4yo doesn't wanna be ringbearer

Here's the deal. My niece wants my 4-year-old son to be the ring
bearer in her wedding this September. My son is already saying he's
not going to do it. He's stubborn and also shy. I've tried to explain
to him that it'll be easy ... he won't have to say anything, just walk
down the aisle carrying a pillow, and that they'll practice the night
before, etc.

Another wrinkle is that he's very picky about what he wears. I haven't
been able to get him in dressy clothes for over a year.

So ... how do I (1) get him in the li'l tux, and (2) get him down the
aisle? Any suggestions?

By the way, I don't really care if my son is in this wedding, but my
niece and her mom really have their hearts set on it.

Thanx in advance.

"pamela60" wrote in message
om...

So ... how do I (1) get him in the li'l tux, and (2) get him down the
aisle? Any suggestions?

By the way, I don't really care if my son is in this wedding, but my
niece and her mom really have their hearts set on it.

Tell your niece you're flattered, but you'll have to decline. I sympathize
with you on the clothing issue. My ds is 3.5 and I haven't dressed him in
about 3 months. There's *no way* I could get him in a tux at this point and
it just isn't worth the struggle.
--
JennP.

mom to Matthew 10/11/00
EDD #2 10/24/04
remove "no........spam" to reply

"pamela60" wrote in message
om...
Here's the deal. My niece wants my 4-year-old son to be the ring
bearer in her wedding this September. My son is already saying he's
not going to do it.

Personally, I think that you shouldn't force the issue. If he doesn't
want to do it, he'll likely be miserable and make everyone else miserable.

Here's the deal. My niece wants my 4-year-old son to be the ring
bearer in her wedding this September. My son is already saying he's
not going to do it. He's stubborn and also shy. I've tried to explain
to him that it'll be easy ... he won't have to say anything, just walk
down the aisle carrying a pillow, and that they'll practice the night
before, etc.

Another wrinkle is that he's very picky about what he wears. I haven't
been able to get him in dressy clothes for over a year.

So ... how do I (1) get him in the li'l tux, and (2) get him down the
aisle? Any suggestions?

By the way, I don't really care if my son is in this wedding, but my
niece and her mom really have their hearts set on it.

Thanx in advance.

My first thought was - if he doesn't want to, don't make him.
If it's that big of a deal, there's an episode of Little Bill where the
teacher gets married and they make a huge deal out of being the ring bearer,
how great it is. If you could find that and show it to him maybe.
I still go with my first thought really.

In article , pamela60 says...



By the way, I don't really care if my son is in this wedding, but my
niece and her mom really have their hearts set on it.

That's what needs to be fixed. If he doesn't want to do it, don't push him to
do it. Little boys aren't trained dogs. Politely decline the honor.

Banty

"pamela60" wrote in message
om...
Here's the deal. My niece wants my 4-year-old son to be the ring
bearer in her wedding this September. My son is already saying he's
not going to do it. He's stubborn and also shy. I've tried to explain
to him that it'll be easy ... he won't have to say anything, just walk
down the aisle carrying a pillow, and that they'll practice the night
before, etc.

Another wrinkle is that he's very picky about what he wears. I haven't
been able to get him in dressy clothes for over a year.

So ... how do I (1) get him in the li'l tux, and (2) get him down the
aisle? Any suggestions?

By the way, I don't really care if my son is in this wedding, but my
niece and her mom really have their hearts set on it.

Thanx in advance.

If it were me, I would explain the situation to the neice. I would gently
explain how awful it would be for her to have a cranky 4yo ruin the beauty
of *her* wedding by making a scene rather than bearing the ring.

S

pamela60 wrote:

Here's the deal. My niece wants my 4-year-old son to be the ring
bearer in her wedding this September. My son is already saying he's
not going to do it. He's stubborn and also shy. I've tried to explain
to him that it'll be easy ... he won't have to say anything, just walk
down the aisle carrying a pillow, and that they'll practice the night
before, etc.

Another wrinkle is that he's very picky about what he wears. I haven't
been able to get him in dressy clothes for over a year.

So ... how do I (1) get him in the li'l tux, and (2) get him down the
aisle? Any suggestions?

By the way, I don't really care if my son is in this wedding, but my
niece and her mom really have their hearts set on it.

I'm sorry, but there's no need to cater to your
niece in this matter. Brides tend to get carried away
and lose perspective. It's your job as your son's mother
to say to her, "I'm sorry, dear. I appreciate the honor,
but DS just isn't ready for this." Believe me, if he
doesn't want to do it now, odds are if he goes down
the aisle at all, he'll go down it kicking and screaming--
and your niece will be the first one with a disappointed
look on her face wondering how your son could "spoil" her
wedding. (Nothing against your niece--I'm sure she's
lovely--but being a bride can do strange things to a
normally sane person's mind.) In my experience, four
is *not* a very good age for a ringbearer. They tend
to be resistant--even the ones who seemed compliant
in advance. Your son is telling you he doesn't want
to do it. I think you should honor that, and I think
if you don't, you will likely regret it in the long
term.

Best wishes,
Ericka

In article ,
(pamela60) wrote:

Here's the deal. My niece wants my 4-year-old son to be the ring
bearer in her wedding this September. My son is already saying he's
not going to do it. He's stubborn and also shy. I've tried to explain
to him that it'll be easy ... he won't have to say anything, just walk
down the aisle carrying a pillow, and that they'll practice the night
before, etc.

Another wrinkle is that he's very picky about what he wears. I haven't
been able to get him in dressy clothes for over a year.

So ... how do I (1) get him in the li'l tux, and (2) get him down the
aisle? Any suggestions?

By the way, I don't really care if my son is in this wedding, but my
niece and her mom really have their hearts set on it.

Thanx in advance.

I'd drop the issue directly with ds, and come at it from the side:
maybe get some books about weddings, or videos. This will date me, I
know, but how about the Sesame Street episode with Maria and Louis's
wedding, where Elmo was the ring bearer? (His song about being afriad
he'd drop the ring made me cry . . .) It strikes me as somewhat likely
that ds has no real idea about all of this, and maybe pictures and
stories would make him more comfortable.

But the bottom line is that if he REALLY doesn't want to do it, forcing
him to do it would be a mistake -- a MUCH bigger mistake than
disappointing the neice now!

On a side note, a few months ago, my brother and his bride had two 2-1/2
yo's for ring bearers. We all thought they were nuts, but bro said that
if one five yo could do it, than two 2-1/2 yos ought to be able to . . .
They gave them each a teddy bear, and told them their job would be to
hold hands and walk up the aisle, and to get the bears to their Uncle
(the groom). The bride said either it would work or it wouldn't, and if
they bailed at the last minute or ran out of the aisle to their parents,
it would be fine -- she was NOT a bride-zilla, and really would be
comfortable with whatever happened. As luck would have it, they were
absolutely beyond belief adorable and wonderful. They held hands while
clutching their teddy bears in their other hand, and, in the manner of
two year olds everywhere JUMPED down the last step together instead of
walking it. (The wedding was on an outdoor patio overlooking the
ocean, with steps leading down to the area where the ceremony was. When
they got up to the front, they held the bears up to their Uncle to show
him they made it. They stayed up front for about 1/3 of the ceremony,
before one realized he missed his mom and was scared and left, and the
other bailed shortly after that.

The "flower girl" was about 8, and carried a magic wand, and by all
accounts believed she was getting married to the two of them, too; she
stood almost between them gazing at them with worshipful adoration
through the entire ceremony. This may well have been the most beautiful
and touching wedding I've ever been to -- largely, I suspect, because
the bride really WAS OK with whatever happened.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

pamela60 wrote:
So ... how do I (1) get him in the li'l tux, and (2) get him down
the aisle? Any suggestions?

By the way, I don't really care if my son is in this wedding, but my
niece and her mom really have their hearts set on it.

As others have said, you'll have to decline if he doesn't change his mind.
My oldest was the ringbearer in his cousin's wedding last August (just after
he turned 6yo) and he was a bit reluctant at first, but she was able to talk
him into it. If he still hadn't wanted to do it, though, I wouldn't have
forced him. And 6 is a *lot* older than 4. Frankly, I think this is a LOT to
ask of a 4yo and if he doesn't want to do it, well, he doesn't want to and
no amount of forcing the issue is going to make him want to.

Sorry!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

(pamela60) wrote in
om:

Another wrinkle is that he's very picky about what he
wears. I haven't been able to get him in dressy clothes for
over a year.

So ... how do I (1) get him in the li'l tux, and (2) get
him down the aisle? Any suggestions?

By the way, I don't really care if my son is in this
wedding, but my niece and her mom really have their hearts
set on it.

if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. i think you should
explain to your neice & her mom that, although you love that
they want to include your son, he's really not comfortable
with the idea & they need to accept his choice. a kid that
doesn't want to be in a wedding can make things, um, memorable
in a bad way...
lee