Help with potty training

Hi, I'm kinda new here but my sister told me that everyone in this group is
very helpful. I hope she's right because I could really use some good
advice.
My daughter is 3.5 and still refuses to potty train. She knows how, she
does it when she wants to but will not do it when I suggest it nor does she
do it consistently. I have recently taken her out of diapers and into pull
ups which I have come to realize are the exact same thing as far as she is
concerned. Anything she can wear and not have to go on the potty is good in
her eyes.
She has had a medical condition since she has been 6mos where she would hold
her bowels. Eventually because the problem became so severe she was put on
a laxitive type product that helps make everything very soft and she is able
to go everyday. Her doctor has told me not to push her to potty train
because it could cause her to regress to holding it all again. This advice
was given 6 months ago. I believe that once she starts going on the potty
she will realize its easier and will continue of her own volition.
Last week I told her that when the pull ups were gone we were going to wear
big girl undies. We went to the store and I let her pick them out. Today
we started. I started well. Then every hour or so I would ask if she would
come into the bathroom and try to potty, she refused, everytime. Then she
peed on the floor. She took off her undies and just went about her
business. Didn't bother her a bit. I asked why she didn't go in the
bathroom? or come and tell me? She said she didn't want to. I feel like
this is a control issue with her. I'm trying not to make it that way but
she is old enough and mature enough to be trained, and it frustrates me that
she is being so stubborn. What do I do? Do I go back to pull ups? If I do
does that mean she wins? Please help. Any advice is welcomed and
appreciated.
Thank you,
Sarah

On Wed, 10 Aug 2005 15:59:33 -0400, "Sarah" wrote:

Hi, I'm kinda new here but my sister told me that everyone in this group is
very helpful. I hope she's right because I could really use some good
advice.
My daughter is 3.5 and still refuses to potty train. She knows how, she
does it when she wants to but will not do it when I suggest it nor does she
do it consistently. I have recently taken her out of diapers and into pull
ups which I have come to realize are the exact same thing as far as she is
concerned. Anything she can wear and not have to go on the potty is good in
her eyes.
She has had a medical condition since she has been 6mos where she would hold
her bowels. Eventually because the problem became so severe she was put on
a laxitive type product that helps make everything very soft and she is able
to go everyday. Her doctor has told me not to push her to potty train
because it could cause her to regress to holding it all again. This advice
was given 6 months ago. I believe that once she starts going on the potty
she will realize its easier and will continue of her own volition.
Last week I told her that when the pull ups were gone we were going to wear
big girl undies. We went to the store and I let her pick them out. Today
we started. I started well. Then every hour or so I would ask if she would
come into the bathroom and try to potty, she refused, everytime. Then she
peed on the floor. She took off her undies and just went about her
business. Didn't bother her a bit. I asked why she didn't go in the
bathroom? or come and tell me? She said she didn't want to. I feel like
this is a control issue with her. I'm trying not to make it that way but
she is old enough and mature enough to be trained, and it frustrates me that
she is being so stubborn. What do I do? Do I go back to pull ups? If I do
does that mean she wins? Please help. Any advice is welcomed and
appreciated.
Thank you,
Sarah

Personally, I wouldn't go back to Pull-Ups. I think they're just
confusing for many kids.
Here is what I would do: If she goes on the floor, she can help clean
it up.
I used a sticker chart for my now 5 year old when she was training and
it worked very well. Some parents don't like incentive charts, but I
think they work for kids with the control issues.
Good luck! I know it's frustrating.

Nan

She knows how, so I'm sure it IS a control issue. My advice would be
just to put her back in diapers and don't mention it again until she
wants to do it. I know it is frustrating to have to ignore it, but
that's what you will have to do until she is convinced that you really
don't care anymore, or until such time as she wants to wear underwear.


"Sarah" wrote:

Hi, I'm kinda new here but my sister told me that everyone in this group is
very helpful. I hope she's right because I could really use some good
advice.
My daughter is 3.5 and still refuses to potty train. She knows how, she
does it when she wants to but will not do it when I suggest it nor does she
do it consistently. I have recently taken her out of diapers and into pull
ups which I have come to realize are the exact same thing as far as she is
concerned. Anything she can wear and not have to go on the potty is good in
her eyes.
She has had a medical condition since she has been 6mos where she would hold
her bowels. Eventually because the problem became so severe she was put on
a laxitive type product that helps make everything very soft and she is able
to go everyday. Her doctor has told me not to push her to potty train
because it could cause her to regress to holding it all again. This advice
was given 6 months ago. I believe that once she starts going on the potty
she will realize its easier and will continue of her own volition.
Last week I told her that when the pull ups were gone we were going to wear
big girl undies. We went to the store and I let her pick them out. Today
we started. I started well. Then every hour or so I would ask if she would
come into the bathroom and try to potty, she refused, everytime. Then she
peed on the floor. She took off her undies and just went about her
business. Didn't bother her a bit. I asked why she didn't go in the
bathroom? or come and tell me? She said she didn't want to. I feel like
this is a control issue with her. I'm trying not to make it that way but
she is old enough and mature enough to be trained, and it frustrates me that
she is being so stubborn. What do I do? Do I go back to pull ups? If I do
does that mean she wins? Please help. Any advice is welcomed and
appreciated.
Thank you,
Sarah


grandma Rosalie

Sarah wrote:
Hi, I'm kinda new here but my sister told me that everyone in this group is
very helpful. I hope she's right because I could really use some good
advice.

Go to your local bookstore and get a copy of "Mamma, I gott go POTTY!"
(or whatever it's called). It's pretty good.

Other than that, put her in dresses, and forget the underpants for
awhile. For whatever reasons, kids would often "use" their underpants,
but wouldn't when they were naked. My daughter would do that. If she
was naked from the waist down, then she never had accidents. We didn't
even have to remind her to go. She just took care of it. But the
moment we put pants on her, she'd wet or poop in her pants.

So let her go naked for awhile, until she gets in the habit of using
the potty.

The issue of refusing to go when *I* want her to go (right before nap
in our case) is still a problem for us. Initially I offered her
chocolate chips (one for peeing, one for pooping) as an incentive, and
that helped. Mostly I offered the reward for if she remember while
wearing pants, and it helped enormously. Most of the time now, she
forgets to even ask for her chocolate chip (she's been trained for
several months now). Now what I do, is offer her a choice - which
bathroom (big or little) and which potty - her potty or the big potty.
It helps a little because it gives them some control over the
situation.

Cathy Weeks

Thanks Cathy,
I have noticed the same with my daughter, that if she is naked she will use
the potty with no problems but as soon as she is covered she forgets. I
loved the idea of the dresses with nothing under! I used to just keep her
naked but then she couldn't play outside, now she'll be able to, and I won't
have to revert to pull ups. Thank you so much!
Sarah
"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message
ups.com...
Sarah wrote:
Hi, I'm kinda new here but my sister told me that everyone in this group
is
very helpful. I hope she's right because I could really use some good
advice.

Go to your local bookstore and get a copy of "Mamma, I gott go POTTY!"
(or whatever it's called). It's pretty good.

Other than that, put her in dresses, and forget the underpants for
awhile. For whatever reasons, kids would often "use" their underpants,
but wouldn't when they were naked. My daughter would do that. If she
was naked from the waist down, then she never had accidents. We didn't
even have to remind her to go. She just took care of it. But the
moment we put pants on her, she'd wet or poop in her pants.

So let her go naked for awhile, until she gets in the habit of using
the potty.

The issue of refusing to go when *I* want her to go (right before nap
in our case) is still a problem for us. Initially I offered her
chocolate chips (one for peeing, one for pooping) as an incentive, and
that helped. Mostly I offered the reward for if she remember while
wearing pants, and it helped enormously. Most of the time now, she
forgets to even ask for her chocolate chip (she's been trained for
several months now). Now what I do, is offer her a choice - which
bathroom (big or little) and which potty - her potty or the big potty.
It helps a little because it gives them some control over the
situation.

Cathy Weeks

Sarah wrote:
Thanks Cathy,
I have noticed the same with my daughter, that if she is naked she will use
the potty with no problems but as soon as she is covered she forgets. I
loved the idea of the dresses with nothing under! I used to just keep her
naked but then she couldn't play outside, now she'll be able to, and I won't
have to revert to pull ups. Thank you so much!

No problem!

I found that potty training could be divided into a few parts:

Part I: running around with no pants on, and getting used to using a
potty. This was the easy part. My daughter had one accident when she
was sick during this phase. It lasted a couple of months.

Part II: getting used to using the potty even when dressed. This was
somewhat harder. This was when I started offering chocolate chips. 5-6
chips a day wasn't much sugar, so I didn't see it as a problem. It was
enough added incentive that it helped her remember (she forgets to even
ask for the chocolate now).

Part III: same as part II but using the potty even when you are outside
playing! We solved this by doing two things: Letting her pee on the
ground or in the bushes (better than wetting her pants), and by putting
a cheapo potty outside. For whatever reason, having the outdoor potty
worked really well. And after awhile it got kind of yucky from
rainwater and dust and stuff, that she preferred to just go inside.

Part IV: Going when she doesn't want to. I insist that she go pee
before getting into the hot tub (we keep it at 100 so it's safe for
her), but that was easy - either she goes first, or she doesn't get in
the hot tub. There was never any argument over tat. I also insist that
she pee before nap because one of the only times she wet the bed was
during nap and it messed up her nap totally! So if I'm pretty sure she
hasn't peed in awhile, then I insist. That's when I give her the
choice of what potty and what bathroom - so she feels she has some
control over the situation. When they balk, it's because they want to
be in control of their own bodies.

We started the process in March when she was 3.25 years old. She's now
3.75, and is completely potty trained. She doesn't even wet the bed
(only did once). I LOVE not buying diapers!

Now she is stuck wearing those thick padded training pants (she doens't
mind them) until she outgrows them. We only have one set of normal
underpants (carebears!) that aren't padded, and she does prefer those.
Ah well.

Cathy Weeks

On Wed, 10 Aug 2005 15:59:33 -0400, "Sarah" wrote:

What do I do? Do I go back to pull ups? If I do does that
mean she wins? Please help. Any advice is welcomed
and appreciated.
Thank you,
Sarah

She wins any power struggle over this issue, so it doesn't
matter what you decide to do in terms of pull ups.

My impulse would be to go back to diapers and not say a
word about it until she decides that she wants to have underpants
on her own. She will, you know.

The other approach is to put her in panties, not worry about
accidents, but have her clean them up when they happen.

Neither of these should be done in a punitive way. If you
take yourself *out* of the power struggle, then she will decide
on her own that she wants to be a *big kid* and do what they
do, I suspect.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

"Sarah" wrote in message
...

(....)

I feel like this is a control issue with her.

It is. It is her pee and poop. She will put it where she wants to.

(...)

What do I do? Do I go back to pull ups? If I do does that mean she
wins?

No. I means you both lose.

I have got a feeling that unless you can make her want to use a potty, it
will be a losing battle for both of you. She is pee and poop trained. And
she trained you well too.

All I think you can do is create insentives for her to use the potty. I have
a feeling she will start going when her friends say, "You're wearing
diapers. They are for babies."

I do think I would tell her that diapers are girls and boys who don't use
the potty and that she can go back to big-girl undies when she starts using
the potty. In the big scheme of things, it is not really a big. Don't make
one of it.

Jeff

"Sarah" wrote in message
...
Hi, I'm kinda new here but my sister told me that everyone in this group
is very helpful. I hope she's right because I could really use some good
advice.
My daughter is 3.5 and still refuses to potty train. She knows how, she
does it when she wants to but will not do it when I suggest it nor does
she do it consistently. I have recently taken her out of diapers and into
pull ups which I have come to realize are the exact same thing as far as
she is concerned. Anything she can wear and not have to go on the potty
is good in her eyes.
She has had a medical condition since she has been 6mos where she would
hold her bowels. Eventually because the problem became so severe she was
put on a laxitive type product that helps make everything very soft and
she is able to go everyday. Her doctor has told me not to push her to
potty train because it could cause her to regress to holding it all again.
This advice was given 6 months ago. I believe that once she starts going
on the potty she will realize its easier and will continue of her own
volition.
Last week I told her that when the pull ups were gone we were going to
wear big girl undies. We went to the store and I let her pick them out.
Today we started. I started well. Then every hour or so I would ask if
she would come into the bathroom and try to potty, she refused, everytime.
Then she peed on the floor. She took off her undies and just went about
her business. Didn't bother her a bit. I asked why she didn't go in the
bathroom? or come and tell me? She said she didn't want to. I feel like
this is a control issue with her. I'm trying not to make it that way but
she is old enough and mature enough to be trained, and it frustrates me
that she is being so stubborn. What do I do? Do I go back to pull ups?
If I do does that mean she wins? Please help. Any advice is welcomed and
appreciated.
Thank you,
Sarah



I'm with the doc on this one. My son was a month shy of his 4th birthday. He
would not go if I suggested it at all. He had gotten some pressure from
g'parents. And generally he did not understand why, when he had done this
all his life, it was suddenly imperative that he do it right now. (I am
guessing that this is approx. what he was feeling.) I dreaded what I was
going to get from MIL when he turned 4. MIL had this big thing about potty
training.

Anyway, like magic he decided he wanted to do it shortly after I completely
left him alone, and told my in-laws that they were certifiably not allowed
to make comments, pressure him to sit. He knew when he had to go. He just
had to decide he wanted to. When we laid off, he decided to.

I don't see anything to be gained by you changing your ways. Unfortunately
(or fortunately, really), it is something that is under her control and not
yours.

Good luck!

"toto" wrote in message
...
On Wed, 10 Aug 2005 15:59:33 -0400, "Sarah" wrote:

What do I do? Do I go back to pull ups? If I do does that
mean she wins? Please help. Any advice is welcomed
and appreciated.
Thank you,
Sarah

She wins any power struggle over this issue, so it doesn't
matter what you decide to do in terms of pull ups.

My impulse would be to go back to diapers and not say a
word about it until she decides that she wants to have underpants
on her own. She will, you know.

The other approach is to put her in panties, not worry about
accidents, but have her clean them up when they happen.

Neither of these should be done in a punitive way. If you
take yourself *out* of the power struggle, then she will decide
on her own that she wants to be a *big kid* and do what they
do, I suspect.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits


Why do you always say what I want to say, only better?