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Dealing with "mommy dearest"



 
 
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  #12  
Old August 13th 03, 06:38 AM
Brandy Kurtz
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Default Dealing with "mommy dearest"

BTDT! I totally agree with everyone else, you can't leave the baby
alone with her! If you do she will end up giving Alegra some form of
solid foods. My MIL is the same way, and it drives us insane!

Brandy



"Ali's Daddie" wrote in message ...
also posted in am

I am livid with my mother!

Some of you kind of know a little of the background with my mom.

For those who do not... Please don't think that I am being an ass. My mom is
a terrible person, and that is putting it nicely. But, I still think we
should have some kind of working relationship.

My mother and Step Dad are coming for a visit for Labor Day. They have not
met Alegra yet, so this will be their first time to see her in person.

My mother has decided that she is going to give my daughter a french fry or
some mac and cheese or something. I have tried being diplomatic with her.
"Please respect our wishes as fathers" and the like. But she insists. So
finally, I have been forced to take drastic measures. I have told her that
if she gives my daughter anything besides the formula that Jarrod and I use,
I will have her arrested.

I know that is a little severe. But she simply will not back down.

She started giving my niece cereal at about 2 weeks and then other solids at
about 6 weeks (mashed up french fries, pasta, etc) and since then, my niece
has had a terrible digestive problem. She only has a BM about once a week
and it is very painful for her. She is almost 4 years old. My mothers food
choices might not be to blame entirely, but they sure didn't help...

I have tried taking the pediatrician route... "Alegra's pediatrician is very
adamant about waiting until 5-6 months for solids but we will discuss it at
the 4 month visit".. But she still goes on and on how "all my kids had
solids at a few weeks old, and they are all fine".. None of us are fine..
But I won't go into my problems because of what she fed to me as a child...

Anyway... apart from going out of town with Alegra that weekend myself and
avoiding her altogether, do any of you have suggestions on what to do?

Jarrod and I have already decided that our daughter will not be left in the
same room with my mom or step dad unless one of us is with them...

Thanx for readin.. Hadda get that off my chest :-)

  #13  
Old August 13th 03, 08:24 AM
R. Steve Walz
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Default Dealing with "mommy dearest"

Kereru wrote:

"Ali's Daddie" wrote in message
...
also posted in am

I am livid with my mother!

Some of you kind of know a little of the background with my mom.

For those who do not... Please don't think that I am being an ass. My mom

is
a terrible person, and that is putting it nicely. But, I still think we
should have some kind of working relationship.

My mother and Step Dad are coming for a visit for Labor Day. They have not
met Alegra yet, so this will be their first time to see her in person.

My mother has decided that she is going to give my daughter a french fry

or
some mac and cheese or something. I have tried being diplomatic with her.
"Please respect our wishes as fathers" and the like. But she insists. So
finally, I have been forced to take drastic measures. I have told her that
if she gives my daughter anything besides the formula that Jarrod and I

use,
I will have her arrested.

I know that is a little severe. But she simply will not back down.

She started giving my niece cereal at about 2 weeks and then other solids

at
about 6 weeks (mashed up french fries, pasta, etc) and since then, my

niece
has had a terrible digestive problem. She only has a BM about once a week
and it is very painful for her. She is almost 4 years old. My mothers food
choices might not be to blame entirely, but they sure didn't help...

I have tried taking the pediatrician route... "Alegra's pediatrician is

very
adamant about waiting until 5-6 months for solids but we will discuss it

at
the 4 month visit".. But she still goes on and on how "all my kids had
solids at a few weeks old, and they are all fine".. None of us are fine..
But I won't go into my problems because of what she fed to me as a

child...

Anyway... apart from going out of town with Alegra that weekend myself and
avoiding her altogether, do any of you have suggestions on what to do?

Jarrod and I have already decided that our daughter will not be left in

the
same room with my mom or step dad unless one of us is with them...

Thanx for readin.. Hadda get that off my chest :-)

--
LES!

Daddie to Alegra Lee. May 25th 2003!
"Daddie's Little Diva"

before you reply to me via email, please remove your hat
YourHatDaddie at bonbon.net



Sounds to me like your Mum knows exactly how to annoy you and is doing just
that. Why is it so important to her to give Alegra solid food? Could it be
because you disagree and she wants to get your back up? I just can't see any
other reason for insiting that she will go against your will. I am only
suggesting this because you have said that your Mum isn't always the nicest
of people.

I think your idea of not leaving her alone with baby is the only solution.
No need to quote Drs etc.. just tell her that YOU the parents have decided
to wait a bit for solids, if your informed choice isn't enough for her then
she is being unreasonable. Unless she physically fought you to give the baby
a french fry then the police are not a serious option, but I didn't get the
impression that you ever really considered it.

Good Luck with the visit, I feel for you with such a beligerent person to
deal with. Stand your ground, don't get into a discussion on current
reccomensations etc.. (In my opinion) I don't think it will do any good.
Just tell her the rules.

Judy

------------
I would NEVER PERMIT someone to visit my child or me whom I couldn't
trust not to violate our wishes! Why in the world would you BOTHER?
Are you sickly co-dependent??

Just don't permit your mother to visit till she learns how to behave,
and if she doesn't ever, then so ****ing what!? Many MANY people hate
their parents' guts, and for good and excellent reasons, which should
give any CURRENT parent extreme pause to consider their behavior and
make them stifle themselves.
Steve
  #14  
Old August 13th 03, 02:27 PM
llama mama
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Posts: n/a
Default Dealing with "mommy dearest"

(Hillary Israeli) wrote in
:

In ,
Ali's Daddie wrote:

*Anyway... apart from going out of town with Alegra that weekend
myself and *avoiding her altogether, do any of you have suggestions on
what to do? *
*Jarrod and I have already decided that our daughter will not be left
in the *same room with my mom or step dad unless one of us is with
them...

I think you just gave yourself the solution - don't leave mom and
Alegra alone. When you see mom approaching with food, issue a reminder
- "mom, the doctor said Alegra isn't old enough for that yet." If she
insists, pick up Alegra and leave the room. Tell mom you'll come back
when she puts the french fry down!

um... is Mom really likely to be carrying cold ucky french fries in her
purse or something? if you don't have food out, she can't give anything
to Ali, right? you *should* point out that at Ali's age solids could very
well present a choking hazard though.
basicly, it sounds like Mom knows very well how to yank your chain.
maybe if you really try you can stop giving her the reaction she desires.
think of her as a USENET troll. ignore or hug, but *don't* even think of
reacting. that gives her exactly what she wants.
lee
--
It is paradoxical that many educators and parents still differentiate
between a time for learning and a time for play without seeing the vital
connection between them. -Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998)
  #15  
Old August 13th 03, 04:07 PM
dragonlady
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Default Complaining about parents was: Dealing with "mommy dearest"

In article ,
Molly Fisher wrote:

In article ,
(Elizabeth Reid) wrote:

"Ali's Daddie" wrote in message
...
also posted in am

I am livid with my mother!

Some of you kind of know a little of the background with my mom.


Hey, Ali's Daddie, I don't mean to pick on you, and I'm sure
your mom is as difficult as you say. But does anyone other than
me get a weird feeling now when they complain about their
parents? Complaining about my mom (who is a good person, but we
aren't much alike and she doesn't seem to know that) has been a
lifelong pastime of mine, but now when I do it I look at my son
and think, "Oh, God, is this what you're going to be saying about
*me* in twenty years?"

And the answer is, "Probably." How depressing.


I've thought5 about this a lot. I have decided to make a concious effort
to never complain about my mother or my husband in front of my daughter.
My mother complained to us kids often about her mother and our dad. This
colored our relationships with grandma and dad, and later became part of
how we relate to mom. It's another cycle of negativity I hope to break.
Now if only I could go back in time and undo the damage my complaining
has done to my husband's relationship with his MIL... /sigh/


I seldom complain about my parents; it's not that they made no
mistakes, but I've come to terms with the big ones, and the little ones
hardly matter. Basically, I *like* them, and look forward to spending
time with them.

DH and I try not to complain about his mother in front of our kids --
but the complaints are never about what she did as a mom when he was a
kid, they are about the here and now. But, again, fundamentally she's a
decent person, so we try to focus on that part. However, this is going
to make me more aware of any complaining I do, and how to stop doing it
in front of the kids.

As far as what the kids will be saying about ME in 20 years -- I hope I
have as good a relationship with them as I do with my parents. However,
they are now 17 and 20, so our relationship is sometimes a challenge. I
have been known to tell them to be glad I'm giving them so much to talk
to their future therapist about . . .

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #16  
Old August 13th 03, 08:59 PM
newfy
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Default Complaining about parents was: Dealing with "mommy dearest"


"Elizabeth Reid" wrote in message Hey, Ali's Daddie,
I don't mean to pick on you, and I'm sure
your mom is as difficult as you say. But does anyone other than
me get a weird feeling now when they complain about their
parents? Complaining about my mom (who is a good person, but we
aren't much alike and she doesn't seem to know that) has been a
lifelong pastime of mine, but now when I do it I look at my son
and think, "Oh, God, is this what you're going to be saying about
*me* in twenty years?"

And the answer is, "Probably." How depressing.


I understand what you are saying Elizabeth, and I have thought about the
same thing with my son. It would break my heart. However, our relationship
is not abusive. Les has described his abusive upbringing which is a little
different than just complaining about an annoying parent. His issues lie
much deeper.

--
JennP.
mom to matthew 10/11/00
EDD 4/4/04


 




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