Sibling rivalry/conflicts at school?

I have a lot of sibling pairs/groups at school, and one particular set of
boys (one in 3rd grade, one in 5th) seem to come in every morning about two
steps away from major fighting. (Since I teach music, I am on cafeteria
supervision every morning for the time between when the students arrive and
the time the teachers pick them up for class). It can easily become a major
job keeping these two apart and off each other. This is not the typical
sibling pattern, in my experience. Usually siblings may absolutely detest
each other outside of school, but be very supportive of each other within
school. In addition, the younger seems to be the aggressor, not the older.
Mother has not been responsive to attempts to contact her.

Does this suggest anything from a parent standpoint? The only thing I can
think of is that maybe the older bullies the younger at home, and the
younger makes up for it at school because he knows we won't let things go
too far?

Donna Metler wrote:

I have a lot of sibling pairs/groups at school, and one particular set of
boys (one in 3rd grade, one in 5th) seem to come in every morning about two
steps away from major fighting. (Since I teach music, I am on cafeteria
supervision every morning for the time between when the students arrive and
the time the teachers pick them up for class). It can easily become a major
job keeping these two apart and off each other. This is not the typical
sibling pattern, in my experience. Usually siblings may absolutely detest
each other outside of school, but be very supportive of each other within
school. In addition, the younger seems to be the aggressor, not the older.
Mother has not been responsive to attempts to contact her.

Does this suggest anything from a parent standpoint? The only thing I can
think of is that maybe the older bullies the younger at home, and the
younger makes up for it at school because he knows we won't let things go
too far?


Well, the fact that the mother is not responsive
might be saying something. I'm not sure I'd read too much
into the boys' behavior, though. My two frequently fight
like cats and dogs--can't stand to be apart, can't stand
to be together! They do have times when they're wonderful
together, but they can be really ornery too, including at
school (though they fortunately have little time together
at school). And in our case too, it's the younger one
usually kicking things off. I think he opts for
physicality because that's his long suit--big brother
can argue him into a corner almost every time. And,
for whatever reason, mornings are a challenging time
for my two fairly often.
Now, the situation you describe may be more
serious than it is with my boys--particularly since
the mother doesn't seem to be interested in talking
to you (certainly, if anyone raised an issue with mine,
I'd be down there fast enough to make their heads
spin ;-) I just don't think that having sibling
issues show up at school is *necessarily* indicative
of something terribly awry, though it certainly
*could* be.

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Donna Metler" wrote in message . ..
I have a lot of sibling pairs/groups at school, and one particular set of
boys (one in 3rd grade, one in 5th) seem to come in every morning about two
steps away from major fighting. (Since I teach music, I am on cafeteria
supervision every morning for the time between when the students arrive and
the time the teachers pick them up for class). It can easily become a major
job keeping these two apart and off each other. This is not the typical
sibling pattern, in my experience. Usually siblings may absolutely detest
each other outside of school, but be very supportive of each other within
school. In addition, the younger seems to be the aggressor, not the older.
Mother has not been responsive to attempts to contact her.

Does this suggest anything from a parent standpoint? The only thing I can
think of is that maybe the older bullies the younger at home, and the
younger makes up for it at school because he knows we won't let things go
too far?

I've got two data points. When I was a kid, I HATED my brother in
school, and barely tolerated him out of school. He felt the same way
about me. Most of the time we pretended we didn't know each other, but
there were times when it came to pushing and shoving.

My kids are now in the same school for the first time in a couple of
years, and we have had a couple of 'incidents' where they were
actively trying to kill each other in school. One happened right at
the beginning of the school year, when DD was trying to figure out how
to fit into a crowd and she attempted to drive her brother crazy to
win points. It worked on both levels, and the VP and I had a very
interesting phone call. Happened a second time after school, when DD
was goading DS (this is her major talent in life...she's just
unbelievably good at goading) and he lost his temper on the bus.
Detention all around seems to have swept this under the rug, but I'm
willing to bet it will happen again. We've got plenty of time till
June.

I think this scenario has to do more with the level of trust siblings
feel towards each other than a reflection of what is going on at home.
I know what I don't tolerate at home is a lot stricter than what the
school tolerates in general, so that my kids test there more than they
do at home. Also, they are in a certain comfort zone knowing how
strong their opponent is, as opposed to goading or baiting a kid who
may be a lot stronger than s/he looks.

Marjorie

"Donna Metler" wrote in message . ..
I have a lot of sibling pairs/groups at school, and one particular set of
boys (one in 3rd grade, one in 5th) seem to come in every morning about two
steps away from major fighting.

Does this suggest anything from a parent standpoint? The only thing I can
think of is that maybe the older bullies the younger at home, and the
younger makes up for it at school because he knows we won't let things go
too far?

Maybe it is indicative of tensions they don't feel comfortable showing
at home. It could be that they come in every morning in a bad mood
from home and the only outlet they have for that is their sibling.
School may be a "safe" place for them where they feel they can act out
feelings they can't express at home.

Chris

In article ,
Donna Metler wrote:
I have a lot of sibling pairs/groups at school, and one particular set of
boys (one in 3rd grade, one in 5th) seem to come in every morning about two
steps away from major fighting.

My boys (2.75 years apart) seem to be at one another's throats at school
a lot. The teachers try to arrange to keep them separate. They can be
at one another's throats at home a fair bit too However, a lot of
the time, they play nicely with one another, and they do genuinely care for
one another.

I don't think it necessarily indicates anything in particular about
their relationship or any issues at home. It's partly an issue of
personalities, and the fact that they see a lot of one another, both
at home and at school.

What kind of help/cooperation would you like to get from the parents?
Our kids' teachers informed me of the situation, for my information,
but didn't think there was anything special I could/should do about it.
They just try to avoid situations where one will have a chance to
antagonize the other.

--Robyn