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#1
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Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse
OK, please do NOT flame me for that title. I am NOT pressuring my wife to
have intercourse right after miscarriage; actually, SHE is the one being aggressive. I did post earlier saying that my wife had started spotting last Thursday, asked on Sunday if there was a point to going to hospital. Well yesterday the bleeding exploded, and even some blood "clots" came out, in fact one of them appeared to be a small placenta. Obviously we went to the hospital and yes, a pap smear showed tissue "left-overs" and in fact she had miscarried. It's a done deal now. She has not mourned that much yesterday & today, I don't think it's a case of "it hasn't set in yet," because she actually mourned quite a lot from Thursday 'til now as she sort of assumed a miscarriage was happening. At any rate the nurse practioner (not the doctor) advised waiting 6 weeks before we have sex again, and said that actually chances of pregnancy are very high right after miscarried but that she highly does not recommend this. Let me stress: if this is what they recommend, and if this is medically the right thing to do, I am OK with that. It is my WIFE who is pretty much saying "heck with them, let's have sex now once the bleeding stops if we feel like it." If it won't be damaging to her psychologically or physically, fine, but if any damage is inevitable then I'm going to wait. Let me conclude by saying that I don't THINK she is trying to "rebound make a baby" as it were, she has stated wanted to name the fetus "Angel" and honor it as a deceased baby in its own right, separate and unique from any other babies which may or may not follow. So the "rebound make a baby" doesn't SEEM to be the motivation." Tips? Thanks. |
#2
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Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse
"spotting" wrote in message . com... OK, please do NOT flame me for that title. I am NOT pressuring my wife to have intercourse right after miscarriage; actually, SHE is the one being aggressive. ...... Let me conclude by saying that I don't THINK she is trying to "rebound make a baby" as it were, she has stated wanted to name the fetus "Angel" and honor it as a deceased baby in its own right, separate and unique from any other babies which may or may not follow. So the "rebound make a baby" doesn't SEEM to be the motivation." Tips? Thanks. No flaming going to come from me and I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. How far along was your wife? I was advised when I miscarried at 6 weeks that we could start again when we were ready. Medical professionals have very different opinions on whether to try straight away or not. We did try that month. I should warn you that the first month trying and failing is very hard emotionally. I don't know whether it would make a difference waiting a month or not but for me it was almost like going through a miscarriage again. The other thing is that sometimes the first cycle post miscarriage can be very different and this can mess with your head a bit. As for whether your wife is trying to rebound make a baby, she very possibly is as a huge number of women I know who have miscarried have tried that. But is that necessarily a bad thing? When you lose a baby you want nothing more than to get pregnant as quickly as possible. Best wishes to you guys in whatever you decide. |
#3
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Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse
you seem generally worried about your wife.
here we wait about 2 weeks or atleast until the bleeding stops to resume anything after a misscarriage. I'm not sure how far along your wife was, that can have a factor on why they told you to wait so long Jennifer Ariana 8/17/03 Alex 6/4/05 "spotting" wrote in message . com... OK, please do NOT flame me for that title. I am NOT pressuring my wife to have intercourse right after miscarriage; actually, SHE is the one being aggressive. I did post earlier saying that my wife had started spotting last Thursday, asked on Sunday if there was a point to going to hospital. Well yesterday the bleeding exploded, and even some blood "clots" came out, in fact one of them appeared to be a small placenta. Obviously we went to the hospital and yes, a pap smear showed tissue "left-overs" and in fact she had miscarried. It's a done deal now. She has not mourned that much yesterday & today, I don't think it's a case of "it hasn't set in yet," because she actually mourned quite a lot from Thursday 'til now as she sort of assumed a miscarriage was happening. At any rate the nurse practioner (not the doctor) advised waiting 6 weeks before we have sex again, and said that actually chances of pregnancy are very high right after miscarried but that she highly does not recommend this. Let me stress: if this is what they recommend, and if this is medically the right thing to do, I am OK with that. It is my WIFE who is pretty much saying "heck with them, let's have sex now once the bleeding stops if we feel like it." If it won't be damaging to her psychologically or physically, fine, but if any damage is inevitable then I'm going to wait. Let me conclude by saying that I don't THINK she is trying to "rebound make a baby" as it were, she has stated wanted to name the fetus "Angel" and honor it as a deceased baby in its own right, separate and unique from any other babies which may or may not follow. So the "rebound make a baby" doesn't SEEM to be the motivation." Tips? Thanks. |
#4
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Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse
She was 9 weeks along.
Also, she & I were at the hospital last Thursday when the spotting first started. My post probably made it sound as if we waited until Monday to go to the hospital first thing. Not so. Monday (last night) was the 2nd hospital visit, Thursday was the 1st. "spotting" wrote in message . com... OK, please do NOT flame me for that title. I am NOT pressuring my wife to have intercourse right after miscarriage; actually, SHE is the one being aggressive. I did post earlier saying that my wife had started spotting last Thursday, asked on Sunday if there was a point to going to hospital. Well yesterday the bleeding exploded, and even some blood "clots" came out, in fact one of them appeared to be a small placenta. Obviously we went to the hospital and yes, a pap smear showed tissue "left-overs" and in fact she had miscarried. It's a done deal now. She has not mourned that much yesterday & today, I don't think it's a case of "it hasn't set in yet," because she actually mourned quite a lot from Thursday 'til now as she sort of assumed a miscarriage was happening. At any rate the nurse practioner (not the doctor) advised waiting 6 weeks before we have sex again, and said that actually chances of pregnancy are very high right after miscarried but that she highly does not recommend this. Let me stress: if this is what they recommend, and if this is medically the right thing to do, I am OK with that. It is my WIFE who is pretty much saying "heck with them, let's have sex now once the bleeding stops if we feel like it." If it won't be damaging to her psychologically or physically, fine, but if any damage is inevitable then I'm going to wait. Let me conclude by saying that I don't THINK she is trying to "rebound make a baby" as it were, she has stated wanted to name the fetus "Angel" and honor it as a deceased baby in its own right, separate and unique from any other babies which may or may not follow. So the "rebound make a baby" doesn't SEEM to be the motivation." Tips? Thanks. |
#5
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Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse
sorry you lost the baby, I was crossing my fingers for you
I think you should have intercourse but use protection, if you deny your wife now when she is mourning (even if she doesn't admit it), she may end up feeling rejected my you, which is the last thing you want. If she doesn't want to use protection just repeat to her gently that you've been advised to wait 6 weeks and that you have her best interests at heart. Cheers Anne |
#6
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Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse
Sorry for your loss. I have had 2 early misc. also. I am sure having sex will not hurt as long as you use protection. Also I have found out that waiting at least 2 monthly cycles before ttc so your wifes uterus can builds its lining back up & support a pregnancy better. Also I have to ask is your wife on at least 400 mcg folic acid ? Reason is I recently lost my son to a fatal birth defect which may have been prevented by taking folic acid before conception(cut the chances by up to 70%). Good luck with ttc. Nicole |
#7
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Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse
My condolences to both of you. I had a MC this time last year, which I posted about. If you or your wife are interested in stories similar to your own, reading mine in the google archive of this group might help. Briefly, I knew at about 9 weeks a MC was almost certain, but it didn't happen until 12 weeks. I loved that baby from its conception and I grieved bitterly all those weeks we waited for the MC. (I am crying now, remembering my poor lost baby.) Once the MC came, in a way it was a great relief. Closure. I wanted to get on with baby making. DH was reluctant, thinking MC equals illness. It was not! The MC was exactly the healthy outcome of that pregnancy. I think it is very important to make this distinction. An MC *may* equal perfect health but bad luck. My MW told me she used to recommend waiting some months. Then some weeks. But she learned from long (!) experience that it makes no difference whatsoever. We started trying again that month; we conceived my current pregancy 6 months later. I am now at 20 weeks. Now, in retrospect, I think it might have been emotionally easier for me if we had waited 6 months to try. We conceived on the lost baby's due date, and this has been emotionally painful for me. But on the other hand I am "old": I felt (and still feel) very deeply that we could not afford to wait before trying again because I might not have that many months left on my biological clock. You both can and should start trying to make a baby as soon as you both feel ready. You both can and should resume intercourse, with or without contraception, as soon as you both feel ready. If your wife ovulates this month, it will happen in the next week or two. If you can, please try to think about sex and conception independently. That tends to simplify the decision process. Try to focus on why the MC occurred: was there a maternal problem, or was it the result of a genetic or developmental error in the fetus? Fetal error is by far the most common reason for MC. If the former, you might want to delay making a baby for a time, while investigating the problem. But even in that case there is no medical reason to avoid sexual activity per se. A first trimester MC is not much different from a regular period, as far as the woman's physiology is concerned. Again, the key is that you both feel ready. Whatever that means, defining it is entirely up to you. Good luck! |
#8
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Wife Miscarried: Wife Wants Resume Intercourse
I also have miscarriaged and you have to do what you are ready to do.
My husband and I tried right away partly bc we found healing in each other's arms and partly bc we felt ready to strat again, but it was more making love than times for conception. Just regrouping and reconnecting at first. I am sorry for your loss Kath |
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