TV choices and tweens

When is the age where you, as a parent, should start to give in and let the
child make her own media choices, TV in particular, whether or not you agree
with them (within reason)? I'm not suggesting letting The Kid watch "Debbie
Does Dallas," but we got into a major row this weekend over "Pokemon: The Movie
2000." I still dislike and disapprove of Pokemon, but I have gotta question
whether *that* was worth the energy, at her age (9).

Getting into the merits (or lack thereof) of Pokemon isn't what I'm after. It's
enough to say that I and her dad haven't been letting her watch it (and
similar, related programs) because of violence, on my part, and crass
commercialism and merchandizing, on both our parts. And there are other things
we haven't let her watch as well for other reasons, of course. So let's move
past the discussion of Pokemon specifically, if we can, and talk about at what
age you hand over the TV reins. (The same issue applies to books read, movies
attended, and bunches of other stuff.) When does the issue go from your first
priority, as a parent, being supervising your kid's media input and move over
to "choosing your battles" and keeping them to a minimum? And how far do you
budge? How do you know where to put the new lines in the sand -- and how do you
go about justifying those?

It doesn't help that there was a kid in her class at school rattling off a list
of movies and programs my kid has never seen. I don't want my kid to be a media
pariah, but on the other hand "everybody else gets to watch it" isn't a very
strong argument in my book.

Frankly, I'm feeling quite lost at being a mom of a growing tween.

Thanks.

beeswing

With my just turned 11yo I still monitor her viewing....and wont allow certain
shows on in the house(Pokemon is one of them btw)
I fully realize she is exposed to some of this at friends houses etc, but these
are house rules. In spite of much pleading etc from her brothers(just turned
5, and just turned 7)....certain shows are off limits. Period.
Now, the 17yo girl...that's pretty much a losing battle(or shall i say--pick
your battles!!!) She makes her own tv choices...but if in the same room as her
siblings, house rules win!
Hope that helps........I know it didnt really answer your question about new
lines in the sand...I go by gut feeling....and thus far have done ok with it!
Kathi

Kathi wrote:

With my just turned 11yo I still monitor her viewing....and wont allow
certain
shows on in the house(Pokemon is one of them btw)
I fully realize she is exposed to some of this at friends houses etc, but
these
are house rules. In spite of much pleading etc from her brothers(just turned
5, and just turned 7)....certain shows are off limits. Period.
Now, the 17yo girl...that's pretty much a losing battle(or shall i say--pick
your battles!!!) She makes her own tv choices...but if in the same room as
her
siblings, house rules win!
Hope that helps........I know it didnt really answer your question about new
lines in the sand...I go by gut feeling....and thus far have done ok with it!

Actually, it helps a lot. It's nice to know there is an 11-year-old out there
who isn't watching Pokemon! To listen to my daughter, you'd think she was the
only one ever in the entire universe with parents that won't let her watch it
(cruel ogres that we are!). (She's seen it a few times at a friend's house, as
your daughter has, but that's about it.)

What age was your oldest girl when she took over making her own TV choices?

Thanks!

beeswing

"beeswing" wrote in message
...


Actually, it helps a lot. It's nice to know there is an 11-year-old out
there
who isn't watching Pokemon!

I've got two 11 year olds that wouldn't be caught dead watching Pokemon. My
children were never allowed to watch it (I HATE anime), but they never
wanted to. I allow my kids to watch a lot of stuff other parents would
completely freak out over, because my kids are way more mature than most
kids, because they've never been scared of anything (and I mean anything),
and because they are so well versed on reality vs the media that it would be
silly to limit them on fear alone. I let me kids watch stuff that has much
more sexual content than some parents would, but much less violence than
othe parents would allow. The rule is our house is, you can buy a PG-13
movie if I approve, but not an R. If you HAVE to see an R rated movie, we'll
rent it or borrow it from the library, but that's one viewing only.

FWIW, my son's favorite show is smackdown, which he's not allowed to watch,
with a couple of other things he's also not allowed to watch. How does he
see them? Friends, m'dear. If you honestly think that middle school kids
aren't burning CDs for their friends off TIVO or off the net, you're
dreaming. You can't believe what I find by doing backpack searches. The
complete works of South Park (not allowed), for example. IOW, you can try as
hard as you can to control what tweens watch, but when it comes right down
to it, you either ditch the cable, which I did in January, or you choose
another battle. This one is just too darn hard to fight with all the media
access kids have these days.

Marjorie

To listen to my daughter, you'd think she was the
only one ever in the entire universe with parents that won't let her watch
it
(cruel ogres that we are!). (She's seen it a few times at a friend's
house, as
your daughter has, but that's about it.)

What age was your oldest girl when she took over making her own TV
choices?

Thanks!

beeswing

animzmirot wrote:

see them? Friends, m'dear. If you honestly think that middle school kids
aren't burning CDs for their friends off TIVO or off the net, you're
dreaming. You can't believe what I find by doing backpack searches. The
complete works of South Park (not allowed), for example. IOW, you can try as
hard as you can to control what tweens watch, but when it comes right down
to it, you either ditch the cable, which I did in January, or you choose
another battle. This one is just too darn hard to fight with all the media
access kids have these days.


I guess I'm lucky -- all *I* find in backpack searches are forms
that were due at school last week So far, I guess I should add.

DD and DS will grow up hopelessly out of it, I'm afraid -- we don't
have a DVD player, except on the computer, which is way out in the
open, next to our bedroom. And we have no cable. They'll have to
sneak around and watch things at their friends' house. The way
I did :-D

Scott DD 10.9 and DS 8.4

Marjorie wrote:

I've got two 11 year olds that wouldn't be caught dead watching Pokemon. My
children were never allowed to watch it (I HATE anime), but they never
wanted to.

I'm guessing that if my daughter watched it long enough, she'd simply get bored
with it. But I'm not willing to bank on it.

I allow my kids to watch a lot of stuff other parents would
completely freak out over, because my kids are way more mature than most
kids, because they've never been scared of anything (and I mean anything),

Fear isn't an issue with my kid either. Unfortunately, in some cases.

and because they are so well versed on reality vs the media that it would be
silly to limit them on fear alone.

More than once, The Kid has given me a dissertation on media versus reality and
the fact that she is easily able to discern the difference between the two. She
is very convincing, and I believe her. But it hasn't gotten her "Pokemon."

I let me kids watch stuff that has much
more sexual content than some parents would, but much less violence than
othe parents would allow. The rule is our house is, you can buy a PG-13
movie if I approve, but not an R. If you HAVE to see an R rated movie, we'll
rent it or borrow it from the library, but that's one viewing only.

I'm not ready for R movies at all for The Kid, and I don't know at what point I
would be. But that's an interesting rule to keep in mind.

FWIW, my son's favorite show is smackdown, which he's not allowed to watch,
with a couple of other things he's also not allowed to watch. How does he
see them? Friends, m'dear.

My daughter sometimes visits her best friend, who does watch "Pokemon" and a
few other shows the The Kid isn't allowed to watch at home. I know the girl's
family, and the choices aren't bad, they just aren't optimal. I've told The Kid
that at their house, their house rules are fine: She can watch "Pokemon" if her
friend is watching it. I don't fight that issue. When the friend came to our
house and The Kid tried to get dispensation to watch "Pokemon" because of it,
OTOH, I still nixed the deal. Without much complaint, they turned off the TV
and went to do something else.

If you honestly think that middle school kids
aren't burning CDs for their friends off TIVO or off the net, you're
dreaming. You can't believe what I find by doing backpack searches. The
complete works of South Park (not allowed), for example. IOW, you can try as
hard as you can to control what tweens watch, but when it comes right down
to it, you either ditch the cable, which I did in January, or you choose
another battle. This one is just too darn hard to fight with all the media
access kids have these days.

I'm with Scott on this one. All I find in The Kid's backpack are outdated
notices from school. My daughter is still in elementary school, though. I do
know it's not going to be my kid that's doing the CD burning...she doesn't have
access to those kind of programs, and won't. And we've talked in depth about
the legality of it. I don't know how she'd be watching a smuggled in DVD at
home, either -- we have two TVs, and both of them are in plain sight.

Thanks for sharing your viewpoint. I appreciate hearing from you.

beeswing

wrote:

The rule is our house is, you can buy a PG-13
movie if I approve, but not an R. If you HAVE to see an R rated movie, we'll
rent it or borrow it from the library, but that's one viewing only.


Seems to me there are R-rated movies I'd much sooner let my kids see than some
of the PG-13 stuff. I can't think of an example that the kids would actually be
*interested* in right at the moment, though. But certainly there are movies
that are R simply because they don't *edit out* stuff that might not be
kid-appropriate, rather than purposely *putting in* junk just to be nasty.
PG-13 movies, however, are often right on the edge of whatever it is they need
to do to keep from being rated R, and the general effect is sometimes much
nastier.

--Helen

H Schinske wrote:

Seems to me there are R-rated movies I'd much sooner let my kids see than
some
of the PG-13 stuff. I can't think of an example that the kids would actually
be
*interested* in right at the moment, though. But certainly there are movies
that are R simply because they don't *edit out* stuff that might not be
kid-appropriate, rather than purposely *putting in* junk just to be nasty.
PG-13 movies, however, are often right on the edge of whatever it is they
need
to do to keep from being rated R, and the general effect is sometimes much
nastier.

I'm not ready to think about R rated movies yet. Period. And as said earlier,
I personally will do a lot of research regarding what exactly about the movie
featured earned them a "PG-13" label. My decisions tend to be issued based on
my own reseach and not just on the the dash number figure following after the
PC rating. It takes a fair amount of sorting out, and in the process I find
some of those PG-13 are just plain foul...while others are pretty darn close to
innocuous, at least in my book.

I've found that PG-13 is about the most useless rating I've run up against, at
least in figuring out what I "should" let my particular kid watch.

beeswintg

In article ,
"animzmirot" wrote:

"beeswing" wrote in message
...


Actually, it helps a lot. It's nice to know there is an 11-year-old out
there
who isn't watching Pokemon!

I've got two 11 year olds that wouldn't be caught dead watching Pokemon. My
children were never allowed to watch it (I HATE anime), but they never
wanted to. I allow my kids to watch a lot of stuff other parents would
completely freak out over, because my kids are way more mature than most
kids, because they've never been scared of anything (and I mean anything),
and because they are so well versed on reality vs the media that it would be
silly to limit them on fear alone. I let me kids watch stuff that has much
more sexual content than some parents would, but much less violence than
othe parents would allow. The rule is our house is, you can buy a PG-13
movie if I approve, but not an R. If you HAVE to see an R rated movie, we'll
rent it or borrow it from the library, but that's one viewing only.

FWIW, my son's favorite show is smackdown, which he's not allowed to watch,
with a couple of other things he's also not allowed to watch. How does he
see them? Friends, m'dear. If you honestly think that middle school kids
aren't burning CDs for their friends off TIVO or off the net, you're
dreaming. You can't believe what I find by doing backpack searches. The
complete works of South Park (not allowed), for example. IOW, you can try as
hard as you can to control what tweens watch, but when it comes right down
to it, you either ditch the cable, which I did in January, or you choose
another battle. This one is just too darn hard to fight with all the media
access kids have these days.


That was one of the things that made me let up on some stuff when the
kids were smaller. I'd forbid something -- they'd watch it at a friends
house. Then, since they knew they were't supposed to watch it, they
couldn't discuss it with me . . .

Finally, I started saying that there were some things that they could
only watch WITH me. That worked out better. It gave me a chance to
TELL them why I didn't like it.

A little older still, there were things they were only allowed to watch
if I WASN'T home . . . I can't stand horror movies, and my kids (now
all over 18) enjoy them. There have also been a handful of TV shows
that I absolutely detested: Drew Carey comes to mind -- I hated the way
the people in that show treated each other, and couldn't stand watching
it -- but their Dad enjoyed it, so they'd watch it if I wasn't at home.

Movies have ended up in the same category, once they were out on DVD or
video: if I thought it was a problem, they could watch it with me. My
standards are NOT to just accept what the ratings folk give it, and
there were some R rated movies my kids watched VERY young, and some
PG-13 that I wanted nothing to do with.

Books are in a different category all together: if they could pick it
up and read it, and seemed to be enjoying it, they were welcome to it.
I never put any restrictions on their reading. That was my parent's
approach, and it seemed to work well. Now, I have one who almost never
reads, one who started reading horror stuff (Stephen King) when he was
10, and one who is currently working her way through one of MY
favorites: The Mists of Avalon.

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

dragonlady wrote:

In article ,
"animzmirot" wrote:

"beeswing" wrote in message
...

Actually, it helps a lot. It's nice to know there is an 11-year-old out
there
who isn't watching Pokemon!

I've got two 11 year olds that wouldn't be caught dead watching Pokemon. My
children were never allowed to watch it (I HATE anime), but they never
wanted to. I allow my kids to watch a lot of stuff other parents would
completely freak out over, because my kids are way more mature than most
kids, because they've never been scared of anything (and I mean anything),
and because they are so well versed on reality vs the media that it would be
silly to limit them on fear alone. I let me kids watch stuff that has much
more sexual content than some parents would, but much less violence than
othe parents would allow. The rule is our house is, you can buy a PG-13
movie if I approve, but not an R. If you HAVE to see an R rated movie, we'll
rent it or borrow it from the library, but that's one viewing only.

FWIW, my son's favorite show is smackdown, which he's not allowed to watch,
with a couple of other things he's also not allowed to watch. How does he
see them? Friends, m'dear. If you honestly think that middle school kids
aren't burning CDs for their friends off TIVO or off the net, you're
dreaming. You can't believe what I find by doing backpack searches. The
complete works of South Park (not allowed), for example. IOW, you can try as
hard as you can to control what tweens watch, but when it comes right down
to it, you either ditch the cable, which I did in January, or you choose
another battle. This one is just too darn hard to fight with all the media
access kids have these days.


That was one of the things that made me let up on some stuff when the
kids were smaller. I'd forbid something -- they'd watch it at a friends
house. Then, since they knew they were't supposed to watch it, they
couldn't discuss it with me . . .

I don't think my kids ever watched TV at a friend's house. We just
didn't do that much back in those days. If they were at a friend's
house they were playing outside.

Finally, I started saying that there were some things that they could
only watch WITH me. That worked out better. It gave me a chance to
TELL them why I didn't like it.

A little older still, there were things they were only allowed to watch
if I WASN'T home . . . I can't stand horror movies, and my kids (now
all over 18) enjoy them. There have also been a handful of TV shows
that I absolutely detested: Drew Carey comes to mind -- I hated the way
the people in that show treated each other, and couldn't stand watching
it -- but their Dad enjoyed it, so they'd watch it if I wasn't at home.

This sounds a lot like me. I only watch documentaries and stuff like
that and never go to the movies anymore nor do I watch them on TV. I
have a hard time watching the movies that my grand children watch
(even Toy Story or Home Alone) and I can't even watch LOTR in cartoon
form. We don't have a DVD player because why ? We don't watch movies.
Or I don't - dh has a TV downstairs so he can watch if he wants.

And my mom was somewhat the same way - doesn't do well with movies and
doesn't watch TV except for the news and public TV stuff.

Reading this, I suddenly had a flashback to my own childhood where I
was allowed to listen to some shows on the radio and not to others. I
could listen to the Lone Ranger, Ozzie and Harriet, and Jack Benny,
but not the Thin Man, and the Green Hornet only rarely because my mom
felt that it would give me nightmares. I'm not sure whether it was me
she was protecting or herself.

Movies have ended up in the same category, once they were out on DVD or
video: if I thought it was a problem, they could watch it with me. My
standards are NOT to just accept what the ratings folk give it, and
there were some R rated movies my kids watched VERY young, and some
PG-13 that I wanted nothing to do with.

Books are in a different category all together: if they could pick it
up and read it, and seemed to be enjoying it, they were welcome to it.
I never put any restrictions on their reading. That was my parent's
approach, and it seemed to work well. Now, I have one who almost never
reads, one who started reading horror stuff (Stephen King) when he was
10, and one who is currently working her way through one of MY
favorites: The Mists of Avalon.

My dd#3 says that she has read all the Harry Potter books to her son
who is now 6 - that he loves them. I think dd#1 and dd#2 also have
read them to their sons or they have read them, but they're 4 years
older.


grandma Rosalie