Little boys......

-=RaOuL=- wrote:
"Bev" wrote in message
oups.com...
As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several
occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play
dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had
little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is
that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair
and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says
oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent
play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut!

---SNIP---

I'm no expert, but what I would try is to redirect the lad to what might be
considered "appropriate play." When the girl is playing with her "girl toys"
pull out a truck or something. Make some noises with it - boys like to play
with things that they can make noise with! Vroom-vroom!! I think redirection
is the key....

-=RaOuL=-

I'm almost certain you are a Father........forgive me if I am mistaken.


As much as redirection may help side track his attention from the "girl
toys" to the "boy toys", do you also think I should redirect my
grandaughter from the "boys toys" to the "girls toys?" What would you
say to a little boy that comes out from the bedroom dressed in his
sisters dress? Do you think it would be cute or innapropriate for your
daughter to wear your work boots? See this is the problem I think . Bev

"Bev" wrote in message
oups.com...

---SNIP---

I'm no expert, but what I would try is to redirect the lad to what
might be
considered "appropriate play." When the girl is playing with her "girl
toys"
pull out a truck or something. Make some noises with it - boys like to
play
with things that they can make noise with! Vroom-vroom!! I think
redirection
is the key....

-=RaOuL=-

I'm almost certain you are a Father........forgive me if I am mistaken.

Yup, dad of 3 boys! Ages 12, 8 and 2.... The 12 year old lives with me full
time, the other 2 are here part time, and with their mom part time.


As much as redirection may help side track his attention from the "girl
toys" to the "boy toys", do you also think I should redirect my
grandaughter from the "boys toys" to the "girls toys?"

Only if her parents object to her playing with "boy toys."

What would you say to a little boy that comes out from the bedroom
dressed in his
sisters dress?

How old is he? If this is a 3 year old, I'd say (in a cute way) "that's
silly! you're a boy and that's girl clothes!" If the boy is a teen I'd
probably react a little differently - not in a mean way but in a concerned
way ("isn't that top a bit low cut?")

Do you think it would be cute or innapropriate for your
daughter to wear your work boots? See this is the problem I think . Bev

Are her feet that big? Seriously, it wouldn't bother me.

It's been my observation that as children age and interact with their peers
they're likely to conform or be beaten into conformance. It happened when I
was a kid, and now I see it among my kid's peers. One boy came to a Cub
Scout meeting last year (7 year old boys) with nail polish on his finger
nails. He wasn't overtly ridiculed, but he was asked alot of questions by
the other boys. At the next Scout meeting he didn't have any nail polish on.
Peer pressure has a way of working on kids, for better or worse, to make
them either conform to "social norms" or survive as outcasts.

I'm surviving pretty well as an outcast...
-=RaOuL=-

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 01 Jan 2006 00:09:38 GMT, "Tiffany" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


"Bev" wrote in message
groups.com...
As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several
occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play
dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had
little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is
that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair
and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says
oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent
play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut!

Then the real problems began when my granddaugher got a vanity set with
play lipstick and rouge, and earings and even a little purple tu-tu,
ballerina slippers and Tiara . He wants to wear these things and I
really myself feel it is harmless, but then I have never had a boy to
raise and never have been confronted with this before. I know his
mother does not want him to play this way , it is not my place to allow
something she is against and I do not know how to explain this to a
three year old. Mind you it is not fair to allow my grandaughter this
and say no to him? I have tried putting the stuff away but if my
grandaughter asks for it , I feel it is something she should not be
denied. Then there are the times he finds her dresses and puts them on
himself. Please mothers and fathers of boys enlighten me! What should I
or can I do to do the right thing? I myself have no feelings that a
three year old boy has any thoughts of sexual orientation or that
innocent play at this age will turn him into a homosexual. I know as a
fact that this little guy has been taught to not like the color pink,
he refuses to eat or drink out of anything pink or play with anything
pink including pink clothing.
I am upset that people would be so silly to do such a thing to a young
child. I know his Nanny Gayle would have a lot to say to her daughter,
I would be upset to have them pull him away from me if I spoke my mind
about how I feel.

Bev


Everyone says "He isn't gay or a trans...." So what if he would be???

The parents would blame Bev. Judging by the haircut and rules about the
color pink and the hairdo, the parents are not thrilled with the idea of
their son being homosexual, etc. The parents are wack. :-)


Why does the parents want to put gender roles into his life? Will they
also
teach him its not manly to cry? To miss his mommy? That he should beat up
other boys??

Probably so. And he'll turn into a serial killer full of resentment for
his parents but at least he won't be homosexual.

Who knew there were parents like that still.

'Kate


There are tons of parents just like that unfortunately. I still haven't
thought of the name of that book. Bet you read it though.... lol!

Tiff

-=RaOuL=- wrote:


I'm almost certain you are a Father........forgive me if I am mistaken.

Yup, dad of 3 boys! Ages 12, 8 and 2.... The 12 year old lives with me full
time, the other 2 are here part time, and with their mom part time.

glad my memory still works sometimes! Three boys...my brother and wife
just had their 4th boy!


As much as redirection may help side track his attention from the "girl
toys" to the "boy toys", do you also think I should redirect my
grandaughter from the "boys toys" to the "girls toys?"

Only if her parents object to her playing with "boy toys."

Her parents both just turned 18 , not together and still have a lot of
growing to do. Her dad has her into four wheeling and her mom (my
daughter) has bought her a basketball hoop and trucks and cars cause
she loves them! We just bought her a little mini quad to tool around on
too!

What would you say to a little boy that comes out from the bedroom
dressed in his
sisters dress?

How old is he? If this is a 3 year old, I'd say (in a cute way) "that's
silly! you're a boy and that's girl clothes!" If the boy is a teen I'd
probably react a little differently - not in a mean way but in a concerned
way ("isn't that top a bit low cut?")

Yea he is 3 and that is close to exactly what my response was to him .
He said I like them and went about his business.

Do you think it would be cute or innapropriate for your
daughter to wear your work boots? See this is the problem I think . Bev

Are her feet that big? Seriously, it wouldn't bother me.

LOL! hopefully her feet are a bit smaller.

It's been my observation that as children age and interact with their peers
they're likely to conform or be beaten into conformance. It happened when I
was a kid, and now I see it among my kid's peers. One boy came to a Cub
Scout meeting last year (7 year old boys) with nail polish on his finger
nails. He wasn't overtly ridiculed, but he was asked alot of questions by
the other boys. At the next Scout meeting he didn't have any nail polish on.
Peer pressure has a way of working on kids, for better or worse, to make
them either conform to "social norms" or survive as outcasts.

This is very true , and I am sure kids go through many phases of
learning who they are, I have seen teenage boys and girls do some
strange things with their hair and clothes . My daughter has always
been "different" as have been some of the boys she has introduced me
to.I will never forget the one with the green mohawk and the nuts and
bolts in his face, I just wish she had warned me just a little before I
opened the door to him cause I know the look on my face was priceless!


I'm surviving pretty well as an outcast...
-=RaOuL=-

yea me too, but I swear I do not know where my daughter learned to be
so elaborate with the hair colors, styles, piercings and tatoos cause I
have none at all ! I do not even wear makeup!
Bev

'Kate wrote:
On 1 Jan 2006 07:00:26 -0800, "Bev" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


'Kate wrote:
On 31 Dec 2005 09:27:51 -0800, "Bev" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


The parents are overreacting. The boy is 3, not 13. It does not cause
gayness or transvestitism. It won't affect his masculine identity
development. Boys grow up to be manly men despite our best efforts to
socialize them (joke). :-)

Thats what I thought, and the strange thing is is that I see more
attention is put on a little boy playing with dolls or girlie toys but
little girls get away with the trucks and basketballs without much
attention?!?!?!

Being a "tomboy" is ok. Being a "sissy boy" is not.

gosh "tomboy" I havent heard that in a long time LOL!

He barely knows he's a "boy" at this point... and he won't remember
dressing up when he's older unless someone takes a picture to embarrass
him with later.

Mari thinks we should take the picture and give it to his parents LOL!
I know the trouble that will cause and I will neve see him
again.........

Mari's a troublemaker, isn't she? :-)

Uh yes she is as a fact of matter.........I never cause any trouble
myself grin


Here's something you may be able to use to calm the parents down:

Children realize that they are male or female and are aware of
the gender of others by the age of three. However, at these ages
they still do not understand that people cannot change genders
the way they can change their clothes, names, or behavior.
Kohlberg theorized that children do not learn to behave in
gender-appropriate ways until they understand that gender is
permanent, which occurs at about the age of seven. At this point
they start modeling the behavior of members of their own sex.

Try taking out the makeup and dress up stuff earlier in the visit so
that you have time to get him cleaned up. 3 year olds get bored pretty
quickly and that'll get that over with. And he might not like the
cleaning up afterward.

I printed that out Kate thanks! I think I will do just that...early on
with the dress up and maybe things will feel more comfortable for
me...I really don't want to have a confrontation .
The responses that I did receive pretty much reflects how I feel about
this.

Yeah, the kid is pretty normal. If the parents are all that concerned
about their son's gender role development, then dad should spend more
time with the kid so that he gets a balanced view of masculine and
feminine behaviors.

Personally, I think the parents don't loosen up a bit, they're going to
be in my office in ten years saying, "I don't know what happened. We did
everything right. Why isn't he the perfect son?" $120/hr., 3x per week.
So.. that's ok with me. :-)

LOL! Hey....I'd have to work a whole 40 hours to make that!
Bev
'Kate

"Bev" wrote in message
ups.com...

---snip---

glad my memory still works sometimes! Three boys...my brother and wife
just had their 4th boy!

YeeHaw!!! Y'know, I didn't notice much difference between 2 and 3 boys here.
Still always a ruckus. Still never enough snacks on hand. Adding a 4th
probably isn't all that bad. It might lead me to a fifth though...


As much as redirection may help side track his attention from the
"girl
toys" to the "boy toys", do you also think I should redirect my
grandaughter from the "boys toys" to the "girls toys?"

Only if her parents object to her playing with "boy toys."

Her parents both just turned 18 , not together and still have a lot of
growing to do. Her dad has her into four wheeling and her mom (my
daughter) has bought her a basketball hoop and trucks and cars cause
she loves them! We just bought her a little mini quad to tool around on
too!


Yikes! In most cases I would defer to the wishes of the parents, but with
parents who are so young themselves I'd be tempted to give too much advice
and question their wishes.... But there is something cool about playing with
the kid's toys - especially a quad!


What would you say to a little boy that comes out from the bedroom
dressed in his
sisters dress?

How old is he? If this is a 3 year old, I'd say (in a cute way) "that's
silly! you're a boy and that's girl clothes!" If the boy is a teen I'd
probably react a little differently - not in a mean way but in a
concerned
way ("isn't that top a bit low cut?")

Yea he is 3 and that is close to exactly what my response was to him .
He said I like them and went about his business.

Someday he'll feel differently...


Do you think it would be cute or innapropriate for your
daughter to wear your work boots? See this is the problem I think .
Bev

Are her feet that big? Seriously, it wouldn't bother me.

LOL! hopefully her feet are a bit smaller.

It's been my observation that as children age and interact with their
peers
they're likely to conform or be beaten into conformance. It happened
when I
was a kid, and now I see it among my kid's peers. One boy came to a Cub
Scout meeting last year (7 year old boys) with nail polish on his finger
nails. He wasn't overtly ridiculed, but he was asked alot of questions
by
the other boys. At the next Scout meeting he didn't have any nail polish
on.
Peer pressure has a way of working on kids, for better or worse, to make
them either conform to "social norms" or survive as outcasts.

This is very true , and I am sure kids go through many phases of
learning who they are, I have seen teenage boys and girls do some
strange things with their hair and clothes . My daughter has always
been "different" as have been some of the boys she has introduced me
to.I will never forget the one with the green mohawk and the nuts and
bolts in his face, I just wish she had warned me just a little before I
opened the door to him cause I know the look on my face was priceless!


I always wanted to have a green mohawk but never had the guts


I'm surviving pretty well as an outcast...
-=RaOuL=-

yea me too, but I swear I do not know where my daughter learned to be
so elaborate with the hair colors, styles, piercings and tatoos cause I
have none at all ! I do not even wear makeup!
Bev

The hair colors, styles, piercings and tottoos are probably things that are
popular with her peers. I didn't get my sense of style (or lack thereof)
from my parents, but from my peers. Thankfully, my boys hang around with
other boys who have what I would consider "reasonable" style...

"Bev" wrote in message
oups.com...
As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several
occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play
dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had
little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is
that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair
and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says
oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent
play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut!

Then the real problems began when my granddaugher got a vanity set with
play lipstick and rouge, and earings and even a little purple tu-tu,
ballerina slippers and Tiara . He wants to wear these things and I
really myself feel it is harmless, but then I have never had a boy to
raise and never have been confronted with this before. I know his
mother does not want him to play this way , it is not my place to allow
something she is against and I do not know how to explain this to a
three year old. Mind you it is not fair to allow my grandaughter this
and say no to him? I have tried putting the stuff away but if my
grandaughter asks for it , I feel it is something she should not be
denied. Then there are the times he finds her dresses and puts them on
himself. Please mothers and fathers of boys enlighten me! What should I
or can I do to do the right thing? I myself have no feelings that a
three year old boy has any thoughts of sexual orientation or that
innocent play at this age will turn him into a homosexual. I know as a
fact that this little guy has been taught to not like the color pink,
he refuses to eat or drink out of anything pink or play with anything
pink including pink clothing.
I am upset that people would be so silly to do such a thing to a young
child. I know his Nanny Gayle would have a lot to say to her daughter,
I would be upset to have them pull him away from me if I spoke my mind
about how I feel.

Bev


My sons used to play with my makeup, wear my clothing and my high heels at
that age. Would they do that now??? Hell no! lol It's just a phase and
they're over-reacting about the whole thing. He's not going to have
identity issues just because he's mimicking women. Geez.

Christine

"Tiffany" wrote in message
news:65Ftf.6774$713.5676@trnddc01...

Why does the parents want to put gender roles into his life? Will they
also teach him its not manly to cry? To miss his mommy? That he should
beat up other boys??

Grrr. There was an excellent book I read about boys and men and how they
are raised. Damn if I can't remember what it is called but when it comes
to me, I will post it.

Tiff

Please do, I'd be interested in reading it.

Christine

"CME" wrote in message
news:2Qquf.31772$6K2.4410@edtnps90...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
news:65Ftf.6774$713.5676@trnddc01...

Why does the parents want to put gender roles into his life? Will they
also teach him its not manly to cry? To miss his mommy? That he should
beat up other boys??

Grrr. There was an excellent book I read about boys and men and how they
are raised. Damn if I can't remember what it is called but when it comes
to me, I will post it.

Tiff

Please do, I'd be interested in reading it.

Christine


I wish I could think of it! GRR!

T

Bev wrote:

Then there are the times he finds her dresses and puts them on
himself.

All boys do this if they are around other children doing the same. The
also put on makeup.

No doubt about it, the boy is gay.
Personally I blame all these hetrosexual couples like his parents for
bringing them into the world.

Dennis