What to do next

In article , Barbara Bomberger
says...

On Mon, 17 Nov 2003 18:35:09 GMT, (Robyn
Kozierok) wrote:

In article ,
ColoradoSkiBum wrote:
: She could also change her id to
m,
: if you know what I mean.
:

So now you're advocating that the entire family give up an activity which we
all enjoy together? And tell my SS what? We can't go skiing anymore
because you have to go to therapy. Right. *That* will work, I'm sure.

Um, in a word, yes. If your child *needs* something like therapy and
you can't find another way to get it paid for, then yes, you have to
give up the expensive hobbies you *enjoy* and use the money for what
you *need*. Yes, you will need to be delicate in how this is explained
to your SS, but there is a difference between need and want, and skiing
is *not* a *need* for anyone. It sucks having to give up your recreation
for something not fun like getting your kid therapy, but that's part of
being a parent.

although in all honesty, I cannot imagine giving up skiing totally and
living in colorado. What would be the point? However, there are
frugal ways to ski, been there done that.

Believe it or not, I lived 8 years in Colorado without learning to ski, and
didnt' learn until I moved to upstate NY :-)

Lots of people in Colorado dont' ski. Natives may or may not be into the
playtimes everyone else might associate with where they're living.

By 'frugal' - do you mean just less hideously expensive (which, sure there are,
depending on what the family is already doing), or truly frugal? Truly frugal
would be the local ice pond with borrowed skates ;-)

Banty

On Sun, 16 Nov 2003 23:27:37 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
wrote:

: If you've been following the whole sad saga, it's apparent that the OP has
: been using Usenet as a virtual paper trail he/she can point to and say
"see,
: I TRIED", when the kid finally does something drastic and gets sent away.
If
: they can afford to "go out frequently"

BTW, what exactly do you think "go out frequently" means? I have an old
high school friends who lives in Pueblo--we go down there about once a month
to visit. It costs all of about $5 in gas. Whoop-de-doo. Maybe twice a
month we meet some friends at one of the local bars and buy $10 worth of
drinks. How much therapy will that buy?

Like many people, we are living paycheck-to-paycheck. So, since you seem to
have all the answers, I'll let you decide which one we should give up:
rent?
car insurance?
electricity?
car payment?
groceries?
telephone?

Perhaps give up the swinging stuff - that has to cost money at some
point..

Actually though, I would bet you *can* find some ways to cut back.
It's not easy, but most people can do it if they are not living on
credit. And if they are living on credit and paying lots of interest,
then they probably need debt counselling and help to get out of
that cycle.

Perhaps you can save on groceries by joining a co-op. Perhaps you
can give up your internet access. Perhaps you can cut your telephone
bills by not having long distance and using a 10-10 number for those
calls and calling less. Perhaps you can move to a cheaper home so
that you pay less rent. Perhaps you can improve on your gas and
electricity by making sure you use less (not easy, but turning the
heat down and wearing sweaters in the house will save you some).

At any rate, the problems with your stepson cannot be solved easily
and *will* take therapy and quite a bit of it, imo. Perhaps social
services can help with the cost since he is already receiving
special education services.




--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

On Sun, 16 Nov 2003 23:20:57 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
wrote:

I do think that "family" therapy is a big component here, but certainly not
the only component. I think my SS has some issues that he has to work out
on his own, with the help of a therapist, also. I know how I was at that
age: there were a *lot* of things I would not have said in front of my
parents. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm sensing that it is the same for him.
There are many times when "things happen" and he will not talk to us about
them, almost like he's too embarassed. So I think it's important that he
has a lot of *one on one* time with the therapist.

I would agree that he probably needs individual therapy as well. But
you know, it's not only you and dad who need to be involved in the
family therapy, but his bio-mom and perhaps his stepdad. This is
a large issue for the whole family.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

On Sun, 16 Nov 2003 23:41:01 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
wrote:

Yes, I think it is, but only part--and without the individual component I
don't think "family" therapy would go anywhere. That would likely turn into
3 adults talking *at* him. He needs a forum where he can talk about *his*
feelings, without having all of us adults present.

Family therapy isn't supposed to be adults talking at him, btw.

It should be a place where the family can change the dynamics
of their relationship, not *fix* the child.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

On 17 Nov 2003 17:31:08 GMT, Noreen Cooper
wrote:

My guess is he is fearful that if he acts out at home he will be sent back
to his mother. That is why he is communicating the intensity of his inner
tornado by acting out in school. He is screaming out he needs help but in
a way that won't endanger his place in your home.

Yes, that is very likely the case. This is a boy who has been
abandoned and now has had dad return to his life and he is very
much afraid that it is all his fault, I bet.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

: I would agree that he probably needs individual therapy as well. But
: you know, it's not only you and dad who need to be involved in the
: family therapy, but his bio-mom and perhaps his stepdad. This is
: a large issue for the whole family.

I think you're probably right, but, his biomom lives in Florida, so that's
not likely to happen. In her estimation *everything* is dad's fault anyway.
--
ColoradoSkiBum

: Well, CSB - it's an awful *expensive* family activity. And one you rather
: conspicuously neglected to note in your rent/food/etc. list you gave us
all to
: work with.
:
: Acutally, no, I'm not saying cutting out skiing is *necessarily* the thing
to
: do, but hey, it should be on the list, and leaving it so obviously off
doens't
: give me the impression you're really dealing with this whole matter
honestly
: with yourself.
:
: Try back-country cross-country skiing - hey even groomed trail CC skiing.
: Snowshoeing. Get running shoes and make *that* your family thing. Or at
least
: face up to what those lift tickets cost and cut all that much deeper
elsewhere.
: C'mon.
:
: Banty (Skiier, attended high school and college in Colorado)

Obviously you haven't been here in a while, Banty. So you don't know what
season passes cost. Try $319 for an adult *5 mountain* pass, and $129 for a
kid (Vail, BC, Keystone, Breck, and A-Basin all included in that). That's a
pretty cheap winter by anybody's standards. And like I said, it's a family
activity for us, which makes it definitely worth it. We drive up together
for the day--there's an hour and a half of quality family time right there.
We ski together and ride the lifts together. We drive back together. So
yes, it's worth it. I'm sorry, but no amount of "therapy" would be worth
giving up that time together. Since that is really the only thing that my
SS is **truly** good at, he doesn't have to make up things about his
abilities (although he still does)--he *really can* ski double black runs.
You have no idea the feeling that gives him, a kid who's scared of
*everything*, afraid to drop into the 5-foot halfpipe on his skateboard at
the community park. He skied Blue Ox at Vail *twice* last year (double
black), then skied Ouzo and Ouzo Glades (both blacks), all on the same day.
He's only been skiing for 2 years but he's **good.** So if you're asking us
to take that away from him *for his own good,* sorry but you've got it all
backwards.
--
ColoradoSkiBum

"Robyn Kozierok" wrote in message
...
: In article ,
: ColoradoSkiBum wrote:
: : She could also change her id to
: ,
: : if you know what I mean.
: :
:
: So now you're advocating that the entire family give up an activity which
we
: all enjoy together? And tell my SS what? We can't go skiing anymore
: because you have to go to therapy. Right. *That* will work, I'm sure.
:
: Um, in a word, yes. If your child *needs* something like therapy and
: you can't find another way to get it paid for, then yes, you have to
: give up the expensive hobbies you *enjoy* and use the money for what
: you *need*. Yes, you will need to be delicate in how this is explained
: to your SS, but there is a difference between need and want, and skiing
: is *not* a *need* for anyone. It sucks having to give up your recreation
: for something not fun like getting your kid therapy, but that's part of
: being a parent.
:
: (Apparently your definition of paycheck-to-paycheck differs from mine. I
: assumed you'd already given up skiing.)


Read my reply to Banty.
--
ColoradoSkiBum

: although in all honesty, I cannot imagine giving up skiing totally and
: living in colorado. What would be the point?

I can honestly say that for my SS, I don't think there would be any. Like I
replied to Banty, it's the one thing he has that he's truly good at. We
won't take it away from him.

: However, there are
: frugal ways to ski, been there done that.

Sure there are! You buy the Colorado Pass--5 mountains for $319 bucks!!!
For a kid it's only $129 for 5 mountains for the *whole season*, and that
includes Vail!! Then you **always** do the free parking/shuttle bus, and
**always** take your lunch, never buy it on the mountain. And don't stay
overnight--just make it a day trip. If you figure we skied probably 35 days
last year, that comes out to about $22 per day for all 3 of us, then add in
another $15 or so in gas, that's $37 a day for our entire family to ski.
Together. Just over $12 per person.
--
ColoradoSkiBum

: Like many people, we are living paycheck-to-paycheck. So, since you seem
to
: have all the answers, I'll let you decide which one we should give up:
: rent?
: car insurance?
: electricity?
: car payment?
: groceries?
: telephone?
:
: Perhaps give up the swinging stuff - that has to cost money at some
: point..

Actually no--I've never paid for sex. Have you?

--
ColoradoSkiBum