Giving birth phobia?

Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
overlook my post & move on to another.

OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

Well, I always wanted to have kids. When I got pregnant I was surprised
& excited. As time passes, I think more and more about the day I have to
give birth. I want them to take her out, but I don't want to actually
give birth.

I am so horrified of the pain. I am going for an epidural, but somehow I
do not believe that it will not hurt. I have very low pain tolerance as
it is (popping a zit for me is like operating on someone without
anesthesia) My doctor has advised me not to go for a c-section, unless
necessary. I also don't want to go for the c-section, because of the
side effects.

When I think about labor & delivery I get anxious. I breath heavily. My
eyes tear. My heart beats faster. It's a real problem. I know it has
something to do with pain and with unknown. But I am not really sure
which part of labor & delivery I am fearing. I will have my husband
right there next to me & my best friend too. I mean, what more could I
ask for?

People seem to not want to talk about this with me. I understand that I
might be acting irrationally, but it doesn't change the fact that this
is how I feel. I am actually about to cry as I am writing this .. it is
scary! Even my husband seems to think that I am overreacting (he tries
to be supportive, but I can sense that he is not really supportive,
rather obligated). When i say that I am horrified or whatever else
explaining my fear, most people think that it is just words. Not too
many people seem to get the extend of my fear, even when I try to
explain it to them. I really love my child & I want her healthy & out
there, but I don't want to give birth to her.

How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

I am so sorry for the unorganized format of this message, but my mind is
unorganized right now.

Thank you

Mona
due 07-31-04

"zolw" wrote in message
news:sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02...


How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

The only suggestions I have are going to sound weird. But I'm not sure what
you have to lose.

1 - find a hypnotherapist who will try to help you uncover the root of your
fear
2 - find a past-life regression therapist who ditto (don't laugh - some
people honestly appear to have addressed inexplicable phobias by becoming
convinced they were based in past-life experiences, such as a death during
childbirth. Once addressed; once the conscious mind in the now understands
that this is now, this is not *then*, and that now is safe, the phobias have
eased or vanished.)
3 - find an ordinary therapist who will let you talk and talk and talk until
you discover the root of your fear. I know you say you fear pain, but what
is it about pain that is so terrifying?
4 - go to 123eft.com and work through the pages there.

I'm not at all certain that 'pain' is the problem. You already know
rationally that the pain of labor is a normal pain, and that it doesn't mean
you're going to die, or that any harm will come to you. You know it isn't
like being injured, you know your body is designed to give birth. You know
these rationally, and so, the fear comes from somewhere deeper. I'm not
completely above suggesting at least the remote possibility of either a
past-life memory, or some story you heard in childhood about a woman dying
in childbirth....? I realise that 'all pain' is a problem for you, and you
believe that birth must equal pain (which is by the way not true - I don't
remember my labor hurting even though I'm sure it must have hurt at the
time. I do remember my thighs cramping, and that *hurt*. They were two very
different kinds of 'pain' in the same experience). But again, it seems to me
that 'pain' is not so much the problem as what pain *represents*. Pain seems
to represent a threat to your bodily integrity...? (Did you endure any
traumatic medical procedures as an infant that you may remember at a
subconscious level? Something like that? Could there have been something you
don't even *know* about, like the woman I know who was born intersex and was
surgically 'normalised' and didn't discover it until adulthood?) I'm just
tossing out ideas.

At the very least, try #4. It's free. It's corny, but it won't hurt you even
if it doesn't help. The other things are likely to cost, AND take a lot of
time besides, which you don't really have since you're into your 8th month
now.

--angela

In sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02,
zolw wrote:

*OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
*thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
*I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

Mona,

I would first of all recommend talking to your OB or midwife about this.
Hopefully he or she would have some advice specific to you because they
know you better than I do.

Second, I wonder if you might do well to consider taking a hypnobirthing
class and also a general childbirth education class? I think getting the
information from the general class could be helpful, because as you say
part of the fear is "of the unknown," and the hypnobirthing class may
teach you valuable anti-anxiety/relaxation techniques.

Finally, I would recommend you speak to a counselor, therapist,
psychologist, or whatever. Perhaps there are some other issues here,
perhaps not - but if there are it would be best to uncover them sooner
than later I'd think. Plus, someone like this could also be a valuable
source of relaxation tips.

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large

"zolw" wrote in message
news:sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02...
Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
overlook my post & move on to another.

OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

Well, I always wanted to have kids. When I got pregnant I was surprised
& excited. As time passes, I think more and more about the day I have to
give birth. I want them to take her out, but I don't want to actually
give birth.

I am so horrified of the pain. I am going for an epidural, but somehow I
do not believe that it will not hurt. I have very low pain tolerance as
it is (popping a zit for me is like operating on someone without
anesthesia) My doctor has advised me not to go for a c-section, unless
necessary. I also don't want to go for the c-section, because of the
side effects.

When I think about labor & delivery I get anxious. I breath heavily. My
eyes tear. My heart beats faster. It's a real problem. I know it has
something to do with pain and with unknown. But I am not really sure
which part of labor & delivery I am fearing. I will have my husband
right there next to me & my best friend too. I mean, what more could I
ask for?

People seem to not want to talk about this with me. I understand that I
might be acting irrationally, but it doesn't change the fact that this
is how I feel. I am actually about to cry as I am writing this .. it is
scary! Even my husband seems to think that I am overreacting (he tries
to be supportive, but I can sense that he is not really supportive,
rather obligated). When i say that I am horrified or whatever else
explaining my fear, most people think that it is just words. Not too
many people seem to get the extend of my fear, even when I try to
explain it to them. I really love my child & I want her healthy & out
there, but I don't want to give birth to her.

How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

It could be your hormones are totally out of wack and are making you think
more then you normally would.
Then again it could be something in a past life of some kind. You could just
be thinking yourself to more pain. My great grandma used to say the worse
you think the pain is, the easier labour will be. She said it was some old
wife's tale from her days. I dont know if there is any truth in it, but I
think there is when I think back to my children's births.

I think everyone has a fear of giving birth the first time. I know I did...
I didn't sleep for 3 nights before the day they were to induce me. Once the
inducement started I was like, I was like...ouch..hmmm.....ouch....what
pain... there wasn't much pain... I think I just thought myself more worse
pain that what it was or really is. I found it hard not knowing a lot of
things the first time. Get to know what equipement does what and what
happens after birth, Visit the doctors, hospital, staff, rooms, etc and get
to know what could be done or happen whilst in labour. Including what
injections they may give you or baby, etc. Also read other birth stories to
read that other's do have some pain, lots of pain or lucky like me and
little pain.

The second time around thou was kinda easy. I knew what pain to expect and
what happens, who does what in the labour room etc. It was more a comfort
zone for me. To be pregnant and happy is great and its something you never
want to end, but it does end, sometimes sooner rather then later. Being
pregnant is easy, have a few problems maybe but everything can be fixed,
push the baby out in the world and your stuck with nappy changes, cutting
teeth, or a million other things that children need or want. Looking back
birth was easy!

I carn't really help you but I do understand what you are saying.
(((((((((((((hugs Mona))))))))))))))))
I hope everything goes well for you and baby

Nic
Usually a lurker, sometimes a poster
DD 4yo
DS 16 mo

I am so sorry for the unorganized format of this message, but my mind is
unorganized right now.

Thank you

Mona
due 07-31-04

Hillary Israeli wrote:

In sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02,
zolw wrote:

*OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
*thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
*I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

Mona,

I would first of all recommend talking to your OB or midwife about this.
Hopefully he or she would have some advice specific to you because they
know you better than I do.

Second, I wonder if you might do well to consider taking a hypnobirthing
class and also a general childbirth education class? I think getting the
information from the general class could be helpful, because as you say
part of the fear is "of the unknown," and the hypnobirthing class may
teach you valuable anti-anxiety/relaxation techniques.

A woman in my birth class did hypnobirthing and was very positive
about it. Mona, you also might want to consider a doula. Someone
who is there *just* for you during the birth, who understands your
fear, and who knows what goes on during a birth (I just had DH
with my first birth and we felt very out of our depth, this next
birth, we'll have a doula).And a general childbirth class may calm
some of your fears, too.

Mary

In article sgdyc.7921$eu.7117@attbi_s02, says...

How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

I thought I would be terrified of childbirth until I got pregnant, now I
am more irrationally terrified of all the needles that can go along with
it!! Anyway, it has helped me to: read as much as I can about pregnancy
and childbirth, take a childbirth class that goes into a lot of detail
about the emotional/phyical aspects of labor and delivery, and practice
relaxation techniques (this has already helped me in my daily life!).
Remember that childbirth is probly the only time in your life when
discomfort will be for a good reason, rather than an indication that
something is wrong. I would also ditto others suggestion for therapy.

-kim

zolw wrote:

Oh Mona - I hope you can get this worked out!!.

OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today,
cause I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

I like the hypnotherapy suggestion a lot.

I will have my
husband right there next to me & my best friend too. I mean, what
more could I ask for?

Bless husbands and best friends. They offer a type of support that is
irreplaceable. I don't think they are always so great at offering pain
management support though. That is a skill. I'd speak with your OB or
Midwife about this and see if they have any recommendations for Doula's.
You need someone to help you manage the labor and keep focused on the 'kind'
of pain. Labor pain is very different because it is suppose to be there, it
is accomplishing something. I found it very hard to keep that focus myself.
When I lost focus of that I was panicky, frightened, and worked against the
contractions instead of with them. I had a good nurse that helped me with
focusing, visualizations, and working with my contractions and not against
them the other time. It made a world of difference even though the two
labors were really quite similar.

I am also wishing you a wildly successful epidural :-)

--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (5) and Luke (3)

zolw wrote:

Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
overlook my post & move on to another.

OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

Well, I always wanted to have kids. When I got pregnant I was surprised
& excited. As time passes, I think more and more about the day I have to
give birth. I want them to take her out, but I don't want to actually
give birth.

I am so horrified of the pain. I am going for an epidural, but somehow I
do not believe that it will not hurt. I have very low pain tolerance as
it is (popping a zit for me is like operating on someone without
anesthesia) My doctor has advised me not to go for a c-section, unless
necessary. I also don't want to go for the c-section, because of the
side effects.

When I think about labor & delivery I get anxious. I breath heavily. My
eyes tear. My heart beats faster. It's a real problem. I know it has
something to do with pain and with unknown. But I am not really sure
which part of labor & delivery I am fearing. I will have my husband
right there next to me & my best friend too. I mean, what more could I
ask for?

People seem to not want to talk about this with me. I understand that I
might be acting irrationally, but it doesn't change the fact that this
is how I feel. I am actually about to cry as I am writing this .. it is
scary! Even my husband seems to think that I am overreacting (he tries
to be supportive, but I can sense that he is not really supportive,
rather obligated). When i say that I am horrified or whatever else
explaining my fear, most people think that it is just words. Not too
many people seem to get the extend of my fear, even when I try to
explain it to them. I really love my child & I want her healthy & out
there, but I don't want to give birth to her.

How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

I am so sorry for the unorganized format of this message, but my mind is
unorganized right now.

Thank you

Mona
due 07-31-04

zolw wrote:

Please, if you plan to play smart aleck or be critical of me, just
overlook my post & move on to another.

OK, I am terrified! I am not sure if it is a phobia or what, but just
thinking about my giving birth is scaring me. I am writing today, cause
I need help & support! Suggestions are highly appreciated!

Well, I always wanted to have kids. When I got pregnant I was surprised
& excited. As time passes, I think more and more about the day I have to
give birth. I want them to take her out, but I don't want to actually
give birth.

I am so horrified of the pain. I am going for an epidural, but somehow I
do not believe that it will not hurt. I have very low pain tolerance as
it is (popping a zit for me is like operating on someone without
anesthesia) My doctor has advised me not to go for a c-section, unless
necessary. I also don't want to go for the c-section, because of the
side effects.

When I think about labor & delivery I get anxious. I breath heavily. My
eyes tear. My heart beats faster. It's a real problem. I know it has
something to do with pain and with unknown. But I am not really sure
which part of labor & delivery I am fearing. I will have my husband
right there next to me & my best friend too. I mean, what more could I
ask for?

People seem to not want to talk about this with me. I understand that I
might be acting irrationally, but it doesn't change the fact that this
is how I feel. I am actually about to cry as I am writing this .. it is
scary! Even my husband seems to think that I am overreacting (he tries
to be supportive, but I can sense that he is not really supportive,
rather obligated). When i say that I am horrified or whatever else
explaining my fear, most people think that it is just words. Not too
many people seem to get the extend of my fear, even when I try to
explain it to them. I really love my child & I want her healthy & out
there, but I don't want to give birth to her.

How do I get over my fear of giving birth? What exactly is the matter
with me? I mean every day women all over the world give birth & they are
not freaking out. Why am I losing all my logic?

Panic will do that to you. I don't think it matters
if other people say you're overreacting. Maybe you are,
but it's not like you're just choosing to overreact. Telling
you you're overreacting is hardly a solution, now is it?
I agree that you want to avoid a c-section if at
all possible. It creates additional risks for you, your
baby, and any future babies. And while the odds are that
your delivery would be relatively painless during a c-section,
the recovery may not be, so it's not like you can guarantee
a pain free experience with a c-section.
You are absolutely correct that it is likely the
fear of the unknown that is freaking you out about labor
and delivery. It is important that you take concrete
steps to do something about this, because fear and anxiety
increase your experience of pain. If you go into labor
panicking, you will experience a more painful labor than
if you go into it feeling more calm. Labor hurts. There's
no way around that. There also isn't really anything
responsible you can do that will guarantee that you don't
feel any pain. However, the pain *is* endurable and there
are many ways to cope with the pain, including both
medications and non-pharmacological means of coping with pain.
Some things to do:

1) Hire a doula. You need professional labor support.
Your husband and friend are lovely, I'm sure, but how
much concrete experience do they have? Get a professional
on board. I know it's money, but I suspect it will be
well worth it for you. When your mom asks what you need
for the baby, tell her you need a doula.

2) Start doing *something* to cope with your anxiety.
Meditate. Try guided imagery. Hire a professional
to help with this too, if need be. Don't brush off
this anxiety as something you just have to live with.
Women with high anxiety like this have higher rates
of complications in childbirth. You can help yourself
and your baby by finding ways to lower your anxiety
level. It may be as simple as taking some quiet time
to yourself each day, or you may need significant
professional help to get through it, but do whatever
it takes. You may have complicated issues underlying
your fear of birth, and you will be doing yourself and
your baby a huge favor to deal with them now.

3) Realize that none of this is about pain tolerance. I
don't know that I even believe in "pain tolerance" very
much. Pain is a subjective experience. You don't feel
pain directly. Your experience of pain is mediated by
all sorts of things, including your mental state. When
you are very anxious and have worked yourself up into a
tizzy, things are much more painful than they would be
otherwise. You do not have a "pain tolerance" defect
that makes you constitutionally unable to tolerate
childbirth. You have everything you need to birth your
baby successfully. You just need to learn to deal
with your fears about childbirth. That may not be
simple or easy, but the good news is that it is
*possible*.

You have identified the problem. Now, do something
*effective* about it. Don't let other people pooh-poohing
your fears cause you to do the same. Take yourself
seriously and take some steps. It's really important.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Kim E. wrote:

I thought I would be terrified of childbirth until I got pregnant, now I
am more irrationally terrified of all the needles that can go along with
it!!

Heck, I've been through childbirth three times, and
I fear the needles far more than the birth. I remember each
and every stick during pregnancy vividly (and was mightily
****ed off that I had so many with this last pregnancy).
I wasn't stuck with anything during any of my labors,
thank goodness ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka