RSVP (and pinatas)

"Banty" wrote in message
...

The Montessori school went from having a distributed roster list to (I
think
later) *not* having a list, because it was actually hurting community in
that it
was really highlighting a cultural difference between the JW families and
others
as far as birthday celebrations.

How is that? If the kid has a class party, everyone would get an invitation
regardless. It is merely the checking on RSVP's that is really affected.

I never called or got called from the list at the Montessori - the
connections I
made were with the other after school moms and dads at pickup.

Then it is not true that it affects the community by causing the members to
abandon all other forms of communications and only using the list.
Apparently, no one at your school really relied on the list, not even for
birthday parties -- you never got called from that list. How is not being
on the list a problem for you? How is the mere existence of a list a
problem for you?

Truly, just because there is a list doesn't mean everyone relies on it.
Though I have a list, I still ask for contact info directly from anyone I
want to have communication with. So do other people I know. It's like the
white pages. I don't go there and check to see if someone is in it before
asking for their phone number. I ask for it if I am interested. If I
happen to need a number that I don't have, then I consult the list, just
like the white pages. Just like the white pages, the list is
opt-in/opt-out. No one is ostracized nor left out of the loop for not being
in the white pages. All community happenings still go out by traditional
flyer route.

"toypup" wrote in
:


The only thing I've seen them used for by other moms is
truly just RSVP's and maybe an occasional I need your help
phone call.

seriously? my son's school has a list & it gets used to invite
other parents to those sales party things.
lee
--
Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.

"enigma" wrote in message
. ..
"toypup" wrote in
:


The only thing I've seen them used for by other moms is
truly just RSVP's and maybe an occasional I need your help
phone call.

seriously? my son's school has a list & it gets used to invite
other parents to those sales party things.

Seriously. I've only been invited to one sales party thing this year, and
it was done in person and the person handed me a card. I have never ever
been invited to those sales things via the list. If that were to start
happening, I would remove myself from the list.

In article , toypup says...



"Banty" wrote in message
...

The Montessori school went from having a distributed roster list to (I
think
later) *not* having a list, because it was actually hurting community in
that it
was really highlighting a cultural difference between the JW families and
others
as far as birthday celebrations.

How is that? If the kid has a class party, everyone would get an invitation
regardless. It is merely the checking on RSVP's that is really affected.

??

You're really stuck on these invite-in-all-the-cubbies class parties. The lists
have *addresses* and phone numbers for party invitations.

Not all parties are the invite all, you know. Really, this is all about you
wanting to chase rude non-RSVPers? I don't think so.


I never called or got called from the list at the Montessori - the
connections I
made were with the other after school moms and dads at pickup.

Then it is not true that it affects the community by causing the members to
abandon all other forms of communications and only using the list.
Apparently, no one at your school really relied on the list, not even for
birthday parties -- you never got called from that list. How is not being
on the list a problem for you? How is the mere existence of a list a
problem for you?

In that case it wasn't an apparent problem. Neither was it an apparent benefit.
It was, however, an *exposure*. Someone *may have* used the info for something
like a commercial mass-mailing later. (Who knows, maybe the time I was chased
for an RSVP is was from a list from way back in Montessori - I never did get
around to asking her how she knew my number.) Someone with an organizing bent
*may have* started some interesting events, but relied on the list and left us
out if we opted out. That this particular time there was no problem or benefit
resulted does not negate the concerns with these things.

My point is, however, that it didn't help community. Indeed, JW families felt
it put them more often on the spot to decline birthday parties in general
(although not all did every party).


Truly, just because there is a list doesn't mean everyone relies on it.
Though I have a list, I still ask for contact info directly from anyone I
want to have communication with. So do other people I know.

Good, that's great! Interpersonal communication. What a concept.

It's like the
white pages.

Actually, no. So many people have unlisted numbers, that telemarketers and the
like are hungry for any current phone number list.

I don't go there and check to see if someone is in it before
asking for their phone number. I ask for it if I am interested. If I
happen to need a number that I don't have, then I consult the list, just
like the white pages. Just like the white pages, the list is
opt-in/opt-out. No one is ostracized nor left out of the loop for not being
in the white pages. All community happenings still go out by traditional
flyer route.


You're saying you really don't need the list.

Banty

In article , enigma says...

"toypup" wrote in
:


The only thing I've seen them used for by other moms is
truly just RSVP's and maybe an occasional I need your help
phone call.

seriously? my son's school has a list & it gets used to invite
other parents to those sales party things.
lee

See that's something I'd rather not have.

Banty

In article , toypup says...



"enigma" wrote in message
...
"toypup" wrote in
:


The only thing I've seen them used for by other moms is
truly just RSVP's and maybe an occasional I need your help
phone call.

seriously? my son's school has a list & it gets used to invite
other parents to those sales party things.

Seriously. I've only been invited to one sales party thing this year, and
it was done in person and the person handed me a card. I have never ever
been invited to those sales things via the list. If that were to start
happening, I would remove myself from the list.


The only sales parties I've been invited to of late have been from personal
invites, and people I know well enough that it's reasonable.

But, yeah, there's a lot of people out there who don't seem to have any sense of
propriety, and *would* use a class roster for something like that. "Hey, it's
capitalism - the American way", they think (I've heard that said about stuff
like that).

And once it happens the first time, people think "this must be OK" and it
happens more.

Banty

Banty wrote:



I'm not arguing that having a list makes for *better* communication,
their absense doesn't get in the way of the truly personal
communication. It just facilitates the facile contact (like chasing
after RSVP's) and opens people up to who-knows-what.

There you go again using loaded words. "Facile" - who are you to judge?



You can't say lists facilitate community and communication, AND say
that those who opt off or transfer in later aren't losing out. So
which is it? And what do you even mean by "close-knit". So I don't
think dropping kids off at a mega party a community makes.


Oh now you're just being plain silly. The lists are re-issued when new
children transfer in. Of course.

Banty wrote:
In article , enigma
says...

"toypup" wrote in
:


The only thing I've seen them used for by other moms is
truly just RSVP's and maybe an occasional I need your help
phone call.

seriously? my son's school has a list & it gets used to invite
other parents to those sales party things.
lee

See that's something I'd rather not have.

So you'd not let your name be placed on such a list. Problem solved.

In article , Tai says...

Banty wrote:



I'm not arguing that having a list makes for *better* communication,
their absense doesn't get in the way of the truly personal
communication. It just facilitates the facile contact (like chasing
after RSVP's) and opens people up to who-knows-what.

There you go again using loaded words. "Facile" - who are you to judge?


Facile = easy. And all of this has been about ease of contact.



You can't say lists facilitate community and communication, AND say
that those who opt off or transfer in later aren't losing out. So
which is it? And what do you even mean by "close-knit". So I don't
think dropping kids off at a mega party a community makes.


Oh now you're just being plain silly. The lists are re-issued when new
children transfer in. Of course.


They are?? For each new transfer-in? Who DOES all this work?

Banty

"Banty" wrote in message
...
You're really stuck on these invite-in-all-the-cubbies class parties. The
lists
have *addresses* and phone numbers for party invitations.

Ours only have phone numbers. I would not put addresses on it if they
asked. That's just me. I wouldn't get upset over anyone else sharing that
info. Those people would just be more risk-tolerant than I. Like you could
with your info, I'd opt-out of sharing my address.


Not all parties are the invite all, you know. Really, this is all about
you
wanting to chase rude non-RSVPers? I don't think so.

Exactly, if it's not the invite everyone party, they will invite whomever
they want. If who they want is not on the list, they will find a way to
invite that kid, probably via cubby or backpack. If it's the invite all
party, you get the invite no matter what. No matter what, big party, little
party, whatever, your kid gets invited. The list doesn't affect who gets
invited.



I never called or got called from the list at the Montessori - the
connections I
made were with the other after school moms and dads at pickup.

Then it is not true that it affects the community by causing the members
to
abandon all other forms of communications and only using the list.
Apparently, no one at your school really relied on the list, not even for
birthday parties -- you never got called from that list. How is not being
on the list a problem for you? How is the mere existence of a list a
problem for you?

In that case it wasn't an apparent problem. Neither was it an apparent
benefit.
It was, however, an *exposure*. Someone *may have* used the info for
something
like a commercial mass-mailing later. (Who knows, maybe the time I was
chased
for an RSVP is was from a list from way back in Montessori - I never did
get
around to asking her how she knew my number.)

So in that case, it was not a problem. The exposure problem was one that
anyone on the list would understand when signing onto any list.

Someone with an organizing bent
*may have* started some interesting events, but relied on the list and
left us
out if we opted out.

Sure, but the risk is something people would consider before putting their
names on the list. It is their responsibility to consider that risk, just
like when sharing the info with other companies, venues, etc.

That this particular time there was no problem or benefit
resulted does not negate the concerns with these things.

If it's a concern, don't put your name on the list.


My point is, however, that it didn't help community. Indeed, JW families
felt
it put them more often on the spot to decline birthday parties in general
(although not all did every party).

It didn't hurt, either. If a parent doesn't know someone is JW, and that
parent wants to invite the JW, that JW would get the invite. It doesn't
matter if the JW is on a phone list or not. I happen to know lots of JW in
my life and none of them would be offended or put off by someone not knowing
they are JW and sending them an invite.


Truly, just because there is a list doesn't mean everyone relies on it.
Though I have a list, I still ask for contact info directly from anyone I
want to have communication with. So do other people I know.

Good, that's great! Interpersonal communication. What a concept.

No one has abandoned that concept, even with the existence of these lists,
despite your claim.


It's like the
white pages.

Actually, no. So many people have unlisted numbers, that telemarketers
and the
like are hungry for any current phone number list.

I don't go there and check to see if someone is in it before
asking for their phone number. I ask for it if I am interested. If I
happen to need a number that I don't have, then I consult the list, just
like the white pages. Just like the white pages, the list is
opt-in/opt-out. No one is ostracized nor left out of the loop for not
being
in the white pages. All community happenings still go out by traditional
flyer route.


You're saying you really don't need the list.


I need it like I need the white pages. It is useful at times. Should there
be a law to ban the white pages?