frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)

"Donna" wrote in message ...
"Nan" wrote in message
...

But, if you aren't getting your emotional needs met by this doctor,
you could consider switching to a midwife, or another doctor that is
recommended to you.

Nan, I know what you're trying to say, but I can't let this pass -- your OB
isn't there to meet emotional needs. That's what husbands, mothers,
newgroups, doulas and (possibly) midwives are for. The OB is there to
monitor the pregnancy. You cannot expect an emotionally satisfying
relationship. If it happens, great, but that's not what you go to an OB
for.

I disagree. Doctors are our employees. If they aren't meeting our
needs, emotional or otherwise, then it's time to find a new one. Poor
bedside manner has become such a big issue that they are actually
starting to teach it at med schools.

A simple "how are you feeling?" and an extra 5 minutes to listen and
answer questions would do wonders.

Cathy Weeks
Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01

Placental insufficiency in one pregnancy has nothing to do with the health
of the placenta in subsequent pregnancies, let alone a pregnancy in another
woman. It is also not that uncommon for inductions to fail when a woman
isn't ready to go into labour.

I really think that your sister's placental problems have anything to do
with you. That placenta was formed when the fertilised egg implanted into
her uterus... The body doesn't make the same placenta twice

Jo (RM)

Welches wrote:
zolw wrote in message
news:E2Qqc.7387$zw.4579@attbi_s01...
yes, my sister has a condition called placenta insufficiency.
Apparently her placenta ages quickly. At the same time, she does not
get contractions or go into labor, even after induction. I have
already told my doctor about that (the first few appointments I
tried to give him as much family history as possible. I have an aunt
who would miscarriage every single pregnancy at 6 months. Never had
a child. My mom menopaused at the age of 38. So, I thought all that
may be real important for him to know), he just said ok. Didn't even
jot it down or anything.

I probably should mention it to him once more.
I wonder whether he might think it's appropriate to check (via u/s)
the placenta in 8th month. (apparently they can do this) Remind him
about your sister, and ask him whether it would be a good idea. Might
be a good idea to see if your insurance would cover this. Suspect the
aunt's problems were unrelated, and genetically she's probably
considered far enough from you not to be concerned-and you're past 6
months :-)
Maybe if you haven't insurance for it you might think it was worth
paying to check the placenta?
I don't know whether there is any genetic aspect in placenta
insufficiency-maybe that would be a good point to start-by asking your
doctor that.
Debbie

zolw wrote in message news:taOqc.80166$iF6.6803303@attbi_s02...
Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I
had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he
knows what he's doing.

Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor,
since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are
seriously having doubts.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my
frustration.

Mona
due 07-31-04


That sounds normal to me. My appointments go like this: 1) get
weighted 2)pee in a cup (the nurses have a dipstick that checks for
UTIs and whatever else 3)have my blood pressure checked by a nurse
4)when the doctor arrives, lay down on the table so he can find the
heartbeat, and measure my tummy with a measuring tape 5) Ask if I have
any questions 6) Let me know if there are additional tests I need or
have the option of taking before my next appointment (AFP was optional
for me, my next one is the glucose test). That's really it so far. I
had 2 ultrasounds about 2 weeks apart--it would have been only 1, but
they couldn't get a good picture of the heart--my insurance doesn't
pay for another unless it is medically necessary.

As far as I understand, as long as most things seem to be normal
(blood pressure isn't too high, you're gaining weight at a reasonable
pace, all test results have been normal) that there isn't that much
more for a doctor to do. Remember that it's only been in the last 100
years or so that doctors have much role in childbearing at all--we're
not gravely ill after all, just pregnant

Congratulations on having a healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy!

--Elit.
#1 due 9/20/2004

"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message
om...

Doctors are our employees. If they aren't meeting our
needs, emotional or otherwise, then it's time to find a new one. Poor
bedside manner has become such a big issue that they are actually
starting to teach it at med schools.

A simple "how are you feeling?" and an extra 5 minutes to listen and
answer questions would do wonders.

Certainly "How are you feeling?" and paying attention to the answer, is an
expected part of a visit. That's not what I would consider "emotional
sustenance". That's a standard obstetrical visit.

More than that, though, I don't expect.

Donna

JoFromOz wrote in message
...
Placental insufficiency in one pregnancy has nothing to do with the health
of the placenta in subsequent pregnancies, let alone a pregnancy in
another
woman. It is also not that uncommon for inductions to fail when a woman
isn't ready to go into labour.

I really think that your sister's placental problems have anything to do
with you. That placenta was formed when the fertilised egg implanted into
her uterus... The body doesn't make the same placenta twice

Thanks, Jo, that's reassuring. I was wondering whether there was any genetic
problems implicated in that. Is there a reason why someone would have the
same problem again, except bad luck?
Debbie

"JoFromOz" wrote in message
...
Althought I understand your analogy, Donna, doctors aren't exempt from
caring for a *person* - people aren't just machines.

That is why I am a caring Midwife

No, I agree with you. It seems that I have overstated my case in my last
post. I don't expect my OB to be a machine, but nor do I expect her to
be a mind-reader, an emotional support, or a friend. I have you all, my
husband and the psychic hotline to fill those needs.

Honestly, one of the great benefits I see to midwifery is that there is an
expectation that the midwife may provide a personal and emotionally
supportive role, as well as providing medical care. I think that's
incredibly valuable. I think I indirectly suggested that the OP consider a
midwife in one post, because it seems that she would enjoy those benefits.
I just have a hard time jumping on the OB for not providing something that
isn't really possible. When insurance allows for a 10 minute visit,
extended hand-holding isn't possible. Asking how you are, and answering
questions, is, but not much more than that. Like I said at one point, this
is the nature of the obstetrical beast. That's why many women find midwives
to be a very attractive option.

Just to clarify.

Donna

"Welches" wrote in message
news:rw2rc.50$wm4.49@newsfe3-gui...

Donna wrote in message
...

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
.. .

Even so, she has a strong familial history of late-term pregnancy
loss.
So
far, her OB has not addressed her fears, given her anything to watch
out
for, or any support whatsoever. I have real problems with the "one
pregnancy
for free, then we worry" mentality.

It's entirely unclear as to whether the OP has ever *mentioned* any of
her
sister's history and her own subsequent fears to the OB.


She has-and the reason why (placenta insufficiency) and that her aunt had
a
history of still birth at 6 months too.

Ok, I must have missed that. So she brought it up to the OB, who presumably
said ... what? My server has been a little wacky the last day or so. I
must be missing posts.

Donna

I hit post too soon. The baby wandered in with an extremely fragrant
diaper, and I had to deal with it at that instant. You know how that is.



"Cathy Weeks" wrote in message
om...

I disagree. Doctors are our employees. If they aren't meeting our
needs, emotional or otherwise, then it's time to find a new one.

Employees, maybe. Certainly that's a better analogy than "god", but I
suppose I think of mine more as colleagues. All of us are interested in
working together to make sure my baby is healthy. Definitely, if you have a
negative reaction (professional or interpersonal) with a colleague, it's
best to find another one. What we're quibbling over is where that line is,
and what is reasonable to expect in the way of emotional support.

Poor
bedside manner has become such a big issue that they are actually
starting to teach it at med schools.

A simple "how are you feeling?" and an extra 5 minutes to listen and
answer questions would do wonders.

I don't think our positions are that divergent. I certainly don't
disagree with anything you're saying. The thing is, I am under the
impression that the problem expressed by the OP is that her OB is asking if
everything is ok, she's saying "fine", but that she's looking for something
more from him in the way of digging deeper to make sure she really *means*
it when she says she's fine, and also, that she wants more tests for
reassurance. FWIW, there is nothing, NOTHING wrong with needing
reassurance. The OPs needs are absolutely normal. But she might be trying
to have those needs met in the wrong venue.

An example: two months ago, my ultrasound showed a marginal placenta
previa. I talked with my OB about it, and he gave me some information.
Then I went home and did some research, which agreed pretty much with the
OBs take on things. But I wanted additional reassurance that everything was
still going to be ok. Rather than calling my OB and asking him to reiterate
that everything was going to be ok, I posted here, and got a number of
different responses from people, confirming what I was told, and reassuring
me. Which was exactly what I was hoping to hear. Does that anecdote make
my perspective any clearer?

Anyway.

Donna

Donna wrote in message
...

It's entirely unclear as to whether the OP has ever *mentioned* any of
her
sister's history and her own subsequent fears to the OB.


She has-and the reason why (placenta insufficiency) and that her aunt
had
a
history of still birth at 6 months too.

Ok, I must have missed that. So she brought it up to the OB, who
presumably
said ... what? My server has been a little wacky the last day or so. I
must be missing posts.

She mentioned it at the initial appointment. Didn't say what the dr. said,
so I assume nothing significant (!!) but did comment he didn't appear to
write it down. It was pointed out that he might write notes after the
appointment, but she thought she might mention it again just to clarify.
My server's sending posts up to 9 times at the moment-and missing totally
others. Sigh.
Debbie

Donna wrote:

Ok, I can live with your definition. I still think that there really
isn't an expectation of emotional sustenance implicit in the OB/pregnant
lady relationship -- particularly given a non-eventful pregnancy. I don't
expect my accountant to commiserate with me when I have a particularly
onerous tax bill. I don't go to my mechanic for routine maintenance and
expect anything more than that he will answer my questions, and do his best
to keep my (increasingly elderly) truck running. I don't expect more than
that from my OB, either (again, assuming a non-eventful pregnancy).

But the biggest complaint I hear about physicians of all specialties is a
perceived lack of bedside manner, so I do realize that MDs are not blameless
in this. I just don't think that an emotionally supportive relationship is
an intrinsic part of the contract.

I think sometimes it *isn't*, but I think it is
expected and reasonable to a degree. Most of my MD friends
feel that it is important, and that the emotional side of
the equation is actually fundamentally important to the
practice of medicine. As with all professions, however,
some doctors are better at that part than others ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka