OT "Let me hold the baby"

Why do some people not take no for an answer when they want to hold your
baby? We were just at an extended family holiday party and DS was
freaked out by all the noise and strange people. I spent most of the
time we were there standing and swaying in a quiet corner soothing him.
I knew if anyone else held him he'd be scared. It was the first time
most people there had seen him and one cousin in particular was
persistent about holding him. Finally, when he had fallen asleep, I
gave in against my better judgment, and immediately wished I hadn't.
The poor babe was hysterical and it took me half an hour to calm him
down again. And still when we were starting to get ready to leave,
the same cousin insisted on holding him again, with the same result.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

Wear him in a sling. That worked like a big "hands off' sign for us. If
he was asleep in there, people cold peek in a bit, otherwise when he was
up, people would have to so egregiously violate my personal space to
touch him that most people didn't dare. We were very NOT into "passing
around" the baby and very into respecting his natural fears and
uncertainties.

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

Cheryl S. wrote:
Why do some people not take no for an answer when they want to hold your
baby? We were just at an extended family holiday party and DS was
freaked out by all the noise and strange people. I spent most of the
time we were there standing and swaying in a quiet corner soothing him.
I knew if anyone else held him he'd be scared. It was the first time
most people there had seen him and one cousin in particular was
persistent about holding him. Finally, when he had fallen asleep, I
gave in against my better judgment, and immediately wished I hadn't.
The poor babe was hysterical and it took me half an hour to calm him
down again. And still when we were starting to get ready to leave,
the same cousin insisted on holding him again, with the same result.

DS was about 3 1/2 months at Thanksgiving and it was the first time he'd
seen most of the relatives as well. Fortuantely, he's pretty laid back and
doesn't really care who's holding him as long as they'll smile back. =)
However, it really urked me because most of the relatives didn't even ask
before they took him. As soon as I walked in, someone had lifted him right
out of my arms and then the passing began. I had to hunt him down to take
him to change his diaper and nurse. One aunt even let him 5 year old son
hold him without asking me if I was comfortable with that (which I wasn't
considering he'd dropped his baby brother a few months earlier).

Manda

"Cheryl S." wrote in message
Why do some people not take no for an answer when they want to hold your
baby? We were just at an extended family holiday party and DS was
freaked out by all the noise and strange people. I spent most of the
time we were there standing and swaying in a quiet corner soothing him.
I knew if anyone else held him he'd be scared. It was the first time
most people there had seen him and one cousin in particular was
persistent about holding him. Finally, when he had fallen asleep, I
gave in against my better judgment, and immediately wished I hadn't.
The poor babe was hysterical and it took me half an hour to calm him
down again. And still when we were starting to get ready to leave,
the same cousin insisted on holding him again, with the same result.

I went to a work Christmas party last Tuesday and worn DS in the sling the
whole time as "protection" from people holding him (and because it left my
hands free to eat and so forth). Several people mentioned that they'd like
to hold him if I needed to get him out of the sling and I would just say how
cozy he was in there. For the first part of the party, he rode around
sucking his hand and looking out at everybody, then he went to sleep. After
he was sleeping, I had a few people mention holding him if he woke up (but
he didn't).

I'm shocked by how free people are with touching babies too! When people at
the party that I know well touched him, it didn't seem so nervy, but I had
virtual strangers come up and rub his back through the sling, etc. I've also
had the greeter and Wal-Mart touch his face while he was in the sling!
Hello! I don't really know how to avoid it (though slinging him helps a
*lot*, because then no one tries to hold his hand or take him from me or
anything like that).

--
Em
mama to L-baby, 11 weeks

"Em" wrote
I'm shocked by how free people are with touching babies too! When people
at
the party that I know well touched him, it didn't seem so nervy, but I had
virtual strangers come up and rub his back through the sling, etc. I've
also
had the greeter and Wal-Mart touch his face while he was in the sling!
Hello! I don't really know how to avoid it (though slinging him helps a
*lot*, because then no one tries to hold his hand or take him from me or
anything like that).


I cover my baby with a blanket and say she is either asleep or sick. Whens
he is in the carseat/carrier, I raise the handle and drape a blanket over
it.

On Sun, 7 Dec 2003 18:28:07 -0500, "Cheryl S."
wrote:
but then again I might just have mucked up the snipping as usual!
Why do some people not take no for an answer when they want to hold your
baby? We were just at an extended family holiday party and DS was
freaked out by all the noise and strange people. I spent most of the
time we were there standing and swaying in a quiet corner soothing him.
I knew if anyone else held him he'd be scared. It was the first time
most people there had seen him and one cousin in particular was
persistent about holding him.

Might she have recently have a loss (and maybe not told the rest of
the family). I know I get pretty desperate for a hold of a baby if
one is around.

Megan

--
Seoras David Montgomery, 7 May 2003, 17 hours: sunrise to sunset (homebirth)

To e-mail use: megan at farr-montgomery dot com

"Cheryl S." wrote in message
...
Why do some people not take no for an answer when they want to hold your
baby? We were just at an extended family holiday party and DS was
freaked out by all the noise and strange people. I spent most of the
time we were there standing and swaying in a quiet corner soothing him.
I knew if anyone else held him he'd be scared. It was the first time
most people there had seen him and one cousin in particular was
persistent about holding him. Finally, when he had fallen asleep, I
gave in against my better judgment, and immediately wished I hadn't.
The poor babe was hysterical and it took me half an hour to calm him
down again. And still when we were starting to get ready to leave,
the same cousin insisted on holding him again, with the same result.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.



Don't know. But I finally learned to nurse in the sling. It worked great for
Thanksgiving because the stress relief of nursing helped AND people did not
ask to hold DD since I would have to haul her out. I went merrily about
Thanksgiving with DD in the sling.

S

Finally, when he had fallen asleep, I
gave in against my better judgment, and immediately wished I hadn't.
The poor babe was hysterical and it took me half an hour to calm him
down again. And still when we were starting to get ready to leave,
the same cousin insisted on holding him again, with the same result.
--

-
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 8 mo.
And Jaden, 3 months


Doesn't that just kill you? You dont want to seem like a jerk, but babe is #1!
I've been in that situation too. Know exactly what you mean.

Did she at least have the good graces to give the baby back, or did you have to
pry him away?

laurie
mommy to Jessica, 2.5 years and
Christopher, 7.5 months

Karen wrote in message link.net...
Wear him in a sling. That worked like a big "hands off' sign for us. If
he was asleep in there, people cold peek in a bit, otherwise when he was
up, people would have to so egregiously violate my personal space to
touch him that most people didn't dare. We were very NOT into "passing
around" the baby and very into respecting his natural fears and
uncertainties.

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

Wow, I guess this really is a YMMV sort of issue! Before ds was born,
dh and I discussed it and agreed that we were VERY into "passing
around" the baby, right from the start, because we each have relatives
who were highly protective and preferred not to let others hold the
baby very much, and their kids seemed to us to end up with a lot of
stranger anxiety and not do as well in loud/crowded social settings.
As it turns out, ds loves his space and now, at 11 mo, wriggles and
squirms to get away from whoever's holding him (mom and dad included)
if he wants to play by himself on the floor. He's very quiet and
observant around new people, but he quickly warms to new friends once
he's established that we're okay with them, and he doesn't mind being
held by lots of different people. On Saturday, without prompting, he
reached out to go to my second cousin (whom he'd never met, and who I
hadn't seen in seven years). I thought that was great! We've never
seen him "make strange", which was our goal. I do a lot of solo
travelling with the baby, and it's nice to be able to hand him over
for a moment to a security guard when I'm asked to open my bag at the
airport, or to a flight attendant, or to ask the person sitting with
me on the plane to watch him while I go to the bathroom, and to know
that he won't mind at all! Of course, I keep a close eye on him, I
worry about safety, and I would never ask a stranger to watch him if
we weren't trapped in the airplane!

All that said, I was a screamer who wouldn't let go of my mom's neck
when I was the same age, and she had a similar parenting philosophy to
our own. It probably depends mostly on the child's personality, and
had ds shown any discomfort early on with being held by others, we
would of course have respected that completely. Also, some other
posters have said they've been approached by strangers (like the
Wal-Mart greeter!), and that would make me uncomfortable too!

Melania and Joffre (recently returned to Manitoba)

Might she have recently have a loss (and maybe not told the rest of
the family). I know I get pretty desperate for a hold of a baby if
one is around.

Megan


Hugs to you, Megan.


laurie
mommy to Jessica, 2.5 years and
Christopher, 7.5 months