What to do next

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
...
:
: Since you're a teacher, does your district participate in an Employee
: Assistance Program (or does your husband's employer do so?)


They do--employee only


: I also have to wonder if it would be possible to get therapy written into
: SS's IEP in some way.

Well that's just it, he's about to start a new school, one that's actually a
joint venture between the school district, county mental health, and county
department of social services. The therapy component is the main focus; the
have acadademics as well of course--it's a school--but with leeway to
completely drop academics and focus on theraputic efforts at any time.
There is a big "group" component, which is what he needs--one-on-one he's
actually a great kid and makes friends, it's when there's a third person
involved that he starts with the insults and put-downs, even directed
towards the first kid. So yes, therapy will be written into his IEP. It's
just taken a while for us to get here.
--
ColoradoSkiBum

"Kathy Cole" wrote in message
news : x-no-archive: yes
:
: On Mon, 17 Nov 2003 17:56:44 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
: wrote:
:
: That's interesting, I have never heard of that. Is the idolization
: sort of like a giant denial then? He feels so hurt, so angry, that
: he decides somewhere in his mind that it *can't be true* because his
: dad's a superhero, or something like that?
:
: Yes. My sister had some idolizing behaviors toward our mother in her
: mid-teens; it was among the coping mechanisms until she was able to get
: out of the house and start therapy (father molested/mother didn't
: protect).


So, if you don't mind my asking, why didn't she exhibit idolizing behaviors
towards her *father*? Since he was the really bad guy in the whole thing?
--
ColoradoSkiBum

x-no-archive: yes

On Wed, 19 Nov 2003 15:29:34 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
wrote:

"Kathy Cole" wrote in message
news : Yes. My sister had some idolizing behaviors toward our mother in her
: mid-teens; it was among the coping mechanisms until she was able to get
: out of the house and start therapy (father molested/mother didn't
: protect).

So, if you don't mind my asking, why didn't she exhibit idolizing
behaviors towards her *father*? Since he was the really bad guy in
the whole thing?

The emotions are a lot more straightforward (anger or even rage) toward
the person who actually abused you. The emotions are more complicated
toward the person who was complicit in the continuation of abuse they
know about and didn't work toward getting stopped. (At least, that was
the case for us.)

In article ,
ColoradoSkiBum wrote:

"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
...
: In article ,
: Banty wrote:
: In article , ColoradoSkiBum
: says...
: Obviously you haven't been here in a while, Banty. So you don't know
what
: season passes cost. Try $319 for an adult *5 mountain* pass, and $129
for a
: kid (Vail, BC, Keystone, Breck, and A-Basin all included in that).
That's a
: pretty cheap winter by anybody's standards.
:
: "By anybody's standards"??!? Who do you know!
:
: It does sound like a good deal for skiing, but it's certainly not cheap
: entertainment by my standards! A $10 snow tube and a hill in a public
: park followed by hot chocolate in a thermos is cheap winter entertainment
: by my standards.

That's just it, when you consider that's the season pass price, and how
often we go, it comes out to about $10 each per day.

The $10 snow tube is a one-time purchase. After that, it's free each day
you go out. $10/person/day x 35 times per winter adds up to a ton of money
overall, IMO.

--Robyn

In article , ColoradoSkiBum
says...


"Donna Metler" wrote in message
. ..
:
: Since you're a teacher, does your district participate in an Employee
: Assistance Program (or does your husband's employer do so?)


They do--employee only

Then take advantage of it.

Banty

In article , Kathy Cole says...

x-no-archive: yes

On Wed, 19 Nov 2003 15:29:34 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
wrote:

"Kathy Cole" wrote in message
news : Yes. My sister had some idolizing behaviors toward our mother in her
: mid-teens; it was among the coping mechanisms until she was able to get
: out of the house and start therapy (father molested/mother didn't
: protect).

So, if you don't mind my asking, why didn't she exhibit idolizing
behaviors towards her *father*? Since he was the really bad guy in
the whole thing?

The emotions are a lot more straightforward (anger or even rage) toward
the person who actually abused you. The emotions are more complicated
toward the person who was complicit in the continuation of abuse they
know about and didn't work toward getting stopped. (At least, that was
the case for us.)


It would apply well for this case - mother incompetent; father not doing
anything and not being around.

Banty

On Wed, 19 Nov 2003 18:18:31 -0500, Kathy Cole
wrote:

x-no-archive: yes

On Wed, 19 Nov 2003 15:29:34 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
wrote:

"Kathy Cole" wrote in message
news : Yes. My sister had some idolizing behaviors toward our mother in her
: mid-teens; it was among the coping mechanisms until she was able to get
: out of the house and start therapy (father molested/mother didn't
: protect).

So, if you don't mind my asking, why didn't she exhibit idolizing
behaviors towards her *father*? Since he was the really bad guy in
the whole thing?

The emotions are a lot more straightforward (anger or even rage) toward
the person who actually abused you. The emotions are more complicated
toward the person who was complicit in the continuation of abuse they
know about and didn't work toward getting stopped. (At least, that was
the case for us.)

I think it does depend on the personality of the child, the particular
kind of abuses suffered and what the other person did or did not do.
In some cases the mom is emotionally abusive and the child actually
idolizes the dad because the abuse he gave at least seemed as if
he valued her company while the mom was cold and unloving.

It gets very complicated in cases like this to sort out all the
conflicting emotions.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

*PLONK*
--
ColoradoSkiBum

On Wed, 19 Nov 2003 15:07:23 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
wrote:

Well that's just it, he's about to start a new school, one that's actually a
joint venture between the school district, county mental health, and county
department of social services. The therapy component is the main focus; the
have acadademics as well of course--it's a school--but with leeway to
completely drop academics and focus on theraputic efforts at any time.
There is a big "group" component, which is what he needs--one-on-one he's
actually a great kid and makes friends, it's when there's a third person
involved that he starts with the insults and put-downs, even directed
towards the first kid. So yes, therapy will be written into his IEP. It's
just taken a while for us to get here.

Sounds like a promising program. I hope it works out for you.

In article ,
Robyn Kozierok wrote:

The $10 snow tube is a one-time purchase. After that, it's free each day
you go out. $10/person/day x 35 times per winter adds up to a ton of money
overall, IMO.


Just to be clear, I'm not saying this is what you "should" do. I am
saying that there are cheaper ways to entertain a family during the
winter than skiing. If skiing is a priority for you, fine. But ~$700
for the season, even for lots of days of enjoyment, is a lot more than
a lot of families If we were spending $700/year on skiing and my kid
needed thousands of dollars worth of medical treatment that insurance
wouldn't cover (or if my out of pocket portion would be that high,
which it can be on my insurance) I would cut skiing and possibly some
other "luxuries" first, and then look for an additional source of
income. (If I thought it was very important to my child's self-esteem,
I might let him ski alone, but by husband and I would give it up for
ourselves.) But that's my choice, and your options and priorities
will obviously be different than mine.

But It sounds like this whole subthread on cutting costs is moot anyhow.
If I understand correctly, he will get individual counselling at the
new school, and you all can get family counselling through Kaiser.

If he does need additional treatment that the school can't provide and
that insurance won't cover, I hope you can find a way to get it for him.

Good luck,
--Robyn