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#21
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In ,
XOR wrote: *"so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our *wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI *was a GM..aww! *ANYWAY! *so --the couple has a one yr old boy who cannot HARDLY STAND to be *away from his mother! it is just that phase i guess---but literally snip *SO --WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS he is going to BALL when they are Um. I am having disturbing mental images of this. Anyone else?? *walkig down isle and standing up at alter with us cuz he can't be his *mommy...And crap, - i am just not in mood for that! she even mentioned *she may have to HOLD him up there?!!! Well, I don't know what the problem is. Why can't she have him with her exactly? Do you not like him or just don't feel like including him? I was a BM at my BIL's wedding, and my son wore a little tuxedo and I carried him to the chuppah and he fell asleep on me during the ceremony. BFD. *has anyoen dealt with this scenario? Yes, as outlined above. I guess if you really don't want him there, you have to tell your friends and hope for them to be understanding. give them a way to bow out gracefully if so desired, though. Personally I would probably just figure "love them, love their kids" and go for it -- Hillary Israeli, VMD Lafayette Hill/PA/USA/Earth "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read." --Groucho Marx |
#22
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"Bruce Bridgman and Jeanne Yang" wrote in message ... "Chotii" wrote in message ... "Mary Gordon" wrote in message om... It really is amazing when you've been through it - you discover that kiddo will survive a couple of hours of separation just fine. On the other hand, I have attempted to babysit a child who had separation anxiety so badly that she literally, and I do mean literally, screamed the entire time her mother was gone (on the line of 2 hours). Of course the child "survived", but what a horrible thing to inflict on him. Oh forget the child. The child won't remember the "horrible thing" inflicted on him/her. The babysitter on the other hand will remember for years afterwards. Quite a bit of abuse could be inflicted upon the child that the child will survive and will not remember. That doesn't mean it should be done. The fact that it's traumatizing at the moment should have significant bearing on the parent's conscience on whether or not something should be done. Everyone knows their child best. No one should go against their natural instinct. If a parent feels the child will be okay, then fine; but if a parent feels it's just too much, then it's okay to go with it without anyone being judgemental about it. |
#23
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On Wed, 01 Sep 2004 00:26:01 GMT, "Chotii"
wrote: On the other hand, I have attempted to babysit a child who had separation anxiety so badly that she literally, and I do mean literally, screamed the entire time her mother was gone (on the line of 2 hours). This is my third daughter...we've had to leave her with someone up to 4.5 hours and she literally screamed the whole time. Every single time we've left her with anyone (always my MIL, who she knows better than any other relatives and sees 2-3 times a week) she screams the whole time. It's not always a case of "dealing with separation anxiety". Some babies are just that way. She was this way, even with her father, who lives here! (she finally got over that by about a year old-she's almost 2 now) Of course the child "survived", but what a horrible thing to inflict on him. To put yourself in the child's shoes, just imagine how you'd feel if somebody you didn't know suddenly took you away from all the important people in your life, including your children, and held you against your will and unable to get to them, see them, or talk to them for a couple of hours, and you didn't know why because you didn't speak their language? How upset would you be? How traumatised? Why do we shrug this off and say "The kid will survive"? Survival is not the only measure of success. That is why I don't try to leave my daughter more often. My older two were just fine and dandy, even as babies. Just because my daughter lives through it does not mean it's ok to do it, at all. I must agree with whoever said "If she can't leave the child with a sitter at this time, then she should bow out." And if her friends will not permit her to bow out, then they are truly selfish, putting their own wishes above the needs of a child. I also agree she should bow out if she can't leave her baby. But I am curious...how can they not permit her to bow out? Or do you mean they are selfish if they are angry and end the friendship if she does not participate? Marie |
#24
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#25
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"Chotii" wrote:
"Mary Gordon" wrote in message . com... It really is amazing when you've been through it - you discover that kiddo will survive a couple of hours of separation just fine. On the other hand, I have attempted to babysit a child who had separation anxiety so badly that she literally, and I do mean literally, screamed the entire time her mother was gone (on the line of 2 hours). Most of these children that people say they've baby sat for when the child screamed the whole time appear to be 7 to 9 months - what ages do separation anxiety usually appear? When does it disappear? The child in question is a year old. Will he be this way forever? What do people do who have to go back to work at 6 weeks? Is it that the child gets used to it early? Does no one try to deal with this in some kind of gradual manner? Mom goes for 5 minutes to take a shower and comes back - many times. Then Mom goes to the post office for a half hour and ditto. Is there literally no way to deal with this at all. I don't know because I never had the problem. My kids might cry a little when I left them in the nursery, but they stopped when I was out of sight. Of course the child "survived", but what a horrible thing to inflict on him. To put yourself in the child's shoes, just imagine how you'd feel if somebody you didn't know suddenly took you away from all the important people in your life, including your children, and held you against your will and unable to get to them, see them, or talk to them for a couple of hours, and you didn't know why because you didn't speak their language? How upset would you be? How traumatised? Why do we shrug this off and say "The kid will survive"? Survival is not the only measure of success. I don't know that this is analogous. My grandson who died of cancer did not have a fear of the cancer because he didn't understand that he was sick. It was far harder on his parents and grandparents because they knew. I would tend to think that a child of a year has found out that if he screams continuously that his mom will come back, and since he has no concept of anything except himself, and he wants his mom there, he screams continuously until he gets her The little boy who was adopted is a different case because he has had bad experiences where people haven't come back.. This child hasn't had any of that. Also, by the time they are a year, they do have some language skills. They may not be able to express themselves, but they understand quite a lot. My dh went to see for several months when dd #1 was a toddler, and I could explain it to her and it calmed her down. I must agree with whoever said "If she can't leave the child with a sitter at this time, then she should bow out." And if her friends will not permit her to bow out, then they are truly selfish, putting their own wishes above the needs of a child. --angela grandma Rosalie |
#26
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#27
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"so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI was a GM..aww! ANYWAY! so --the couple has a one yr old boy who cannot HARDLY STAND to be away from his mother! it is just that phase i guess---but literally -if she drops him off at daycare at the gym to work out he cries until he hypervenelates, etc. !!! when she came to my shower weekend and brought him --he was a cryin the whole weekend. - now, i hope i dont' sound insensitive ---i know baby's cry, etc. etc. BUT! THEY WERE Going to get a babysittter when they came to town to be in wedding..I had asked a neighbor girl to b-sit and she agreed. it was all set. well now, michael seems to have gotten worse in the crying when away from mommy ordeal and so they feel they can't leave him with a babysitter for wedding...and he is NOW coming to wed. SO --WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS he is going to BALL when they are walkig down isle and standing up at alter with us cuz he can't be his mommy...And crap, - i am just not in mood for that! she even mentioned she may have to HOLD him up there?!!! I guess i am just not in mood to deal with a baby up at alter to! am i being the devil? ugh! WHAT TO DO? has anyoen dealt with this scenario? I love having little kids and babies at weddings. If I'd had an attendant with a young child at my wedding, I would have included the child in the wedding party as a matter of course and probably had a custom sling done to match the outfit. But that's me. I know tons of moms who "wear" their babies to weddings in silk slings or other fancy carriers and the kids do great. As it was, I had a 36 1/2 week pg Matron of Honor, and we had a chair available in case she needed to sit during the wedding. All the children in the wedding were allowed to return to front-row seats as needed, and our childcare was optional...at the child's option primarily. Jenrose |
#28
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"Rosalie B." wrote in message ... Does no one try to deal with this in some kind of gradual manner? Mom goes for 5 minutes to take a shower and comes back - many times. Then Mom goes to the post office for a half hour and ditto. Of course they deal with it. They deal with it in their own way. The manner in which they deal with it may be too gradual to perceive. It is up to the parent to deal with it in the way they know best. No one else is in their shoes. |
#29
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"toypup" wrote:
"Rosalie B." wrote in message .. . Does no one try to deal with this in some kind of gradual manner? Mom goes for 5 minutes to take a shower and comes back - many times. Then Mom goes to the post office for a half hour and ditto. Of course they deal with it. They deal with it in their own way. The manner in which they deal with it may be too gradual to perceive. It is up to the parent to deal with it in the way they know best. No one else is in their shoes. I was not suggesting anything else nor did I require that the method be perceptible. Telling me that they deal with it in their own way doesn't give me any useful information. I'm asking what people have done that has been successful and/or unsuccessful. How long did it take? Is it likely that if it is not dealt with that it will go away in the same time frame as if one does something? Does this happen more with first children? Etc. grandma Rosalie |
#30
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I don't think a mother should feel that she should have to leave a baby who
will be that miserable as that when she is gone. OTOH, it is beyond rude for the mother to suggest having the baby up on the altar with her. Some brides might suggest it, and that would be very kind of them, but it is not the bridesmaid's place to do so. No, in this case, the bridesmaid needs to say that she is dreadfully sorry but that she cannot leave the baby at this time, and that she hopes the bride will forgive her for bowing out of the sedding party so late. For her part, the bride should be understanding and do just that. Leslie Emily (2/4/91) Jake (1/27/94) Teddy (2/15/95) William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.) and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04 "Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home." ~ William Wordsworth |
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