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Ex left the state



 
 
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  #1  
Old October 21st 05, 06:08 PM
Tracy
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Ex left the state

"Gini" wrote in message
news:[email protected]

"Just Me" wrote in message
...
(kellyGirl) said:
"Ask yourself what is more important, the money or a child's
relationship with it's father?
The threat of Jail forces people to do strange things!"

Obviously it's my sons relationship with his father that's more
important. If it was the child support, I would have done something
about that months ago.

And the threat of jail...who even mentioned jail? My ex isn't facing any
jail time, just money out of his paycheck each week..that's all that was
going to be changed. He already pays money each week for a child that he
had with someone else while we were separated. And it's not like the
child support is huge, he doesn't have to pay that much.

====
"Obviously" your son's relationship with his father *isn't* more

important!
Who are you trying to fool? You sacrificed
your child's right to a father for money that isn't "huge." Sheesh! And

you
can't figure out why dad took off?
Your son has a right to be upset!
====



Gini - I have to disagree with you on this one. They've been divorced for a
year after a year of separation. This woman has a good relationship with
her ex's father. I have a strong belief he left the state due to the stress
of the divorce and not having a family to lean on during that time of need.
This is a man who has an ex who seems to be closer to his father than he is.
I really feel she was given the wrong advice from someone in the past on how
to deal with this whole thing from the beginning. I also get this strong
feeling his own family took sides when they split and it wasn't his. It is
no different than when I seen my husband's ex's family do to her. They
turned their back on her and she really distant herself from her children
and family as a result. That was just not right. You can't believe the
crappy advice my husband was given after his divorce from her family - go
after her for child-support, blah blah blah... It was like they wanted to
see her stabbed many times over for her wrong doing in the marriage. She
may not have been a perfect wife, but my gosh - it was like a pack of
wolves.

To the original poster - my only advice I can give you is this... when you
finally do talk to him have a heart-to-heart talk and finalize the divorce
emotionally. Do that as calmly as possible without getting into any
arguments. Aside from the must needed talk between you and your ex - cut
the close ties you have with his family. It is good that you have a civil
relationship with them, but your ex should be closer to his family then you
are. Your ex *needs* his family more than you at this time. My next advice
to you is to get the state out of your financial affairs and find a workable
solution with your ex without their assistance. The impact on him may have
been such a financial burden which added to the stress of the divorce.
Perhaps down deep inside he didn't want the divorce and has bitter feelings
towards you right now - especially if you are as close to his own father as
you claim. Be reasonable to him and give him his space, his family, and
dignity by working with him instead of against him. It is the only way
you'll help your son have a decent relationship with his father for years to
come. I wish you luck...


Thanks,
Tracy
~~~~
http://www.hornschuch.net/tracy/


  #2  
Old October 21st 05, 06:56 PM
Bob Whiteside
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Ex left the state


"Tracy" wrote in message
...
"Gini" wrote in message
news:[email protected]

"Just Me" wrote in message
...
(kellyGirl) said:
"Ask yourself what is more important, the money or a child's
relationship with it's father?
The threat of Jail forces people to do strange things!"

Obviously it's my sons relationship with his father that's more
important. If it was the child support, I would have done something
about that months ago.

And the threat of jail...who even mentioned jail? My ex isn't facing

any
jail time, just money out of his paycheck each week..that's all that

was
going to be changed. He already pays money each week for a child that

he
had with someone else while we were separated. And it's not like the
child support is huge, he doesn't have to pay that much.

====
"Obviously" your son's relationship with his father *isn't* more

important!
Who are you trying to fool? You sacrificed
your child's right to a father for money that isn't "huge." Sheesh! And

you
can't figure out why dad took off?
Your son has a right to be upset!
====



Gini - I have to disagree with you on this one. They've been divorced for

a
year after a year of separation. This woman has a good relationship with
her ex's father. I have a strong belief he left the state due to the

stress
of the divorce and not having a family to lean on during that time of

need.
This is a man who has an ex who seems to be closer to his father than he

is.

That father-in-law/ex-wife relationship sounded weird. There is probably a
long history behind that alliance. Plus the mother disclosed he had a
child with another woman since their divorce and was paying that woman too.
Paying CS to two women after taxes can be an extreme financial burden. The
concern expressed was strongly biased for the first child's welfare while
the second child's welfare has been ignored.

I would think the order of events has driven him to flee. Just speculating,
if the second mother already had a CS withholding order (she would have been
smart to have one since she already knew about the CS obligation to the
first child), he could have been overwhelmed by getting a second withholding
order for the first mother. If he was juggling his finances to take care of
his CS obligations, he lost control of how to manage the situation when the
second withholding order was served on his employer.

My point is - this stuff doesn't happen in a vacuum. Several other things
are probably going on that haven't been disclosed.


 




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