AT A LOST FOR WORDS... BUT HERE'S A FEW!! :)

Let's see, you moved your child away from one of its parents before it was
born at a distance that no meaningful relationship could be established.
You had the sole and unilateral choice of whether to bring a child into the
world, and now you want child support from him.........greedy is not the
word for it.......selfish is the starting point. Why don't you take
responsibility for the sole and unilateral choices you made.

BTW, you are not lost, but you certainly have abused your son.

"SunShyne" wrote in message
om...
I hope someone has heard of this before. My sons father lives in GA
and always has. I used to live there but when I got pregnant I moved
back to my home of MI after unsuccessful attempts of making a
relationship(never-married) work with the father. We are approaching
the second year of his life and the father has been almost
non-existent. He has seen our son only twice and has sent him a total
of $1800.00 over the 2 years of his life. We are now approaching the
end of a interstate child support enforcement that has taken a year
and a half to finish. Unfortunately, when the father asked the
assistant DA if he would be credited for the amount he sent me before
the order was placed, they said no. So when he asked the DA what he
should do... he was informed that if he petitioned for a paternity
test, they would not make him pay from the time our son was born, only
from here on. I'm at an awe that someone working for the best interest
of children would advice a deadbeat dad on how to work the system.
Does anyone have any advice on this??? I'm so lost!!!

Side note: Before anyone attacks me by saying I'm being greedy or
money hungry... please understand I have a well paying job that allows
me and my son to live well above the comfort level, so money is the
last thing I'm hurting for. I'm just sad about the whole situation
and I'm curious to know if anyone has heard of this before.

This is my first time on here...so I'm not sure who moonshyne is.

The Dave© wrote in message ...
SunShyne wrote:

Sunshyne? Moonshyne? I seem to remember that "moonshyne" once said
she had several names she used from time to time, and that "sunshyne"
was one of them.

This is my first time on here...so I'm not sure who moonshyne is.

The Dave© wrote in message ...
SunShyne wrote:

Sunshyne? Moonshyne? I seem to remember that "moonshyne" once said
she had several names she used from time to time, and that "sunshyne"
was one of them.

You're right.. I guess I cant expect too much considering that I moved
so far away. I was immature as I stated before and instead of staying
and following legal actions, I ran. That's something I will have to
live with, sadly. The 1800 he sent was to me for our son. This
included the cost of our sons birth and some clothing. You are
absolutely right... I believe he should get credit for what he sent.
Like I previously said, I talked with the office after I posted this
and they informed me that he was told wrong. If I would have known
before all this, I could have confirmed with the court what he paid.
Unfortunately there was no communication during the time this was
going on.

The money issue... I actually didnt file for child support. When my
son was first born, I went through some financial difficulties so I
put my son on medicaid... if someone goes on assitance, the state
automatically seeks out the father and petitions for child support. I
dont have any control over that. Even if I would have never needed
assistance, once he was acknowledged as the father he would be put on
child support. It's just the law here.

The Dave© wrote in message ...
SunShyne wrote:
I hope someone has heard of this before. My sons father lives in GA
and always has. I used to live there but when I got pregnant I moved
back to my home of MI after unsuccessful attempts of making a
relationship(never-married) work with the father. We are approaching
the second year of his life and the father has been almost
non-existent.

How is he supposed to have a meaningful relationship with his child if
you chose to move the child so far away?

He has seen our son only twice and has sent him a total
of $1800.00 over the 2 years of his life.

He sent it to him, or you?

We are now approaching the
end of a interstate child support enforcement that has taken a year
and a half to finish. Unfortunately, when the father asked the
assistant DA if he would be credited for the amount he sent me before
the order was placed, they said no. So when he asked the DA what he
should do... he was informed that if he petitioned for a paternity
test, they would not make him pay from the time our son was born, only
from here on. I'm at an awe that someone working for the best interest
of children would advice a deadbeat dad on how to work the system.

You obviously have no problem with him not getting credit for the money
he's already paid. You didn't say a word in complaint about that.
Yet, you want the system to work him for your benefit? Why the
double-standard? You are quite the hypocrite.

If the system really were looking out for "the best interests of the
children", they (and you) would recognize that making that the father
doesn't get unfairly screwed financially (and, therefore, able to
reasonable support the child) would be important, too.

Does anyone have any advice on this??? I'm so lost!!!

Side note: Before anyone attacks me by saying I'm being greedy or
money hungry... please understand I have a well paying job that allows
me and my son to live well above the comfort level, so money is the
last thing I'm hurting for. I'm just sad about the whole situation
and I'm curious to know if anyone has heard of this before.

Actions speak louder than words. If you truly don't need the money,
exactly why are you asking for it?

You're right.. I guess I cant expect too much considering that I moved
so far away. I was immature as I stated before and instead of staying
and following legal actions, I ran. That's something I will have to
live with, sadly. The 1800 he sent was to me for our son. This
included the cost of our sons birth and some clothing. You are
absolutely right... I believe he should get credit for what he sent.
Like I previously said, I talked with the office after I posted this
and they informed me that he was told wrong. If I would have known
before all this, I could have confirmed with the court what he paid.
Unfortunately there was no communication during the time this was
going on.

The money issue... I actually didnt file for child support. When my
son was first born, I went through some financial difficulties so I
put my son on medicaid... if someone goes on assitance, the state
automatically seeks out the father and petitions for child support. I
dont have any control over that. Even if I would have never needed
assistance, once he was acknowledged as the father he would be put on
child support. It's just the law here.

The Dave© wrote in message ...
SunShyne wrote:
I hope someone has heard of this before. My sons father lives in GA
and always has. I used to live there but when I got pregnant I moved
back to my home of MI after unsuccessful attempts of making a
relationship(never-married) work with the father. We are approaching
the second year of his life and the father has been almost
non-existent.

How is he supposed to have a meaningful relationship with his child if
you chose to move the child so far away?

He has seen our son only twice and has sent him a total
of $1800.00 over the 2 years of his life.

He sent it to him, or you?

We are now approaching the
end of a interstate child support enforcement that has taken a year
and a half to finish. Unfortunately, when the father asked the
assistant DA if he would be credited for the amount he sent me before
the order was placed, they said no. So when he asked the DA what he
should do... he was informed that if he petitioned for a paternity
test, they would not make him pay from the time our son was born, only
from here on. I'm at an awe that someone working for the best interest
of children would advice a deadbeat dad on how to work the system.

You obviously have no problem with him not getting credit for the money
he's already paid. You didn't say a word in complaint about that.
Yet, you want the system to work him for your benefit? Why the
double-standard? You are quite the hypocrite.

If the system really were looking out for "the best interests of the
children", they (and you) would recognize that making that the father
doesn't get unfairly screwed financially (and, therefore, able to
reasonable support the child) would be important, too.

Does anyone have any advice on this??? I'm so lost!!!

Side note: Before anyone attacks me by saying I'm being greedy or
money hungry... please understand I have a well paying job that allows
me and my son to live well above the comfort level, so money is the
last thing I'm hurting for. I'm just sad about the whole situation
and I'm curious to know if anyone has heard of this before.

Actions speak louder than words. If you truly don't need the money,
exactly why are you asking for it?

"SunShyne" wrote in message
om...
You're right.. I guess I cant expect too much considering that I moved
so far away. I was immature as I stated before and instead of staying
and following legal actions, I ran. That's something I will have to
live with, sadly. The 1800 he sent was to me for our son. This
included the cost of our sons birth and some clothing. You are
absolutely right... I believe he should get credit for what he sent.
Like I previously said, I talked with the office after I posted this
and they informed me that he was told wrong. If I would have known
before all this, I could have confirmed with the court what he paid.
Unfortunately there was no communication during the time this was
going on.

The money issue... I actually didnt file for child support. When my
son was first born, I went through some financial difficulties so I
put my son on medicaid... if someone goes on assitance, the state
automatically seeks out the father and petitions for child support. I
dont have any control over that. Even if I would have never needed
assistance, once he was acknowledged as the father he would be put on
child support. It's just the law here.

Either the child support staff has "lied" to you too, or you just don't
understand that you authorized the state to file for child support.

When a parent places their child on Medicaid they are required to assign
their right to medical support over to the state and cooperate with the
state regarding establishing paternity. On Medicaid only cases the states
limit their participation to medical support reimbursement only. You must
have signed something to expand the state's authority to go after child
support too.

The states intentionally (IMO) confuse parents applying for medical support
by stating their service in a way that only people with some knowledge of
the system understand. The state most likely told you they were going to
provide full IV-D services (medical and child support, plus paternity, and
related enforcement) unless you opted to have them go after medical support
only. If you signed some document that stated the services in a backhanded
way like stated above, you authorized an expansion of your case to include
child support. Claiming it is automatic under the law and being done
without your approval is just not the case.

"SunShyne" wrote in message
om...
You're right.. I guess I cant expect too much considering that I moved
so far away. I was immature as I stated before and instead of staying
and following legal actions, I ran. That's something I will have to
live with, sadly. The 1800 he sent was to me for our son. This
included the cost of our sons birth and some clothing. You are
absolutely right... I believe he should get credit for what he sent.
Like I previously said, I talked with the office after I posted this
and they informed me that he was told wrong. If I would have known
before all this, I could have confirmed with the court what he paid.
Unfortunately there was no communication during the time this was
going on.

The money issue... I actually didnt file for child support. When my
son was first born, I went through some financial difficulties so I
put my son on medicaid... if someone goes on assitance, the state
automatically seeks out the father and petitions for child support. I
dont have any control over that. Even if I would have never needed
assistance, once he was acknowledged as the father he would be put on
child support. It's just the law here.

Either the child support staff has "lied" to you too, or you just don't
understand that you authorized the state to file for child support.

When a parent places their child on Medicaid they are required to assign
their right to medical support over to the state and cooperate with the
state regarding establishing paternity. On Medicaid only cases the states
limit their participation to medical support reimbursement only. You must
have signed something to expand the state's authority to go after child
support too.

The states intentionally (IMO) confuse parents applying for medical support
by stating their service in a way that only people with some knowledge of
the system understand. The state most likely told you they were going to
provide full IV-D services (medical and child support, plus paternity, and
related enforcement) unless you opted to have them go after medical support
only. If you signed some document that stated the services in a backhanded
way like stated above, you authorized an expansion of your case to include
child support. Claiming it is automatic under the law and being done
without your approval is just not the case.

"gini52" wrote in message
...

"SunShyne" wrote in message
om...
This is a very good point. I'm sorry that I didnt go into depth
enough with the things I said. I moved away from GA only after the
father physically attacked me... I was dumb, really dumb and instead
of taking legal action, I ran. Dont get me wrong, he's not an abusive
man, that was the first and last time he raised his hand to me... but
I see now that it was the frustration and complications of my
pregnancy that caused him to react that way. I wish I could have been
mature enough to see that at that time. You're right.. it did come
down to being solely my choice of whether to bring this child into the
world or not, but I consulted with the father because it's not just my
child and he wanted to keep the child just as much as I did. But
thankyou so much for your response, this is exactly what I came here
for.
==
I'm glad you came. I truly hope that rather than
spending time and energy chasing child support, you will do all you can to
encourage your
son's father to be active in his life. Write him letters, send him
pictures.
It is extremely difficult for boys to grow up without a father. As the
mother of many boys,
and grandmother to another boy, I can assure you that he really really
needs
his father--much more
than he needs a few dollars of child support. He wanted this child. If the
pressure of money
is off, perhaps you can encourage him to commit to fathering his son.
After
that,
he is much more likely to contribute financially. Best wishes to you all.
==
==

Couldn't say it any better ;-)

"gini52" wrote in message
...

"SunShyne" wrote in message
om...
This is a very good point. I'm sorry that I didnt go into depth
enough with the things I said. I moved away from GA only after the
father physically attacked me... I was dumb, really dumb and instead
of taking legal action, I ran. Dont get me wrong, he's not an abusive
man, that was the first and last time he raised his hand to me... but
I see now that it was the frustration and complications of my
pregnancy that caused him to react that way. I wish I could have been
mature enough to see that at that time. You're right.. it did come
down to being solely my choice of whether to bring this child into the
world or not, but I consulted with the father because it's not just my
child and he wanted to keep the child just as much as I did. But
thankyou so much for your response, this is exactly what I came here
for.
==
I'm glad you came. I truly hope that rather than
spending time and energy chasing child support, you will do all you can to
encourage your
son's father to be active in his life. Write him letters, send him
pictures.
It is extremely difficult for boys to grow up without a father. As the
mother of many boys,
and grandmother to another boy, I can assure you that he really really
needs
his father--much more
than he needs a few dollars of child support. He wanted this child. If the
pressure of money
is off, perhaps you can encourage him to commit to fathering his son.
After
that,
he is much more likely to contribute financially. Best wishes to you all.
==
==

Couldn't say it any better ;-)

Let me see if I can make this a bit more clear about the state
enforcing child support. When a parent gets on support, the first
question the state has is "where is the other parent", in my case the
father didnt sign the birth certificate and never acknowledged
paternity, so the first action was to establish paternity... true
indeed they asked me to cooperate and the only way I could not
cooperate is if I feared for my childs safety... I informed the
caseworker only of the previous attack, but she said if there was no
police report it can not be used as valid reason not to cooperate and
honestly I didnt fear my childs safety over that isolated incident.
From there on they had my cooperation because I needed the support and
it would be cut off if I didnt. I apologize if I wasnt clear...I
didnt just sit back and let it happen, I had to cooperate and file the
petition. In general, michigan automatically does go after child
support once the father is determined due to the fact that this state
feels a child deserves the support of both parents.

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message ink.net...
"SunShyne" wrote in message
om...
You're right.. I guess I cant expect too much considering that I moved
so far away. I was immature as I stated before and instead of staying
and following legal actions, I ran. That's something I will have to
live with, sadly. The 1800 he sent was to me for our son. This
included the cost of our sons birth and some clothing. You are
absolutely right... I believe he should get credit for what he sent.
Like I previously said, I talked with the office after I posted this
and they informed me that he was told wrong. If I would have known
before all this, I could have confirmed with the court what he paid.
Unfortunately there was no communication during the time this was
going on.

The money issue... I actually didnt file for child support. When my
son was first born, I went through some financial difficulties so I
put my son on medicaid... if someone goes on assitance, the state
automatically seeks out the father and petitions for child support. I
dont have any control over that. Even if I would have never needed
assistance, once he was acknowledged as the father he would be put on
child support. It's just the law here.

Either the child support staff has "lied" to you too, or you just don't
understand that you authorized the state to file for child support.

When a parent places their child on Medicaid they are required to assign
their right to medical support over to the state and cooperate with the
state regarding establishing paternity. On Medicaid only cases the states
limit their participation to medical support reimbursement only. You must
have signed something to expand the state's authority to go after child
support too.

The states intentionally (IMO) confuse parents applying for medical support
by stating their service in a way that only people with some knowledge of
the system understand. The state most likely told you they were going to
provide full IV-D services (medical and child support, plus paternity, and
related enforcement) unless you opted to have them go after medical support
only. If you signed some document that stated the services in a backhanded
way like stated above, you authorized an expansion of your case to include
child support. Claiming it is automatic under the law and being done
without your approval is just not the case.