to her to use it once she's older): "My goodness, DD, I
wonder if I'll have this hard a time standing back and letting you make
the parenting decisions when you're old enough to have your kids! If I
start butting in like this, you must stop me at once! Yes, you must!"
(preferably drivelling off into the most annoying baby-talk tones you
can muster, since that just makes it harder for them to get any sort of
proper discussion going with you).


I strongly disagree here. That is extremely passive aggressive which
for me, is the worst thing a person can do. Be straight forward with
the offender, or not at all. don't play silly games which just add
fuel to the fire.

There's really no need to discuss it. A simple "We're doing fine,
thanks." change of topic - maybe over and over again, but that's the
way to stick to your guns. It won't work to try to prove to someone
something they don't want to believe.
Educating is always good, but not amidst an argument which is more
about boundaries than about breastfeeding.

I love the cow baby/human baby comment though ;-)

  #7  
Old October 1st 07, 09:23 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
deja.blues
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Posts: 18
Default Family attacks?


"Workingmom" wrote in message
...
If you really want to take up the discussion then ask them why cow's milk
is better than human milk. Why not milk from a dog, cat, pig or some other
discusting animal you can come up with.


Dogs, cats, and pigs are not disgusting!


  #8  
Old October 2nd 07, 06:24 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Workingmom
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 71
Default Family attacks?

deja.blues skrev:
"Workingmom" wrote in message
...
If you really want to take up the discussion then ask them why cow's milk
is better than human milk. Why not milk from a dog, cat, pig or some other
discusting animal you can come up with.


Dogs, cats, and pigs are not disgusting!


In my opinion they are :-)

At least if they were to nurse me.....

Tine, Denmark
 




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