3 year old problems?

Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a
week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only
for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there.

The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I
picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid.

1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her
when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and
myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't
look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit
uncomfortable with the new situation.

2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've
been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think
it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him.
The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L",
and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I
thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it?

3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of
questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed
this behavior.

4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not
hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or
confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I
asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I
tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we
don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a
boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class
and our little guy is quite scared of him.

Our son is otherwise fairly well adjusted, or so I thought. He's got a
good memory, he knows his letters, numbers, colors, and can count to 20.
He seems to be quite intelligent and has shown good problem solving
skills. He generally plays well with other kids. He's in preschool 3 days
a week for 2.5 hours a day...not so much that we need him there, but we
felt he would like to go and play with other kids. The preschool hasn't
brought any concerns to our attention. BTW, he doesn't have any siblings.

My theory is that he's just taking some time to adjust to his new busy
schedule. Last school year, he was in a playschool one day a week for two
hours. The rest of the time he was either at home or with either of his
grandmothers.

I'm quite
upset about this and don't know if we have anything to worry about or not.
On one hand, I was going to take him directly to the doctor to get a
referral to a speech language pathologist, and a child psychologist, and
discontinue the preschool and the babysitter, then crawl under the bed for
a few weeks. On the other hand, I'm hoping this is all just a normal
developmental phase.

I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here.

Barbara

Barb White wrote:



I'm quite
upset about this and don't know if we have anything to worry about or not.
On one hand, I was going to take him directly to the doctor to get a
referral to a speech language pathologist, and a child psychologist, and
discontinue the preschool and the babysitter, then crawl under the bed for
a few weeks. On the other hand, I'm hoping this is all just a normal
developmental phase.

I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here.

Barbara

I would give him a month to settle into the new schedule and routine and
sitter, and then re-evaluate your concerns. They seem pretty minor to me,
especially during a transitional time for him with a new caregiver. Most of
all, I wouldn't worry about it unless he's being destructive or horrible or
seems terribly agitated by the new situation. I just know that it takes my
3.5 year old daughter about a month or so to really ease into a
transition....even when other kids seem unfazed by a new sitter or
surrounding, she just becomes a little different for a few weeks until she's
comfortable, then things are fine. As for the speech, I think its within the
range of normal to have some deficiencies, what you said seems pretty minor
for his age. Again, I wouldn't worry, but if you are concerned a trip to a
speech path. would put your mind at ease.

cara

"Barb White" wrote in message
news
Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a
week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only
for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there.

The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I
picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid.

1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her
when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and
myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't
look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit
uncomfortable with the new situation.

2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've
been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think
it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him.
The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L",
and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I
thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it?

3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of
questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed
this behavior.

4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not
hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or
confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I
asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I
tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we
don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a
boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class
and our little guy is quite scared of him.

Our son is otherwise fairly well adjusted, or so I thought. He's got a
good memory, he knows his letters, numbers, colors, and can count to 20.
He seems to be quite intelligent and has shown good problem solving
skills. He generally plays well with other kids. He's in preschool 3 days
a week for 2.5 hours a day...not so much that we need him there, but we
felt he would like to go and play with other kids. The preschool hasn't
brought any concerns to our attention. BTW, he doesn't have any siblings.

My theory is that he's just taking some time to adjust to his new busy
schedule. Last school year, he was in a playschool one day a week for two
hours. The rest of the time he was either at home or with either of his
grandmothers.

I'm quite
upset about this and don't know if we have anything to worry about or not.
On one hand, I was going to take him directly to the doctor to get a
referral to a speech language pathologist, and a child psychologist, and
discontinue the preschool and the babysitter, then crawl under the bed for
a few weeks. On the other hand, I'm hoping this is all just a normal
developmental phase.

I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here.

Barbara

sounds ok to me barbara - similar to my 3yo - i would say he is just
adjusting to thenew person, and as the other poster said, give it a month
and then see what she thinsk.

c

"Barb White" wrote in message
news
Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a
week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only
for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there.

The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I
picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid.

1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her
when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and
myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't
look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit
uncomfortable with the new situation.

2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've
been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think
it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him.
The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L",
and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I
thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it?

3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of
questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed
this behavior.

4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not
hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or
confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I
asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I
tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we
don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a
boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class
and our little guy is quite scared of him.

Our son is otherwise fairly well adjusted, or so I thought. He's got a
good memory, he knows his letters, numbers, colors, and can count to 20.
He seems to be quite intelligent and has shown good problem solving
skills. He generally plays well with other kids. He's in preschool 3 days
a week for 2.5 hours a day...not so much that we need him there, but we
felt he would like to go and play with other kids. The preschool hasn't
brought any concerns to our attention. BTW, he doesn't have any siblings.

My theory is that he's just taking some time to adjust to his new busy
schedule. Last school year, he was in a playschool one day a week for two
hours. The rest of the time he was either at home or with either of his
grandmothers.

I'm quite
upset about this and don't know if we have anything to worry about or not.
On one hand, I was going to take him directly to the doctor to get a
referral to a speech language pathologist, and a child psychologist, and
discontinue the preschool and the babysitter, then crawl under the bed for
a few weeks. On the other hand, I'm hoping this is all just a normal
developmental phase.

I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here.


I am really surprised that a new caregiver would be raising all these issues
after just meeting your child. First of all, this is a new situation with
new care giver and new children. He is going to be going through an
adjustment phase. There are loads of distractions to pull his eyes away
form making eye contact, there are new kids to learn how to interact with,
and he is only 3.5 years old. His speach sounds normal as does the rest of
the behavior you report. And, he may well have been asking the same
questions more than once if he was not given the answers or if he did not
understand the answers. Further, you've had him in other group settings with
other caregivers and no one else has apparently raised any concerns. If
there were areas to be concerned about they should have been brought up by
others as well.

Personally, I'd talk with this caregiver to find out how she responded to
the questions, how she resonded to the hitting incident, what led up to the
hitting incident [something did even if she did not see it], and what she
did to try to get him to make eye contact with her, if anything. I'd
probably suggest to her that this is a new situation and that time does
wonders for adjustment and that since he is only 3.5 years old it is
developmentally normal for him to have difficulty pronouncing certain sounds
including sibillants and "l". See what her reaction to that is. If she
stonewalls I'd start looking for a different care giver as I'd be concerned
about her thinking she is always right when she just may not be.

-Aula

1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her
when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and
myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't
look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit
uncomfortable with the new situation.

This bothers my mom and husband. My son doesn't always make eye contact.
As soon as I turn off the TV and remove whatever the distraction is, he
does. I think it's probably jsut cos he's not comfortable with her yet.



2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've
been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think
it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him.
The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L",
and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I
thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it?

Absolutely and completely normal. My son still does it (will be 4 next
month). My daughter (age 5) however will be going to speech therapy for
that and other impediments.


3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of
questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed
this behavior.

I can tell my son we're going to the commissary so get dressed. 2 minutes
later "where are we going?". Sometimes they jsut don't listen - or
remember. I don't see the big deal. Jsut answer him again.



4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not
hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or
confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I
asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I
tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we
don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a
boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class
and our little guy is quite scared of him.

Hhmm, could jsut be a one off thing. I wouldn't worry about it unless it
happens again. Technically he didn't deny it, he jsut has a different
definition of hitting.


My theory is that he's just taking some time to adjust to his new busy
schedule.

Sounds right to me.


I'm quite
upset about this and don't know if we have anything to worry about or not.
On one hand, I was going to take him directly to the doctor to get a
referral to a speech language pathologist, and a child psychologist, and
discontinue the preschool and the babysitter, then crawl under the bed for
a few weeks. On the other hand, I'm hoping this is all just a normal
developmental phase.

If you're that worried about his speech (I wouldn't be but) ask your
pediatrician.


I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here.

Barbara

All JMO but I hope it helped somewhat.

--
Sophie -
TTC #4

Barb White wrote:

Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a
week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only
for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there.

The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I
picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid.


I don't think so. You actually may want to re-evaluate the babysitter -
not your son.

1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her
when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and
myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't
look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit
uncomfortable with the new situation.


I think you're right. I would watch how he deals with other strangers -
see if he makes eye contact with them.

2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've
been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think
it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him.
The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L",
and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I
thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it?


That sounds normal to me.

3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of
questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed
this behavior.


I hope this is normal. My daughter always asks lots of questions and
every day she asks the same ones (maybe she hoping for a different
answer?).

4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not
hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or
confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I
asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I
tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we
don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a
boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class
and our little guy is quite scared of him.


This sounds a bit off. Do you know the 7 year old? If so, can you ask
him? It's usually no big deal if you just go up to the child and ask if
your child did hit him. If so, apologize for your son and if not, thank
him for the information. It may actually have been a tap like your son
said.

Last year, DD was in afterschool care at her school. While most of the
sitters were fine, there was one who I finally dubbed the "tattler".
She would detail everything DD did that she found disturbing. But
nothing she told me were actually misdeeds. In one example, she didn't
like the fact the DD and her best friend often played together, like
everyday, so she tried to separate them once or twice a week. Then she
would complain that DD doesn't listen to her (because she played with
her best friend). I began to tell myself - 1) there are two other
sitters in the class who saw nothing wrong with DD's behavior, 2) ignore
the tattler.

If your babysitter really isn't compatible with your son, you may want
to change sitters.

Jeanne

Barb White wrote in message
news
Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a
week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were only
for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day there.

The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I
picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid.

I'd be more concerned about someone who raised these concerns when she's
known him for so short a time.
1. She said she's very concerned that he isn't making eye-contact with her
when he talks to her. He makes regular eye contact with my husband and
myself, his grandparents, and friends of ours. I don't know why he won't
look at her directly, but I'm assuming it's because he's a bit
uncomfortable with the new situation.

If he makes contact with you and people he knows then I don't think there's
a problem. It's only if they make no or very little eye contact. Dd (nearly
3) is very friendly and will go up to some people and try and make eye
contact if she wants to ask something, particularly other children, but
other people she will look away if she's uncertain about them. I'd agree
with your assumption.

2. The babysitter also said that she's concerned about his talking. We've
been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think
it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him.
The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L",
and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I
thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it?

Dd does exactly that and I've been told her speech is advanced for her age
by several people (including professional) My brother had a bad speech
problem and mum was told that some mispronunciation was common (even at 5)
but concern was more if their vocab or sentence making was poor.
If usually strangers can understand him, then I don't think you should
worry.

3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of
questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed
this behavior.

I'd ask what sort of questions. If it's "why?" then dd asks that
continuously on some days. If it's a specific question maybe he isn't
getting a reasonable answer. Has your sitter answered this question? If he's
in a new situation I'd expect lots of questions. If he's asking questions
that she can understand then I don't expect there's anything wrong with his
speech either!

4. Finally, he hit one of the older kids today (a 7 year old boy). Not
hard, but thats not the point. Apparently there wasn't an argument or
confrontation about anything. I don't know what he was thinking. When I
asked him, he denies hitting the boy, he says he was "just tapping" him. I
tried to explain that "tapping" and "hitting" are the same thing, and we
don't do either. I have no idea what started this, except that there's a
boy in his Sunday school class that has hit other children in the class
and our little guy is quite scared of him.

I'd suspect that the situation was the 7 year old being oversensitive. Maybe
he was trying to get attention from the 7 year old, and she saw him tap him
on the shoulder and assumed it was a hit. I might ask what she did about it
too, because it he was tapping to get attention (or if it was an accident)
then you might like to assess whether he was punished and whether it was
appropriate.


I would really appreciate other's opinions and suggestions here.

Personally I'd change sitters. Sounds like she may have taken a dislike to
your child and wants to paint him in a bad light to both of you. I'd also
wonder whether she's bothering with enough attention for him (doesn't want
to answer questions etc.) He sounds perfectly normal, and I think I'd try
and get an idea what sort of things she does in the time together. eg. are
they put in front of the TV entirely, or is she happy to read a book, get
activities out, take them to the park. Ask your ds if he likes her/likes
going to her, and if he can reason, then why. Does he like the other
children too?
I think at best it is insensitive to suggest there may be a problem with
your child when she has known him so short a time. Can you speak to other
parents who use her, and see if she's the same for them all? Unless you have
glowing reports from the other parents about her long term care, then I'd
change asap.
Debbie

3. As for another concern she had, she said that he is asking a lot of
questions...but the same questions over and over. I have never observed
this behavior.

Well I'm no expert so I can't answer the other stuff but this one I had to
comment. He's three! that's what they do, my three year old nephew was
ALWAYS asking questions and yes, often repeatedly. I don't know about the
other issues but this to me is not a problem!

I have even heard people refer to three as the "why" stage.

Judy

We've
been paying close attention to his speech progression and overall, I think
it's pretty good. Strangers generally have an easy time understanding him.
The only thing he's doing "wrong" is that he doesn't pronounce his "L",
and instead replaces that sound with something between an "R" and a "W". I
thought things like this were very common at this age. Is it?

Yes, very common. My son had a speech evaluation at just over three years of
age, and his pronunciation was considered very good and easy to understand, and
he did exactly that kind of thing. I think in his case it was slightly more of
a Y sound, like saying "yemonade" for "lemonade." I forget how long he went on
saying it, but I think he was certainly still doing it at 3.5.

--Helen

"Bruce and Jeanne" wrote in message
...
Barb White wrote:

Our 3.5 year old son just started at a new babysitter a couple of days a
week. Yesterday was his first day, and both yesterday and today were
only
for 3 hours each. We're trying to ease into the occasional full day
there.

The babysitter raised a number concerns she had about our son when I
picked him up today, but I'm not sure if her concerns are valid.


I don't think so. You actually may want to re-evaluate the babysitter -
not your son.

Yeah, I don't see how the sitter could have come up with that list of
problems in just a couple of days. She doesn't even know the child, yet.