Don't know how to "fix" my 5-year old kid

Nan wrote:

While I agree starting a child later should not be an automatic "fix",
as it leads to it's own set of issues, but his ds is still 5 and
hasn't attended Kingergarten.

How do we know that? The OP just said he was starting
first grade soon. The OP does refer to his teacher, so he's
in some sort of class now, and kindy seems a reasonable
possibility to me. Could be wrong, obviously, as the OP
wasn't specific, but I don't see how one could count out
that possibility.

He most likely missed the cut off date
to go to Kindergarten (he would have been 4 when the school year
began).

If he's eligible for 1st grade this year, it seems
doubtful that he missed the cutoff for kindy last year.
I don't know anywhere that the cutoff changes between
kindy and first grade. There are five states that have
cutoffs (for kindy and first grade) that are after Dec. 1.
Even if he changes schools between kindy and first grade,
many states won't allow a transfer into first grade if
the child misses the cutoff.

If this were the case with my child, I'd have him start Kindergarten
this year. He'd be in line with age with the other classmates.

Depends on what the cutoff is and whether kids are
typically held out an extra year in that area. If he makes
the cutoff and people don't tend to hold kids out, he'd still
be on the young side but would be within the normal age range
for the class. Two of my kids are close to the cutoff, so
they're among the youngest in their classes without issue.
(That's not to say that there are never issues, but only
that being on the younger side of the normal age
distribution isn't any sort of guarantee of problems,
even if sports isn't going swimmingly for the child.)

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Alvaradi" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
Hi, hope somebody can give me some advise. My kid is a good boy at heart,
likes to hug and kiss (and be hugged and kissed) and also cries a lot when
his 3-year old sister "gets" him. He likes to draw and paint, he also
likes video games a lot which we try to restrict.

He sounds like a wonderful (and perfectly normal) kid!! :-)

His mother stays with
them all day. To get him socially involved with other kids and active, we
have him in swimming lessons, karate and recently in soccer. My wife tells
me he is a disaster in all these activities, that he seems disengaged and
uninterested (like wandering around), with limited interaction

That can be totally normal. He might not be interested in those specific
activities ever or he may just need another year or two before he is ready
for those types of activities.

would rather, in a silly
and playful manner, follow his peers and try to amuse them with his funny
faces and throwing himself to the floor (and pretend he is hurt sometimes)
to get their attention.

This could just be his personality! Some kids are comedians :-) It is up
to you guys to decide if this is who he is as a person or if he is acting
out of sync because he is not at the same maturity level. This can be hard
for the first time parent..or at least it was for me. I did not see the
immaturity in my own son because he *wasn't* acting silly etc. He always
seemed calm and appropriate but that is because he was so shy he wasn't
interacting at all. Once he grew a biy and started interacting with
classmates more I could see the difference in maturity levels more clearly.

I am really worried because he is going to first
grade soon (will turn 6 in December) and I think he will suffer a lot as
other kids will pick on him. His teacher says he is fine and that I should
not worry but I know better. I don't know what to do to make him more
"malicious".

I certainly wouldnt' attempt to make him more 'malicious' or attempt to
change him at all. If you feel he is out of sync maturity wise for first
grade then consider if kindergarten would be a better match. I found out
that most of my son's kindergarten classmates were actually 6yo, not 5yo.
That varies by district.

The fact of the matter is that my wife "benchmarks" him with his peers and
realizes that they are all more skillful, engaged, faster, etc. and our
son would rather pretend he is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle in his little
mind. Any suggestions?

I wouldn't gage by any specific activity but more take a look at their
interations. Some kids will never be fast or skillful ;-) I'm living proof
of that. Some kids will always be more into pretending etc. Some kids
mature a little more slowly and the daydreamer this year will be very
focused and more phyical next year. That is OK as long as he is matched
with the right age group. What I have found to be a mistake is that I put
my slightly immature son in school at the right age but with the wrong age
group because all his classmates were older then him. He was in first grade
last year...and it was hard for him socially.

Good luck with your decision. I'm finding that it is one of the hardest
ones I've had to make as a parent...and I've already screwed up once!


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

In article ,
Nan wrote:

While I agree starting a child later should not be an automatic "fix",
as it leads to it's own set of issues, but his ds is still 5 and
hasn't attended Kingergarten. He most likely missed the cut off date
to go to Kindergarten (he would have been 4 when the school year
began).

I'm curious as to why so many assume he hasn't been to kindergarten.
The OP didn't say that, and DID refer to the boy having a teacher who
says he's doing fine -- I assumed a kindergarten teacher.

--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

On Fri, 02 Jun 2006 15:03:37 GMT, dragonlady
wrote:

In article ,
Nan wrote:

While I agree starting a child later should not be an automatic "fix",
as it leads to it's own set of issues, but his ds is still 5 and
hasn't attended Kingergarten. He most likely missed the cut off date
to go to Kindergarten (he would have been 4 when the school year
began).

I'm curious as to why so many assume he hasn't been to kindergarten.
The OP didn't say that, and DID refer to the boy having a teacher who
says he's doing fine -- I assumed a kindergarten teacher.

Okay, I assumed wrongly. I missed the mention of a teacher when
reading his post.

Nan

On Fri, 02 Jun 2006 10:53:05 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
wrote:

Nan wrote:

While I agree starting a child later should not be an automatic "fix",
as it leads to it's own set of issues, but his ds is still 5 and
hasn't attended Kingergarten.

How do we know that? The OP just said he was starting
first grade soon. The OP does refer to his teacher, so he's
in some sort of class now, and kindy seems a reasonable
possibility to me. Could be wrong, obviously, as the OP
wasn't specific, but I don't see how one could count out
that possibility.

When the OP stated the mother is with him all day, I assumed he was
not in school. The teacher could also be the one he'll have in 1st
grade, although in many districts we don't know who the teacher will
be until just before the school year.

Nan

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 02 Jun 2006 15:03:37 GMT, dragonlady
wrote:

In article ,
Nan wrote:

While I agree starting a child later should not be an automatic "fix",
as it leads to it's own set of issues, but his ds is still 5 and
hasn't attended Kingergarten. He most likely missed the cut off date
to go to Kindergarten (he would have been 4 when the school year
began).

I'm curious as to why so many assume he hasn't been to kindergarten.
The OP didn't say that, and DID refer to the boy having a teacher who
says he's doing fine -- I assumed a kindergarten teacher.

Okay, I assumed wrongly. I missed the mention of a teacher when
reading his post.
Is ok I thought his teacher was one of the 3 sports he was in. especialy
since it was pointed out that his mom is home with him all day.

Tori

In article ,
"Tori M" wrote:

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 02 Jun 2006 15:03:37 GMT, dragonlady
wrote:

In article ,
Nan wrote:

While I agree starting a child later should not be an automatic "fix",
as it leads to it's own set of issues, but his ds is still 5 and
hasn't attended Kingergarten. He most likely missed the cut off date
to go to Kindergarten (he would have been 4 when the school year
began).

I'm curious as to why so many assume he hasn't been to kindergarten.
The OP didn't say that, and DID refer to the boy having a teacher who
says he's doing fine -- I assumed a kindergarten teacher.

Okay, I assumed wrongly. I missed the mention of a teacher when
reading his post.
Is ok I thought his teacher was one of the 3 sports he was in. especialy
since it was pointed out that his mom is home with him all day.

Tori



It's interesting how we read things. I figured "home with him all day"
just meant she was home all day -- and with him when HE was home. I
read it as a reference to his mom not working outside the home (and
being home all day), and NOT that the boy was home all day.

OP there? So, is your son in kindergarten now? Who was the teacher to
whom you referred in your original post?

And, going back to the original question and re-reading your subject
line: most likely your son isn't broke, and doesn't need to be "fixed".

--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
bizby40 wrote:
"Banty" wrote in message
...
Why are folks recommending that he start school later just because
he's not a
whiz-bang at three athletic pursuits at the age of five??

Possibly, it's that he's more academically inclined than sports
inclined, in
which case holding him back from starting school would be
disasterous.

Because his son doesn't turn 6 until December and has apparently
never been to kindergarten.

Well, he's got a teacher now, so he might well be
in kindy, though that's not clear.

We won't know unless he comes back and tells us, but since he said the
mom is with the kids all day, and he also said that they've enrolled
him in these activities in part specifically to get him socially
involved with other kids, it doesn't sound like he's in kindergarten
now. I could be wrong about that, but nonetheless, that's what I was
basing my advice on.

If he's in the States, that is rather unusual,

There are five states with cutoffs after Dec. 1.

I meant the combination of starting so young and not having been to
kindergarten.

and he will likely be the youngest in his class by far.

That depends. If he's in one of those states (which
he'd have to be, if he were in the US and eligible to attend
1st grade next year), they may well have a significantly
younger skew in the classes, unless a lot of people in the
district are holding their kids back.

Are there any states with cut-offs after Jan 1st? My daughter has a
birthday a full 6 weeks before the cutoff here, and is still usually
the youngest or second youngest in her class. The closer you are to
the cutoff, the more likely that is to be.

If he's currently
in kindergarten and doing well (which his teacher seems to
think he is), he may well already be holding his own with
whatever peer group he's likely to be with in 1st grade.

Okay, that's where you are basing your advice from. It's up to the OP
to decide what most closely fits his situation.

Also, he seems to feel that his child has problems fitting in
socially.

He doesn't cite any problems at school fitting
in--just in sports, which is hardly unusual for some
kids who aren't all that keen on team sports.

Well, since I don't think the kid has been to school, it would be hard
for him to cite problems there. Swimming lessons and karate lessons
are hardly "team sports". Sure, it's possible that he just doesn't
like these particular activities.

A year in kindergarten might give him the time he needs to develop
those social skills.

I have yet to hear much evidence that he's a social
outcast (or would be). Sounds like he's the class clown,
and the teacher thinks he isn't having any problems socially
at school. To me, this sounds a lot more like a dad who
is just worried his kid isn't athletic enough and thinks his
kid will get picked on if he isn't good enough and interested
enough in team sports.

Again, only one of the three things he mentioned is a team sport. He
specifically said that he's worried about his interaction, or lack
thereof, with the other kids. I also see shades of him worrying that
his son isn't as mature as other kids his age, and that perhaps his
son has more trouble focusing during structured activities than other
children near his own age.

Two of my kids barely make the cutoffs for their
schools, and yet they're doing just fine. That's not to
say that *all* kids will do so, or that there's never a
reason to hold a kid back, but if everything is going fine
except for the sports, I don't think that's much of a reason
to hold a child back from moving on to the next grade.

And there is a kid in my son's grade who was bumped up a grade and is
a full 6 months younger than the cutoff who is also doing fine -- not
only academically, but socially as well. Seeing him with his peers,
you would never know that he is substantially younger. So I would
never recommend holding someone back "just because." But I think that
you are dismissing the father's fears. He said, "His teacher says he
is fine and that I should not worry but I *know* better." [emphasis
mine] For every parent out there that worries too much, there's
another who doesn't worry enough, and a third who worries just right.
If his gut tells him that his son needs some kind of help, I'm
inclined to trust him. There is no need to focus on the suggestion to
put him in kindergarten, there are other ways to help too. Others
have suggested finding activities that better suit his interests, I
have suggested one-on-one playdates. There are lots of options.

Bizby

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...

It's interesting how we read things. I figured "home with him all
day"
just meant she was home all day -- and with him when HE was home. I
read it as a reference to his mom not working outside the home (and
being home all day), and NOT that the boy was home all day.

I might have thought the same thing except for two things:

First, he mentions getting him involved in these activities to get him
socially involved with other kids. I wouldn't have thought they would
feel that need if he was in kindergarten.

Second, if he were in kindergarten and doing well there, then I can't
imagine why the OP would worry about the move to 1st grade.

OP there? So, is your son in kindergarten now? Who was the teacher
to
whom you referred in your original post?

Agreed. We all read it differently, and only he knows for sure.

And, going back to the original question and re-reading your subject
line: most likely your son isn't broke, and doesn't need to be
"fixed".

:-) I'm sure he was joking.

Bizby

Nan wrote:
On Fri, 02 Jun 2006 10:53:05 -0400, Ericka Kammerer
wrote:

Nan wrote:

While I agree starting a child later should not be an automatic "fix",
as it leads to it's own set of issues, but his ds is still 5 and
hasn't attended Kingergarten.
How do we know that? The OP just said he was starting
first grade soon. The OP does refer to his teacher, so he's
in some sort of class now, and kindy seems a reasonable
possibility to me. Could be wrong, obviously, as the OP
wasn't specific, but I don't see how one could count out
that possibility.

When the OP stated the mother is with him all day, I assumed he was
not in school. The teacher could also be the one he'll have in 1st
grade, although in many districts we don't know who the teacher will
be until just before the school year.

I think he just meant that she was a SAHM, not
that he wasn't in school.

Best wishes,
Ericka