anxiety

"Anna.Nicole.m" wrote in message
ps.com...
I guess more of my question is. I know everyone worries about
protecting their children, but am I to the extreme. Do you other
mommies have the entire scenario play out in your mind of what is
going to happen and then plan what to do when it does happen. Is that
normal?

I guess if you have to ask if it's normal to feel a certain way you
are already doubting your normalcy. I think I will talk to my
midwives about it.

ah well. Crazy is as crazy does.

I have what-if plans in my head all the time. My job as a support worker,
where I have to do daily risk assessments doesn't help, but I was like it
even before then. Like you, I double check everything, plan who I'd get to
do what - the person i imagine most to have a mobile phone would call 999,
someone else would watch out for the ambulance/fire brigade/police, I'd have
someone else to get any first aid stuff I'd need. All those kinds of things.
I'm better now though. When i first had her, I stumbled a couple of times
whilst holding her, and freaked, I didn't want to hold her in case I hurt
her, all those kinds of thoughts. I wouldn't let anyone carry her down the
stairs, or on uneven pathways, and I could see the accident that would
happen, even to hearing the sounds. I guess as she's got a bit older and
started walking and stuff, and has hurt herself anyway, but is still ok (if
a bit bruised!), I'm getting calmer about it. I think she and I both have to
learn that things will be ok, and if they aren't, well, at least I always
have a back up plan! ;-)

I try to make sure she doesn't see me react badly though if she hurts
herself, and I think she's calmer for it. If she bangs her head, she won't
cry unless she really banged it hard - I have a nephew that only has to
brush his arm on a table, and he's crying for Mum. At least I know she means
it when she cries, and I think that's a good thing.... apart from when she
really clouted her head at the doctor's and the doc and I waited with our
breath held for her to scream and she didn't flinch! I looked like the
world's worst childbeater - as if she didn't bother to cry cos she's used to
mummy wacking her about with a table!! lol! If she does cry though, I just
say "oh dear, never mind" and give her a cuddle, and save my big panic for
later.

Lucy x

"ncrist" wrote
I'm going to learn from this conversation. I would have taken my child
away, but I think what you did was better. Although I would have tried
to make them say they are sorry. But what you did was much better.
Those other parents sound socially inept.


You can't make other people do anything, the only one you have control over
is yourself and your own kid. I figured by leaving, the playground bullies
got their wish. I just went on about my playtime with my daughter- I made it
clear to them that she'd play wherever she wanted. I mean, they tried to run
her out of an area under the play equipment that is a "general store"- it
has a window, and is like a little club house, and there was plenty of room
for the 3 of them and many more kids. If my daughter wants to swing or use
the slides and other kids are there, I teach her to wait her turn, and when
others are waiting for her, I teach her to take her turn and then give them
a turn next. But it was ridiculous for those girls to try to run her out of
a free area and to do it while I was with her, plus the added fact that my
kid was 2 and they were much much older.

So, I wasn't rude to the girls but I was extremely firm. When they threw
mulch, sticks and dirt in her eyes, I made it clear they wouldn't dare do
that again. To make my point, I sat down and started playing with my
daughter so if they tried that again, they'd deal with me. It worked, they
left her alone, but they pouted. I made very sure not to give them a bad
attitude, and I also didn't try to further aggravate them, but no way was I
making my daughter *leave*! I just sat their and played with her, and didn't
pay them any more attention, but I didn't intentionally try to encroach on
the other girls' playtime either. I also tried to maintain a very mild,
neutral appearance after I said my piece, that was a little hard because I
was aggravated.

Most of our playground experiences are really positive and my daughter often
finds a lot of sweet kids to play with in her age range, and sometimes even
older ones who like to play nice, but man there are sure a lot of rude kids
out there these days. I haven't had any more incidents happen to my daughter
but I have witnessed a few things similar to this happen to other little
kids, and it astonishes me. If I ever caught my daughter treating another
kid like that, I would apoligize to the parent, make her apologize to the
kid, and we'd very likely leave- if she didn't behave, she doesn't need to
play. Thankfully my girl is sweet, and loves to play with all the kids she
meets!

It makes me wonder if this sort of thing, which is not uncommon among the
preschool set, is more common these days on the school playgrounds too.

This is a little OT but my daughter being 3, she IS going through a sort of
phase where she sometimes doesn't want to share toys with other kids. I am
trying to break her of it, and reason it out with her, but I usually end up
having to actually force her to share something by taking it. The other day
she took a toy out of a kid's hand, and I took it right back and gave it
back to the poor fella. I want to let her know this is not right but I am
having trouble reasoning with her so I find that I just deal with it. If she
won't agree to share I'll share for her. LOL....most of the time though, she
is sweet natured and does share but she does have those moments. Parenting
is not quite as simple as I thought it was. I sort of wonder when my
daughter doesn't want to share and I take something and make her share, am
*I* doing what I am trying to teach her NOT to?? So before I take, I usually
try to distract or engage her attention in how she can play with the toy
WITH a kid. I can't help it though, if she just flat won't share, I can't
stand to see another kid sit there sad because they want to play too,
so........I have to do something. :O

"Jeni Steers" wrote
One group tried to shut him out of the wendy house *he* was playing
in first - so I gave them a stern lecture on sharing. I teach William to
share and although he's not 2 yet and doesn't like doing it he understands
the concept and will do so when asked. I guess that comes from bullied as
kid - i'm not having my kids go through what I did!

Jeni

Aww. I honestly don't understand why some parents won't intervene when they
are aware their kids are acting like this. They seem to have the attitude
that it's life, and their kids have to learn to fend for themselves. But,
that's not teaching them the skills to get along well- isn't it better to
teach them HOW to share while having fun too? That's teaching them to bully
or be bullied, and that's not right.

I see it a lot on the playgrounds. I don't remember it being that bad when I
was growing up....maybe I'm just old?

I have what-if plans in my head all the time. My job as a support worker,
where I have to do daily risk assessments doesn't help, but I was like it
even before then. Like you, I double check everything, plan who I'd get to
do what - the person i imagine most to have a mobile phone would call 999,
someone else would watch out for the ambulance/fire brigade/police, I'd have
someone else to get any first aid stuff I'd need. All those kinds of things.
I'm better now though. When i first had her, I stumbled a couple of times
whilst holding her, and freaked, I didn't want to hold her in case I hurt
her, all those kinds of thoughts. I wouldn't let anyone carry her down the
stairs, or on uneven pathways, and I could see the accident that would
happen, even to hearing the sounds. I guess as she's got a bit older and
started walking and stuff, and has hurt herself anyway, but is still ok (if
a bit bruised!), I'm getting calmer about it. I think she and I both have to
learn that things will be ok, and if they aren't, well, at least I always
have a back up plan! ;-)

I try to make sure she doesn't see me react badly though if she hurts
herself, and I think she's calmer for it. If she bangs her head, she won't
cry unless she really banged it hard - I have a nephew that only has to
brush his arm on a table, and he's crying for Mum. At least I know she means
it when she cries, and I think that's a good thing.... apart from when she
really clouted her head at the doctor's and the doc and I waited with our
breath held for her to scream and she didn't flinch! I looked like the
world's worst childbeater - as if she didn't bother to cry cos she's used to
mummy wacking her about with a table!! lol! If she does cry though, I just
say "oh dear, never mind" and give her a cuddle, and save my big panic for
later.

Lucy x

THNAK YOU THANK YOU for replying. You know how you have in your head
that you are normal then you get doubts placed in there and it starts
making you paranoid.

LOL I'm convinced I'm one catastrophic event away from becoming
agoraphobic LOL

"Anna.Nicole.m" wrote in message
ps.com...
I guess more of my question is. I know everyone worries about
protecting their children, but am I to the extreme. Do you other
mommies have the entire scenario play out in your mind of what is
going to happen and then plan what to do when it does happen. Is that
normal?

It's not normal for me, but it might be normal for you and lots of other
people with anxiety issues. I mean really.

I guess if you have to ask if it's normal to feel a certain way you
are already doubting your normalcy. I think I will talk to my
midwives about it.

ah well. Crazy is as crazy does.

If it's becoming a problem for you, then it's an issue that needs to be
dealt with. It's not a matter of crazy (I know you were just kidding), but
it's a matter of you feeling comfortable with your mind and where it's
going.

I'm sure your midwives will be able to help you out or point you in the
right direction.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

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If it's becoming a problem for you, then it's an issue that needs to be
dealt with. It's not a matter of crazy (I know you were just kidding), but
it's a matter of you feeling comfortable with your mind and where it's
going.

I just needed reassurance that I wasn't a complete lunatic. I always
knew I thought of things differently, but until my husband looked at
me like I had a third eye on my forhead when I explained to him my
outlooks and so forth. I became worried that possibly there was
something the matter with me. But the more I talk to people I think I
have anxiety issues but I think I am fully coping with them on my
own. So I am really a functionaing screwball. which is the best you
can hope for. after looking at my past it's a wonder I'm even a
functioning screwball.

THANK YOU THANK YOU

On May 30, 8:59 pm, "beyond the pale"
wrote:
"ncrist" wrote

I'm going to learn from this conversation. I would have taken my child
away, but I think what you did was better. Although I would have tried
to make them say they are sorry. But what you did was much better.
Those other parents sound socially inept.

You can't make other people do anything, the only one you have control over
is yourself and your own kid. I figured by leaving, the playground bullies
got their wish. I just went on about my playtime with my daughter- I made it
clear to them that she'd play wherever she wanted. I mean, they tried to run
her out of an area under the play equipment that is a "general store"- it
has a window, and is like a little club house, and there was plenty of room
for the 3 of them and many more kids. If my daughter wants to swing or use
the slides and other kids are there, I teach her to wait her turn, and when
others are waiting for her, I teach her to take her turn and then give them
a turn next. But it was ridiculous for those girls to try to run her out of
a free area and to do it while I was with her, plus the added fact that my
kid was 2 and they were much much older.

So, I wasn't rude to the girls but I was extremely firm. When they threw
mulch, sticks and dirt in her eyes, I made it clear they wouldn't dare do
that again. To make my point, I sat down and started playing with my
daughter so if they tried that again, they'd deal with me. It worked, they
left her alone, but they pouted. I made very sure not to give them a bad
attitude, and I also didn't try to further aggravate them, but no way was I
making my daughter *leave*! I just sat their and played with her, and didn't
pay them any more attention, but I didn't intentionally try to encroach on
the other girls' playtime either. I also tried to maintain a very mild,
neutral appearance after I said my piece, that was a little hard because I
was aggravated.

Most of our playground experiences are really positive and my daughter often
finds a lot of sweet kids to play with in her age range, and sometimes even
older ones who like to play nice, but man there are sure a lot of rude kids
out there these days. I haven't had any more incidents happen to my daughter
but I have witnessed a few things similar to this happen to other little
kids, and it astonishes me. If I ever caught my daughter treating another
kid like that, I would apoligize to the parent, make her apologize to the
kid, and we'd very likely leave- if she didn't behave, she doesn't need to
play. Thankfully my girl is sweet, and loves to play with all the kids she
meets!

It makes me wonder if this sort of thing, which is not uncommon among the
preschool set, is more common these days on the school playgrounds too.

This is a little OT but my daughter being 3, she IS going through a sort of
phase where she sometimes doesn't want to share toys with other kids. I am
trying to break her of it, and reason it out with her, but I usually end up
having to actually force her to share something by taking it. The other day
she took a toy out of a kid's hand, and I took it right back and gave it
back to the poor fella. I want to let her know this is not right but I am
having trouble reasoning with her so I find that I just deal with it. If she
won't agree to share I'll share for her. LOL....most of the time though, she
is sweet natured and does share but she does have those moments. Parenting
is not quite as simple as I thought it was. I sort of wonder when my
daughter doesn't want to share and I take something and make her share, am
*I* doing what I am trying to teach her NOT to?? So before I take, I usually
try to distract or engage her attention in how she can play with the toy
WITH a kid. I can't help it though, if she just flat won't share, I can't
stand to see another kid sit there sad because they want to play too,
so........I have to do something. :O

Like I said, you seem to have done the right thing, and I think it
would be a good idea to follow your example. I've been very lucky that
most of the parents of the kids at the playground here are very nice
and also try to teach their children right from wrong. But it's
different with those who don't even bother with their kids. You showed
those kids that they couldn't always have their way. Who knows, they
might have even learned from you, too (though with kids, I don't have
too much hope).