Any ideas about....

Hello every "single-parents"
My little daughter is trying to keep me busy all the time.
She is totally depended on me.
There is something that makes me worry a lot!. The last week she seems to
discover the new power of tears.
If I don't pay any attention to her for five minutes she starts crying and
tears-drops are appearing to her face.
This is something that I can't even regist for a minute, so I open my arms
and I give her a big hold.
Nowhere else but my job. She becomes so noisy, and ....tears. Is it
normal for a child of her age ( almost two year old- but very clever you
should believe me)
Is she reacting like an actress or is she very sensitive?

On Sun, 28 Dec 2003 00:34:21 +0200, "Tall Kate"
wrote:

Hello every "single-parents"
My little daughter is trying to keep me busy all the time.
She is totally depended on me.
There is something that makes me worry a lot!. The last week she seems to
discover the new power of tears.
If I don't pay any attention to her for five minutes she starts crying and
tears-drops are appearing to her face.
This is something that I can't even regist for a minute, so I open my arms
and I give her a big hold.
Nowhere else but my job. She becomes so noisy, and ....tears. Is it
normal for a child of her age ( almost two year old- but very clever you
should believe me)
Is she reacting like an actress or is she very sensitive?

Neither. She's clever, as you say, and as most children are. She's
learned that crying is an effective way of getting your attention. At
her age, she's probably able to understand blocks of time, so you can
preempt the tears by letting her know the plan ahead of time. "Mommy
has to do a little bit of work now, and then I'll play with you for a
little while." If she knows she's going to have your undivided
attention soon, she'll think it's worth waiting for.

lm

It sounds as a great idea, thank you very much "lm" but in my case
( tested) those very sweet words just could not work.
She repeats "mom hold me, hold me mom, give me a hold, mom, mom,..... and
those tears that make me soft .
So she gets her way.
? "lm" ?????? ??? ??????
...

On Sun, 28 Dec 2003 00:34:21 +0200, "Tall Kate"
wrote:

Hello every "single-parents"
My little daughter is trying to keep me busy all the time.
She is totally depended on me.
There is something that makes me worry a lot!. The last week she seems
to
discover the new power of tears.
If I don't pay any attention to her for five minutes she starts crying
and
tears-drops are appearing to her face.
This is something that I can't even regist for a minute, so I open my
arms
and I give her a big hold.
Nowhere else but my job. She becomes so noisy, and ....tears. Is it
normal for a child of her age ( almost two year old- but very clever you
should believe me)
Is she reacting like an actress or is she very sensitive?

Neither. She's clever, as you say, and as most children are. She's
learned that crying is an effective way of getting your attention. At
her age, she's probably able to understand blocks of time, so you can
preempt the tears by letting her know the plan ahead of time. "Mommy
has to do a little bit of work now, and then I'll play with you for a
little while." If she knows she's going to have your undivided
attention soon, she'll think it's worth waiting for.

lm

If I don't pay any attention to her for five minutes she starts crying and
tears-drops are appearing to her face.
This is something that I can't even regist for a minute, so I open my arms
and I give her a big hold.

Well now you've just trained her to cry if she wants to be held.

She becomes so noisy, and ....tears. Is it
normal for a child of her age ( almost two year old- but very clever you
should believe me)

That is pretty clever for so young a child. At that age I doubt she is being
deliberately manipulative, but if you continue to reward it, it will only get
worse and will become manipulative.

When you do have time, teach her to entertain herself, but I must say that
under two is still pretty young to expect to spend a lot of time taking care of
herself, different kids have different needs. Reward her and hug her when she
is independent and cheerful. But if you are expecting a two year old to spend
a lot of time on her own while you are working, I think that's unrealistic.
you may need to hire some help.

joelle


The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Thank you "Joelle" for the time you spent posting to me.
Some times I am pretty sure that she manipulates me very well, but at the
same time I think she is very young to do this.
Many friends say that all she does to me is nothing but what I teched to
her.
Actually I give her all my attention, because when I come home- after my
work- I spend all the time with my daughter.
There is no leisure time for me. Now she is sleeping , so I can spend some
time with friends,talking, posting etc.
Thank God my parents give me a hand when I work.
( When she sleeps she is an angel ). ....But I can go nowhere because as
soon as she wakes up, she is looking for her mother.And she could wake up
at any time , looking for her mother's hold and kisses...
Ï "Joelle" Ýãñáøå óôï ìÞíõìá
...

If I don't pay any attention to her for five minutes she starts crying
and
tears-drops are appearing to her face.
This is something that I can't even regist for a minute, so I open my
arms
and I give her a big hold.

Well now you've just trained her to cry if she wants to be held.

She becomes so noisy, and ....tears. Is it
normal for a child of her age ( almost two year old- but very clever
you
should believe me)

That is pretty clever for so young a child. At that age I doubt she is
being
deliberately manipulative, but if you continue to reward it, it will only
get
worse and will become manipulative.

When you do have time, teach her to entertain herself, but I must say that
under two is still pretty young to expect to spend a lot of time taking
care of
herself, different kids have different needs. Reward her and hug her when
she
is independent and cheerful. But if you are expecting a two year old to
spend
a lot of time on her own while you are working, I think that's
unrealistic.
you may need to hire some help.

joelle


The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

I pay all my attention to her but I still worry if this is not enough
for my little girl.
But sometimes I think that she reacts like that because she probably
needs her father.
He is not pay many attention to her because he comes to visit his daughter
every three or four weeks -maybe more- and there was time that he even did
not call us for four months and more....(so now my daughter should be
satisfied for keeping such a touch with her bio-father).
He is about forty eight to fifty kilometers from us but he thinks he has
a lot of work to do than to spend his leisure time with his child ( at
the week-ends of course) and that this distance is great enough to keep him
apart of his daughter. He insists that he loves her , because he is sending
me for her feet about EUROS-100 a month and nothing else.( He probably
thinks that the baby is eating nothing but fresh air.... and grows up
only because she should grow up)
I try to teach him pay some attention by playing together with the girl,
to hold her into his arms but he is not behaving like a father .All I do, I
do it for my little girl, so one day she is not accusing me that I try to
keep her father apart( even his parents and his brother and his sister did
not give us a phone call since the day they learn about my pregnancy.....)
? 'Kate ?????? ??? ??????
...

On Sun, 28 Dec 2003 00:34:21 +0200, "Tall Kate"

Hello every "single-parents"
My little daughter is trying to keep me busy all the time.
She is totally depended on me.
There is something that makes me worry a lot!. The last week she seems
to
discover the new power of tears.
If I don't pay any attention to her for five minutes she starts crying
and
tears-drops are appearing to her face.
This is something that I can't even regist for a minute, so I open my
arms
and I give her a big hold.
Nowhere else but my job. She becomes so noisy, and ....tears. Is it
normal for a child of her age ( almost two year old- but very clever you
should believe me)
Is she reacting like an actress or is she very sensitive?

I wouldn't want to label her either. Nothing good can come from that.
Nor should she be able to use tears to manipulate you. But...she's using
them to get attention and hugs. They're not being used to get things
like sweets and toys. Maybe she needs more attention than she is
getting. Do you think that you're giving her enough attention?

'Kate

"Tall Kate" wrote in message
...
It sounds as a great idea, thank you very much "lm" but in my case
( tested) those very sweet words just could not work.
She repeats "mom hold me, hold me mom, give me a hold, mom, mom,..... and
those tears that make me soft .
So she gets her way.

Maybe you could start with a short activity that she understands. At her
age, she is probably potty-training or recently potty-trained, so she is
familiar with the concept and probably thinks of it as very important.
Maybe you could start with "just a minute, Mommy has to go potty, then I'll
hold you". The go into the bathroom briefly, shut the door, come out, and
then hold her. This could get her accustomed to waiting to get what she
needs, and introduces the idea that Mommy has needs too.

Hope that helps,
Joy

? "lm" ?????? ??? ??????
...

On Sun, 28 Dec 2003 00:34:21 +0200, "Tall Kate"
wrote:

Hello every "single-parents"
My little daughter is trying to keep me busy all the time.
She is totally depended on me.
There is something that makes me worry a lot!. The last week she seems
to
discover the new power of tears.
If I don't pay any attention to her for five minutes she starts crying
and
tears-drops are appearing to her face.
This is something that I can't even regist for a minute, so I open my
arms
and I give her a big hold.
Nowhere else but my job. She becomes so noisy, and ....tears. Is it
normal for a child of her age ( almost two year old- but very clever
you
should believe me)
Is she reacting like an actress or is she very sensitive?

Neither. She's clever, as you say, and as most children are. She's
learned that crying is an effective way of getting your attention. At
her age, she's probably able to understand blocks of time, so you can
preempt the tears by letting her know the plan ahead of time. "Mommy
has to do a little bit of work now, and then I'll play with you for a
little while." If she knows she's going to have your undivided
attention soon, she'll think it's worth waiting for.

lm

"Tall Kate" wrote in message
...
Thank you "Joelle" for the time you spent posting to me.
Some times I am pretty sure that she manipulates me very well, but at
the
same time I think she is very young to do this.
Many friends say that all she does to me is nothing but what I teched
to
her.

You could possibly use this as a tool to teach her other things. You
already know that she loves being held and hugged. You can use that as a
reward whenever you catch her doing something you want her to do - if she
plays by herself for a minute or two, offer her a hug and tell her how great
she is doing playing by herself. If she puts her doll away, or pats the dog
nicely, or anything else that you have decided to work on, you could reward
her with a hug (always telling her whatever it is that she did that you
liked). On the other hand, it sounds like having to sit in a chair by
herself for a moment might be a good way to discipline her for NOT doing
what she is supposed to (within reasonable bounds for her age, of course).

Actually I give her all my attention, because when I come home- after my
work- I spend all the time with my daughter.
There is no leisure time for me. Now she is sleeping , so I can spend
some
time with friends,talking, posting etc.
Thank God my parents give me a hand when I work.
( When she sleeps she is an angel ). ....But I can go nowhere because
as
soon as she wakes up, she is looking for her mother.And she could wake
up
at any time , looking for her mother's hold and kisses...

She will eventually become more independent, of course, and then you will
have a little more time to yourself. She might become that way more quickly
if you can figure out how to reward independence, instead of rewarding
whining and crying. That's what I was thinking of when I suggested offering
hugs whenever she plays by herself for a minute or two - always also telling
her verbally what it is that you are rewarding her for, so she understands.

Best wishes - I know needy little ones are tiring.

Joy


Ï "Joelle" Ýãñáøå óôï ìÞíõìá
...

If I don't pay any attention to her for five minutes she starts crying
and
tears-drops are appearing to her face.
This is something that I can't even regist for a minute, so I open
my
arms
and I give her a big hold.

Well now you've just trained her to cry if she wants to be held.

She becomes so noisy, and ....tears. Is it
normal for a child of her age ( almost two year old- but very clever
you
should believe me)

That is pretty clever for so young a child. At that age I doubt she is
being
deliberately manipulative, but if you continue to reward it, it will
only
get
worse and will become manipulative.

When you do have time, teach her to entertain herself, but I must say
that
under two is still pretty young to expect to spend a lot of time taking
care of
herself, different kids have different needs. Reward her and hug her
when
she
is independent and cheerful. But if you are expecting a two year old to
spend
a lot of time on her own while you are working, I think that's
unrealistic.
you may need to hire some help.

joelle


The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle

Hello "Joy" and thank you very much.
I really appreciate the advices you suggested me to follow .I think I am
going keep in mind all your thoughts and teach my little princess to
behave so .
Actually I find the way you think very good, near my philosophy, very
tender and gentle and I hope it will help me a lot.
......But of course not from the very first time and I know it takes a lot
of work to do.
At university -many years ago - I had the experience to follow some
courses about psychology but it was concernig other ages( teens in high
school , young people at college, etc) , so I was totaly unprepared for
my daughter's behavior .
Then a friend suggested me to be in touch with other members of your
group and here I am.
Ï "Joy" fairly_happy_doesn't_need_any_more_spam@withoutsp amyahoo.com
Ýãñáøå óôï ìÞíõìá . ..


"Tall Kate" wrote in message
...
Thank you "Joelle" for the time you spent posting to me.
Some times I am pretty sure that she manipulates me very well, but at
the
same time I think she is very young to do this.
Many friends say that all she does to me is nothing but what I teched
to
her.

You could possibly use this as a tool to teach her other things. You
already know that she loves being held and hugged. You can use that as a
reward whenever you catch her doing something you want her to do - if she
plays by herself for a minute or two, offer her a hug and tell her how
great
she is doing playing by herself. If she puts her doll away, or pats the
dog
nicely, or anything else that you have decided to work on, you could
reward
her with a hug (always telling her whatever it is that she did that you
liked). On the other hand, it sounds like having to sit in a chair by
herself for a moment might be a good way to discipline her for NOT doing
what she is supposed to (within reasonable bounds for her age, of course).

Actually I give her all my attention, because when I come home- after
my
work- I spend all the time with my daughter.
There is no leisure time for me. Now she is sleeping , so I can spend
some
time with friends,talking, posting etc.
Thank God my parents give me a hand when I work.
( When she sleeps she is an angel ). ....But I can go nowhere because
as
soon as she wakes up, she is looking for her mother.And she could
wake
up
at any time , looking for her mother's hold and kisses...

She will eventually become more independent, of course, and then you will
have a little more time to yourself. She might become that way more
quickly
if you can figure out how to reward independence, instead of rewarding
whining and crying. That's what I was thinking of when I suggested
offering
hugs whenever she plays by herself for a minute or two - always also
telling
her verbally what it is that you are rewarding her for, so she
understands.

Best wishes - I know needy little ones are tiring.

Joy


Ï "Joelle" Ýãñáøå óôï ìÞíõìá
...

If I don't pay any attention to her for five minutes she starts
crying
and
tears-drops are appearing to her face.
This is something that I can't even regist for a minute, so I open
my
arms
and I give her a big hold.

Well now you've just trained her to cry if she wants to be held.

She becomes so noisy, and ....tears. Is it
normal for a child of her age ( almost two year old- but very
clever
you
should believe me)

That is pretty clever for so young a child. At that age I doubt she
is
being
deliberately manipulative, but if you continue to reward it, it will
only
get
worse and will become manipulative.

When you do have time, teach her to entertain herself, but I must say
that
under two is still pretty young to expect to spend a lot of time
taking
care of
herself, different kids have different needs. Reward her and hug her
when
she
is independent and cheerful. But if you are expecting a two year old
to
spend
a lot of time on her own while you are working, I think that's
unrealistic.
you may need to hire some help.

joelle


The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page -
St
Augustine
Joelle

ÊáëÜ óïõ ôá ëÝíå ïé Üíèñùðïé!


"Tall Kate" wrote in message
...

I pay all my attention to her but I still worry if this is not enough
for my little girl.
But sometimes I think that she reacts like that because she probably
needs her father.
He is not pay many attention to her because he comes to visit his
daughter
every three or four weeks -maybe more- and there was time that he even
did
not call us for four months and more....(so now my daughter should be
satisfied for keeping such a touch with her bio-father).
He is about forty eight to fifty kilometers from us but he thinks he
has
a lot of work to do than to spend his leisure time with his child ( at
the week-ends of course) and that this distance is great enough to keep
him
apart of his daughter. He insists that he loves her , because he is
sending
me for her feet about EUROS-100 a month and nothing else.( He probably
thinks that the baby is eating nothing but fresh air.... and grows up
only because she should grow up)
I try to teach him pay some attention by playing together with the girl,
to hold her into his arms but he is not behaving like a father .All I do,
I
do it for my little girl, so one day she is not accusing me that I try to
keep her father apart( even his parents and his brother and his sister
did
not give us a phone call since the day they learn about my
pregnancy.....)
? 'Kate ?????? ??? ??????
...

On Sun, 28 Dec 2003 00:34:21 +0200, "Tall Kate"

Hello every "single-parents"
My little daughter is trying to keep me busy all the time.
She is totally depended on me.
There is something that makes me worry a lot!. The last week she seems
to
discover the new power of tears.
If I don't pay any attention to her for five minutes she starts crying

and
tears-drops are appearing to her face.
This is something that I can't even regist for a minute, so I open my
arms
and I give her a big hold.
Nowhere else but my job. She becomes so noisy, and ....tears. Is it
normal for a child of her age ( almost two year old- but very clever
you
should believe me)
Is she reacting like an actress or is she very sensitive?

I wouldn't want to label her either. Nothing good can come from that.
Nor should she be able to use tears to manipulate you. But...she's using
them to get attention and hugs. They're not being used to get things
like sweets and toys. Maybe she needs more attention than she is
getting. Do you think that you're giving her enough attention?

'Kate