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#1
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How to train a boy to behave properly.
Last week we went a dinner. Everybody was quiet with good behavior
except my sixteen-month-old son. He not only dropped his cup many times, but also screamed loudly when he was sitting on highchair. My DH and I were very upset. My DH noticed a little girl who was about the same age as my son age sat on her highchair without any bad behavior during the whole dinnertime. We want to know how to train a boy to behave properly. |
#2
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How to train a boy to behave properly.
On 27 Nov 2006 18:12:37 -0800, "Pink cat"
wrote: Last week we went a dinner. Everybody was quiet with good behavior except my sixteen-month-old son. He not only dropped his cup many times, but also screamed loudly when he was sitting on highchair. My DH and I were very upset. My DH noticed a little girl who was about the same age as my son age sat on her highchair without any bad behavior during the whole dinnertime. We want to know how to train a boy to behave properly. Okay, I'll bite and assume you're not a troll. At 16 months of age it's *Normal* behavior to drop a cup and use their voice loudly. If you expect him to sit quietly through dinner I think you're going to be severely disappointed. What you *can* do if you wish to curb the behavior is to stop the meal and leave when he behaves like that. But I suspect you're going to be leaving a lot of unfinished meals sitting on the table! Your best bet is to proceed slowly and patronize restaurants where noisy children aren't frowned upon. Nan |
#3
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How to train a boy to behave properly.
Hi -- The difference is NOT that a boy is poorly behaved and a girl is not. The difference is with different personalities, different ages (even a few weeks can make a difference), different levels of fatigue and hunger, or some combination of these all. A 16-month old is not supposed to be going out to dinner. He is not supposed to be "behaving well" at the table. He IS supposed to be making noise, fretting, experimenting with what happens when you drop things, and in myriad other ways doing things that just aren't suitable at a restaurant. The next time you want to go out for dinner, leave the baby with a sitter. By the time he's 30 months you can probably take him to a kid-friendly place like McDonald's or Friendly's to start learning restaurant behavior, but unless you're lucky in his personality, you won't be able to take him to sit-down-behave places for a few years yet. And that's FINE. My two cents, --Beth Kevles http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would like me to reply. |
#4
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How to train a boy to behave properly.
"Beth Kevles" wrote in message ... Hi -- The difference is NOT that a boy is poorly behaved and a girl is not. The difference is with different personalities, different ages (even a few weeks can make a difference), different levels of fatigue and hunger, or some combination of these all. A 16-month old is not supposed to be going out to dinner. He is not supposed to be "behaving well" at the table. He IS supposed to be making noise, fretting, experimenting with what happens when you drop things, and in myriad other ways doing things that just aren't suitable at a restaurant. The next time you want to go out for dinner, leave the baby with a sitter. By the time he's 30 months you can probably take him to a kid-friendly place like McDonald's or Friendly's to start learning restaurant behavior, but unless you're lucky in his personality, you won't be able to take him to sit-down-behave places for a few years yet. And that's FINE. I don't agree here. We don't take DD (just turned 2) to fancy restaurants, but we've been going out to small ethnic restaurants and occasional family style restaurants with her since she was born, and while her behavior isn't always perfect, she's definitely gotten better at it with practice, and so have we. Most of the places we go recognize us and welcome us and her. And she's not a perfect angel of a child, either. A few suggestions: 1) Family friendly restaurants, not at peak time of day (early in the evening or after the regular dinner hour if your child is a night owl as mine is) so the restaurant isn't crowded and service is faster. We've found that small ethnic food restaurants tend to be very family friendly (one of our favorites has the owners children, ranging in age from 9 to about 2 who spend the evenings next to the cashier's counter-the older ones doing homework, reading, or playing Yu-Gi-oH, the younger ones playing with toys, toddling on the floor, and being watched by the older ones. And my daughter isn't the only one who will go over and play with the owner's children while waiting for our food order to be ready). In my experience, the WORST behavior comes at restaurants like McDonalds, especially ones with playlands. There is just too much going on for a toddler to feel safe, and too much bad behavior being modeled. I would not suggest them as places to teach public behavior for that reason. 2) Quick service in general. Know what you want before you arrive, and order everything with the drink order (or even call ahead with your order). Chances are good that you don't ask your child to sit and wait for food at home, so no, he's not going to behave well at sitting and waiting then. You won't have time for a multi-course meal, and whatever comes first WILL be the meal for your child, so you might as well make sure the real food is out there all at once. 3) Have a few small, quiet things to use at the table and ONLY at the table. A small magnadoodle works well for us, as do Alli's favorite plastic bears and a small toy car or two. 4) If the food's not here yet, consider having one parent take the child outside for a short walk, or, if there's a waiting area, to go there where the child can move around a bit. Again, you want things to be as much like home as possible. 5) The closer your home manners are to restaurant manners, the better off you are. For example, if you're lax about taking the plate away when your child starts dropping food on the floor at home, they're going to do it when out, too. If you require your child to stay at the table until everyone is finished at home, they'll be much better able to handle it at a restaurant meal. 6) Don't take fussy, sleepy, sick, or crabby kids out, even if you're totally exhausted and can't even stand the sight of the kitchen. This is what take-out was invented for. And if a child starts getting fussy, sleepy, sick, or crabby, that's what two parents are needed for-one parent takes the child out, while the other gets the food boxed for takeout and pays the check. You know your child's signs of frustration, and be proactive on this. My daughter hasn't yet had a tantrum in a restaurant, but she's had several tantrums in the car outside restaurants when she took exception to something and started to rev up. And if you have a kid who can go from happy to screaming in 2.5 seconds, maybe going out isn't a good idea right now. 7) Clean up the area as best you can before you leave, and tip well. Most of the places we go know us, and are willing to accommodate us very easily and quickly, and I believe that these last two things are why they like us, even with a toddler in tow. |
#5
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How to train a boy to behave properly.
Hmmmm. You want to teach him some self-conTROLL, do you? I'll tell
you from long experience that it's hard to do this with a sixteen-month-old. Perhaps you could just pick him up instead and take him outside for a sTROLL. Or, you could take him for a drive in the car to quiet him down, but that would waste peTROLL. I suppose you could whack him around the head and say "shut up you little brat and stop dropping things," but someone would probably see and call the police and one would show up and catch you in the act; there are always lots of them out on paTROLL. Andrea Baker Pink cat wrote: Last week we went a dinner. Everybody was quiet with good behavior except my sixteen-month-old son. He not only dropped his cup many times, but also screamed loudly when he was sitting on highchair. My DH and I were very upset. My DH noticed a little girl who was about the same age as my son age sat on her highchair without any bad behavior during the whole dinnertime. We want to know how to train a boy to behave properly. |
#6
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How to train a boy to behave properly.
"Pink cat" wrote in message ups.com... Last week we went a dinner. Everybody was quiet with good behavior except my sixteen-month-old son. He not only dropped his cup many times, but also screamed loudly when he was sitting on highchair. My DH and I were very upset. My DH noticed a little girl who was about the same age as my son age sat on her highchair without any bad behavior during the whole dinnertime. We want to know how to train a boy to behave properly. Grin With #1 I would have been the one with the little girl. People would point her out in restaurants/while shopping/when watching something how good she was. She could sit still and quiet for a couple of hours and not mind being in the highchair. She was like this from 6 months onwards. #2 hated being confined to a place. She, at just 3 yo, has realised in the last 6 months that there are times you have to sit still, and not get up. She still isn't brilliant but she will figure out reasons (toilet is the main one) why she needs to get up and wander around. At 16 months she wouldn't go in the highchair without very loud noise and bribery and would get up when she'd had enough-usually after a couple of bites. And she could climb out of 5 point harneses so she would be out of a highchair when she wanted to. It's not ime, at that age, training. It's personality. My advice would be if you are going to somewhere like a restaurant take some things that are a treat for him to have. #2 always reacted well to having a proper grown up glass and straw. I'd take a bag of things that I could produce one after the other as she got bored. BUT be ready to take them out for a look round outside when you're waiting for the food to be brought to you. Ask for a seat by the window so you can look outside and talk about what's outside. Don't expect him to sit still all the time because if he hasn't got the pesonality then you're expecting too much. And when he has sat still make sure you praise him. Debbie |
#7
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How to train a boy to behave properly.
In article , Donna Metler says...
Donna's suggestions are great. I would only add, to have a plan to leave and go home, possibly having the meal packed up, for the possibility that your boy acts up in a way that's truly disruptive to other diners and the child can't be quieted down. But there really is no reason to not go to 'real' restaurants (and small ethnic eateries are great), even to 'fancy' restaurants for some kids. Banty |
#8
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How to train a boy to behave properly.
"Pink cat" wrote in message ups.com... Last week we went a dinner. Everybody was quiet with good behavior except my sixteen-month-old son. He not only dropped his cup many times, but also screamed loudly when he was sitting on highchair. My DH and I were very upset. My DH noticed a little girl who was about the same age as my son age sat on her highchair without any bad behavior during the whole dinnertime. We want to know how to train a boy to behave properly. Um, you can't assume that the other kids you see are always behaved. You happened to catch the little girl in a good moment, but you don't see daily how she acts at home or elsewhere. Your son was being normal for his age. He is not being bad or good; he is just 16 months old, for goodness' sake. Personally, I didn't take DD to restaurants till she was much older. So far, at age 2.5 to almost 3, she has done very well. I was in no mood to try and teach her manners at the other diners' expense and discomfort when she was younger, and she is a late bloomer. If you still want to take the boy to restaurants, implement what the others here have suggested. |
#9
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How to train a boy to behave properly.
"Beth Kevles" wrote in message ... Hi -- The difference is NOT that a boy is poorly behaved and a girl is not. The difference is with different personalities, different ages (even a few weeks can make a difference), different levels of fatigue and hunger, or some combination of these all. A 16-month old is not supposed to be going out to dinner. He is not supposed to be "behaving well" at the table. He IS supposed to be making noise, fretting, experimenting with what happens when you drop things, and in myriad other ways doing things that just aren't suitable at a restaurant. The next time you want to go out for dinner, leave the baby with a sitter. By the time he's 30 months you can probably take him to a kid-friendly place like McDonald's or Friendly's to start learning restaurant behavior, but unless you're lucky in his personality, you won't be able to take him to sit-down-behave places for a few years yet. And that's FINE. That was not our experience at all. My kids went to restaurants, certainly not Chez A La Foofy, but 99 and the like since they were teeny. At this age, the key is to bring plenty of positive distractions and the like to prevent the screaming meanies. And do NOT expect behavior suddenly at a restaurant that is not expected at home. And be prepared to leave if needs be. My two cents, --Beth Kevles http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would like me to reply. |
#10
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How to train a boy to behave properly.
"Marie" wrote:
"Pink cat" wrote in message oups.com... Last week we went a dinner. Everybody was quiet with good behavior except my sixteen-month-old son. He not only dropped his cup many times, but also screamed loudly when he was sitting on highchair. My DH and I were very upset. My DH noticed a little girl who was about the same age as my son age sat on her highchair without any bad behavior during the whole dinnertime. We want to know how to train a boy to behave properly. Um, you can't assume that the other kids you see are always behaved. You happened to catch the little girl in a good moment, but you don't see daily how she acts at home or elsewhere. Your son was being normal for his age. He is not being bad or good; he is just 16 months old, for goodness' sake. Personally, I didn't take DD to restaurants till she was much older. So far, at age 2.5 to almost 3, she has done very well. I was in no mood to try and teach her manners at the other diners' expense and discomfort when she was younger, and she is a late bloomer. If you still want to take the boy to restaurants, implement what the others here have suggested. Some parents do not have a choice as to whether they take the kids to a restaurant for a meal or not. If they are traveling or visiting relatives away from home, a restaurant may be the only option. I started taking my kids to various types of restaurants when they were very young - as young as 3 months. Children that are used to restaurants will know what to expect. My advice would be 1) Pick a restaurant with quick service if at all possible. Doesn't have to be MickeyD's, but some restaurants are quicker and/or more organized than others. If you get stuck with a slow place, bag it and leave. 2) Have the wait-person bring something for the kid to gnaw on right away, and otherwise have food for the child - even bring something with you. This goes for much older children too - even up to adults. Maybe ask what things will be quick to order. 3) Go to the restaurant on the child's time-table. That is, don't wait until everyone is hungry and cranky, or is tired and cranky or is hungry AND tired and cranky. 4) If possible have something age appropriate for the child to do. Play areas, crayons, games, TVs with cartoons, or new or favorite toys that you bring with you for when you are waiting. 5) As others have said, be prepared to tag team with the child - one of you take him outside and the other one order the dinner, then bring the child in to eat and the one that eats fastest go out if the child doesn't last for the whole meal. 6) Pay attention to the cues that the child gives you so that you can nip things in the bud before they get to the meltdown stage. 7) Tip the wait-person well, even after you try to clean up your mess. |
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