social diner

OSPAM (Naomi Pardue) wrote in message ...
Is your daughter happy to play short order cook???


That's a very good question. How exactly did this child get to be such a
limited eater?

Boy, this sure could have happened with my oldest. (He'll be 8 in
Sept.) I think he's very lucky to have been in situations where he
could not be picky. Heh...he would probably disagree about the "lucky"
part.

He was in full time daycare and is the oldest of 3 children. He's been
a picky eater since *birth*! But when he was about 2.5 - when his
pickiness started really kicking in - I had my daughter and didn't
have the time, energy or desire to give in to his food control issues.
When he was 5, I had my youngest boy and had even less time/desire to
give in.

Perhaps if my oldest had been an only child or if his daycare
arrangements or providers had been different, he would have ended up
as a single-food-eater. (His daycare providers didn't buy the into
picky stuff too much. They provided well-rounded meals and no
pressure. But if you didn't eat what was set before you...oh well.) I
know many - too many - times I would fix him whatever his food of
choice was for days and days, just so I didn't have to hear it.

But in the long run, I thought that it was better if he was a little
hungry now and again than to feed him only what he desired - and he
went through a chicken nugget and hot dog stage as well.

While some kids may certainly be picky eaters, this goes far beyond 'normal'
childhood pickiness.

I agree. Plus I think in my oldest's case the food issues are not
really normal kid pickiness, but issues of control. My oldest has
other control issues, thus my theory. He gets really picky during
times of stress for him - starting school or summer camp, a change in
routine, etc.

During those times the other kids can't even *look* into his room, his
bike has to be put in the basement just *so,* and suddenly, foods he
once adored aren't eaten. I have to walk a middle ground between
adding to his stress by insisting he eat what everyone else is eating
and giving in and letting him eat cheese for a week.

To the OP - in my case, I try to fix meals in which there is at least
one dish I know my picky eater likes. So he might make a "meal" of
green beans for example, while the rest of us are having roast,
potatoes AND green beans. If we're having something really off the
wall for kids - like spicy Asian food - I'll offer an alternative.

I don't know how all of this will work if you start it at age 8. But
even my control freak picky son seems to understand when rules change
in the household. He may not like it, but he understands it.

- Bev

On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 07:01:27 -0400, "Stephanie and Tim"
wrote:

I am glad that I don't have issues with food with my DD.
Granted, she is only 2. They may still come.

I wouldn't say I had *issues* with my kids over food. But certainly my
two-year-olds would eat a number of things that they won't today (at almost
nine). They still eat quite a variety, more than a lot of kids their age, but
honest to Pete, they used to eat stuff like kale that I didn't think any kid
would like.

--Helen

In article ,
(Mary) wrote:

my daughter and two grandsons live with us. My oldest grandson (8)
eats only hotdogs and chicken nuggets. The problems lies in
socializing him with other groups of kids due to his eating habits.
His mother cannot send him anywhere without packing a lunch, he went
to eat with another family that was eating spagetti and he took his
hot dogs with him.

I'll agree with everyone else who said sending food with him was wrong. He
has three choices: (a) eat what everyone else is eating, (b) eat nothing, or
(c) not go at all.

We try our best to get him to try other food
varieties that most kids eat, but he makes a big production and cries
during the entire dinner hour.

I wouldn't make any fuss about the food he eats or doesn't, as I'm a big
proponenet of benign neglect in this are. But if he did throw a tantrum, I
would say, "We don't need that behaviour at the table. Go to your room."

He insisted on having his birthday at
Chuck E Cheese and the manager went out to get him a hot dog and fries
for his lunch. snip

Now this is where it starts to get screwy. Why exactly did he *want* it in
the first place? And as he obviously didn't pay for it, why did he *get* it?

He is well past the age of toddler fussiness, and what he is now doing is
*defining himself* as a "fussy eater". I met a ten-year-old recently who did
this -- I offered him something and he told me proudly that he was a fussy
eater! The question is: why is he using this method to mark himself off as
an individual? Answer that, and you can work out a plan of action from there.

My daughter and other son eat most everything and she has to
cook special for the oldest. The frustration level is getting high.
This eating behavior is getting old. It is even hard going to a
restaurant because you are always trying to make sure the restaurant
has chicken strips on the menu. Any advise is appreciated.

Frankly, I wouldn't even consider going to a restaurant until you were sure of
his behaviour, because public embarrassment will be even more frustrating than
dealing with his tantrums at home.

I think you have a couple of areas to take action in.

1. A private chat with your daughter on how to handle this.
2. Working out what he gets out of this behaviour, and how you could switch
it to something else.
3. Refusing to do any more short-order cooking.
4. Teaching him to shop, cook and eat well.

Good luck.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"...children should continue to be breastfed... for up to two years of age
or beyond." -- Innocenti Declaration, Florence, 1 August 1990

In article oA7Qa.1562$Bd5.1304@fed1read01,
"Inspiringmind" wrote:

I have to agree with what most everyone has said here. I have two boys (6
and 5) and my 5 year old will eat anything I give to him. My oldest used to
like certain things but doesn't like them now, he mostly will eat vegetables
over meat. Both of them actually eat veggies like broccoli, cauliflower and
carrots. I am actually kind of amazed at that.

This child seems to be taking the food issue way to far. I have the same
rules many of the others have: try it one time, one bite, if you don't like
eat something else I made with the meal and if you don't like what I made to
eat they go hungry. Usually though I don't have to worry about it thought
cause I make some kind of meat and veggies and they eat one thing or
another. Or they cave in and just eat.

My youngest does have a habit of eating something about 2/3 or 3/4th of the
way through and then saying he is done only to say he is hungry again a few
hours later or less. Still trying to figure that one out!


When my oldest was that age, I found I had to insist that she stay at
the dinner table for 20 minutes. She didn't have to be eating, just
sitting with us. Most of the time, she'd eat enough -- but we found
that if we let her leave when she said she was full, she'd be back to
eat more within an hour or so. I think she just wanted to get down and
play -- especially in the summer when she could be outside. Explaining
that dinner time with the family was important, so even if she wasn't
hungry she could sit and keep the rest of us company while WE ate,
seemed to do the trick, without getting focused on the food itself.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

On Sun, 13 Jul 2003 00:09:42 -0700, "Inspiringmind"
wrote:

My youngest does have a habit of eating something about 2/3 or 3/4th of the
way through and then saying he is done only to say he is hungry again a few
hours later or less. Still trying to figure that one out!

Perhaps his stomach is smaller than average. Humans did not actually
evolve to eat huge quantities at a meal and then go without for long
periods. Originally, humans foraged all day and ate a little at a
time. Perhaps your younger child needs to graze instead of to eat
larger meals.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits