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being a father
I think of my son every day at work. I can see him laughing.
I can see his big grin, his hands bobbing around and his legs scooting up and down when we help him stand up. I can see him in my wife's arms coyly looking at me and smiling when I come home. I put him on my shoulders and my wife makes faces at him and he starts to laugh hysterically. I think the most important thing I can do for him right now is for him to feel loved and for him to laugh as much as he can. I envy my wife for sneaking in at night and sleeping with him and wished the bed was big enough for me to be there also. The sound of him crying tears thru me and luckily he doesn't cry too often anymore. Sure he has his bad days but he's at that point now where he can react to our voices and recognize us so soothing him is easier than it was before. The first 3 months are all a blur to us now. All the stress and paniced moments seem to be fading memories now. I remember Jacob crying hysterically because he had reflux and both of us also hysterical trying to figure out what to do. I remember breaking down in tears once because I couldn't get him to stop crying. For how long can a 2week old baby cry? It felt like an eternity. The first 3 months are the hardest because so many of us lack confidence in ourselves. I struggled to even get the diaper on properly. I thought he'd never sleep for more than 3hrs (and trust me...all this crap about babies sleeping thru the night...forget it. jacob pulled it off after a few months and then completely forgot about it and then started doing it again..etc..etc...ad nauseam). I really think that most parents don't take the time to really listen to their kids. At 6months he coos and makes his own special noises and if I mimic them he's sure to smile. I know he thinks we're talking to each other. I have no idea what we're saying but it has to do with both us being happy to be close to one another. I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess I just want anyone who is starting out and reading this to keep the faith. You'll get thru it and in a few months everything will start to fall into place. Don't let people criticize you and point out your mistakes. In time everything you thought was impossible becomes easy. Always support one another. The only advice I've heard that is true is that in time it gets better. Of course these were the only words spoken to us that I absolutely refused to believe. Even now that things are better they still grate on my nerves when someone says it. My wife wanted to quit breast feeding after 2 weeks, she cried and cried over it but I wouldn't let her quit. We made a deal to stop at 6months & now she wants to go the full year. Breast feeding for her is now a really special part of the day. Every diaper I changed resulted in poop leaking out and clothes getting stained. I felt like an idiot changing his diaper..now it's not a problem. I think the reflux was the worst. Oh my god...what a nightmare. He got over it in time. Bouncy chairs & that tube thing saved our butts. I can't think of anything that is a problem for us now. I know life will give us a lot of challenges with Jacob but we have confidence in ourselves from knowing that we were able to get past some of life's hurdles already. I think right now we're on easy street until he starts crawling. I can already see Jacob heading for the laundry detergent, or eating the cat food. And there are scarier thoughts of what could happen when he's crawling but I'd rather not type them out for all to read. Oh, and now here's the list of incredibly bad things we've done as parents so far: - my wife had him sitting on the sofa and walked away, he immediately rolled off and fell. what the hell was she thinking? i dunno but i didn't make an issue of it because i know she'd never do anything like that again and was already torturing herself over it. - absolutely confused about what to do with his sleep habits we let him cry it out for an hour in his crib a 5 months, i've been guilt ridden ever since. - crap..i know we've done other bone headed things...i just can't remember them. So how do you convince someone reading this that it will get better? I can't say. Everything in those first few weeks is all a blur now. I'm just rambling at this point. My son is asleep in his room. My wife says he even lays in bed like me. He has my eye lashes that's for sure but luckily he has her personality. So enough babbling. Good luck everyone. -The Poopsmith |
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