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Sick of the horror stories!



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 25th 04, 01:48 AM
Elric
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sick of the horror stories!

So I'm having a great pregnancy all around, but since I want to give
birth in a birth center instead of a hospital, people are using my
private choice to tell me the absolute worst birth horror stories I've
ever had to deal with in my life!

Finally, I told a family friend (who was convinced that if I heard her
horror story, I would give up the birth center plan immediately) the
following:

1) No horror story will change my mind, I like my doctor (she will be
there, with another experienced OB/GYN, for the entire natural
childbirth. For whatever reason, this place doesn't use midwives), and
I like the center. It's a personal, loving, positive place where I
never feel poked, prodded, or treated like an idiot. My doctor wants
me to make a birth plan, and she's committed to using it. What more
could I ask for?

2) Being pregnant, I tend to overreact a little, and I don't want to
hear horror stories that might freak me out. I am well aware that I
might end up with a very different birth from the one I am planning,
and I am absoultely fine with that. Things happen. I just can't stand
it when practically EVERYONE I know thinks I'm doing serious harm to
my baby and/or myself because of this very personal choice.

Then again, they can think it, it's just that how do I keep people's
mouths shut while still maintaining friendships? I'm only at 23 weeks
(and can you tell this is my first pregnancy?), I've got a long way to
go, and any advice you can all give me about how to handle these
people would be appreciated.

One solution I've come up with so far is to let people say whatever
awful things they want, let them think I've taken them seriously, and
then allow it to flow right past me. I just know that when I've tried
this in the past, I get just as stressed out than if I tell people to
keep their horror stories to themselves. Sigh.

Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested
to hear what you all have to say.

Thanks,
H
  #3  
Old May 25th 04, 02:01 AM
JoFromOz
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Posts: n/a
Default Sick of the horror stories!

The one-liner I would use in this situation is,

"Are you trying to be [insert word here]?" (rude, insenstive, mean,
horrible, nasty, etc).

If they say they are telling you because you care, then:

"I can do without your kind of care"

Easy! It isn't fair of people to get you upset - I think it is just
nasty.

I am a Midwife, and when we get on the subject of birth at work (which um,
happens quite often!) and I tell people I am considering a home birth for my
first baby, some people roll their eyes, and make disapproving clicking
sounds with their tongues, as if I won't be able to handle it, etc. One
woman (a nurse, not Midwife) said, "OOh I'd love to be a fly on the wall for
your labour!" How mean is that?

It IS really frustrating, mean and rude. You need to let them know that.

Good luck! Your birth sounds like it will be a fantastic experience with
those care-givers!

Jo (RM)


  #4  
Old May 25th 04, 02:21 AM
Ericka Kammerer
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sick of the horror stories!

Elric wrote:

So I'm having a great pregnancy all around, but since I want to give
birth in a birth center instead of a hospital, people are using my
private choice to tell me the absolute worst birth horror stories I've
ever had to deal with in my life!


Oh, just imagine what they'd do if you told them
you were planning a homebirth ;-)

Then again, they can think it, it's just that how do I keep people's
mouths shut while still maintaining friendships? I'm only at 23 weeks
(and can you tell this is my first pregnancy?), I've got a long way to
go, and any advice you can all give me about how to handle these
people would be appreciated.


You almost have to take the blunt approach. When
they start up, just say, "I'm sorry, but I've done my
homework and now I'm at a stage where I don't want to
hear or discuss negative outcomes and I'd appreciate
it if you'd respect that even if you disagree with my
choices." Then, if they keep going, leave.

Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested
to hear what you all have to say.


For the most part, you probably already know which
folks are likely to do this sort of thing. I'd just
avoid talking about the pregnancy at all with them.

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #5  
Old May 25th 04, 03:06 AM
Kim E.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sick of the horror stories!

Hi - sorry to hear you are having those experiences, I have had similar
ones. I will be delivering at a hospital, but am preparing for a
natural childbirth and boy do people love to be negative about it. I
have thought about saying "Do you enjoy raining on people's parades in
general, or just pregnant women?" I mean, do these people stand in
parking lots and tell gruesome car accident stories as people get into
their cars?? Do they sit outside restaurants and grocery stores and
tell food poisoning stories??

(Warning: epidural horror stories to follow, read at your own risk
The other day though, I actually had the opposite experience, I talked
to a woman at work who was very open to natural childbirth because of
her horror story with an epidural - she had *4* epidurals (yes with the
same birth), none of which took completely, she did not have much pain
relief, and her baby ended up having to be hooked to IV's for 2 days as
a result. Also, my childbirth teacher told us some epidural horror
stories including an epidural that got infected, an epidural that
accidentally went in too close to the spine and temporarily paralyzed
the women's upper body as well, and a women who had lingering weakness
in her legs months after her epidural.

I am trying to look at this whole people being obnoxious and bossy to
pregnant women as an opportunity to work on my patience and temper!
Actually, many people have been kind and supportive, so that helps a
lot!! Good luck and I'd like to know how you continue to handle these
situations.

-kim


In article ,
says...
So I'm having a great pregnancy all around, but since I want to give
birth in a birth center instead of a hospital, people are using my
private choice to tell me the absolute worst birth horror stories I've
ever had to deal with in my life!

Finally, I told a family friend (who was convinced that if I heard her
horror story, I would give up the birth center plan immediately) the
following:

1) No horror story will change my mind, I like my doctor (she will be
there, with another experienced OB/GYN, for the entire natural
childbirth. For whatever reason, this place doesn't use midwives), and
I like the center. It's a personal, loving, positive place where I
never feel poked, prodded, or treated like an idiot. My doctor wants
me to make a birth plan, and she's committed to using it. What more
could I ask for?

2) Being pregnant, I tend to overreact a little, and I don't want to
hear horror stories that might freak me out. I am well aware that I
might end up with a very different birth from the one I am planning,
and I am absoultely fine with that. Things happen. I just can't stand
it when practically EVERYONE I know thinks I'm doing serious harm to
my baby and/or myself because of this very personal choice.

Then again, they can think it, it's just that how do I keep people's
mouths shut while still maintaining friendships? I'm only at 23 weeks
(and can you tell this is my first pregnancy?), I've got a long way to
go, and any advice you can all give me about how to handle these
people would be appreciated.

One solution I've come up with so far is to let people say whatever
awful things they want, let them think I've taken them seriously, and
then allow it to flow right past me. I just know that when I've tried
this in the past, I get just as stressed out than if I tell people to
keep their horror stories to themselves. Sigh.

Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested
to hear what you all have to say.

Thanks,
H

  #6  
Old May 25th 04, 04:00 AM
Jamie Clark
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sick of the horror stories!

"Kim E." wrote in message
a.net...
Hi - sorry to hear you are having those experiences, I have had similar
ones. I will be delivering at a hospital, but am preparing for a
natural childbirth and boy do people love to be negative about it. I
have thought about saying "Do you enjoy raining on people's parades in
general, or just pregnant women?" I mean, do these people stand in
parking lots and tell gruesome car accident stories as people get into
their cars?? Do they sit outside restaurants and grocery stores and
tell food poisoning stories??

(Warning: epidural horror stories to follow, read at your own risk
The other day though, I actually had the opposite experience, I talked
to a woman at work who was very open to natural childbirth because of
her horror story with an epidural - she had *4* epidurals (yes with the
same birth), none of which took completely, she did not have much pain
relief, and her baby ended up having to be hooked to IV's for 2 days as
a result. Also, my childbirth teacher told us some epidural horror
stories including an epidural that got infected, an epidural that
accidentally went in too close to the spine and temporarily paralyzed
the women's upper body as well, and a women who had lingering weakness
in her legs months after her epidural.


Yes, and although it is very rare, I know of a woman who is paralized still,
from the waist down from her epidural for her third child. This was 3-4
years ago. She's still in a wheelchair. Sucks. But it's rare. It doesn't
happen often.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6


  #7  
Old May 25th 04, 04:00 AM
Jamie Clark
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sick of the horror stories!

The truth of the matter is that you can't control other people at all...what
they say or what they do. All you can do is try to stop them in their
tracks, or ignore it and walk away.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6


"Elric" wrote in message
om...
So I'm having a great pregnancy all around, but since I want to give
birth in a birth center instead of a hospital, people are using my
private choice to tell me the absolute worst birth horror stories I've
ever had to deal with in my life!

Finally, I told a family friend (who was convinced that if I heard her
horror story, I would give up the birth center plan immediately) the
following:

1) No horror story will change my mind, I like my doctor (she will be
there, with another experienced OB/GYN, for the entire natural
childbirth. For whatever reason, this place doesn't use midwives), and
I like the center. It's a personal, loving, positive place where I
never feel poked, prodded, or treated like an idiot. My doctor wants
me to make a birth plan, and she's committed to using it. What more
could I ask for?

2) Being pregnant, I tend to overreact a little, and I don't want to
hear horror stories that might freak me out. I am well aware that I
might end up with a very different birth from the one I am planning,
and I am absoultely fine with that. Things happen. I just can't stand
it when practically EVERYONE I know thinks I'm doing serious harm to
my baby and/or myself because of this very personal choice.

Then again, they can think it, it's just that how do I keep people's
mouths shut while still maintaining friendships? I'm only at 23 weeks
(and can you tell this is my first pregnancy?), I've got a long way to
go, and any advice you can all give me about how to handle these
people would be appreciated.

One solution I've come up with so far is to let people say whatever
awful things they want, let them think I've taken them seriously, and
then allow it to flow right past me. I just know that when I've tried
this in the past, I get just as stressed out than if I tell people to
keep their horror stories to themselves. Sigh.

Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested
to hear what you all have to say.

Thanks,
H



  #8  
Old May 25th 04, 04:10 AM
Fer
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sick of the horror stories!

Elric wrote:
|| So I'm having a great pregnancy all around, but since I want to give
|| birth in a birth center instead of a hospital, people are using my
|| private choice to tell me the absolute worst birth horror stories
|| I've ever had to deal with in my life!
snipped
|| Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be
|| interested to hear what you all have to say.
||
|| Thanks,
|| H

Woman seem to love sharing their birth stories, the good and the bad
(especially the bad it seems). If they bother you, you should just be firm
that you are not interested in their stories. Pregnant woman seem to be
fair game (I've never heard of ppl going in for a potentially life
threatening procedure having everyone and their dog tell them about their
horror stories!!) and at times need to be reminded that they are not
helping!

As far as the birthing centre, I feel for you. Although most people in my
life were, thankfully, quiet about my choice for a homebirth they became
quite happily vocal about the news that I would probably have to deliver in
hospital. It seems that the general public are just not comfortable with
birthing anywhere but in a hospital even with all the information out there
telling them different. -?

Jenn
-DS Feb'92
-DD Feb'97
-35 weeks!


  #9  
Old May 25th 04, 04:34 AM
Plissken
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sick of the horror stories!


"Elric" wrote in message
om...
Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested
to hear what you all have to say.


I had a friend who was due 7 weeks before me and she just *had* to call me
up and tell me that her labour/delivery was the most horrible and painful
experience of her life. I was quite ticked off as this is not what someone
at 34 weeks wants to hear especially someone who has been told her whole
life by her mother that she would not be able to handle the pain of child
birth. I ended up having a nice quick delivery with just one shot of Demerol
and then I called her to tell her how wonderful and easy it was eg

Nadene


  #10  
Old May 25th 04, 06:01 AM
Joybelle
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Sick of the horror stories!


"Kim E." wrote in message
a.net...
Hi - sorry to hear you are having those experiences, I have had similar
ones. I will be delivering at a hospital, but am preparing for a
natural childbirth and boy do people love to be negative about it. I
have thought about saying "Do you enjoy raining on people's parades in
general, or just pregnant women?" I mean, do these people stand in
parking lots and tell gruesome car accident stories as people get into
their cars?? Do they sit outside restaurants and grocery stores and
tell food poisoning stories??


hmmmm... there are people like that! There are the people who have some
wonderful stories about flying. Or how about when you are going to go
through a surgery you are nervous about anyway, and you are told the tale of
a botched surgery? (happened to my dear mom) I think some people like to
share the worst possible scenarios... Don't know why exactly. It seems some
people thrive on negativity and the worst that can happen. Watch the news
much?!

I have had two homebirths, and I got to hear my share of horror stories
while pregnant. I guess they didn't bother me too much because some people
just simply cared about me and were sharing their fears and concerns. As
for the others who just found glee in sharing the negativity I'd either give
them a couple of negative stories of my own that I'd read or heard (which
seemed to leave them at a loss of words as to why I was still planning a
homebirth) or I'd just say something like, "That's nice, but that's only one
story amidst many, many positive ones. " And I'd go on to share the
positive ones. I was quite comfortable with my decision and their stories
didn't apply to me.
--
Joy

Rose 1-30-99
Iris 2-28-01
Spencer 3-12-03


 




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