How much privacy do you give them?

My daughter is nearly 13 and has her own laptop with DSL access to the
internet and her own email account and website on NeoPets.

Today I tried to use her computer to do something with the iPod that I
share with her and I wasn't able to log in. She has a password at
login. She also has passwords for her mail account and her AOL Instant
Message program. I cannot see her buddy list or who is emailing her.

I'm unhappy with this. I don't intend to read her email or chat
conversations but I want to have the OPTION of monitoring them. My
feeling is that she was only allowed to go on AIM because we required a
level of oversight (like no computer behind closed doors.) The reality is
that she's up in my husband's den and can hear me coming from a mile away
and everytime I walk past she's on NeoPets. I just don't know what she's
doing online for hours at a time!

My husband, on the other hand, says she is entitled to her privacy: that
we ought not to read her email or monitor her conversations. I don't
INTEND to do that, but want the option if I feel like there is a problem.
What do you think - what's reasonable?

Wendy

My husband, on the other hand, says she is entitled to her privacy: that
we ought not to read her email or monitor her conversations. I don't
INTEND to do that, but want the option if I feel like there is a problem.
What do you think - what's reasonable?

I think you're right on the money. Your daughter is 13. She does not have the
maturity to be coasting through cyberspace (or anywhere else) TOTALLY
unsupervised. This is not a matter of privacy. This is a matter of parental
responsibility, parental authority, and, in all honesty, personal safety for
your daughter. You have every right to know who she's conversing with and what
Web Sites she's visiting in cyberspace, just as you have every right to know
where and with whom she spends her time away from home. I would not allow her
access to her online computer areas until YOU have access to them, and
respectfully, your husband is living in a fantasy world if he believes that a
13-year-old should be entitled to cyberspace privacy.

Wendy wrote:

My daughter is nearly 13 and has her own laptop with DSL access to the
internet and her own email account and website on NeoPets.

Today I tried to use her computer to do something with the iPod that I
share with her and I wasn't able to log in. She has a password at
login. She also has passwords for her mail account and her AOL Instant
Message program. I cannot see her buddy list or who is emailing her.

I'm unhappy with this. I don't intend to read her email or chat
conversations but I want to have the OPTION of monitoring them. My
feeling is that she was only allowed to go on AIM because we required a
level of oversight (like no computer behind closed doors.) The reality is
that she's up in my husband's den and can hear me coming from a mile away
and everytime I walk past she's on NeoPets. I just don't know what she's
doing online for hours at a time!

My husband, on the other hand, says she is entitled to her privacy: that
we ought not to read her email or monitor her conversations. I don't
INTEND to do that, but want the option if I feel like there is a problem.
What do you think - what's reasonable?

Wendy

The fact that your daughter has her own laptop will make it very
difficult for you to monitor what she does online. This is why I do not
think it is a good idea for young kids to have their own computers.
My two boys have their own e-mail accounts and passwords, but they
access the Internet from the family computer which sits in a public
place in view of everyone and which has parental control software
installed. In addition, I have control of how much time they spend on
the computer, which I would not if they were able to squirrel themselves
away in their rooms away from the Parental Eye. In my experience, young
kids don't have the self control to turn away from the seductive glowing
screen when there are homework and chores to be done, or other more
valuable activities such as reading, drawing, playing outside, etc. I
want the option to shoo them off the machine (this goes for TV too) when
they've been vegging out too long.

I feel as you do about the need to monitor kids when they're online,
but I don't know how I could do that if our computer weren't right out
here in public. For the same reason, all entreaties to have their own
TVs in their rooms have been turned down - I've told them they can have
their own TVs when they have jobs to pay for them. (Besides, even I
don't have my own computer or TV, and I do work for a living!)

"Wendy" wrote in message
...
My daughter is nearly 13 and has her own laptop with DSL access to the
internet and her own email account and website on NeoPets.

Today I tried to use her computer to do something with the iPod that I
share with her and I wasn't able to log in. She has a password at
login. She also has passwords for her mail account and her AOL Instant
Message program. I cannot see her buddy list or who is emailing her.

If I had a thirteen year old, I would not allow him/her to have her own
laptop unless I had full access to it and all applications, *especially*
internet applications.

But then again, I don't think I'd allow *my* thirteen year old to have
their own computer in the first place. JMO.
--
JennP.

mom to Matthew 10/11/00
remove "no........spam" to reply

: I feel as you do about the need to monitor kids when they're online,
: but I don't know how I could do that if our computer weren't right out
: here in public.

That one's easy: It's called PC Anywhere.
--
ColoradoSkiBum

On Wed, 5 Nov 2003 22:24:59 -0700, "ColoradoSkiBum"
wrote:

: I feel as you do about the need to monitor kids when they're online,
: but I don't know how I could do that if our computer weren't right out
: here in public.

That one's easy: It's called PC Anywhere.

Does that work in linux? hehe.


The one really bad thing about hate is that it impairs vision. -- Shadow Vouyer

JennP wrote:

"Wendy" wrote in message
...
My daughter is nearly 13 and has her own laptop with DSL access to the
internet and her own email account and website on NeoPets.

Today I tried to use her computer to do something with the iPod that I
share with her and I wasn't able to log in. She has a password at
login. She also has passwords for her mail account and her AOL Instant
Message program. I cannot see her buddy list or who is emailing her.

If I had a thirteen year old, I would not allow him/her to have her own
laptop unless I had full access to it and all applications, *especially*
internet applications.

But then again, I don't think I'd allow *my* thirteen year old to have
their own computer in the first place. JMO.


My daughter has hd her won par top since about that age (she paid for
half of it). She does not have internet acess on it, however- she does
use it for school a lot for papers, etc.

Wendy wrote:

My daughter is nearly 13 and has her own laptop with DSL access to the
internet and her own email account and website on NeoPets.

Today I tried to use her computer to do something with the iPod that I
share with her and I wasn't able to log in. She has a password at
login. She also has passwords for her mail account and her AOL Instant
Message program. I cannot see her buddy list or who is emailing her.

I'm unhappy with this. I don't intend to read her email or chat
conversations but I want to have the OPTION of monitoring them. My
feeling is that she was only allowed to go on AIM because we required a
level of oversight (like no computer behind closed doors.) The reality is
that she's up in my husband's den and can hear me coming from a mile away
and everytime I walk past she's on NeoPets. I just don't know what she's
doing online for hours at a time!

My husband, on the other hand, says she is entitled to her privacy: that
we ought not to read her email or monitor her conversations. I don't
INTEND to do that, but want the option if I feel like there is a problem.
What do you think - what's reasonable?

Wendy

Paswwords must be diabled or she loses the computer- period. I do not
let mey 15 year old daughter have internet access on her laptop for this
reason. All her internet activity takes palce in public. I do "check"
her email account on occassion, but it's to make sure I know who she is
getting email from- I don't read it.

Wendy wrote:


My husband, on the other hand, says she is entitled to her privacy: that
we ought not to read her email or monitor her conversations. I don't
INTEND to do that, but want the option if I feel like there is a problem.
What do you think - what's reasonable?

Wendy


I'm not there (yet! give it another 2 years), but my
instinct is that computer communications should be open
enough that I know the screen names of her friends from
school. Plus, with what I've heard about chat rooms for
teens and pre-teens, we may be banning them altogether, and
I'll want the ability to enforce that. I think you're on
target.

Lesley

The kids have their own computer, with no internet access. If they want
internet, they have to use the one in the kitchen or our bedroom. My oldest
son (14) uses AIM occasionally, but I know all the ppl on his buddy list
(school friends, family). I want to know what they're doing on the net, I
would not allow password protection on anything.


There are ways to crack passwords , ya know. :-)


"Wendy" wrote in message
...
My daughter is nearly 13 and has her own laptop with DSL access to the
internet and her own email account and website on NeoPets.

Today I tried to use her computer to do something with the iPod that I
share with her and I wasn't able to log in. She has a password at
login. She also has passwords for her mail account and her AOL Instant
Message program. I cannot see her buddy list or who is emailing her.

I'm unhappy with this. I don't intend to read her email or chat
conversations but I want to have the OPTION of monitoring them. My
feeling is that she was only allowed to go on AIM because we required a
level of oversight (like no computer behind closed doors.) The reality is
that she's up in my husband's den and can hear me coming from a mile away
and everytime I walk past she's on NeoPets. I just don't know what she's
doing online for hours at a time!

My husband, on the other hand, says she is entitled to her privacy: that
we ought not to read her email or monitor her conversations. I don't
INTEND to do that, but want the option if I feel like there is a problem.
What do you think - what's reasonable?

Wendy