"Go Away Daddy!"

My 2 yo DD loves her Daddy. She cries almost everytime he leaves for
work and is always thrilled when he returns home.
That being said, she seems to have some sort of love/hate feeling
towards him. By the end of the weekend or a long trip she almost seems
sick of him. On Sunday nights she will often tell him to go away, and
will physically push him away. She sometimes even does this on week
nights.
I think that part of the problem is that she likes to cuddle less and
less as she ages and DH would still like to hold her on his lap or hug
her more then she can sit still for. But I wonder if there is anyway
to make her behave more nicely to her dad. We try to tell her to "use
her words" to tell Daddy that she doesn't want him to be too close, and
we give her nicer things to say like "Please don't Daddy" or something
like that, but she always reverts back to "go away" and pushing. I
think that my husband's feelings are getting hurt.
Of course she rarely does this to me, but I think its because I'm
almost always there.
Has anyone had any experience with this?

In article .com,
wrote:

My 2 yo DD loves her Daddy. She cries almost everytime he leaves for
work and is always thrilled when he returns home.
That being said, she seems to have some sort of love/hate feeling
towards him. By the end of the weekend or a long trip she almost seems
sick of him. On Sunday nights she will often tell him to go away, and
will physically push him away. She sometimes even does this on week
nights.
I think that part of the problem is that she likes to cuddle less and
less as she ages and DH would still like to hold her on his lap or hug
her more then she can sit still for. But I wonder if there is anyway
to make her behave more nicely to her dad. We try to tell her to "use
her words" to tell Daddy that she doesn't want him to be too close, and
we give her nicer things to say like "Please don't Daddy" or something
like that, but she always reverts back to "go away" and pushing. I
think that my husband's feelings are getting hurt.
Of course she rarely does this to me, but I think its because I'm
almost always there.
Has anyone had any experience with this?


Probably most of us, at one time or another.

DH may need to work on reading whatever non-verbal cues she's giving him
that she has had enough of the physical stuff, but even if he is GREAT
at it -- many kids do things like this to one or another of their
primary care givers from time to time.

It sounds like you're doing the things you need to do by trying to teach
her the verbal skills she needs (and, importantly, you are NOT requiring
her to accept physical closeness that she doesn't want!), so just hang
in there and know she'll eventually get better at this.

And reassure DH that it's pretty normal.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

wrote:
My 2 yo DD loves her Daddy. She cries almost everytime he leaves for
work and is always thrilled when he returns home.

I used to feel that way about my husband, but this too passed :-))


That being said, she seems to have some sort of love/hate feeling
towards him. By the end of the weekend or a long trip she almost seems
sick of him. On Sunday nights she will often tell him to go away, and
will physically push him away. She sometimes even does this on week
nights.

Hmmmmm, I sometimes feel this way too!

I think that part of the problem is that she likes to cuddle less and
less as she ages and DH would still like to hold her on his lap or hug
her more then she can sit still for. But I wonder if there is anyway
to make her behave more nicely to her dad. We try to tell her to "use
her words" to tell Daddy that she doesn't want him to be too close, and
we give her nicer things to say like "Please don't Daddy" or something
like that, but she always reverts back to "go away" and pushing. I
think that my husband's feelings are getting hurt.
Of course she rarely does this to me, but I think its because I'm
almost always there.

Okay, I'll be more helpful. I was the primary care taker of our dd.
She was very attached to me and she adored her father. BUT, if she got
hurt, she NEVER wanted him to care for her; from the earliest age even
to now (11). Over the years, she has never had any problem saying good
bye to him (when DD and I went out of town or if he went out of town
without us) but good lord, when I went out of town the first time
without her; it was a production. As recently as a few month ago when
I had a business thing where I had to stay overnight, she called in the
morning to tell me that we were out of bread and what should she do. I
was also called for a girlfriend dilemma and needed to help her figure
out an issue that my husband didn't understand.

With that all being said...over the years, she and I have had this
interesting dependency bond and as she is getting older, she is
certainly breaking away. I can say that although she and her dad don't
have the type of arguing issues, they really don't have some of the
closeness that she and I share. It was very hard for my husband for a
few years when she'd cry for mom when she was hurt and he felt
inadequate but he had to be the adult and get over it. There are
certain things that he gives her that I don't (like total fun and
games!) and there are things that I give her that he doesn't.

Has anyone had any experience with this?

Your daughter is only 2 and should not be expected to say "please leave
me alone daddy" instead of pushing him away. Maybe you can find a few
articles online about this issue and have your husband read them. I
told my husband many times..."come on, she adores you but she is just
used to me all day" and don't let him pout about it in front of her.
She's just doing what kids do! There are pros and cons of being
primary caretaker!

wrote:
My 2 yo DD loves her Daddy. She cries almost everytime he leaves for
work and is always thrilled when he returns home.
That being said, she seems to have some sort of love/hate feeling
towards him.

That is fairly normal. It doesn't mean she hates him or even dislikes him.
It is just a thing kids go through. The tide may switch in a couple years
and you'll be the odd man out :-0 That would be normal too ;-) Remind your
husband to try and not take it personally.

But I wonder if there is anyway
to make her behave more nicely to her dad. We try to tell her to "use
her words" to tell Daddy that she doesn't want him to be too close,
and we give her nicer things to say like "Please don't Daddy" or
something like that, but she always reverts back to "go away" and
pushing.

I have two suggestions. "Go away" is using her words and that is a good
thing so I wouldn't chastise her for her choice of words. She is only 2yo.
The very fact that she is using any words at all is a big thing, mine
weren't even able to at that age! You or your dh could parrot back a more
polite phrase. My biggest suggestion is to listen and respond to her the
very first time she says it. She says "Go Away" he should immediately put
her down and maybe say "OK, you can get down." or "You can get down but
please be polite and say 'Daddy, I want down.". That might be a little
long. 'Daddy down' in a nice tone may be more developmentally appropriate.
She is much more likely to stop pushing and use her words if she knows her
words have power. If you notice that she is sending off cues that she's had
enough interaction before the 'Go Away and pushing' part of it you could
point those out to him.


--
Nikki
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Thing One and Thing Two :-) EDD 4/06

wrote in message
oups.com...
My 2 yo DD loves her Daddy. She cries almost everytime he leaves for
work and is always thrilled when he returns home.
That being said, she seems to have some sort of love/hate feeling
towards him. By the end of the weekend or a long trip she almost seems
sick of him. On Sunday nights she will often tell him to go away, and
will physically push him away. She sometimes even does this on week
nights.
I think that part of the problem is that she likes to cuddle less and
less as she ages and DH would still like to hold her on his lap or hug
her more then she can sit still for. But I wonder if there is anyway
to make her behave more nicely to her dad. We try to tell her to "use
her words" to tell Daddy that she doesn't want him to be too close, and
we give her nicer things to say like "Please don't Daddy" or something
like that, but she always reverts back to "go away" and pushing. I
think that my husband's feelings are getting hurt.
Of course she rarely does this to me, but I think its because I'm
almost always there.
Has anyone had any experience with this?


My DD, also 2, does this. More with me than with Daddy. In my case, I am
interpretting my DD as more comfortable with me. She has had more temper
tantrums with me, and she has to come check in with me so we can cuddle and
make sure we still love each other. What am I trying to say... She tries out
her new emotions and new behaviors on me. The Go Away thing is exercising
her new will. So when she says it, I ask for a please. She gives me a
please. And off I go. I don't perceive any hate in it. The more I let her go
when she wants to be gone, the more comfortable she feels.

Anyway I don't know if it is the same scene.

"Nikki" ) writes:
I have two suggestions. "Go away" is using her words and that is a good
thing so I wouldn't chastise her for her choice of words. She is only 2yo.
The very fact that she is using any words at all is a big thing, mine
weren't even able to at that age! You or your dh could parrot back a more
polite phrase. My biggest suggestion is to listen and respond to her the
very first time she says it. She says "Go Away" he should immediately put
her down and maybe say "OK, you can get down." or "You can get down but
please be polite and say 'Daddy, I want down.". That might be a little
long. 'Daddy down' in a nice tone may be more developmentally appropriate.
She is much more likely to stop pushing and use her words if she knows her
words have power. If you notice that she is sending off cues that she's had
enough interaction before the 'Go Away and pushing' part of it you could
point those out to him.

I agree with Nikki. I believe that everyone has the right to
not cuddle at any time they don't want to cuddle. Other people
have a responsibility to respect that right. So it's important
as soon as she doesn't want to cuddle right then, to respect that --
whether she states it politely or impolitely.

If he wants to avoid hearing "go away", he could try to avoid
cuddling her except at moments when he gets a clear sign from
her, e.g. when she approaches him and tries to climb onto
his lap. He could ask her "is it cuddle time?"

I see the "go away" as a useful assertive skill.

Both parents could occasionally ask the child to go away,
modelling a polite way to do this. "Sorry, I need to be alone!"
or whatever seems appropriate and short enough that she
might easily learn to say it. Doing this occasionally might
help balance out the relationship so that nobody feels overly
hurt about being sent away for a short time.

MsLiz wrote:
wrote:

My 2 yo DD loves her Daddy. She cries almost everytime he leaves for
work and is always thrilled when he returns home.

I used to feel that way about my husband, but this too passed :-))

That being said, she seems to have some sort of love/hate feeling
towards him. By the end of the weekend or a long trip she almost seems
sick of him. On Sunday nights she will often tell him to go away, and
will physically push him away. She sometimes even does this on week
nights.

Hmmmmm, I sometimes feel this way too!

ROTFL, I had the same thought!