BTDT moms: is it as hard the second time around?

Irene wrote in message
om...
"Sophie" wrote in message
...

What I didn't know with 2 that is so simple is - no one will die if they
have to wait. I though if they both needed me, they both needed me
*NOW*.
Lol.

DD is just starting to want to "play" (stare at the Gymini, at least)
and so ds is starting to "play" with her, but I don't dare leave them
alone together!

It's lovely when they play together. #1 gets frustrated that she can't play
more adventurous games, but they have a lot of imaginary games (like
birthday parties). I love hearing #1 say "now you blow out the candles-well
done you've blown them all. Let's eat the cake now!"
Fortunately, I had already learned to do lots of stuff while nursing
with ds (I would've starved otherwise!) but I'm definitely reaping the
benefits of that skill now!

Pushing a loaded trolley with #1 in as well was my limit. #I gave up on that
one!

Another lucky thing - some things are simpler just because ds had been
a poop every feeding kind of baby, while dd is already skipping a day
sometimes,at one month. She also rarely spits up. So, the time I
spent cleaning up after ds is now used to convince ds that we need to
go! ;-)

Dd#2 goes every 5 days, Gives me a few minutes grunting warning, and if I
can I'll sit her on the toilet. The only time she's gone more often have
been for about 5days after her polio immunisation-then she's gone every
feed.
I like this timing!

My ped has already commented that I'm a lot calmer this time around!
I'm not keeping track of how long she eats or sleeps - it's obvious to
me that she's doing plenty of both, and I have too much else going on!
(75th percentile at her one month checkup!)


I didn't manage that last time either :-)
Debbie

Circe wrote:

3) I tandem-nursed, so I got "touched out" and felt a bit overwhelmed fairly
often, especially in the first few months. I remember many times, I would
nurse them together and they'd both fall asleep and then, there I'd be,
alone in the house and stuck under two sleeping babies needing to pee. Mind
you, I'm not sorry I tandemmed--I think it helped reduce the sibling
rivalry/jealousy immensely (and my toddler didn't feel "left out" when I
nursed the baby), and I certainly saw the difference when I had my third and
*didn't* tandem--but it did have its downsides.

Barbara, I've been re-reading this like a lifeline. Encourage me! I
should start an mkb thread, too. Nursing is just a pain right now. I
was all gung ho about the benefits of tandem nursing in the beginning,
but I've heard people say yes and others say no, it didn't make any
difference for them. Sprout really isn't ready to wean, and it's not
too bad yet, it just hurts a lot during latch-on. Tell me this is going
to be worth it later!


Mary S.
computer ate my sig

Nikki wrote:


Never blame the baby for some injustice to the toddler. I never told Hunter
he had to wait because the baby was eating etc. I *always* found another
excuse.

Sometimes (like at bath and baby woke up) I'd say out loud that I was
helping Hunter right now and that I'd be there in a minute. I guess I
blamed the toddler but the baby didn't notice, lol. I was doing that for
the toddlers sake, so he'd realize that sometimes his needs come first too.

I love this! It's going into my baby file of wisdom.

Mary S.

Never blame the baby for some injustice to the toddler. I never told
Hunter
he had to wait because the baby was eating etc. I *always* found another
excuse.

Sometimes (like at bath and baby woke up) I'd say out loud that I was
helping Hunter right now and that I'd be there in a minute. I guess I
blamed the toddler but the baby didn't notice, lol. I was doing that for
the toddlers sake, so he'd realize that sometimes his needs come first
too.

Just to say this one backfired on me. I did this for the first couple of
months, then found that dd#1 expected everything to drop if she wanted
anything. I gradually introduced to her that sometimes #1 as to wait and
sometimes #2, and she's much better now. It's got to be sometimes they come
first, but not always.
If you do say that #1 has to wait then you do need to offer what they want
as soon as possible. I'm feeding #2 while doing this, while #1 is getting
her dominoes out.
A lot of things you can do while feeding, and it's worthwhile introducing
those as fun things to do together. (particularly reading)
Debbie

Welches wrote:
Never blame the baby for some injustice to the toddler. I never
told Hunter he had to wait because the baby was eating etc. I
*always* found another excuse.

Sometimes (like at bath and baby woke up) I'd say out loud that I was
helping Hunter right now and that I'd be there in a minute. I guess
I blamed the toddler but the baby didn't notice, lol. I was doing
that for the toddlers sake, so he'd realize that sometimes his needs
come first too.

Just to say this one backfired on me. I did this for the first couple
of months, then found that dd#1 expected everything to drop if she
wanted anything. I gradually introduced to her that sometimes #1 as
to wait and sometimes #2, and she's much better now. It's got to be
sometimes they come first, but not always.
If you do say that #1 has to wait then you do need to offer what they
want as soon as possible. I'm feeding #2 while doing this, while #1
is getting her dominoes out.
A lot of things you can do while feeding, and it's worthwhile
introducing those as fun things to do together. (particularly reading)
Debbie

That is a good perspective, you don't want to over do it! :-). I just
wanted to clarify that #1 had to wait all the time, I just never told him
the reason he had to wait was because of the baby. I think he did
understand that though. It wasn't unusual for him to tell me the baby was
ready to be put in his crib :-) I actually spent many hours dancing around
in the kitchen while holding both of them at the same time. It was tricky
finding a position to put the baby in so his head was safe but once I
figured it out, it really made Hunter happy :-) I didn't have a sling I
liked. I had a big padded one that was like a furnace. A sling would have
probably made that process a lot easier, lol.


--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)

"Donna" wrote in message
...
So following Carol Ann's story over the last six weeks has had me reliving
the early days with my daughter; the shellshock, the exhaustion, the
inability to stop her crying at times, the six weeks sitting on the couch
nursing, the 30 second showers, the mess.... I'm remembering all the
stuff
I'd just forgotten (or blocked out grin). I'm beginning to get
seriously
nervous about going through it again, but this time with the
responsibility
of looking after a toddler as well. I had nothing left the first time
around -I can't conceive of how I'm going to handle two.

Is it easier the second time around? My mom swears that it is - not that
it's any easier to get in a shower, or get them to sleep through the
night,
but that not having that constant shell-shocked "now what do I do"
feeling,
makes a world of difference. (But really, what else are they going to
tell
me? "Oh no, honey, the first 10 weeks are *just* as horrible, and this
time
around, you'll also have to keep your elder child entertained, too!" Not
likely. smile)

So - what is the real answer? I can take it.


Dunno about doing it with a toddler, but for comparison sake:

With my daughter, I was at home. Breastfeeding. She was *all* I was focused
on. And the first six weeks were hell.

With my foster son, I was working, taking him with me from the time he was 3
days old (in a sling), formula feeding, getting my kid to school, singing in
the church choir, helping with a brownie troop. It was MUCH easier.

Specific things were harder... formula feeding is a damn nuisance and takes
up far too much time--breastfeeding was, after the first week, much simpler.
It was exhausting trying to work while parenting a newborn. But I was just
flat out more competent and had more support. Oh, and I had better slings.

Jenrose