toddler questions

In article .com,
wrote:
Yesterday My 3.5 yo showed me someone on the walkway smoking and asked
why "that man's mouth is on fire". I didn't know how to answer. Luckily
she spotted something else on the road and asked something else. I know
the next time she seems someone else smoking she'll ask again. How do I
explain to her what smoking is without sounding judgemental?

I have no trouble showing my kids that I'm judgemental about smoking.
Why not explain what the person is doing and how bad it is for him/her?
Start early on the anti-smoking campaign.

I also tell my kids how dumb it is to ride a bicycle or motorcycle
without a helmet. They point out helmet-less riders and say, "that
man isn't very smart, is he?" Doesn't bother me if the person hears,
either......:-)

ummm my husband smokes and we call it his icky cigarettes and i tell people
he is out poluting himself when people ask where he is (if he should be here
but isnt. He smokes outside.

Tori
wrote in message
oups.com...
Yesterday My 3.5 yo showed me someone on the walkway smoking and asked
why "that man's mouth is on fire". I didn't know how to answer. Luckily
she spotted something else on the road and asked something else. I know
the next time she seems someone else smoking she'll ask again. How do I
explain to her what smoking is without sounding judgemental?

Thanks.

Whats wrong with being judgemental?
You will be teaching your 3 yr old, your morals, your values.
If you dont like smoking for whatever reason tell your child.
Just explain simply, "that man is smoking. Mummy doesnt like smoking" leave
it at that. IF the child is ready for more they will ask why. You can
explain why to them, only telling them that the person isnt a bad person if
they smoke, but YOU dont like what they do.

All the best
Fiona
wrote in message
oups.com...
Yesterday My 3.5 yo showed me someone on the walkway smoking and asked
why "that man's mouth is on fire". I didn't know how to answer. Luckily
she spotted something else on the road and asked something else. I know
the next time she seems someone else smoking she'll ask again. How do I
explain to her what smoking is without sounding judgemental?

Thanks.

KR wrote:
Why try to sound non-judgemental? It's a dirty habit, when we walk
past smokers I intentionally guide my daughter further away from them
telling her I don't want her breathing in yucky smoke. We call it a
dirty habit, and dirty habits make you sick, blah blah blah...

KR

wrote:
Yesterday My 3.5 yo showed me someone on the walkway smoking and asked
why "that man's mouth is on fire". I didn't know how to answer. Luckily
she spotted something else on the road and asked something else. I know
the next time she seems someone else smoking she'll ask again. How do I
explain to her what smoking is without sounding judgemental?

Thanks.

I agree with OP in that you want to be careful how you frame this, and
I'm saying this as a lifelong, almost militant non-smoker. It's a very
short jump from "it's a dirty habit" to "smokers are dirty" and then to
"dirty people-ugh." Given that the nicotine addiction is reportedly as
strong or stronger than a cocaine addiction, I don't want
self-righteous kids thinking that they're just simply superior to a
grandparent who smokes. We've talked at length about how my own
grandmother, an RN, was *encouraged* to take up cigarette smoking by
her doctor back in the 1930s, and how even after the health warnings
became widespread, she was unable to stop because she was addicted to
the nicotine. We've discussed not just the health risks, but also the
other problems smoking causes -- social, financial, etc.

I think I would have told OP's child that the person was smoking a
cigarette, that smoking was something some grownups do and that it's
something her mom and dad (aunts/uncles, grandparents/other adults as
desired) haven chosen not to do because we'd learned it's not good for
us or the people around us. You can answer more questions as they come
(and this will be over a period of years) but I'd recommend always
pointing out that many smokers sincerely regret having ever started,
and that most have tried to quit and were surprised and upset at how
very difficult it was, even if they've watched someone they love die of
lung disease.

Lori G.
Milwaukee, WI

My initial reaction would to teach my child that smoking is "yucky" and
dirty, but at some point a more educated answer would be appropriate.
What age would you say? How old are kids when they get exposed to
smoking nowadays? 10 years old?

-Frank
www.gotkidsnetwork.com - Start Your Trusted Parenting Network today!

On Oct 16, 1:22 pm, "hedgehog42" wrote:
KR wrote:
Why try to sound non-judgemental? It's a dirty habit, when we walk
past smokers I intentionally guide my daughter further away from them
telling her I don't want her breathing in yucky smoke. We call it a
dirty habit, and dirty habits make you sick, blah blah blah...

KR

wrote:
Yesterday My 3.5 yo showed me someone on the walkway smoking and asked
why "that man's mouth is on fire". I didn't know how to answer. Luckily
she spotted something else on the road and asked something else. I know
the next time she seems someone else smoking she'll ask again. How do I
explain to her what smoking is without sounding judgemental?

Thanks.I agree with OP in that you want to be careful how you frame this, and
I'm saying this as a lifelong, almost militant non-smoker. It's a very
short jump from "it's a dirty habit" to "smokers are dirty" and then to
"dirty people-ugh." Given that the nicotine addiction is reportedly as
strong or stronger than a cocaine addiction, I don't want
self-righteous kids thinking that they're just simply superior to a
grandparent who smokes. We've talked at length about how my own
grandmother, an RN, was *encouraged* to take up cigarette smoking by
her doctor back in the 1930s, and how even after the health warnings
became widespread, she was unable to stop because she was addicted to
the nicotine. We've discussed not just the health risks, but also the
other problems smoking causes -- social, financial, etc.

I think I would have told OP's child that the person was smoking a
cigarette, that smoking was something some grownups do and that it's
something her mom and dad (aunts/uncles, grandparents/other adults as
desired) haven chosen not to do because we'd learned it's not good for
us or the people around us. You can answer more questions as they come
(and this will be over a period of years) but I'd recommend always
pointing out that many smokers sincerely regret having ever started,
and that most have tried to quit and were surprised and upset at how
very difficult it was, even if they've watched someone they love die of
lung disease.

Lori G.
Milwaukee, WI- Hide quoted text -- Show quoted text -

"hedgehog42" wrote in message
ups.com...
KR wrote:
Why try to sound non-judgemental? It's a dirty habit, when we walk
past smokers I intentionally guide my daughter further away from them
telling her I don't want her breathing in yucky smoke. We call it a
dirty habit, and dirty habits make you sick, blah blah blah...

KR

wrote:
Yesterday My 3.5 yo showed me someone on the walkway smoking and asked
why "that man's mouth is on fire". I didn't know how to answer. Luckily
she spotted something else on the road and asked something else. I know
the next time she seems someone else smoking she'll ask again. How do I
explain to her what smoking is without sounding judgemental?

Thanks.

I agree with OP in that you want to be careful how you frame this, and
I'm saying this as a lifelong, almost militant non-smoker. It's a very
short jump from "it's a dirty habit" to "smokers are dirty" and then to
"dirty people-ugh." Given that the nicotine addiction is reportedly as
strong or stronger than a cocaine addiction, I don't want
self-righteous kids thinking that they're just simply superior to a
grandparent who smokes. We've talked at length about how my own
grandmother, an RN, was *encouraged* to take up cigarette smoking by
her doctor back in the 1930s, and how even after the health warnings
became widespread, she was unable to stop because she was addicted to
the nicotine. We've discussed not just the health risks, but also the
other problems smoking causes -- social, financial, etc.

Your mom is older. The younger people who smoke did so well after the
health risks were well-known and it was not recommended by a health
professional. I would consider it superior of my children to resist
temptation to follow their smoking peers. They would not be addicted if
they never try it, if they never succumb to peer pressure. Those who start
now are just not smart enough to listen to the health warnings. Even as a
kid, I was offered a cigarette and I knew to refuse because it was bad for
me.

"toypup" wrote in message
om...
Your mom is older. The younger people who smoke did so well after
the health risks were well-known and it was not recommended by a
health professional. I would consider it superior of my children to
resist temptation to follow their smoking peers. They would not be
addicted if they never try it, if they never succumb to peer
pressure. Those who start now are just not smart enough to listen
to the health warnings. Even as a kid, I was offered a cigarette
and I knew to refuse because it was bad for me.

Yes, but that doesn't mean you want your children to feel superior to
smokers in general. The last thing you want is for them to go around
comparing themselves to everybody they meet and trying to decide who
is the better person based on what few traits they can observe.

My sister smokes. She didn't set out to become a smoker, she just
started having one now and then when out with friends. I think most
people are like that -- they think one or two won't hurt them, and
they don't realize they are becoming addicted until they are already.

So I want my kids to know how bad smoking is, and how tragic it is
when people get addicted, and how easy it is to get addicted, and how
hard it is to stop. But I *don't* want them walking around making
snide comments about smokers, or obnoxiously pointing out, "Eww!!
That man smokes!"

Bizby

toypup wrote:
"hedgehog42" wrote in message
ups.com...
KR wrote:
Why try to sound non-judgemental? It's a dirty habit, when we walk
past smokers I intentionally guide my daughter further away from them
telling her I don't want her breathing in yucky smoke. We call it a
dirty habit, and dirty habits make you sick, blah blah blah...

KR

wrote:
Yesterday My 3.5 yo showed me someone on the walkway smoking and asked
why "that man's mouth is on fire". I didn't know how to answer. Luckily
she spotted something else on the road and asked something else. I know
the next time she seems someone else smoking she'll ask again. How do I
explain to her what smoking is without sounding judgemental?

Thanks.

I agree with OP in that you want to be careful how you frame this, and
I'm saying this as a lifelong, almost militant non-smoker. It's a very
short jump from "it's a dirty habit" to "smokers are dirty" and then to
"dirty people-ugh." Given that the nicotine addiction is reportedly as
strong or stronger than a cocaine addiction, I don't want
self-righteous kids thinking that they're just simply superior to a
grandparent who smokes. We've talked at length about how my own
grandmother, an RN, was *encouraged* to take up cigarette smoking by
her doctor back in the 1930s, and how even after the health warnings
became widespread, she was unable to stop because she was addicted to
the nicotine. We've discussed not just the health risks, but also the
other problems smoking causes -- social, financial, etc.

Your mom is older. The younger people who smoke did so well after the
health risks were well-known and it was not recommended by a health
professional. I would consider it superior of my children to resist
temptation to follow their smoking peers.

It's one superior choice, in one aspect of their lives. It doesn't make
them superior people. That's a difficult concept for many kids (even
adults) to grasp. How can bright people make stupid choices? It's
probably because we're human -- and sanctimonious and self-righteous
are dangerous stands to take.


Lori G.
Milwaukee, WI

"PattyMomVA" ) writes:
wrote and I snipped:
Yesterday My 3.5 yo showed me someone on the walkway smoking and asked
why "that man's mouth is on fire". I didn't know how to answer. Luckily
she spotted something else on the road and asked something else. I know
the next time she seems someone else smoking she'll ask again. How do I
explain to her what smoking is without sounding judgemental?

What's wrong with being judgmental? Parenting includes passing on your
values to your children. It's not too early to explain what smoking is and
to put in your anti-smoking plug. It *is* unhealthy, and you don't want
your children to get started.

-Patty, mom of 1+2

I agree. I was going to ask: why don't you want to sound
judgemental? When the kids are young is when they listen
to what you say about things like smoking.

By the way, that reminds me of a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon
where Hobbes tells Calvin he won't be allowed to smoke until
he's 18. Calvin says "18?!! But by then I'll know better!"

"bizby40" wrote in message
...
Yes, but that doesn't mean you want your children to feel superior to
smokers in general. The last thing you want is for them to go around
comparing themselves to everybody they meet and trying to decide who is
the better person based on what few traits they can observe.

My sister smokes. She didn't set out to become a smoker, she just started
having one now and then when out with friends. I think most people are
like that -- they think one or two won't hurt them, and they don't realize
they are becoming addicted until they are already.

Yes, but it would be smart to know that we don't know if we will be addicted
unless we try and why risk it? That is how I felt about smoking and any
other drugs, even as a kid. I do not mean to say we must go around sticking
our noses up in the air, but it is not smart to start. They should know
that.