homebirth in principle, but not in practice?

I've been having some musings, both of my births were booked as homebirths
and both happened in hospital, as Ada grows older my mind turns to next
time, if there is one, which does require some analysis of past events.

Intellectually I am all for homebirths and strongly believe women should be
supported to have a homebirth even if things aren't necessarily straight
forward. When homebirth was suggested with my first I was fairly tentative
about it, though I could never put my finger on what I was concerned about,
in the end I divided a sheet of paper into 4 and wrote down the pros and
cons of each, homebirth had the most pros and hospital birth the most cons,
so I settled on the homebirth, but somehow despite that logical reasoning,
all I could imagine was giving birth in hospital with someone else in
control, which is what did happen, I have no regrets about that, it would
have taken a very comitted homebirther to avoid induction (short version:
long prodomal labour, waters broken, still contracting but not dilating,
also some concern about baby).

After that I remained firmly comitted to homebirth, not because of the birth
itself but because of the stay in hospital afterwards, which I look back on
as one of the most miserable experiences of my entire life, particularly the
first 12hrs on the ward, starting from about 5hrs after the birth. However I
had no changed to wanting to be in complete control myself rather than the
inbetween of wanting control, but wanting strong guidance too.

In my 2nd pregnancy I was planning a homebirth right from the start, the key
thing being not staying in hospital, alone, I began to be able to visualise
myself giving birth in our living room, then 3 weeks and 4 days before our
daughter was born, I woke up in even more immense pain than I had suffered
the previous 3 days and I cried, mourning the loss of my homebirth,
practically I still intended on it, I hadn't changed my mind, but deep down
I knew my body had decided for me, I cried on my husbands arms saying my
body was telling me it needed a c-section, which I then put out of my mind
for another 2 weeks when someone suggested it on this newsgroup, at which
point I requested one, still having homebirth as the alternative plan. In
the end I was admitted to hospital for pain relief and as I went into labour
in the hospital after a failed induction attempt I had to have the baby in
the hospital, throughout that labour everything was focused on leaving the
hospital with a baby in my arms within 6hrs of delivery. I should have been
in complete control, I was able to prevent them from doing anything I didn't
want, the problem was I wasn't able to make them do what I did want, which
felt even worse. Happily I did leave 5hrs after the birth.

I came away from that still a firm believer in homebirth, though wondering
if it was just not for me. Now I'm feeling confused as to whether it was my
mind or my body that let me down, or both? I've been musing through all the
possibilites of me staying at home up until the birth and just cannot see
how on earth it could have been possible, yet hospital was not great either,
what I needed was bedrest and nursing care and drugs, none of which I got
reliably, looking at it that way, I accept that homebirth that time would
have been impossible. I'm a lot further away from homebirth than many
people, I've never gone into labour anywhere but a hospital, I kind of feel
that at least going into labour at home and then going into hospital to have
the baby is a step in the right direction, but something I have not
experienced.

Currently I've no idea what life will bring, but I continue to support
homebirth, but I find it difficult to reconcile that with the fact that if I
have another baby, I may well plan a hospital birth.

Anne

Anne Rogers wrote:

Currently I've no idea what life will bring, but I continue to support
homebirth, but I find it difficult to reconcile that with the fact
that if I have another baby, I may well plan a hospital birth.


I support homebirth and think it would be the best birth. In reality I
think I'd be so anxious about something going wrong that I wouldn't be able
to get the total experience. I'd need a lot of support, counseling, and
someone to convince me on an emotional level before it would work for me.
My dh would be such a freak he'd make me even more anxious. For me a
*planned* hospital birth is the way to go. I might really like a birth
center but there are none here. The reason I emphasized planned is because
I think a planned hospital birth is more likely to go better then one that
isn't. You can put energy and time into selecting care providers, preparing
mentally, selecting support people etc. to make it the best possible
experience. I'm also not particularly dismayed at being in a hospital,
heplocks don't bother me etc. and that is not the same for everyone. I
didn't have one with Luke but I did with Hunter. I guess my point is to not
beat yourself up if the best decision for you isn't what you think the over
all ideal is.

I also think homeschooling is great. It will never happen with me at the
helm :-)

--
Nikki
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Thing One and Thing Two :-) EDD 4/06

Anne Rogers wrote:

Currently I've no idea what life will bring, but I continue to support
homebirth, but I find it difficult to reconcile that with the fact that if I
have another baby, I may well plan a hospital birth.

I don't understand why you would conflate the notion
of supporting homebirth with the notion that everyone
(or you) *must* have a homebirth. I don't know any supporter
of homebirth who thinks that every birth must be a homebirth.
Can't you support homebirth and decide that in your particular
situation, you may decide that a hospital birth is the better
choice for you at that particular time and in that particular
situation?

Best wishes,
Ericka

Anne wrote:
Currently I've no idea what life will bring, but I continue to support
homebirth, but I find it difficult to reconcile that with the fact that
if I have another baby, I may well plan a hospital birth.


"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
I don't understand why you would conflate the notion
of supporting homebirth with the notion that everyone
(or you) *must* have a homebirth. I don't know any supporter
of homebirth who thinks that every birth must be a homebirth.
Can't you support homebirth and decide that in your particular
situation, you may decide that a hospital birth is the better
choice for you at that particular time and in that particular
situation?

I've been thinking about this, I suppose my confusion is that whenever I
talk openly about my views on birth and my own experiences then I get looked
at as if I am an alien from out of space. It is very rare to meet people who
are pro homebirth but have transferred before the actual birth on more than
one occasion.

I certainly think that not wanting a homebirth is sufficient reason to
choose a hospital birth, though I fear this is often from a misguided notion
that hospital is safe. Also I hear many times, I'm glad I didn't have a
homebirth because 'x' happened, but 'x' may well have not happened had it
been a homebirth.

I suppose one reason I am thinking about this is because I'd really love to
see a homebirth support group set up in this area, as far as I can tell
there currently isn't much out there, but I feel I have to justify myself at
every turn, also it would seem to imply a notion that there was something
missing when trying to have a homebirth myself, whereas really it would have
taken a miracle to keep me out of hospital last time. Also in some circles
it would be seen as weak to have been induced, when after a lot of
reflection and for a while thinking I was weak, I do believe it was the
right thing.

There is a certain sense in which it would be good to put things behind me
and move on, but equally because I am passionate about making homebirth
available and supporting women in choosing it, it's not a topic I can just
put in a box and forget about.

Anne

in article , Anne Rogers at
wrote on 12/15/05 2:42 PM:

I've been having some musings, both of my births were booked as homebirths
and both happened in hospital, as Ada grows older my mind turns to next
time, if there is one, which does require some analysis of past events.

Intellectually I am all for homebirths and strongly believe women should be
supported to have a homebirth even if things aren't necessarily straight
forward. When homebirth was suggested with my first I was fairly tentative
about it, though I could never put my finger on what I was concerned about,
in the end I divided a sheet of paper into 4 and wrote down the pros and
cons of each, homebirth had the most pros and hospital birth the most cons,
so I settled on the homebirth, but



somehow despite that logical reasoning,
all I could imagine was giving birth in hospital with someone else in
control...

In my view logic is not real useful when powerful forces have been at work
manufacturing consent for medical intervention in the birth process.

As you know, organized medicine in Great Britain - like organized medicine
in the US - socially engineered the fraudulent notion that homebirth is
unsafe.

That said...

Given the pain of childbirth alone - even with the support of a spouse or
doula or midwife or whomever - I am always amazed that women want to do it
again - anywhere.

Given your IMMENSE pain due to childbearing - not "just" childbirth pain -
well - I am again amazed.

...which is what did happen, I have no regrets about that, it would
have taken a very comitted homebirther to avoid induction (short version:
long prodomal labour, waters broken, still contracting but not dilating,
also some concern about baby).

After that I remained firmly comitted to homebirth, not because of the birth
itself but because of the stay in hospital afterwards, which I look back on
as one of the most miserable experiences of my entire life, particularly the
first 12hrs on the ward, starting from about 5hrs after the birth. However I
had no changed to wanting to be in complete control myself rather than the
inbetween of wanting control, but wanting strong guidance too.

In my 2nd pregnancy I was planning a homebirth right from the start, the key
thing being not staying in hospital, alone, I began to be able to visualise
myself giving birth in our living room, then 3 weeks and 4 days before our
daughter was born, I woke up in even more immense pain than I had suffered
the previous 3 days and I cried, mourning the loss of my homebirth,
practically I still intended on it, I hadn't changed my mind, but deep down
I knew my body had decided for me, I cried on my husbands arms saying my
body was telling me it needed a c-section, which I then put out of my mind
for another 2 weeks when someone suggested it on this newsgroup, at which
point I requested one, still having homebirth as the alternative plan. In
the end I was admitted to hospital for pain relief and as I went into labour
in the hospital after a failed induction attempt I had to have the baby in
the hospital, throughout that labour everything was focused on leaving the
hospital with a baby in my arms within 6hrs of delivery. I should have been
in complete control, I was able to prevent them from doing anything I didn't
want, the problem was I wasn't able to make them do what I did want, which
felt even worse. Happily I did leave 5hrs after the birth.

I came away from that still a firm believer in homebirth, though wondering
if it was just not for me. Now I'm feeling confused as to whether it was my
mind or my body that let me down, or both? I've been musing through all the
possibilites of me staying at home up until the birth and just cannot see
how on earth it could have been possible, yet hospital was not great either,
what I needed was bedrest and nursing care and drugs, none of which I got
reliably, looking at it that way, I accept that homebirth that time would
have been impossible. I'm a lot further away from homebirth than many
people, I've never gone into labour anywhere but a hospital, I kind of feel
that at least going into labour at home and then going into hospital to have
the baby is a step in the right direction, but something I have not
experienced.

Currently I've no idea what life will bring, but I continue to support
homebirth, but I find it difficult to reconcile that with the fact that if I
have another baby, I may well plan a hospital birth.


Given your past experience and accumulated knowledge, I think a planned
hospital birth sounds like the best option.

But your next birth is not your previous births.

And even if there is immense pain again, there are two parties involved...

Who knows - your next baby could surprise you at home...

Todd

Anne Rogers wrote:

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message

I don't understand why you would conflate the notion
of supporting homebirth with the notion that everyone
(or you) *must* have a homebirth. I don't know any supporter
of homebirth who thinks that every birth must be a homebirth.
Can't you support homebirth and decide that in your particular
situation, you may decide that a hospital birth is the better
choice for you at that particular time and in that particular
situation?

I've been thinking about this, I suppose my confusion is that whenever I
talk openly about my views on birth and my own experiences then I get looked
at as if I am an alien from out of space. It is very rare to meet people who
are pro homebirth but have transferred before the actual birth on more than
one occasion.

I wouldn't say that I know many who have transferred
many times after attempting homebirths, but then again, I
don't know many who suffered the complications you did
either. I do know a number of women who transferred
after attempting at least one homebirth, and of the ones
I know, all of them remained staunch supporters of homebirth.

I certainly think that not wanting a homebirth is sufficient reason to
choose a hospital birth, though I fear this is often from a misguided notion
that hospital is safe. Also I hear many times, I'm glad I didn't have a
homebirth because 'x' happened, but 'x' may well have not happened had it
been a homebirth.

Sure, but all you can do is educate people agitate
to make homebirth available to those who want it. I'm sure
there's an element of your wanting to set a good example,
but you have to play the hand you're dealt. Think of
yourself as setting a good example by not being the person
who so dead set on having a homebirth that she doesn't
listen to reason. I think a lot of people are afraid of
homebirth because of the "what ifs." You demonstrate that
when the "what ifs" happen, you simply transfer and get
the services that you need at the hospital.

I suppose one reason I am thinking about this is because I'd really love to
see a homebirth support group set up in this area, as far as I can tell
there currently isn't much out there, but I feel I have to justify myself at
every turn, also it would seem to imply a notion that there was something
missing when trying to have a homebirth myself, whereas really it would have
taken a miracle to keep me out of hospital last time. Also in some circles
it would be seen as weak to have been induced, when after a lot of
reflection and for a while thinking I was weak, I do believe it was the
right thing.

There is a certain sense in which it would be good to put things behind me
and move on, but equally because I am passionate about making homebirth
available and supporting women in choosing it, it's not a topic I can just
put in a box and forget about.

I don't think you have to put it in a box, especially
since I'm not necessarily convinced that you have come to terms
with your experiences yet. It sounds to me like you know you
did what you needed to do intellectually, but emotionally you're
still a bit conflicted.
You can work for change in your community and help
educate people, raise awareness, provide support, etc. but
you don't have to have had homebirths yourself to be credible
in that effort. You are a very successful example of what
to do when you plan a homebirth and things don't go as
expected. Lots of people think that when you plan a homebirth
and things don't go as expected that you just end up
suffering or with bad outcomes.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Sometimes you read something that exactly sums up your feelings on a
subject. In the paragraph below Anne has done it for me!

Larry

Anne Rogers writes:

: I certainly think that not wanting a homebirth is sufficient reason to
: choose a hospital birth, though I fear this is often from a misguided notion
: that hospital is safe. Also I hear many times, I'm glad I didn't have a
: homebirth because 'x' happened, but 'x' may well have not happened had it
: been a homebirth.

wrote in message ...
Sometimes you read something that exactly sums up your feelings on a
subject. In the paragraph below Anne has done it for me!

Thanks Larry, when I wrote that I was specifically thinking of the husband
of a friend of mine, she would have quite liked a homebirth, she is a nurse
and said "I know what doctors are like", she didn't feel strongly and he was
adament it had to be in hospital (I don't think he would have even
considered the midwife led unit in the same building). She turned out to
have obstetric cholestasis, so was induced at 37 weeks with the obvious
ending of a c-section, no way round that unfortunately OC is one of those
things you just don't mess with. Problem then was that baby had a dusky
episode in daddy's arms, so they whisked her off to SCBU and I guess that on
just 37 weeks there may have been some preemie type issues, net result is
baby is formula fed, during that week in hospital mum recieved appauling
breastfeeing support, I managed to pop in when baby was about 18hrs old and
no one had even spoken to the mum about breastfeeding, not even about
expressing, so a few days later when she was able to try baby couldn't latch
and they were sent home using nipple shields and eventually gave up. This is
particularly shocking when you consider that I know a 28 weeker born in the
same hospital who is breastfeeding at 2.5 and a 32 weeker who last I knew
was still breastfeeding at past a year, so they can do it and they do have
the expertise, they just aren't using it well.


Anne