What to do next

"Noreen Cooper" wrote in message
...
: ColoradoSkiBum wrote:
:
: : You could very well be right. But the fact of the matter is, he
*idolizes*
: : his father. I don't know why--his dad isn't perfect by any means--but
in
: : his mind his dad can do no wrong.
:
: Idolization is simply a defense which masks hurt and anger he is either
: incapable of feeling towards his father right now or is fearful of feeling
: lest he rock the boat and be sent back to live with his mother. The
: stronger the idolization, the deeper the hurt. Family therapy will
: hopefully provide him with a safe place to express his true feelings so he
: no longer needs to fall into this form of overcompensation.

That's interesting, I have never heard of that. Is the idolization sort of
like a giant denial then? He feels so hurt, so angry, that he decides
somewhere in his mind that it *can't be true* because his dad's a superhero,
or something like that?


: My guess is he is fearful that if he acts out at home he will be sent back
: to his mother.

We were worried that that might be part of the problem, so we have been very
careful to communicate to him from day 1 that he will *never* be sent back
to Florida to live with his mother. I know that doesn't necessarily mean
anything, but there was a good sign: A couple of months ago at school, the
para that he has a really good relationship with (the one he assaulted)
asked him, during one of their deep-and-meaningful conversations, if he
thought we might ever send him back to Florida, and he said no. Didn't
even have to think about it; he just said "no, they won't send me back." We
sort of breathed a sigh of relief over that. But it doesn't necessarily
mean that somewhere in his subconscious, he might still not be worried about
that possibility.

--
ColoradoSkiBum

BTW Barbara, I'm still waiting to hear about those overseas vacations that
I've described previously. If you find out where we went, do let me know,
would you? Details would be nice so I can find out if we had fun or not.
--
ColoradoSkiBum

: Lots of people in Colorado dont' ski. Natives may or may not be into the
: playtimes everyone else might associate with where they're living.

Actually someone I know--a native (one of the few)--came up with a pretty
good theory about that. For people who grew up here, when they were kids
and *would have* learned how to ski, skiing was enormously expensive, so
only the super-rich and out-of-state super-rich could afford it. So they
never took up skiing. People who have moved here have come in large part
*for* the skiing, and driven the prices down to where it's actually
affordable now, even for your average college student. Here's a comparison
for you. Colorado Pass which includes Keystone, Breckenridge, Arapahoe
Basin, Vail, and Beaver Creek: $319 for the season. Season pass for Jackson
Hole (1 mountain only): $1700.
--
ColoradoSkiBum

On Mon, 17 Nov 2003 17:48:20 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
wrote:

: Like many people, we are living paycheck-to-paycheck. So, since you seem
to
: have all the answers, I'll let you decide which one we should give up:
: rent?
: car insurance?
: electricity?
: car payment?
: groceries?
: telephone?
:
: Perhaps give up the swinging stuff - that has to cost money at some
: point..

Actually no--I've never paid for sex. Have you?

I'm boring. Been married for a long time and never had sex with
anyone but my husband. But I don't object to others doing
differently. Still my impression is that swinging has its own
costs - if not for the other couple, for wine, dinner out, etc. and
those things are not cheap. And for others it involves clubs
which have membership fees.




--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

: I'm boring. Been married for a long time and never had sex with
: anyone but my husband. But I don't object to others doing
: differently. Still my impression is that swinging has its own
: costs - if not for the other couple, for wine, dinner out, etc. and
: those things are not cheap. And for others it involves clubs
: which have membership fees.

All that stuff is superfluous if you find the right couple. You meet at a
bar, you have a couple of drinks, that's it. And who needs a club? Not
like it's illegal in the privacy of your own home or anything.
--
ColoradoSkiBum

On Mon, 17 Nov 2003 19:10:40 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
wrote:


: I'm boring. Been married for a long time and never had sex with
: anyone but my husband. But I don't object to others doing
: differently. Still my impression is that swinging has its own
: costs - if not for the other couple, for wine, dinner out, etc. and
: those things are not cheap. And for others it involves clubs
: which have membership fees.

All that stuff is superfluous if you find the right couple. You meet at a
bar, you have a couple of drinks, that's it. And who needs a club? Not
like it's illegal in the privacy of your own home or anything.

I hate bars. But that's up to you. Still meeting a couple at a bar
and then taking them home for sex seems risky to me in terms
of both stds and possible trouble from the couple on other fronts.

And drinking is expensive too. Cutting back on alcohol consumption
might save you quite a bit.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

In article , ColoradoSkiBum
says...

: Well, CSB - it's an awful *expensive* family activity. And one you rather
: conspicuously neglected to note in your rent/food/etc. list you gave us
all to
: work with.
:
: Acutally, no, I'm not saying cutting out skiing is *necessarily* the thing
to
: do, but hey, it should be on the list, and leaving it so obviously off
doens't
: give me the impression you're really dealing with this whole matter
honestly
: with yourself.
:
: Try back-country cross-country skiing - hey even groomed trail CC skiing.
: Snowshoeing. Get running shoes and make *that* your family thing. Or at
least
: face up to what those lift tickets cost and cut all that much deeper
elsewhere.
: C'mon.
:
: Banty (Skiier, attended high school and college in Colorado)

Obviously you haven't been here in a while, Banty. So you don't know what
season passes cost. Try $319 for an adult *5 mountain* pass, and $129 for a
kid (Vail, BC, Keystone, Breck, and A-Basin all included in that). That's a
pretty cheap winter by anybody's standards.

"By anybody's standards"??!? Who do you know!

That's two adults and one kid, right - more like over $750 - is there another
kid, too? Add another $129. Plus the equipment, the gas, the meals unless you
pack them, keeping up with a growing kid's foot size in boots. Gimme a break.

The red flag that I see is that you listed rent, food, la la la when asked what
you could cut back on, when clearly you're *not* down to rent, food, etc.

Consider *all* your expenses, including this snow-white elephant of yours.

Banty

In article , ColoradoSkiBum
says...

: Like many people, we are living paycheck-to-paycheck. So, since you seem
to
: have all the answers, I'll let you decide which one we should give up:
: rent?
: car insurance?
: electricity?
: car payment?
: groceries?
: telephone?
:
: Perhaps give up the swinging stuff - that has to cost money at some
: point..

Actually no--I've never paid for sex. Have you?

There's no entertainment costs associated with that? They just come over and,
um, bingo bim bam? Or what?

Banty

In article , ColoradoSkiBum
says...

BTW Barbara, I'm still waiting to hear about those overseas vacations that
I've described previously. If you find out where we went, do let me know,
would you? Details would be nice so I can find out if we had fun or not.
--
ColoradoSkiBum


Yet another evasion of the source of your family problem - abandonment. You had
a part in it. Evasion doesn't look good - you really need to deal with this.

No wonder he won't open up to you. You won't deal with it here, it's a pretty
good bet you refuse to deal with it IRL.

Banty

: That's two adults and one kid, right - more like over $750 - is there
another
: kid, too? Add another $129. Plus the equipment, the gas, the meals
unless you
: pack them, keeping up with a growing kid's foot size in boots. Gimme a
break.
:
: The red flag that I see is that you listed rent, food, la la la when asked
what
: you could cut back on, when clearly you're *not* down to rent, food, etc.
:
: Consider *all* your expenses, including this snow-white elephant of yours.


You really missed the whole point there, didn't you? You're purporting that
we should *take away* the one thing that he really loves, the only thing
he's good at. For his own good. That's horse****.
--
ColoradoSkiBum