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bedtime routine for 3rd baby
Hi. My 3rd child is now 7 months old and is generally still up and
about with the family, made to sit/lie/nurse/play/nurse/be pacified through whatever it is we're doing until 9 or 9:30 at night, when she finally conks so far out in my arms that I put her in her crib. She has no bedtime routine and I know this is too late for her to be up (she starts acting tired by 8). I am concerned about this because (1) she often ends up being up a lot during the night, and I think it may be due to going down overtired; (2) I am not "training" her to go to sleep by herself at all -- throughout the evening, I am pacifying her crankiness with the breast and pacifier. MY 2 older kids were both great. reliable sleepers by 12 months -- including my 2nd, who was a terrible sleeper but who I was so disciplined about that I (gently) had her able to sleep on her own by 12 months. The problem is that before this baby arrived, my 2 older kids had well-established routines that we are all loath to give up. For example, they are used to getting nice long bedtime books (and they are 3 years apart, so they do need different books, one from DH, one from me, which uses up both parents). I'd be interested in hearing others' thoughts and experiences on setting up a reasonable bedtime routine for "later" children in busy households with already-established evening routines. Did you just never get around to it and the baby coped? Did you disrupt the older kids' routines so you could get the baby onto one? |
#2
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bedtime routine for 3rd baby
Nevermind wrote:
Hi. My 3rd child is now 7 months old and is generally still up and about with the family, made to sit/lie/nurse/play/nurse/be pacified through whatever it is we're doing until 9 or 9:30 at night, when she finally conks so far out in my arms that I put her in her crib. She has no bedtime routine and I know this is too late for her to be up (she starts acting tired by 8). I am concerned about this because (1) she often ends up being up a lot during the night, and I think it may be due to going down overtired; (2) I am not "training" her to go to sleep by herself at all -- throughout the evening, I am pacifying her crankiness with the breast and pacifier. MY 2 older kids were both great. reliable sleepers by 12 months -- including my 2nd, who was a terrible sleeper but who I was so disciplined about that I (gently) had her able to sleep on her own by 12 months. The problem is that before this baby arrived, my 2 older kids had well-established routines that we are all loath to give up. For example, they are used to getting nice long bedtime books (and they are 3 years apart, so they do need different books, one from DH, one from me, which uses up both parents). I'd be interested in hearing others' thoughts and experiences on setting up a reasonable bedtime routine for "later" children in busy households with already-established evening routines. Did you just never get around to it and the baby coped? Did you disrupt the older kids' routines so you could get the baby onto one? I'm not quite sure of the problem here...what's the time frame involved? I.e., when do the older kids go to bed and how long do their bedtime routines take? Without specifics, my inclination would be to put the baby to bed before the older kids if you're having trouble keeping her up through the bedtime routines. If before the bedtime routines is too early and afterwards is too late, then maybe one has to shorten the bedtime routines somewhat. How old are the older children? I would imagine that if the bedtime stories are the real problem, they could learn to have stories some other time of day rather than just before bedtime. I do think that you have to find something that works for the whole family. In our case, #3 is still too little to be settled into a schedule, but we're moving toward staggered bedtimes here. The oldest (8) goes to bed at 8pm and the second (almost 6) goes at 7:30pm. We'll probably shoot for the baby having a bedtime around 8:30pm when she's ready for that (because she'll be able to sleep in a bit longer in the morning). Eventually, she'll have a bedtime before the boys. That said, the boys have minimal bedtime routines. Dad does the bedtime routines and spends some time with each and occasionally does stories, but we moved stories to the daytime, where they work better for us. Bedtime stories turned into a massive delaying tactic and as they got older, the stories got too long to accommodate. We'd have to start getting ready for bed too early in order to have time for stories *and* get them to sleep in time that they wouldn't be grouchy the next day. And really, I like doing stories better during the day. There's more opportunity to discuss and do other activities related to the stories then. They do sometimes spend a little time in the evening winding down by reading to themselves, but it's rare that we read to them before bed anymore. Best wishes, Ericka |
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bedtime routine for 3rd baby
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#4
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bedtime routine for 3rd baby
Nevermind wrote:
As I continue to think through what I need to do, and as I have read the 3 responses to my post, it is becoming clear that I'm going to need to bite the bullet and give up some of our luxurious bedtime routine in order to "add one in" for the baby -- who probably "needs" it the most right now, even though her older sibs (8 and 5) are very attached to theirs. Each of the older kids currently gets read to by one of the parents for at least an hour every night now, and, honestly, it is a time we all just love. But, due to the schedules we all have for the hours prior to bedtime, that reading hour inevitably takes place just when the baby appears ready to go to bed herself. I have warned all that things will be changing in September. Either my DH will take turns reading to one one night and the other the next, or both kids will get shorter reads, so that I have time to spend just with the baby, getting her to sleep with a routine and at a reasonable hour. Thanks! Is it really impossible to consolidate and read to both older kids at the same time? My older kids are 8.5 and almost-6, so they're about the same age, and we find that while they can't read the same kinds of books *to themselves*, when it comes to reading *to them* they can enjoy the same books. Of course, there are the occasional disagreements over which book to do next, but we work through those. I know that doesn't give each child the one-on-one time, but perhaps there's another way to accomplish that at some other time during the day. Honestly, we couldn't manage with two separate hours of reading time at bedtime every day even with just two kids! Also, I do think it might go over better if you move things around rather than just taking away from their bedtime. For instance, if you shorten (or even eliminate) their bedtime read (and maybe allow them to read to themselves before bed), you could read to them at some other part of the day that works better for everyone. Best wishes, Ericka |
#5
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bedtime routine for 3rd baby
x-no-archive:yes Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Nevermind wrote: Hi. My 3rd child is now 7 months old and is generally still up and about with the family, made to sit/lie/nurse/play/nurse/be pacified through whatever it is we're doing until 9 or 9:30 at night, when she finally conks so far out in my arms that I put her in her crib. She has no bedtime routine and I know this is too late for her to be up (she starts acting tired by 8). I am concerned about this because (1) she often ends up being up a lot during the night, and I think it may be due to going down overtired; (2) I am not "training" her to go to sleep by herself at all -- throughout the evening, I am pacifying her crankiness with the breast and pacifier. MY 2 older kids were both great. reliable sleepers by 12 months -- including my 2nd, who was a terrible sleeper but who I was so disciplined about that I (gently) had her able to sleep on her own by 12 months. The problem is that before this baby arrived, my 2 older kids had well-established routines that we are all loath to give up. For example, they are used to getting nice long bedtime books (and they are 3 years apart, so they do need different books, one from DH, one from me, which uses up both parents). I'd be interested in hearing others' thoughts and experiences on setting up a reasonable bedtime routine for "later" children in busy households with already-established evening routines. Did you just never get around to it and the baby coped? Did you disrupt the older kids' routines so you could get the baby onto one? My two oldest are two years apart, and the next one is 5+ years younger. Generally, the baby coped with whatever we did. I did have a rough schedule as I did with the others, and I did not do family bed or anything although they were all bf on a more or less demand schedule. My older two always had their bedtime at the same time and at the same place because they were sleeping in bunk beds in the same room when the baby was born. The room was too small for two single beds. They went to bed at the same time because the older one needed more sleep than the younger one. I do not think your older two actually need different books. My sister and I are 2.5 years apart and we never had different books. However -- having said that, I think what you need to consider is whether the purpose of the bedtime routine is reading, or if it is one-on-one time with a parent. I suspect it is one-on-one time that is the most precious rather than the reading part. If it is reading, that's much easier to deal with. Let them be read to for 1/2 hour together, and then let them read to themselves for 1/2 hour. That will take only one parent and the other one can deal with the baby. If you want some one-on-one time to be integrated into the bedtime routine though, which I BTW think is a good idea, then that routine wouldn't suit. What you might want to do is let one of the kids have time with their dad while the other one helps you with putting the baby down to sleep (bath? or whatever). And then dad has one-on-one with the one on baby duty afterwards while the first one reads to herself. And the next night they could switch. Or you can probably think of other things that will work as well. My idea is that I don't want the fact that there are other things other than being read to which are important. grandma Rosalie |
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