potty training question - kinda long

Hi. My son is 3.5 (well 3.48..). He has been wearing pull ups for a really
long time. He will pee on the potty when we do a song and dance to get him
excited. (I am going to beat you. You can't beat me...) We got this bit from
my MIL. All along, people have been telling us, leave him in pullups. He
will change to underpants and stay dry yadda yadda, when he is ready. Now I
go along with this to a point. By 3.5, I think it is appropriate to let him
understand that he is big enough to start trying to use the potty and expect
him to do so. The rub is that during the week he has 3 different caregivers;
me 2 days per week, grandparents 1 day a week, and daycare 2 days a week.
For most purposes this works great. But it is very difficult in matters
requiring consistency. I have acheived consistency in some other facets of
his routine by bullying the grandparents into doing what daycare (the least
adaptable) does; naptime, meal and snack times... But daycare has a very
handsoff wait and see potty training attitude. This is fine, but I think I
want to start gently moving in the potty training direction. So here are
some details.

- He has been wearing pullups for a YEAR. He can and will pee on the potty.
He occaisionally poops on the potty.

- In the past 2 home days (and presumably all upcoming home days; weekends,
Mondays and Thursdays) he has been wearing underpants. I asked him if he
wants to wear pull ups or underpants and he says underpants. Monday was a
disaster, of sorts. He went through 6 pairs of underpants. But he kept
wanting to put them on. So I kept putting them on. I kept reminding him to
go. Then he had a poop in his pants. We went to change and wipe. And he
started BAWLING. I asked him the trouble. He could not answer. I asked him
if he was upset that he pooped in his pants. He definitely said yes. And
bawled. (My son RARELY cries with this kind of emotional upheaval.) I told
him that it was alright and that everyone has accidents when they are
learning something new. I told him I thought his trying was really
excellent, and that one day he was going to wear underpants and keep clean
and dry. I knew he could do it. I asked him if he would like to try again or
would he like to take a break and put on pullups. He chose underpants.
(Believe it or not, he actually understood all that. It was more a
conversation than me just lecturing him.)

- At the in-laws house on Wednesday (the grandparents he goes to once a
week) he wore underpants there. The first accident they went to pull ups.
MIL does all the toilet responsibility. She cajoles and jollies to get him
to go. I have no strong objection to this. Any objection would be pointless
as I do not think she could change her way without EXTREME force of
concentration. Even then, I am not sure she could change it. It is just who
she is. FIL gave him grief about pooping in his pants before. I was ABOUT to
talk to him about not being shaming about pooping in pants. But he was
visiting on Monday and came as DS was done crying about pooping. I repeated
that everyone has accidents when they are learning something new in FIL's
hearing. He cogitated on that and agreed it was true. I think he gets my
meaning crystal clear and will back off. (I have a good relationship with my
inlaws.)


- Yesterday he wore underpants all day, except bedtime. He peed in his pants
all morning. 2 changes. Then he went to nap. He kept dry all nap then
through the afternoon, including a trip to the grocery store! I reminded his
to go. I even bribed him (don't yell at me!) with a small piece of Easter
candy every time he peed on the potty.

- DS seems conflicted by being interested in wearing underpants and staying
clean and dry with other concerns. (All of this is speculation since I
cannot get inside his head.) One concern is that any given moment, it is
more fun to play than to go potty. Another concern is that he thinks he
cannot do it; lack of confidence.

- I think he has not learned 2 important things; how to hold it biefly and
how to get it all out into the potty. When he pees, it seems to me that he
has a lot left in his body. He has been cheered for performance on the potty
less than staying dry. So he dribbles in the potty, then within minutes,
soaks himself.


I suspect we have been wacky and confusing. But I do not think DS is
confused by what is going on. I cannot control consistency across his
caregivers. So we have to lead the charge at home, I think.

So here is my plan:

- Do a sticker chart. Get a sticker for each DRY day. Get an extra sticker
for each CLEAN (no poop) day.
- Perhaps have a reward after 5 days dry? What's a good reward?
- Wear underpants at home, except bedtimes.
- Assess after 7 home days. If no progress, consider going back to pullups
for a while.

I may have given too much info or all the wrong info. I do not know.

What do you all think of this?

Thanks

S

I kept reminding him to go.

Don't remind him. *Tell him* "we're going to go to the bathroom" and take
him. Lots of times my son said he didn't have to go. Lo and behold, he
would once we got in the bathroom.

I even bribed him (don't yell at me!) with a small piece of Easter
candy every time he peed on the potty.

Hey, ya gotta do what you gotta do

One concern is that any given moment, it is
more fun to play than to go potty. Another concern is that he thinks he
cannot do it; lack of confidence.

Annoying but normal I think.

- I think he has not learned 2 important things; how to hold it biefly and
how to get it all out into the potty. When he pees, it seems to me that he
has a lot left in his body. He has been cheered for performance on the
potty
less than staying dry. So he dribbles in the potty, then within minutes,
soaks himself.

Does he drink a lot? A lot of people think potty training is better if the
child doesn't drink much. I was told (here I think) to do the opposite. If
he drinks a lot he'll definitely have to go - often and much will come out.
I found that easy.

I suspect we have been wacky and confusing. But I do not think DS is
confused by what is going on. I cannot control consistency across his
caregivers. So we have to lead the charge at home, I think.

It *is* hard when you have different people trying to get him to do the same
thing.


So here is my plan:

- Do a sticker chart. Get a sticker for each DRY day. Get an extra sticker
for each CLEAN (no poop) day.
- Perhaps have a reward after 5 days dry? What's a good reward?
- Wear underpants at home, except bedtimes.
- Assess after 7 home days. If no progress, consider going back to pullups
for a while.

Sounds great - if he's the type of child to care. I know my son could not
have cared less about star/sticker charts. He didn't understand time to get
the concept of a toy (or whatever) after X number of days. I think if I had
needed it for my daughter it would have worked with her.

I may have given too much info or all the wrong info. I do not know.

You gave a great amount of info IMO.

What do you all think of this?

Thanks

S

I think it's all normal just annoying for you - lol - sorry.

Hang in there

Hi Stephanie. I could see where it would be difficult to maintain a routine
when he has different caregivers. I would work really hard on your next
stretch of time together.

Tell DS that tomorrow, no more pull-ups. Maybe go pick out some new
underwear that has some cool characters on them and be strong and firm for a
few days. Even if there accidents. Don't make the accidents a big deal.
Remind him that he is wearing underwear, ask/take him to the potty (everyone
needs to go potty before we go outside etc.) With my DD2, she started going
for a while and then stopped. I went to the dollar store and bought some
little toys and books for a "reward" (ok, bribe!) bag. Every time she told
me she needed to go, she got a treat. The big treat (a York peppermint
patty!) was reserved for poops in the potty. Worked great for her and it
really only took a day or 2 to get her on track. OTOH my DD1 never
understood the concept of bribes and it wouldn't have worked with her.

Good luck.
Amy
"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message
...
Hi. My son is 3.5 (well 3.48..). He has been wearing pull ups for a really
long time. He will pee on the potty when we do a song and dance to get him
excited. (I am going to beat you. You can't beat me...) We got this bit
from
my MIL. All along, people have been telling us, leave him in pullups. He
will change to underpants and stay dry yadda yadda, when he is ready. Now
I
go along with this to a point. By 3.5, I think it is appropriate to let
him
understand that he is big enough to start trying to use the potty and
expect
him to do so. The rub is that during the week he has 3 different
caregivers;
me 2 days per week, grandparents 1 day a week, and daycare 2 days a week.
For most purposes this works great. But it is very difficult in matters
requiring consistency. I have acheived consistency in some other facets of
his routine by bullying the grandparents into doing what daycare (the
least
adaptable) does; naptime, meal and snack times... But daycare has a very
handsoff wait and see potty training attitude. This is fine, but I think I
want to start gently moving in the potty training direction. So here are
some details.

- He has been wearing pullups for a YEAR. He can and will pee on the
potty.
He occaisionally poops on the potty.

- In the past 2 home days (and presumably all upcoming home days;
weekends,
Mondays and Thursdays) he has been wearing underpants. I asked him if he
wants to wear pull ups or underpants and he says underpants. Monday was a
disaster, of sorts. He went through 6 pairs of underpants. But he kept
wanting to put them on. So I kept putting them on. I kept reminding him to
go. Then he had a poop in his pants. We went to change and wipe. And he
started BAWLING. I asked him the trouble. He could not answer. I asked him
if he was upset that he pooped in his pants. He definitely said yes. And
bawled. (My son RARELY cries with this kind of emotional upheaval.) I told
him that it was alright and that everyone has accidents when they are
learning something new. I told him I thought his trying was really
excellent, and that one day he was going to wear underpants and keep clean
and dry. I knew he could do it. I asked him if he would like to try again
or
would he like to take a break and put on pullups. He chose underpants.
(Believe it or not, he actually understood all that. It was more a
conversation than me just lecturing him.)

- At the in-laws house on Wednesday (the grandparents he goes to once a
week) he wore underpants there. The first accident they went to pull ups.
MIL does all the toilet responsibility. She cajoles and jollies to get him
to go. I have no strong objection to this. Any objection would be
pointless
as I do not think she could change her way without EXTREME force of
concentration. Even then, I am not sure she could change it. It is just
who
she is. FIL gave him grief about pooping in his pants before. I was ABOUT
to
talk to him about not being shaming about pooping in pants. But he was
visiting on Monday and came as DS was done crying about pooping. I
repeated
that everyone has accidents when they are learning something new in FIL's
hearing. He cogitated on that and agreed it was true. I think he gets my
meaning crystal clear and will back off. (I have a good relationship with
my
inlaws.)


- Yesterday he wore underpants all day, except bedtime. He peed in his
pants
all morning. 2 changes. Then he went to nap. He kept dry all nap then
through the afternoon, including a trip to the grocery store! I reminded
his
to go. I even bribed him (don't yell at me!) with a small piece of Easter
candy every time he peed on the potty.

- DS seems conflicted by being interested in wearing underpants and
staying
clean and dry with other concerns. (All of this is speculation since I
cannot get inside his head.) One concern is that any given moment, it is
more fun to play than to go potty. Another concern is that he thinks he
cannot do it; lack of confidence.

- I think he has not learned 2 important things; how to hold it biefly and
how to get it all out into the potty. When he pees, it seems to me that he
has a lot left in his body. He has been cheered for performance on the
potty
less than staying dry. So he dribbles in the potty, then within minutes,
soaks himself.


I suspect we have been wacky and confusing. But I do not think DS is
confused by what is going on. I cannot control consistency across his
caregivers. So we have to lead the charge at home, I think.

So here is my plan:

- Do a sticker chart. Get a sticker for each DRY day. Get an extra sticker
for each CLEAN (no poop) day.
- Perhaps have a reward after 5 days dry? What's a good reward?
- Wear underpants at home, except bedtimes.
- Assess after 7 home days. If no progress, consider going back to pullups
for a while.

I may have given too much info or all the wrong info. I do not know.

What do you all think of this?

Thanks

S

In article ,
"Stephanie Stowe" wrote:

Hi. My son is 3.5 (well 3.48..). He has been wearing pull ups for a really
long time. He will pee on the potty when we do a song and dance to get him
excited. (I am going to beat you. You can't beat me...) We got this bit from
my MIL. All along, people have been telling us, leave him in pullups. He
will change to underpants and stay dry yadda yadda, when he is ready. Now I
go along with this to a point. By 3.5, I think it is appropriate to let him
understand that he is big enough to start trying to use the potty and expect
him to do so. The rub is that during the week he has 3 different caregivers;
me 2 days per week, grandparents 1 day a week, and daycare 2 days a week.
For most purposes this works great. But it is very difficult in matters
requiring consistency. I have acheived consistency in some other facets of
his routine by bullying the grandparents into doing what daycare (the least
adaptable) does; naptime, meal and snack times... But daycare has a very
handsoff wait and see potty training attitude. This is fine, but I think I
want to start gently moving in the potty training direction. So here are
some details.


Given the challenges, and the lack of consistency in day care, I think
I'd let it go until you are on vacation and can spend a solid week with
him having no other care givers.

I can almost guarantee that he will NOT enter kindergarten not using a
toilet; it sounds like this is all pretty stressful for him and for
you, so my vote is for letting go of the stress by letting go of the
desire to have him toilet trained sooner.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message
...
- Do a sticker chart. Get a sticker for each DRY day. Get an extra sticker
for each CLEAN (no poop) day.
- Perhaps have a reward after 5 days dry? What's a good reward?
- Wear underpants at home, except bedtimes.
- Assess after 7 home days. If no progress, consider going back to pullups
for a while.

The sticker/reward thing wouldn't have worked with DS.

We did cloth training pants for a 3 days. Then, one day decided to get
serious and left DS butt naked for one day outside to play. He was more
aware of himself that way and we could tell by looking at his pen*s when he
needed to go (it looks more erect). That was the day he was fully potty
trained. So, it doesn't have to take long. Oh, and we also got the Dora
potty seat. He was so excited about that, he sat on it and dribbled every 5
minutes.

I hear the food coloring in the potty also works. It changes color when
they pee. Makes them all excited. We didn't try that.

He could play a game aiming at a Cheerio in the toilet or those Piddlers you
buy. Heard that works, too.

"AT" wrote in message
...
Hi Stephanie. I could see where it would be difficult to maintain a
routine
when he has different caregivers. I would work really hard on your next
stretch of time together.

Tell DS that tomorrow, no more pull-ups. Maybe go pick out some new
underwear that has some cool characters on them and be strong and firm for
a
few days. Even if there accidents. Don't make the accidents a big deal.

Do all of that. Sunday we got the underpants before beginning wearing them
on Monday. Tomorrow is underpants day. Accidents are not a big deal. he
tells me, we change.

Remind him that he is wearing underwear, ask/take him to the potty
(everyone
needs to go potty before we go outside etc.) With my DD2, she started
going
for a while and then stopped. I went to the dollar store and bought some
little toys and books for a "reward" (ok, bribe!) bag. Every time she
told
me she needed to go, she got a treat. The big treat (a York peppermint
patty!) was reserved for poops in the potty. Worked great for her and it
really only took a day or 2 to get her on track. OTOH my DD1 never
understood the concept of bribes and it wouldn't have worked with her.

Good luck.
Amy
"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message
...
Hi. My son is 3.5 (well 3.48..). He has been wearing pull ups for a
really
long time. He will pee on the potty when we do a song and dance to get
him
excited. (I am going to beat you. You can't beat me...) We got this bit
from
my MIL. All along, people have been telling us, leave him in pullups. He
will change to underpants and stay dry yadda yadda, when he is ready.
Now
I
go along with this to a point. By 3.5, I think it is appropriate to let
him
understand that he is big enough to start trying to use the potty and
expect
him to do so. The rub is that during the week he has 3 different
caregivers;
me 2 days per week, grandparents 1 day a week, and daycare 2 days a
week.
For most purposes this works great. But it is very difficult in matters
requiring consistency. I have acheived consistency in some other facets
of
his routine by bullying the grandparents into doing what daycare (the
least
adaptable) does; naptime, meal and snack times... But daycare has a very
handsoff wait and see potty training attitude. This is fine, but I think
I
want to start gently moving in the potty training direction. So here are
some details.

- He has been wearing pullups for a YEAR. He can and will pee on the
potty.
He occaisionally poops on the potty.

- In the past 2 home days (and presumably all upcoming home days;
weekends,
Mondays and Thursdays) he has been wearing underpants. I asked him if he
wants to wear pull ups or underpants and he says underpants. Monday was
a
disaster, of sorts. He went through 6 pairs of underpants. But he kept
wanting to put them on. So I kept putting them on. I kept reminding him
to
go. Then he had a poop in his pants. We went to change and wipe. And he
started BAWLING. I asked him the trouble. He could not answer. I asked
him
if he was upset that he pooped in his pants. He definitely said yes. And
bawled. (My son RARELY cries with this kind of emotional upheaval.) I
told
him that it was alright and that everyone has accidents when they are
learning something new. I told him I thought his trying was really
excellent, and that one day he was going to wear underpants and keep
clean
and dry. I knew he could do it. I asked him if he would like to try
again
or
would he like to take a break and put on pullups. He chose underpants.
(Believe it or not, he actually understood all that. It was more a
conversation than me just lecturing him.)

- At the in-laws house on Wednesday (the grandparents he goes to once a
week) he wore underpants there. The first accident they went to pull
ups.
MIL does all the toilet responsibility. She cajoles and jollies to get
him
to go. I have no strong objection to this. Any objection would be
pointless
as I do not think she could change her way without EXTREME force of
concentration. Even then, I am not sure she could change it. It is just
who
she is. FIL gave him grief about pooping in his pants before. I was
ABOUT
to
talk to him about not being shaming about pooping in pants. But he was
visiting on Monday and came as DS was done crying about pooping. I
repeated
that everyone has accidents when they are learning something new in
FIL's
hearing. He cogitated on that and agreed it was true. I think he gets my
meaning crystal clear and will back off. (I have a good relationship
with
my
inlaws.)


- Yesterday he wore underpants all day, except bedtime. He peed in his
pants
all morning. 2 changes. Then he went to nap. He kept dry all nap then
through the afternoon, including a trip to the grocery store! I reminded
his
to go. I even bribed him (don't yell at me!) with a small piece of
Easter
candy every time he peed on the potty.

- DS seems conflicted by being interested in wearing underpants and
staying
clean and dry with other concerns. (All of this is speculation since I
cannot get inside his head.) One concern is that any given moment, it is
more fun to play than to go potty. Another concern is that he thinks he
cannot do it; lack of confidence.

- I think he has not learned 2 important things; how to hold it biefly
and
how to get it all out into the potty. When he pees, it seems to me that
he
has a lot left in his body. He has been cheered for performance on the
potty
less than staying dry. So he dribbles in the potty, then within minutes,
soaks himself.


I suspect we have been wacky and confusing. But I do not think DS is
confused by what is going on. I cannot control consistency across his
caregivers. So we have to lead the charge at home, I think.

So here is my plan:

- Do a sticker chart. Get a sticker for each DRY day. Get an extra
sticker
for each CLEAN (no poop) day.
- Perhaps have a reward after 5 days dry? What's a good reward?
- Wear underpants at home, except bedtimes.
- Assess after 7 home days. If no progress, consider going back to
pullups
for a while.

I may have given too much info or all the wrong info. I do not know.

What do you all think of this?

Thanks

S

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
In article ,
"Stephanie Stowe" wrote:

Hi. My son is 3.5 (well 3.48..). He has been wearing pull ups for a
really
long time. He will pee on the potty when we do a song and dance to get
him
excited. (I am going to beat you. You can't beat me...) We got this bit
from
my MIL. All along, people have been telling us, leave him in pullups. He
will change to underpants and stay dry yadda yadda, when he is ready.
Now I
go along with this to a point. By 3.5, I think it is appropriate to let
him
understand that he is big enough to start trying to use the potty and
expect
him to do so. The rub is that during the week he has 3 different
caregivers;
me 2 days per week, grandparents 1 day a week, and daycare 2 days a
week.
For most purposes this works great. But it is very difficult in matters
requiring consistency. I have acheived consistency in some other facets
of
his routine by bullying the grandparents into doing what daycare (the
least
adaptable) does; naptime, meal and snack times... But daycare has a very
handsoff wait and see potty training attitude. This is fine, but I think
I
want to start gently moving in the potty training direction. So here are
some details.


Given the challenges, and the lack of consistency in day care, I think
I'd let it go until you are on vacation and can spend a solid week with
him having no other care givers.

I can almost guarantee that he will NOT enter kindergarten not using a
toilet; it sounds like this is all pretty stressful for him and for
you, so my vote is for letting go of the stress by letting go of the
desire to have him toilet trained sooner.



It is not stressful for me. I do not care if I clean up in a pull up or in
underpants. It was clearly stressful for him since it caused him to bawl.
But my explanation really seemed to speak to him. He felt much better.

Thanks

S

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

(I didn't get the original post)

Sophie wrote in message
...
I kept reminding him to go.

Don't remind him. *Tell him* "we're going to go to the bathroom" and take
him. Lots of times my son said he didn't have to go. Lo and behold, he
would once we got in the bathroom.

If I remind #1 too much she'll swear she doesn't have to go just because I'm
fussing her. Much better is to say "we're going" as Sophie says. If she says
at that stage she doesn't want to go first, then I'll change the issue to
who's going first or who can do a bigger wee. Sounds silly, but the
competition always gets #1 moving. If she then sits and tries but doen't
produce, I know she has tried.
I only start fussing her (or competing) if she's doing something to indicate
she needs to go (dancing!) or has drunk a lot and not gone for a couple of
hours. She knows she has to go before bed and before going out.

I even bribed him (don't yell at me!) with a small piece of Easter
candy every time he peed on the potty.

Hey, ya gotta do what you gotta do
So did I!

One concern is that any given moment, it is
more fun to play than to go potty. Another concern is that he thinks he
cannot do it; lack of confidence.

Had the busy playing one-still get it occasionally! I'd slightly question
the confidence if he's asking for underwear. If he was asking to stay in
pull-ups then I'd say there could be a lack of confidence. However you know
your child and you could be right in their case.

Annoying but normal I think.

- I think he has not learned 2 important things; how to hold it biefly
and
how to get it all out into the potty. When he pees, it seems to me that
he
has a lot left in his body. He has been cheered for performance on the
potty
less than staying dry. So he dribbles in the potty, then within minutes,
soaks himself.

I've noticed that #1 will not go all morning (3+ hours) and then go three
times in 20 minutes (and really need to go each time) So soaking himself 5
minutes later may be because he needs to go again. May also be he's
stimulating himself to go, but it takes a few minutes to go properly. Could
you perhaps read a book on the potty? (Or maybe sing a song or something to
help him to stay there for longer?) if he's happy doing that of course.

Does he drink a lot? A lot of people think potty training is better if
the
child doesn't drink much. I was told (here I think) to do the opposite.
If
he drinks a lot he'll definitely have to go - often and much will come
out.
I found that easy.

I suspect we have been wacky and confusing. But I do not think DS is
confused by what is going on. I cannot control consistency across his
caregivers. So we have to lead the charge at home, I think.

It *is* hard when you have different people trying to get him to do the
same
thing.


So here is my plan:

- Do a sticker chart. Get a sticker for each DRY day. Get an extra
sticker
for each CLEAN (no poop) day.
- Perhaps have a reward after 5 days dry? What's a good reward?
- Wear underpants at home, except bedtimes.
- Assess after 7 home days. If no progress, consider going back to
pullups
for a while.

Have you tried bare bottom? Make sure he's wearing stuff he can undo
himself. It's easier with a girl: #1 just wore a dress for the first couple
of days. You could put a long T-shirt on him in the garden.
I found pull-ups were confusing. If you think he can do it, just go for
pants. If you think he hasn't the skills yet (but you sound like you think
he has) then just stop it before he gets stressed by trying to do it.
He'll do it eventually!
Debbie

"Welches" wrote in message
...
(I didn't get the original post)

Sophie wrote in message
...
I kept reminding him to go.

Don't remind him. *Tell him* "we're going to go to the bathroom" and
take
him. Lots of times my son said he didn't have to go. Lo and behold, he
would once we got in the bathroom.

If I remind #1 too much she'll swear she doesn't have to go just because
I'm
fussing her. Much better is to say "we're going" as Sophie says. If she
says
at that stage she doesn't want to go first, then I'll change the issue to
who's going first or who can do a bigger wee. Sounds silly, but the
competition always gets #1 moving. If she then sits and tries but doen't
produce, I know she has tried.
I only start fussing her (or competing) if she's doing something to
indicate
she needs to go (dancing!) or has drunk a lot and not gone for a couple of
hours. She knows she has to go before bed and before going out.

I even bribed him (don't yell at me!) with a small piece of Easter
candy every time he peed on the potty.

Hey, ya gotta do what you gotta do
So did I!

One concern is that any given moment, it is
more fun to play than to go potty. Another concern is that he thinks
he
cannot do it; lack of confidence.

Had the busy playing one-still get it occasionally! I'd slightly question
the confidence if he's asking for underwear. If he was asking to stay in
pull-ups then I'd say there could be a lack of confidence. However you
know
your child and you could be right in their case.

Annoying but normal I think.

- I think he has not learned 2 important things; how to hold it biefly
and
how to get it all out into the potty. When he pees, it seems to me
that
he
has a lot left in his body. He has been cheered for performance on the
potty
less than staying dry. So he dribbles in the potty, then within
minutes,
soaks himself.

I've noticed that #1 will not go all morning (3+ hours) and then go three
times in 20 minutes (and really need to go each time) So soaking himself 5
minutes later may be because he needs to go again. May also be he's
stimulating himself to go, but it takes a few minutes to go properly.

Well, on those days when MIL is getting him on the potty, he soaks his bed
(his upper body, his lower body and 14" of bed). Other days he does not. I
am not sure though.


Could
you perhaps read a book on the potty? (Or maybe sing a song or something
to
help him to stay there for longer?) if he's happy doing that of course.


he does not like to sit to pee. He likes to stand. I will get some food
coloring to try. Or toilet targets.

Does he drink a lot? A lot of people think potty training is better if
the
child doesn't drink much. I was told (here I think) to do the opposite.
If
he drinks a lot he'll definitely have to go - often and much will come
out.
I found that easy.

I suspect we have been wacky and confusing. But I do not think DS is
confused by what is going on. I cannot control consistency across his
caregivers. So we have to lead the charge at home, I think.

It *is* hard when you have different people trying to get him to do the
same
thing.


So here is my plan:

- Do a sticker chart. Get a sticker for each DRY day. Get an extra
sticker
for each CLEAN (no poop) day.
- Perhaps have a reward after 5 days dry? What's a good reward?
- Wear underpants at home, except bedtimes.
- Assess after 7 home days. If no progress, consider going back to
pullups
for a while.

Have you tried bare bottom? Make sure he's wearing stuff he can undo
himself. It's easier with a girl: #1 just wore a dress for the first
couple
of days. You could put a long T-shirt on him in the garden.
I found pull-ups were confusing. If you think he can do it, just go for
pants. If you think he hasn't the skills yet (but you sound like you think
he has) then just stop it before he gets stressed by trying to do it.
He'll do it eventually!
Debbie

Given the challenges, and the lack of consistency in day care, I think
I'd let it go until you are on vacation and can spend a solid week with
him having no other care givers.

I agree here, it would be better to wait un til vacation time to do this,
where it would be a little more consistent. My oldest son was 5 before he
was potty trained, not because he wasn't capable, but because he didn't have
the desire (too busy playing, etc). I stressed over that for a while, but
after having the other two boys, in my house anyway, I learned that the
older they were when they were potty trained, the easier it was for them,
and the quicker they caught on. With the oldest, the first time he used the
toilet was the last time he ever had an accident in his pants. Now the
youngest was potty-trained at 3, and he still had occasional accidents for
about 6 months. One trick I learned with the youngest was to buy a pair of
glow-in-the-dark underwear, which he thought was "awesome," with those being
the reward for using the potty and not having accidents.

I can almost guarantee that he will NOT enter kindergarten not using a
toilet; it sounds like this is all pretty stressful for him and for
you, so my vote is for letting go of the stress by letting go of the
desire to have him toilet trained sooner.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care