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A bit of a vent :-)



 
 
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  #21  
Old October 24th 03, 01:23 AM
David desJardins
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Default A bit of a vent :-)

Lori writes:
When I lived in Sunnyvale, I worked in Palo Alto as a nanny for two
families. They each had one child that were 6 months apart in age. I
took them out almost daily for a walk and I got comments all the time
asking if they were twins and saying 'double trouble' and all that.
These people didn't block our path and drill me with questions for 5
minutes. But I did get quite a lot of comments.

Are you saying people completely ignored you? Or you just didn't get
asked several intrusive questions?


Sure, some people notice us. People ask, "Are they twins?" and they
say, "You must have your hands full," stuff like that. So far, it's
always struck me as "friendly conversation" rather than "intrusive
questions." I don't ever remember being slowed down, or inconvenienced,
by strangers, as some people complain happens a lot to them. Don't
recall any rude questions either, although there might have been a
couple that I just shrugged off. I recall more disapproving looks from
people who don't like one aspect or another of how I handle the kids
(usually giving them too much rope in a store, something like that)---
but those people don't tend to go as far as to actually say anything,
and anyway, I'd probably get just as much of that with non-twins.

David desJardins
  #22  
Old October 24th 03, 02:30 AM
DeliciousTruffles
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Default A bit of a vent :-)

David desJardins wrote:

Sure, some people notice us. People ask, "Are they twins?" and they
say, "You must have your hands full," stuff like that. So far, it's
always struck me as "friendly conversation" rather than "intrusive
questions." I don't ever remember being slowed down, or inconvenienced,
by strangers, as some people complain happens a lot to them. Don't
recall any rude questions either, although there might have been a
couple that I just shrugged off. I recall more disapproving looks from
people who don't like one aspect or another of how I handle the kids
(usually giving them too much rope in a store, something like that)---
but those people don't tend to go as far as to actually say anything,
and anyway, I'd probably get just as much of that with non-twins.


How about your dw? I've noticed that my dh doesn't get bothered by
people as much as I do. As a result, when the whole family goes out
shopping, I tend to let him take the twins while I fill up another
grocery cart on my own.

Then again, I've always had strangers approach me for directions, and
things like that. :-)

I've also noticed that I was approached less in the larger cities than
in the smaller towns.

--
Brigitte aa #2145
edd #3 February 15, 2004
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

  #23  
Old October 24th 03, 02:30 AM
DeliciousTruffles
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Posts: n/a
Default A bit of a vent :-)

David desJardins wrote:

Sure, some people notice us. People ask, "Are they twins?" and they
say, "You must have your hands full," stuff like that. So far, it's
always struck me as "friendly conversation" rather than "intrusive
questions." I don't ever remember being slowed down, or inconvenienced,
by strangers, as some people complain happens a lot to them. Don't
recall any rude questions either, although there might have been a
couple that I just shrugged off. I recall more disapproving looks from
people who don't like one aspect or another of how I handle the kids
(usually giving them too much rope in a store, something like that)---
but those people don't tend to go as far as to actually say anything,
and anyway, I'd probably get just as much of that with non-twins.


How about your dw? I've noticed that my dh doesn't get bothered by
people as much as I do. As a result, when the whole family goes out
shopping, I tend to let him take the twins while I fill up another
grocery cart on my own.

Then again, I've always had strangers approach me for directions, and
things like that. :-)

I've also noticed that I was approached less in the larger cities than
in the smaller towns.

--
Brigitte aa #2145
edd #3 February 15, 2004
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

  #24  
Old October 24th 03, 02:41 AM
Taniwha grrrl
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Posts: n/a
Default A bit of a vent :-)


"DeliciousTruffles"
wrote in message

Now,
I just don't look at anyone. It works. If they can't

catch your
attention, they won't stop you.


That's always been my tactic, avoid eye contact at all
costs...lol


--
Andrea

If I can't be a good example, then I'll just have to be a
horrible warning.





  #25  
Old October 24th 03, 02:41 AM
Taniwha grrrl
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default A bit of a vent :-)


"DeliciousTruffles"
wrote in message

Now,
I just don't look at anyone. It works. If they can't

catch your
attention, they won't stop you.


That's always been my tactic, avoid eye contact at all
costs...lol


--
Andrea

If I can't be a good example, then I'll just have to be a
horrible warning.





  #26  
Old October 24th 03, 02:47 AM
Taniwha grrrl
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Posts: n/a
Default A bit of a vent :-)


"The Huwe Family" wrote in message

We practically could not move through the store because
every time
we did, we had people stopping us with comments about our

babies.

They younger they are the more it happens, multiple babies
attract the comments and looks, it's not so bad as they get
older (for fraternal anyway) as they just look like close
siblings and you don't get stopped as much.
It's mighty frustrating though, you'll develop a tactic,
selective deafness or impaired sight is usually the best way
;-)


--
Andrea

If I can't be a good example, then I'll just have to be a
horrible warning.





  #27  
Old October 24th 03, 02:47 AM
Taniwha grrrl
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default A bit of a vent :-)


"The Huwe Family" wrote in message

We practically could not move through the store because
every time
we did, we had people stopping us with comments about our

babies.

They younger they are the more it happens, multiple babies
attract the comments and looks, it's not so bad as they get
older (for fraternal anyway) as they just look like close
siblings and you don't get stopped as much.
It's mighty frustrating though, you'll develop a tactic,
selective deafness or impaired sight is usually the best way
;-)


--
Andrea

If I can't be a good example, then I'll just have to be a
horrible warning.





  #28  
Old October 24th 03, 03:18 AM
Megan Byrne
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Posts: n/a
Default A bit of a vent :-)

Gayle,
Welcome to the freak show called "having multiples". Although, I only
have twins, I still get stopped all the time.

A friendly word of advice...kepp those babies home!! Especially, since
they are preemies, I wouldn't be bringing them out so soon. Will they be
getting the RSV vaccine? I am not telling you what to do, really. Just a
little more experience.


~Megan~
Aidan Matthew & Alexis Valerie
Born September 28, 2002

www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aidannalexis

  #29  
Old October 24th 03, 03:18 AM
Megan Byrne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default A bit of a vent :-)

Gayle,
Welcome to the freak show called "having multiples". Although, I only
have twins, I still get stopped all the time.

A friendly word of advice...kepp those babies home!! Especially, since
they are preemies, I wouldn't be bringing them out so soon. Will they be
getting the RSV vaccine? I am not telling you what to do, really. Just a
little more experience.


~Megan~
Aidan Matthew & Alexis Valerie
Born September 28, 2002

www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aidannalexis

  #30  
Old October 24th 03, 03:25 AM
multimom4
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Posts: n/a
Default A bit of a vent :-)

I can't tell if they were in a triple stroller or in car seats in a cart or
what ... but divide and conquer is the only way to solve this if you can't
stand it.

I think it is likely, as Brigitte said, that men would get fewer comments,
at least it's worth a try.

As others stated, avoid eye contact. I also perfected a
firm-smile-and-look-away tactic that worked well when I was in a hurry.

Personally, the "personal" questions didn't bother me. I didn't get too
many "poor you" comments, so that was OK. But on the IVF stuff -- I used to
say "Yup, IVF and born by C-section. Nothing the tiniest bit "natural"
about these kids". With a big grin that clearly indicated "They're human
beings you moron, how could they be any more "natural" or "unnatural" than
any other kids?"

On the "are they twins?" question ... dh came up with "yes, three pairs of
twins, these two, these two and these two".

On that and on "are they identical" I was always very polite -- just used to
say "no, even the boys are fraternal and one looks like me and one looks
like his father, not at all identical". I never felt the need to point out
the anatomical details of B v G to separate Hanna out.

It is a simple fact that *tiny* babies get the most attention, which is
*precisely* of course the time when you are least prepared, most tired and
least likely to enjoy or tolerate it. For triplets, as opposed to twins, I
think the attention will continue fairly unabated until you get rid of the
triplet stroller (for us that was almost exactly age three). At that point
they will look more like siblings -- unless you dress them all perfectly
coordinated, of course. Til then you will have to work around it (two
strollers; two strollers plus front/back - pack; shop alone; two carts;
ignore everyone; carry a sign saying "shut up") or just bear it.

One excellent piece of advice which I never had the
nerve/time/organization/materials to apply: attach a sign or two or ten to
the stroller saying "PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH". These first TWO winters
especially, you either need to stay home (my solution) or do *something* to
keep the germs away. This year the germs could kill them; next year the
sicknesses could kill you from over-work.

--Janet
Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96)
and Holly (4/4/01)




"The Huwe Family" wrote in message
.com...
Ok, I knew I was in for it when I had Triplets, but I never realized the
extent of how other people think that common courtesy doesn't apply when

it
comes to interacting with people with multiple children. Here's what I

mean
. . .

Last Sunday, my mom, my DH, myself, and my children went to Babies R Us to
try to spend some of the gift certificates we received at our recent baby
shower. We practically could not move through the store because every

time
we did, we had people stopping us with comments about our babies. That

was
annoying after a while, but it was still ok. I know that triplets cause a
stir. But the questions they asked were totally uncalled for, and

frankly,
none of their business. I had comments from "Did you use fertility?" to
"Are you breastfeeding?" I felt like asking them "If I had just one baby
here, would you be asking me these questions?"

My mom asked me if I expected all the attention caused by having triplets.
I told her that I had expected people to whisper about it to the people

they
are with, but I had no idea that we would be stopped every 5 minutes by

some
complete stranger wanting to look at them and ask questions. I took it in
stride, but my DH was getting quite angry because it took 3x as long to go
shopping as it normally would have if we had been left alone. (of course

he
is operating on a lack of sleep also, causing him to not be as

understanding
as he normally would have been. Ha Ha)

Gayle




 




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