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#11
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6 mos eating
"cjra" wrote in message
I can guarantee you none of my siblings who have given birth in the last 21 years (oldest nephew is 21, youngest niece is 1.5) know anything about AAP recommendations except maybe my MD sister, and if I was listening to her for advice, her youngest is ~12 and I highly doubt she's looked at AAP recommendations since then. The general population is less aware of such things and go by the word of other parents. Gosh, I wonder how us older parents ever raised our kids. Parents today are so knowledgable and right about everything. (rolls eyes). I must have done everything wrong, but how can that be because my girls are thriving, healthy, socially accepted, no allergies (and there are allergies in my family), and seem to eat healthy and a wide variety of foods compared to their peers. Since I followed the guidelines for parents when my girls were babies, how did they ever grow up since it was wrong. Sue |
#12
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6 mos eating
On May 2, 6:50 am, "Sue" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message I can guarantee you none of my siblings who have given birth in the last 21 years (oldest nephew is 21, youngest niece is 1.5) know anything about AAP recommendations except maybe my MD sister, and if I was listening to her for advice, her youngest is ~12 and I highly doubt she's looked at AAP recommendations since then. The general population is less aware of such things and go by the word of other parents. Gosh, I wonder how us older parents ever raised our kids. Parents today are so knowledgable and right about everything. (rolls eyes). I must have done everything wrong, but how can that be because my girls are thriving, healthy, socially accepted, no allergies (and there are allergies in my family), and seem to eat healthy and a wide variety of foods compared to their peers. Since I followed the guidelines for parents when my girls were babies, how did they ever grow up since it was wrong. Sue Whoa Defensive much? I never said anything about bad choices they made. I didn't say that being less aware of the recommendations was a *bad* thing, only that most people don't really pay attention/know about them/follow them. I never said that going by the word of other parents was bad. What was wrong? I never said they did anything wrong. My point was that the usenet community, and in general the chat group community on many forums are much more aware of 'AAP Recommendations' than the general public, IME. It's easy for us to forget that many people never use the internet and though many do read parenting books, I've found the recommendations in parenting books to be all over the place and rarely consistent. The whole talk about AAP recommendations is much more prevelant on the 'net than it is in real life, IME. People on chat groups like to refer to AAP recommendations A LOT, but it's a rare moment amongst friends and family members who are parents to even hear about AAP recommendations. Most people tend to go with pedi's recommendations if at all, and I have heard of many many many pedis who recommend starting solids at 4 months. On another forum I am on, I'd say 60%+ have started solids by 4 months, due to pedi recommendations (incl. my own). Hence, AAP recommendations don't mean a whole lot in the real world, or rather, they don't translate into action as directly as we on usenet seem to think. Sue, I've noticed that you always seem to react this way to my posts. You've clearly got some issues with me, for whatever reason. You are way off base in your interpretation of my post, as usual. I am sure your girls are wonderful. I have never indicated otherwise or suggested you were a bad parent in any way. |
#13
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6 mos eating
"cjra" wrote in message
Whoa Defensive much? I don't mean to be, but yeah sometimes I am especially since I did follow the ped's recommendations and the AAP guidlines for my time. At the time, I didn't find anything wrong with the ped's recommendations on starting solids at 4 months and I was pretty rabid about it because I knew too many parents who didn't. I also knew all about baby's immature digestive system and how it cannot digest certain things in the beginning. I also worked in a ped's office and had lots of exposure of what things were recommended and what was not. I never said anything about bad choices they made. I didn't say that being less aware of the recommendations was a *bad* thing, only that most people don't really pay attention/know about them/follow them. I never said that going by the word of other parents was bad. Well you may have not said it directly, but that is the underlying tone of the group. Even following doctors orders is considered a bad thing, which I don't happen to agree with most of the time. Yes, doctors are human and make mistakes; however, most of the time, they have took the time to read up on new findings, at least I know my ped did and still does. I know that is not true of all docs. I am really lucky and that colors my views on the medical establishment. My point was that the usenet community, and in general the chat group community on many forums are much more aware of 'AAP Recommendations' than the general public, IME. It's easy for us to forget that many people never use the internet and though many do read parenting books, I've found the recommendations in parenting books to be all over the place and rarely consistent. Hmm, I'm not sure about that. Plenty of people read magazines that are published for parents and AAP guidelines are all over them of their findings.The reason nothing is consistent is because the human body is not exact, so therefore all that can be used is guidelines. Sometimes I think that new parents (myself included in this) get so caught up in what the so called "experts" have to say that they forget that their baby has not read a book or participated in the studies. There may be a baby who is ready for solids at 4 months. Is two months really that much difference? And I am being mildly sarcastic when I say that I am surprised that we all survived. You've read the poem about riding in the back end of the truck and so on, I mean I used to do that kind of stuff and survived. New information and technology is definitely welcomed, but really I think that we actually are doing pretty good. I wish there were AAPs guidelines for once the child reaches school age and above, because I really could use a manual to follow to make things easier. ;o) Most people tend to go with pedi's recommendations if at all, and I have heard of many many many pedis who recommend starting solids at 4 months. Yes, it used to be the norm and many people followed it without any problems. Now all of a sudden, that particular recommendation is wrong and now the parents who followed that rule are made to feel that we made the worst mistake in the world. I still think that parents need to look at the baby and not the books, ped's recommendation, or AAP, and use their own instinct, but I definitely understand the need to do everything by the book when you have a new baby. I guess take everything with a grain of salt. Sue, I've noticed that you always seem to react this way to my posts. You've clearly got some issues with me, for whatever reason. No I don't have an issue with you, honestly. It may be the tone of the post and me not being able to see your face. I truly hate this way of communicating. I remember being a new parent and me thinking that I knew everything and poo-poohed everything my mom had to say or advice she had given. Each generation is going to do this with the previous generation and I guess I am not used to the fact that I am at least 10 yrs older than most on this group and things have changed. When I was starting out, I followed all the recommendations and felt good about myself. I don't want to know now that it was all wrong ;o) You are way off base in your interpretation of my post, as usual. Probably. I do enjoy reading what you have to say though, even though I can predict now where you are in terms of parenting style. I was and am a very different kind of parent that what usenet has to portray. I am in more in line with RL parents and it is definitely different and frustrating to say the least. I seem to be more laid back than most. I think because I had a very overprotective mother. I am sure your girls are wonderful. I have never indicated otherwise or suggested you were a bad parent in any way. Oh I know that. Hindsight is always 20/20. I think each set of generations feel slightly bad at things they could have done different, but I tend to forget the big picture. Feeding and sleeping is only a fraction of what lies ahead. Sue |
#14
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6 mos eating
On May 2, 12:19 pm, "Sue" wrote:
"cjra" wrote in message Whoa Defensive much? I don't mean to be, but yeah sometimes I am especially since I did follow the ped's recommendations and the AAP guidlines for my time. At the time, I didn't find anything wrong with the ped's recommendations on starting solids at 4 months and I was pretty rabid about it because I knew too many parents who didn't. I also knew all about baby's immature digestive system and how it cannot digest certain things in the beginning. I also worked in a ped's office and had lots of exposure of what things were recommended and what was not. I never said anything about bad choices they made. I didn't say that being less aware of the recommendations was a *bad* thing, only that most people don't really pay attention/know about them/follow them. I never said that going by the word of other parents was bad. Well you may have not said it directly, but that is the underlying tone of the group. I didn't realize I was speaking for the tone of the group. I tend to say exactly what I mean, and try not to rely upon implication. Sometimes I fail at that due to poor word choice, but I certainly wasn't trying to convey previous generations (or even those who had babies 10-15 yrs ago) did anything 'bad.' Even following doctors orders is considered a bad thing, which I don't happen to agree with most of the time. Yes, doctors are human and make mistakes; however, most of the time, they have took the time to read up on new findings, at least I know my ped did and still does. I know that is not true of all docs. I am really lucky and that colors my views on the medical establishment. I work with too many medical professionals and am in the field myself to give them the omniscient title far too many seem to want. I also work with some wonderful medical professionals who recognize they don't already know everything and take the time to learn and listen to their patients. I chose my pedi because he is the latter, even if I don't agree with him on all topics. However, I was also always taught to question, to never take someone's word as gospel truth simply because they were in a position of authority or power. That holds true for the medical profession. I don't think doctors are all evil, I think they're human. The best ones recognize they are. It's really funny, as in my work I often have to call physicians about diagnoses/lab result interpretation, and if I state "This is Dr. CJRA" I get a very different response than if I state simply my name (I have a PhD and so often do not use the Dr title). My point was that the usenet community, and in general the chat group community on many forums are much more aware of 'AAP Recommendations' than the general public, IME. It's easy for us to forget that many people never use the internet and though many do read parenting books, I've found the recommendations in parenting books to be all over the place and rarely consistent. Hmm, I'm not sure about that. Plenty of people read magazines that are published for parents and AAP guidelines are all over them of their findings.The reason nothing is consistent is because the human body is not exact, so therefore all that can be used is guidelines. Sometimes I think that new parents (myself included in this) get so caught up in what the so called "experts" have to say that they forget that their baby has not read a book or participated in the studies. There may be a baby who is ready for solids at 4 months. Is two months really that much difference? And I am being mildly sarcastic when I say that I am surprised that we all survived. You've read the poem about riding in the back end of the truck and so on, I mean I used to do that kind of stuff and survived. New information and technology is definitely welcomed, but really I think that we actually are doing pretty good. I wish there were AAPs guidelines for once the child reaches school age and above, because I really could use a manual to follow to make things easier. ;o) Most people tend to go with pedi's recommendations if at all, and I have heard of many many many pedis who recommend starting solids at 4 months. Yes, it used to be the norm and many people followed it without any problems. Now all of a sudden, that particular recommendation is wrong and now the parents who followed that rule are made to feel that we made the worst mistake in the world. Really? Someone told you you made the worst mistake in the world? That's too bad. Certainly my sibs and some friends (most of whom had kids awhile ago) feel like they did what was right at the time. End of story. I still think that parents need to look at the baby and not the books, ped's recommendation, or AAP, and use their own instinct, but I definitely understand the need to do everything by the book when you have a new baby. I guess take everything with a grain of salt. I don't disagree with you there. Babies don't read books, and the first thing I do in my 'parenting style' (I loathe that term) is to follow my baby's lead and what I think is best. I avoided buying any books for awhile because I didn't want to get sucked into what the books said should be done/not done. However once I got comfortable with my baby I was able to turn to books for confirmation or information. Frankly, my kid wasn't ready for solids at 6 months. So we slowed down and introduced them a bit later. Sue, I've noticed that you always seem to react this way to my posts. You've clearly got some issues with me, for whatever reason. No I don't have an issue with you, honestly. It may be the tone of the post and me not being able to see your face. I truly hate this way of communicating. I remember being a new parent and me thinking that I knew everything and poo-poohed everything my mom had to say or advice she had given. My mom raised 8 kids, born between 1956-1972. Definitely the guidelines then were different than they are now. But I have had to say *only once* that 'this is what is recommended now,' and that was because she was insisting my DD wear a hat on her super sweaty head and calling in 'the experts' was the only way to get her to back down. I do a lot different than she did, and a lot the same. I have a huge respect for my parents' parenting, even when I don't make the same choices. Some of my friends had kids 15+ years ago (i'm the 'late bloomer' with respect to child bearing age) and made different decisions than I make. Not a big deal, unless they try to push me to do things their way (which rarely happens). Each generation is going to do this with the previous generation and I guess I am not used to the fact that I am at least 10 yrs older than most on this group and things have changed. When I was starting out, I followed all the recommendations and felt good about myself. I don't want to know now that it was all wrong ;o) Why do you not need to feel good about yourself? We never had seatbelts when we were kids. My parents aren't wracked with guilt for not having used them. (That said, my aunt is, whose baby died in a car accident being unrestrained, some 50 years ago). You are way off base in your interpretation of my post, as usual. Probably. I do enjoy reading what you have to say though, even though I can predict now where you are in terms of parenting style. I really hate when people online ask "what is your parenting style?" My style is to parent my child the best way I know how. Period. End of story. I despise labels and don't get this need people have for them. I don't fit into a box and nor does my kid. I was and am a very different kind of parent that what usenet has to portray. I am in more in line with RL parents and it is definitely different and frustrating to say the least. I seem to be more laid back than most. I think because I had a very overprotective mother. Usenet is a subset of the real population, and like any group will draw like minded individuals. On one chat group I ocassion, I feel out of place for cloth diapering, extended BF (if we go that route), certainly homebirth is considered moronic there. On another, I feel like I might as well have been following Ezzo (I think that's the one). Then there's mothering.com which scares me. IRL, I find a much greater mix. There's one group I've begun to socialize with whose parenting habits are similar to mine (and even then I feel weird there sometimes). Then other friends who are well past the baby stage that fall across the whole range. Then there's a group who are just now having babies who are figuring things out. I am sure your girls are wonderful. I have never indicated otherwise or suggested you were a bad parent in any way. Oh I know that. Hindsight is always 20/20. I think each set of generations feel slightly bad at things they could have done different, but I tend to forget the big picture. Feeding and sleeping is only a fraction of what lies ahead. I already have a small list of things to do differently with the next kid, but I don't think I'm a horrible parent for not doing it one way the first time around. I'm sure my daughter doesn't expect perfection. One of the things I respect about my parents is that they are honest about having made mistakes, but not regretting of decisions made in terms of parenting. They did what was right and worked at the time. Raising kids is a learning process, we're still teaching them ;-) |
#15
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6 mos eating
In article ,
"Sue" wrote: Most people tend to go with pedi's recommendations if at all, and I have heard of many many many pedis who recommend starting solids at 4 months. Yes, it used to be the norm and many people followed it without any problems. Now all of a sudden, that particular recommendation is wrong and now the parents who followed that rule are made to feel that we made the worst mistake in the world. I am not sure where you get this bit from. Who has implied that you made the worst mistake in the world (*)? I've seen a fair bit of "the doctors were wrong" or "the recommendation was wrong" but I have never seen "the parents were wrong to follow the official recommendations of the time". My personal motto is, "Do your best and trust God for the rest". The "best" I mean is not perfection, but the best you could given the knowledge and resources you had at the time. I'm pretty sure you would have done that when your girls were little -- if you didn't care, you wouldn't be here. (*) If a person thinks that feeding a child solids early is the worst thing in the world, they need to get out a bit more! -- Chookie -- Sydney, Australia (Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply) "Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled." Kerry Cue |
#16
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6 mos eating
"cjra" wrote in message
I didn't realize I was speaking for the tone of the group. I tend to say exactly what I mean, and try not to rely upon implication. Sometimes I fail at that due to poor word choice, but I certainly wasn't trying to convey previous generations (or even those who had babies 10-15 yrs ago) did anything 'bad.' You're not no. But, I have been on this group a long time and the tone of the group is one that I can't exactly put into words, but is one of must follow the WHO and AAP organization by the book or else. It could be just a select few though that push it. I work with too many medical professionals and am in the field myself to give them the omniscient title far too many seem to want. I also work with some wonderful medical professionals who recognize they don't already know everything and take the time to learn and listen to their patients. I chose my pedi because he is the latter, even if I don't agree with him on all topics. I work with medical professionals myself and have since I was 15 yrs old. I definitely agree with some that think they are God and fortunately, I haven't had to deal with too many of them. However, my ped is a wonderful person who has researched and studied and followed the trends, so yes I do tend to listen to him and follow what he says. My daughter has another doctor that I don't trust at all, so I am more leery of him and his suggestions and research everything with him. Really? Someone told you you made the worst mistake in the world? That's too bad. Certainly my sibs and some friends (most of whom had kids awhile ago) feel like they did what was right at the time. End of story. No, for heaven sakes. This is why I hate this way of communicating. Everything is taken so literal. No one has ever told me that I am "bad" for doing anything. It's on usenet the underlying tone of if you feed solids at 4 months is a horrible thing. However, now that the girls are older, feeding is such a tiny aspect of parenting that it seems silly to even discuss it now. My mom raised 8 kids, born between 1956-1972. Definitely the guidelines then were different than they are now. But I have had to say *only once* that 'this is what is recommended now,' and that was because she was insisting my DD wear a hat on her super sweaty head and calling in 'the experts' was the only way to get her to back down. LOL, I remember my mom doing something similar. It was when DD2 was born and it was something like 100 degrees outside and I had a fan in the living room oscilliating around the room and my mom said something like put a blanket on the baby because the cold air will give her a cold. Other than little things like that, I didn't have too may run ins with my mom. Why do you not need to feel good about yourself? We never had seatbelts when we were kids. My parents aren't wracked with guilt for not having used them. (That said, my aunt is, whose baby died in a car accident being unrestrained, some 50 years ago). I was kidding. I don't feel bad, honestly. It was just an example I used to state that kids are pretty resilient and unless there is absolute neglect going on, that most things parents do end up just fine. I really hate when people online ask "what is your parenting style?" My style is to parent my child the best way I know how. Period. End of story. I despise labels and don't get this need people have for them. I don't fit into a box and nor does my kid. I don't have a parenting style either, really. I followed my gut when they were babies and pretty much follow it today. I am more laid back than most parents that I see, but nothing wrong with that. Usenet is a subset of the real population, and like any group will draw like minded individuals. On one chat group I ocassion, I feel out of place for cloth diapering, extended BF (if we go that route), certainly homebirth is considered moronic there. On another, I feel like I might as well have been following Ezzo (I think that's the one). Then there's mothering.com which scares me. That's true. I found a group that parents teens that I have just joined because honestly I can't relate to the baby thing anymore, but I don't really fit in there either because I am not having the horrible problems that some of the parents of teens are having. It's kind of depressing to me. I already have a small list of things to do differently with the next kid, but I don't think I'm a horrible parent for not doing it one way the first time around. I'm sure my daughter doesn't expect perfection. One of the things I respect about my parents is that they are honest about having made mistakes, but not regretting of decisions made in terms of parenting. They did what was right and worked at the time. Raising kids is a learning process, we're still teaching them ;-) Oh no, I don't mean to portray that I am a horrible parent, because really I don't feel like one. I think I have done pretty good with what information I had at the time. I do wish I had the computer though when the girls were babies. It would have helped so much for support because I had none. Sue |
#17
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6 mos eating
"Chookie" wrote in message
I am not sure where you get this bit from. Who has implied that you made the worst mistake in the world (*)? I've seen a fair bit of "the doctors were wrong" or "the recommendation was wrong" but I have never seen "the parents No one person. And no I am being very sarcastic when I say the worst mistake. I feel like though, many parents feel the need to follow the AAP or the WHO because for a lack of confidence in themselves to follow the baby's lead. My personal motto is, "Do your best and trust God for the rest". The "best" I mean is not perfection, but the best you could given the knowledge and resources you had at the time. I'm pretty sure you would have done that when your girls were little -- if you didn't care, you wouldn't be here. I like that and yes I try to keep that in my head. (*) If a person thinks that feeding a child solids early is the worst thing in the world, they need to get out a bit more! Oh I agree. We were just having a discussion on it that's all. Sue |
#18
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6 mos eating
yes, kids usualy only start tasting foods at 6 months eating takes a
while and many mothers do not bother introducing foods(if they are nursing) until a year old. much luck |
#19
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6 mos eating
Sue wrote:
"Chookie" wrote in message I am not sure where you get this bit from. Who has implied that you made the worst mistake in the world (*)? I've seen a fair bit of "the doctors were wrong" or "the recommendation was wrong" but I have never seen "the parents No one person. And no I am being very sarcastic when I say the worst mistake. I feel like though, many parents feel the need to follow the AAP or the WHO because for a lack of confidence in themselves to follow the baby's lead. I'm going to go off on a tangent here... I'm picking your post to reply because I can, not because I think it applies to you, ok? I'm not really picking on anyone, just stating facts. My neighbour (american, husband in the military, currently stationed here in germany, just for reference) had a baby girl in January. C-section, 5 weeks early. At about 4 weeks old she fed that baby applesauce. Yes, the tiny tiny jars available at the commissary, but still, she fed her applesauce at 4 weeks. A baby that was technicaly -1 week old. And she thinks it's ok. In fact she thinks she had no other choice. Yes, they have formula in the house, yes she is "breastfeeding" (she claims to be bf but the baby gets an awful lot of bottles and I haven't seen her latched on in weeks, so whatever.). When I expressed my concern about feeding a 4 week old applesauce she told me "Well, she was hungry. Besides, my other three all had cereal by the time they were her age." "WHY?!" "Because formuly wasn't enough. They were always hungry and WIC only pays for a certain amount of formula an that stuff's expensive." So, she feels like she was following the babies leads, because they were always hungry and screaming and formuly was "not enough". The woman in questin is now 27 and has 4 children. To say she's not coping very well is the understatement of the century. But besides her parenting style being the totally opposite of mine (I don't spank, Sam doesn't get to watch more than an average of 45-60min of TV/day and that includes weekend kids movies, I cook every day, and if I don't my brother, who lives right next door, does, we hardly ever go out for junkfood, he plays outside all day long if the weather is good enough, he rides his bike every day, he visits his friends every day,...), I don't think she sees breastfeeding as being enough. The baby has to have a bottle of something, and if it's just so daddy can feed the baby. For parents like that I wish there was some place I could call and have a man with a mallet come to their house and beat some sense into them. *cough* I mean I want a softspoken, gentle woman to come and have a quiet chat with them... Seriously, there's following the baby's lead and then there's stupidity. It's just sometimes hard to tell the difference yourself. And I think that's why some of the members of this newsgroup mention standards (AAP, WHO, whatever) so often. So people who are unsure do get something to go by other than instincts. I just really really had to get that off my chest because it's been bothering me so much. If I was pg with my first right now and didn't know any better I'd probably think she was doing everything right, I mean what are you going to do if the baby's always hungry and you don't want her latched on 24/7 (ok, you don't want her latched on an hour every three hours, in the morning, occasionally, during a growthspurt, ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH). cu nicole |
#20
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6 mos eating
"NL" wrote in message
For parents like that I wish there was some place I could call and have a man with a mallet come to their house and beat some sense into them. *cough* I mean I want a softspoken, gentle woman to come and have a quiet chat with them... LOL. I wonder where she gets her information? That's really too bad for the baby. I certainly don't advocate feeding a baby anything other than breastmilk or formula at least until four months and I am very much on board with waiting until six months. That's where the education of the doctors come in. If they are going to change the standards of infant feeding, then for gosh sakes why are the doctors not on board with that. They are on board with up-to-date vaccinations. I definitely feel your pain. Feeding was my pet peeve and I was determined to do it right because I saw so many people feeding early solids and not understanding that the baby cannot handle it. I had never heard of the WHO until I came to usenet, but I did know the AAP and never really knew how "they" felt about feeding. I knew where they stood on SIDS and things like that, but the doctor is who I got feeding information from and some books, mainly Dr. Spock. I just really really had to get that off my chest because it's been bothering me so much. If I was pg with my first right now and didn't know any better I'd probably think she was doing everything right, I mean what are you going to do if the baby's always hungry and you don't want her latched on 24/7 (ok, you don't want her latched on an hour every three hours, in the morning, occasionally, during a growthspurt, ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH). I didn't have usenet when the girls were babies, so I guess I did rely on doctor's information, my mom's advice (not too much though), magazines, or other sources. I wish I did have the computer though, it would have helped so much to have the support. Sue |
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