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She told my 12 yrs old daughter first



 
 
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  #11  
Old May 12th 07, 07:21 AM posted to alt.child-support
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 5
Default She told my 12 yrs old daughter first

On May 12, 1:24 am, "Bob Whiteside" wrote:
wrote in message

ups.com...





On May 12, 12:13 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote


"Gini"wrote


wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and

12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the

time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days

before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a

different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in

need of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs

met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they

chose to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's

the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after

all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their

choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice

of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a

creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most

important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.- Hide quoted text -


- Show quoted text -


Just to clarify something from my initial post: My ex also asked my
daughter not to tell me anything at the time. She (my daughter) told
me that last week.I don't know how it came to the conversation since I
avoid the subject as much as possible.
I also don't see how could I expect the mother of my children to act
the way she did.
I need to exchange with people who could understand my situation and
even give me some advice.


Daughters are the first to communicate to their dads they got screwed over.
Daughters understand the games played by their mothers and are willing to
come forward with the truth. My daughter, who is an adult now, has
volunteered she observed the divorce situation and how her mother portrayed
it, and me, for many years and then has come forward to disclose lots of
details contrary to how they were presented to me.

The basic problem you have described is how mothers treat their daughters as
their best friends to confide in them about the intimate details of
relationships. What those moms don't realize is how much the daughters care
for their dads and how they are negatively affected by the backstream games.

Your daughter has to be very mature to come forward at just 14 years of age
to give you details to help you protect yourself emotionally from all the
games.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


It's very true what you say.
You know, I want my kids to love their mom, I don't want them to judge
her.

  #12  
Old May 12th 07, 05:30 PM posted to alt.child-support
Gini
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 936
Default She told my 12 yrs old daughter first


wrote
.............
I'm interested to know how others would deal with situation like the
one I describe.

==
I would urge you to keep parent matters strickly between you and mom. Kids
don't belong in that loop--ever. That's what I would stress
to the mom. If she continues to pull that crap, keep a detailed record of
each occurence and bring it up in court. Judges can rule on these
behavioral matters. If she continues after that, she will be violating a
court order.


  #13  
Old May 14th 07, 05:31 PM posted to alt.child-support
magnumpi83
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 5
Default She told my 12 yrs old daughter first

On May 12, 2:21 am, wrote:
On May 12, 1:24 am, "Bob Whiteside" wrote:



wrote in message


oups.com...


On May 12, 12:13 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote


"Gini"wrote


wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and

12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the

time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days

before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a

different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in

need of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs

met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they

chose to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's

the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after

all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their

choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice

of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a

creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most

important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.- Hide quoted text -


- Show quoted text -


Just to clarify something from my initial post: My ex also asked my
daughter not to tell me anything at the time. She (my daughter) told
me that last week.I don't know how it came to the conversation since I
avoid the subject as much as possible.
I also don't see how could I expect the mother of my children to act
the way she did.
I need to exchange with people who could understand my situation and
even give me some advice.


Daughters are the first to communicate to their dads they got screwed over.
Daughters understand the games played by their mothers and are willing to
come forward with the truth. My daughter, who is an adult now, has
volunteered she observed the divorce situation and how her mother portrayed
it, and me, for many years and then has come forward to disclose lots of
details contrary to how they were presented to me.


The basic problem you have described is how mothers treat their daughters as
their best friends to confide in them about the intimate details of
relationships. What those moms don't realize is how much the daughters care
for their dads and how they are negatively affected by the backstream games.


Your daughter has to be very mature to come forward at just 14 years of age
to give you details to help you protect yourself emotionally from all the
games.- Hide quoted text -


- Show quoted text -


It's very true what you say.
You know, I want my kids to love their mom, I don't want them to judge
her.



I feel for you I really do. I'm going throught the exact situation you
are. My wife told me she was moving out 4 days before she actually
did. She told the kids 2 weeks before. They kept asking her when she
was going to tell me. Finally on a Sunday night I asked her why she
was so quiet. Then she told me. I'm lucky my 16 year old son told his
mom they day she moved out he was staying with me. I do have younger
son who lives with her but misses being with his brother all the time
and I miss living with my daughter. You are also correct about not
knowing the woman you married in my case 19 years ago would do
something like this and for the exact same reasons you said. There's
many of us men out there in your shoes and stay strong because I've
been told it gets better. My situation is slowly getting better and if
my love I had for my wife would disappear it would be very easy. Her
moving out was a total shock to me. I was happily married with what I
though was a normal relationship. I do believe outside interference
had something to do with it....

  #14  
Old May 14th 07, 07:42 PM posted to alt.child-support
dmr
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 13
Default She told my 12 yrs old daughter first

On May 14, 12:31 pm, magnumpi83 wrote:
On May 12, 2:21 am, wrote:



On May 12, 1:24 am, "Bob Whiteside" wrote:


wrote in message


oups.com...


On May 12, 12:13 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote


"Gini"wrote


wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and
12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the
time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days
before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a
different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in
need of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs
met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they
chose to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's
the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after
all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their
choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice
of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a
creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most
important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.- Hide quoted text -


- Show quoted text -


Just to clarify something from my initial post: My ex also asked my
daughter not to tell me anything at the time. She (my daughter) told
me that last week.I don't know how it came to the conversation since I
avoid the subject as much as possible.
I also don't see how could I expect the mother of my children to act
the way she did.
I need to exchange with people who could understand my situation and
even give me some advice.


Daughters are the first to communicate to their dads they got screwed over.
Daughters understand the games played by their mothers and are willing to
come forward with the truth. My daughter, who is an adult now, has
volunteered she observed the divorce situation and how her mother portrayed
it, and me, for many years and then has come forward to disclose lots of
details contrary to how they were presented to me.


The basic problem you have described is how mothers treat their daughters as
their best friends to confide in them about the intimate details of
relationships. What those moms don't realize is how much the daughters care
for their dads and how they are negatively affected by the backstream games.


Your daughter has to be very mature to come forward at just 14 years of age
to give you details to help you protect yourself emotionally from all the
games.- Hide quoted text -


- Show quoted text -


It's very true what you say.
You know, I want my kids to love their mom, I don't want them to judge
her.


I feel for you I really do. I'm going throught the exact situation you
are. My wife told me she was moving out 4 days before she actually
did. She told the kids 2 weeks before. They kept asking her when she
was going to tell me. Finally on a Sunday night I asked her why she
was so quiet. Then she told me. I'm lucky my 16 year old son told his
mom they day she moved out he was staying with me. I do have younger
son who lives with her but misses being with his brother all the time
and I miss living with my daughter. You are also correct about not
knowing the woman you married in my case 19 years ago would do
something like this and for the exact same reasons you said. There's
many of us men out there in your shoes and stay strong because I've
been told it gets better. My situation is slowly getting better and if
my love I had for my wife would disappear it would be very easy. Her
moving out was a total shock to me. I was happily married with what I
though was a normal relationship. I do believe outside interference
had something to do with it....


You realize how much I sympathize with you...
I'm actually learning to enjoy being single, and I mean totally
single. My children would like me to find another woman, but I don't
feel comfortable with the idea. I'm not in love with my ex anymore,
but I'm afraid to get hurt again. It's a weird feeling; in particular
at this time of the year with all those nice looking women in
springtime clothes... you know what I mean? LOL

  #15  
Old May 16th 07, 07:19 PM posted to alt.child-support
[email protected]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 22
Default She told my 12 yrs old daughter first

On May 11, 8:03 pm, "Bob Whiteside" wrote:
"Gini" wrote in messagenews:[email protected]

wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?

==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need of a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs met, or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


Well previously how could a wife predict her husband would dump her
and the kids for a whole new life? This is not a new scenario. It's
been going on for quite some time. The only difference now is that
there is financial recourse for the dumped spouse especially if kids
are involved.

Some men may argue that the finances are an encouragement for women to
seek divorce. Perhaps it is. But that's the type of women they like,
otherwise they wouldn't have married them.

  #16  
Old May 16th 07, 08:59 PM posted to alt.child-support
Bob Whiteside
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 981
Default She told my 12 yrs old daughter first


wrote in message
oups.com...
On May 11, 8:03 pm, "Bob Whiteside" wrote:
"Gini" wrote in

messagenews:[email protected]

wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the

time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days

before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need

of a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs

met, or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


Well previously how could a wife predict her husband would dump her
and the kids for a whole new life? This is not a new scenario. It's
been going on for quite some time. The only difference now is that
there is financial recourse for the dumped spouse especially if kids
are involved.


The statistics are clear - 85% of divorces are initiated by women over the
objections of their husbands. It doesn't matter which criteria is used to
measure this fact, it always comes up 85% of marriages are ended by women.

Actually there is much more than just financial gains for women to take this
action. They can also get favorable tax treatment, symapthy from their
friends, emotional support from confidants who are aware of what they are
doing, and the psychological motivator in knowing they will get custody of
any children.

When asked to disclose why they ended their marraiges woman rank the bad
husband factors - abuse, neglect, affairs, drinking, drugs - very low.
Instead, they list touchy-feely stuff like needing to find themselves, not
feeling fulfilled, wanting to move on, and feeling they were growing apart
as the factors leading up to divorce.


Some men may argue that the finances are an encouragement for women to
seek divorce. Perhaps it is. But that's the type of women they like,
otherwise they wouldn't have married them.


This is total crap! Neither men nor women know how a person is going to
change over an extended period of time. And to make it worse, a statement
like the one above assumes women are consistent and predictable and men make
bad choices. I would bet there are a lot of people reading this that would
say it's the other way around - Men are consistent and predictable and the
women make bad choices because the women assume they can get men to change.


  #17  
Old May 16th 07, 09:39 PM posted to alt.child-support
DB
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 712
Default She told my 12 yrs old daughter first


"Bob Whiteside" wrote in

This is total crap! Neither men nor women know how a person is going to
change over an extended period of time.


I would say that many people living together become disenchanted with their
partner, but their should be no government controlled program to financially
reward anyone for making bad decisions.

Once the kids are assured basic survival needs, that where the government
authority ends!
Let the parents squabble over lifestyle issues, why should the tax payer
care if Johnny or Suzie has a new computer or attends tennis camp?





  #18  
Old May 16th 07, 11:16 PM posted to alt.child-support
Chris
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,421
Default She told my 12 yrs old daughter first


wrote in message
oups.com...
On May 11, 8:03 pm, "Bob Whiteside" wrote:
"Gini" wrote in

messagenews:[email protected]

wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the

time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days

before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need

of a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs

met, or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


Well previously how could a wife predict her husband would dump her
and the kids for a whole new life? This is not a new scenario. It's
been going on for quite some time. The only difference now is that
there is financial recourse for the dumped spouse especially if kids
are involved.


And when it's the husband who gets dumped?


Some men may argue that the finances are an encouragement for women to
seek divorce. Perhaps it is. But that's the type of women they like,
otherwise they wouldn't have married them.


Only problem with the above claim is that it confuses individuals with
behavior.





  #19  
Old May 16th 07, 11:16 PM posted to alt.child-support
Chris
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,421
Default She told my 12 yrs old daughter first


"DB" wrote in message
t...

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in

This is total crap! Neither men nor women know how a person is going to
change over an extended period of time.


I would say that many people living together become disenchanted with

their
partner, but their should be no government controlled program to

financially
reward anyone for making bad decisions.

Once the kids are assured basic survival needs, that where the government
authority ends!
Let the parents squabble over lifestyle issues, why should the tax payer
care if Johnny or Suzie has a new computer or attends tennis camp?


Well stated! Unless a child is being harmed in some way, it is absolutely
NONE of the government people's business how such child is being cared for.
Another of MANY reasons why the legitimacy of "child support" is debunked.









  #20  
Old May 18th 07, 06:58 AM posted to alt.child-support
Kenneth S.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 76
Default She told my 12 yrs old daughter first


wrote in message
oups.com...
On May 11, 8:03 pm, "Bob Whiteside" wrote:
"Gini" wrote in messagenews:[email protected]

wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the
time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days
before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need
of a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


Well previously how could a wife predict her husband would dump her
and the kids for a whole new life? This is not a new scenario. It's
been going on for quite some time. The only difference now is that
there is financial recourse for the dumped spouse especially if kids
are involved.

Some men may argue that the finances are an encouragement for women to
seek divorce. Perhaps it is. But that's the type of women they like,
otherwise they wouldn't have married them.

The point here is that men have no way of knowing what the women they
marry will be like 10-15 years after the wedding. It's a very strange idea
to imagine that men marry women whom they want to divorce them, taking a
good proportion of their assets in the process and forcing them to pay a
high proportion of their net income in so-called "child support."

Does this logic also apply to women--that everything that happens to
them in life is what they WANT to happen?

There's another point also. Many of the men who are being divorced by
their wives got married at a time, and in a jurisdiction, where the rules
about marriage were completely different from what they are now. But
curiously, and by contrast to what happens in other legal matters, the
divorce rules are changed by legislatures and then retroactively applied to
all existing marriages. So no man ever knows what the rules are when he is
getting married. He just has to wait and see what various sets of
politicians will do during the course of his marriage.

The last time I checked, it appeared that in the U.S. today, about 75
percent of divorces were initiated by wives over the objections of their
husbands--and not for the traditional reasons like adultery, but
predominantly (according to the research by Sanford Braver (see
http://fathersforvirginia.org/articl...insofdads.htm)) for much more
touchy-feely reasons like "we just grew apart."

Very recently, there has emerged evidence that the U.S. divorce rate has
begun to decline. However, some of the commentary suggests that this may be
because fewer people are getting married in the first place. Perhaps one
element in this is that men have finally begun to realize that, largely as a
result of the effects of feminism over decades, marriage now has little to
offer them.



 




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