Canadian question regarding custody

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Teri says...


"heather m." wrote in message
et...

"Teri" wrote in message

Where is your husband? Kathleen wasn't the Step-mom in her situation,
she
was the Bio Mom. How come your husband isn't the one contacting the
teacher?

Why should he? I'm quite capable of saying to a teacher, "Are there
specific pages that SD should be studying in her Verses book?" and "SD
asked
me to bring treats to class. Would Tuesday be a good day?"

That's the entire point of a family, that everyone pitches in.

But why *can't* he? Families divide their tasks according to who is
better
positioned to do what, also. Consider if you're just looking to make an
issue
here.

If you'll excuse me for answering this twice. The reason DH isn't the one
asking questions on this newsgroup is because he's never been involved in
newsgroups and doesn't know the first thing about reaching them. I've been
involved in newsgroups since 1993, so I know them well. Therefore, that
makes me the person best positioned to ask questions on a newsgroup.

Teri ~~ trying to be a bit more specific to the exact question

"Teri" wrote in message
. ..

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Teri says...


"heather m." wrote in message
. net...

"Teri" wrote in message
Where is your husband? Kathleen wasn't the Step-mom in her situation,
she
was the Bio Mom. How come your husband isn't the one contacting the
teacher?

Why should he? I'm quite capable of saying to a teacher, "Are there
specific pages that SD should be studying in her Verses book?" and "SD
asked
me to bring treats to class. Would Tuesday be a good day?" It's not
like
it's rocket science. DH has his things that he does with SD, and I have
my
things. But DH and I both go to parent/teacher conferences - and for
that
matter we both were able to go when we had treats for SD's class. That's
the entire point of a family, that everyone pitches in.

But why *can't* he? Families divide their tasks according to who is
better
positioned to do what, also. Consider if you're just looking to make an
issue
here.

On the contrary, Banty, I'm not the one who brought up the question. I
simply came in here asking what I and SD's 'stepdad' could do with regards
to emergency permissions - because I'm concerned for my SD. Period.

I never said DH *couldn't* ask the question. I said *I* choose to do
this. These were my questions and I'm the one looking for answers. If I
want to brush SD's hair, I'll do it. I don't go around asking my DH to do
it simply because SD is my SD and he's her father. Can he do it? You'd
better believe it - and actually he usually is the one most likely to
brush SD's hair. But that doesn't mean I can't brush her hair or that I
have to let him brush it even though I want to do it.

Or to put things another way - I tend to find that people often think that
father's who've remarried abrogate their responsibilities, and they get
defensive about that. Sorry, you've got the wrong parties on that one.
DH is definitely an involved father. I simply have my own questions and
I'm the one looking for answers.

Now, does anyone actually have an answer to my inquiry - or are we just
going to keep on requiring that I offer proof that my DH is an excellent,
involved father? (Excellent father's do come along once in a while.
Thank goodness.)

Teri

I'm not saying he's not an excellent father. I'm saying that if you're
complaining about the teacher not talking to you because your the step-mom,
then let the Dad do it! Is it silly that you can't talk to the teacher? Of
course! But I think you'd be doing everyone a disservice by starting legal
proceedings over something like that. I think it's nice that you want to be
involved and ARE involved but getting picky about something like this reeks
of it being all about *you*. Fighting over such nitpicky things with the BM
because you feel like forcing your rights in the situation hurts your SD
more than a simple boyfriend on the emergency contact list.

Heather

In article , Teri says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Teri says...


"heather m." wrote in message
. net...

"Teri" wrote in message

Where is your husband? Kathleen wasn't the Step-mom in her situation,
she
was the Bio Mom. How come your husband isn't the one contacting the
teacher?

Why should he? I'm quite capable of saying to a teacher, "Are there
specific pages that SD should be studying in her Verses book?" and "SD
asked
me to bring treats to class. Would Tuesday be a good day?"

That's the entire point of a family, that everyone pitches in.

But why *can't* he? Families divide their tasks according to who is
better
positioned to do what, also. Consider if you're just looking to make an
issue
here.

If you'll excuse me for answering this twice. The reason DH isn't the one
asking questions on this newsgroup is because he's never been involved in
newsgroups and doesn't know the first thing about reaching them. I've been
involved in newsgroups since 1993, so I know them well. Therefore, that
makes me the person best positioned to ask questions on a newsgroup.

Teri ~~ trying to be a bit more specific to the exact question



Look, I 'get' that your husband is involved - my questions have nothing to do
with that. And this really has nothing to do with why he's not the one posting
to this newsgroup either - you are asking about *yourself* being added, or not,
to the emergency school contacts.

It's just about practicality - he *is* the parent, you *are* non-custodial (as
described in your original post, although later you said something about
50-50..?), she and her boyfriend *are* the ones local to your step-daughter's
school, ergo they're the ones they have the school contact, as well as your
husband.

School contacts are all about who to call if, say, the power goes out and they
have to have an early dismissal. Myself eing a single parent with no relatives
in the area, I have family friends listed as alternates for the school emergency
notification. Many people choose trusted neighbors because it makes the whole
transportation issue easy.

Who can give consent *medically* is quite a different issue and handled by the
medical people in question (EMT's, ER personnel). Even if the ex's boyfriend
was called to pick up the child (or say in my case, my trusted family friends),
for some major surgery, they'd have to contact the guardians whereever they are
- Mom or Dad. That's quite different from who can come and pick up the child if
they start with a fever or throws up their lunch.

Banty

"Teri" wrote in message
. ..
Why should he? I'm quite capable of saying to a teacher, "Are there
specific pages that SD should be studying in her Verses book?" and "SD
asked me to bring treats to class. Would Tuesday be a good day?" It's
not like it's rocket science. DH has his things that he does with SD, and
I have my things. But DH and I both go to parent/teacher conferences -
and for that matter we both were able to go when we had treats for SD's
class. That's the entire point of a family, that everyone pitches in.

And where I live, the teacher's default response would "Can you have her
father call me when it's convenient for him and we'll discuss this?"

There's a reason we've asked whether there's a power of attorney or
something specific spelled out in court papers. Without it, you're not
entitled to get diddly or squat from her teachers or the school.

If you're really interested in your legal rights to your stepdaughter,
contact an attorney where you live.

Jess

"heather m." wrote in message
t...

I'm not saying he's not an excellent father. I'm saying that if you're
complaining about the teacher not talking to you because your the
step-mom, then let the Dad do it! Is it silly that you can't talk to the
teacher? Of course! But I think you'd be doing everyone a disservice by
starting legal proceedings over something like that.

Hi, Heather.

First, I never said anything about starting legal proceedings over anything.
It never even entered my mind - not to mention it doesn't make any sense
because SD is no longer going to that school.

What I asked was - do I have legal status to give consent for emergency
treatment for SD? Or for that matter, could I request regular treatment for
SD at her doctor's? I also asked if BM's BF could do this - since the
reason I first thought of this question was because I was concerned whether
either of us could actually be valid emergency contacts at a school.

I think it's nice that you want to be involved and ARE involved but
getting picky about something like this reeks of it being all about *you*.
Fighting over such nitpicky things with the BM because you feel like
forcing your rights in the situation hurts your SD more than a simple
boyfriend on the emergency contact list.

I think you've misunderstood my posts. Please read them again. I'm not
fighting over anything, I'm not taking any legal action. All I'm asking is
do I have a legal right to request medical treatment for my SD?

Teri

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Teri says...

It's just about practicality - he *is* the parent, you *are* non-custodial
(as
described in your original post, although later you said something about
50-50..?), she and her boyfriend *are* the ones local to your
step-daughter's
school, ergo they're the ones they have the school contact, as well as
your
husband.

Actually, all 4 of us are local to SD's school. DH and I currently work in
that city - and shortly we will be moving to that city.

Let's expand the question to make it easier. Is it legal in Canada for me
to ask for medical treatment for my SD in Canada? As an example, BM had
surgery a few months ago. What if she were doing that again and away for a
week. DH is on call at work and SD needs me to take her to the doctor for
whatever reason. Can I request treatment for SD at her doctors?

Teri

"Kathleen" wrote in message
...
That sounds good, Kathleen, but we both know that there's no way any
contract can be written to encompass every purchase, activity, and event
in
a child's life.

Teri


I agree, but in *my* experience the standard joint custody arrangements
did
a lot better job of hammering out the details and covering most provisions
than I was able to do on my own.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'the standard joint custody arrangements did a
lot better job'. Are you talking about an attorney?

Currently, DH and BM get along pretty good when it comes to doing things for
SD. I'm hoping it'll stay that way. We're certainly making an effort to
keep it that way.

Teri

In a previous article, "Teri" said:

Let's expand the question to make it easier. Is it legal in Canada for me
to ask for medical treatment for my SD in Canada? As an example, BM had
surgery a few months ago. What if she were doing that again and away for a
week. DH is on call at work and SD needs me to take her to the doctor for
whatever reason. Can I request treatment for SD at her doctors?

That question is better answered by a short call to a lawyer. You've been on
newsgroups since 1993 (so have I), so you should know that the legal advice
you get on a newsgroup is worth exactly what you pay for it! :-)

I should think it would be a simple matter of a notarized permission document
from your husband, but why not just call your lawyer and ask?

Vicki
--
"I'm just a bad Christian. A bad born-again Christian. And certainly, like
the apostle Peter, I am capable of denying it, of presenting myself as a sort
of leftist liberation-theology enthusiast and maybe sort of a vaguely Jesusy
bon vivant. But it's not true" --Anne Lamott

In article , Teri says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Teri says...

It's just about practicality - he *is* the parent, you *are* non-custodial
(as
described in your original post, although later you said something about
50-50..?), she and her boyfriend *are* the ones local to your
step-daughter's
school, ergo they're the ones they have the school contact, as well as
your
husband.

Actually, all 4 of us are local to SD's school. DH and I currently work in
that city - and shortly we will be moving to that city.

Let's expand the question to make it easier. Is it legal in Canada for me
to ask for medical treatment for my SD in Canada? As an example, BM had
surgery a few months ago. What if she were doing that again and away for a
week. DH is on call at work and SD needs me to take her to the doctor for
whatever reason. Can I request treatment for SD at her doctors?


Actually, you've narrowed and focussed down your question. Which is a good
thing. The stuff about schools and teachers really are asides from that.

Of course, the answer to that really is one for legal counsel. As others have
said.

Banty

That sounds good, Kathleen, but we both know that there's no way any
contract can be written to encompass every purchase, activity, and event
in
a child's life.

Teri


I agree, but in *my* experience the standard joint custody arrangements did
a lot better job of hammering out the details and covering most provisions
than I was able to do on my own.

The bottom line is that only an attorney in your area can answer your
question.

Good luck!
With hope and heart,
Kathleen